Come Here Often?

Interesting ways people have found my blog...

Some of these inquiries make me feel bad, because what they're searching for isn't actually in here. So let's take a second to answer some of your questions, shall we?

1. 6 month anniversary email
• I'd normally start it out with how you felt when you two first met, and end it with how far you've come. Sprinkle in a few good times you've had, and sign it with your pet name. Works every time.
• p.s. Why are you writing her an email for Christ's sakes? Take her out to dinner or something.
  
2. something cute for 6 month anniversary
• How 'bout a nice little weekend getaway to your hometown? Has he met your family yet?
• Or.... the scandalous answer would be a bj in a new piece of lingerie. That one never fails.
• This question depends on what kind of anniversary it is... are you two dating? Have you been married for 6 months? My friend just had her 6 month wedding anniversary and got her husband the game Rock Band. I think it all depends on your level of intimacy/awesomeness.
  
3. what a guy wants in a relationship
• On the surface, it's going to look like he wants guaranteed head and someone to pick him up when he gets too bombed to drive home, but guys are really not as different from girls as we tend to think they are. They want to be loved, taken care of, and appreciated, just like us.
  
• This also depends on where he's at in his life. Does he want a RELATIONSHIP? Or a ....relationship...? Think about it.
  
4. boyfriend questionnaire
5. okcupid date
• Generally, a bad idea. 'Nough said.
  
6. the peach random gentle love master (rglm)
• Grow some cajones.
  
7. picking up girls on okcupid
• See number 5, please.
  
8. Kazakhstan
9. happy two months love text message
• If (s)he just said "I love you" for the first time, and it was a text message, I wouldn't recommend it goes a day past two months.
• Crap. I've done that before. Additional piece of wisdom: Don't text when you've been drinking.
  
10. eyelid mole images
• Sorry, couldn't find a good one. But this picture appears for google image searches on eyelid moles, and I thought it was creepy enough to post. (Whatever it is that she's holding hands with, that relationship is doomed for so many reasons. There is a fine line between open-minded and desperate, don't you forget it.)
  
11. okcupid personality awards
• ... are bullshit if you ask me. But I guess no one really wants to think they're greedy.
  
12. girls from kazakhstan
• Really?
  
13. when a guy pull away you can move on
• "Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer but can't accept it." You've got it, sista'. Can, and should.
  
14. dating her 6 month anniversary
• I'm starting to wonder why people are so dang frazzled over the whole 6 month anniversary situation. Would it help if you pretended it was 5 months?
  
15. best ways to date
• Be nice. Shower first. Chew with your mouth closed. Say thank you. And do not, under any circumstances, talk more about your mom/ex-girlfriend than you do about her.
  
16. dating my new
• I wish I knew what the last word was supposed to be. Any ideas?
  

Happy 6 Month Anniversary!

Well, today marks the 6th month since I started this blog, and I'm the type of girl who celebrates these things, so I wanted to give y'all a great big shout out for reading!

To mark this joyous day, I'll tell you the story of Hughes, a very attractive boy who turned out to be more strange than anything else.

It was last year, early March. I lived up north a few hours, but knew I would be moving to Southern California. Since I don't waste any time, I started perusing Craigslist in this area, to meet some new "friends." (You know, the ol' "new to the area, need some fun people to show me around" line.)

It was late at night, and after confirming my posting, I immediately got an email from Hughes; a year younger than me, who works as a professional photographer, who was really funny and sent a really hot picture. That'll work.

So we started exchanging emails, each one longer and more flirtatious. The more we discussed, the more we had in common it seemed: music taste, places we've traveled, prior relationship experiences, favorite movies, etc. I felt giddier every time I read another email. I lost track of time, and realized at 5:30am that it was probably time to go to bed. We exchanged phone numbers and I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. I woke up for work not exhausted, but excited.

Throughout that first day, we texted each other constantly. The conversations were originally like, "I can't wait 'til you live down here" or "I'm so excited to move," but became, "there's no way I can wait that long, I'm going to come see you," and my asking, "how soon?"

This lasted two weeks. We talked on the phone every night, exchanged picture after picture, and generally fell for each other virtually. He had told me early on that he'd just broken up with a serious girlfriend (ie three weeks before the first night we talked, and by serious I mean they had been living together for a year) which is an obvious red flag, but he insisted that he'd been over it for months before they broke up, and had definitely moved on. I believed it.

We decided on St. Patrick's Day for his visit, and couldn't have been more excited. As we discussed his upcoming visit, our conversations had this underlying sense of, "that's when we're going to start dating." One night, he even told me to count 6 months from that day, September 17th, and write "6 months since I met Hughes" with a heart on my calendar. And I did. We had high hopes.

On the 16th I did my usual nervous/excited girl activities: got my hair and nails done, went tanning, gave myself a facial, cleaned my room top to bottom, and picked out a few potential outfit combinations. I could hardly sleep. I woke up hours before he'd be there, and spent tediously long getting ready. I wanted everything to be perfect! I'd made the mistake of telling all my friends and co-workers about it too; despite that whole "don't jinx it" philosophy. Ay.

So he pulled into my complex's parking lot in his souped-up yellow convertible (yeah, yeah, I know... another red flag. So sue me). As soon as I heard the rumble of his super-charged engine, my heart jumped out of my chest and I ran to the door. And there he was, 6'5", well-dressed, and almost as cute as I'd previously imagined. I ran downstairs and gave him a big hug, though he seemed kind of shy. Oh well, we are meeting for the first time, and he did just finish a 2-hour car ride in a tiny convertible, which is really just not fitting for his height, I thought.

He came up with me so I could get my purse, and we decided to walk around downtown. Already, all the bars were stuffed with drunk people doused in green beer. He still seemed really quiet. We decided it would be the most effective to go back to my house for a few drinks and then go out to the bars, so we wouldn't be ripped off quite as bad for drinks. On the way back we stopped at my work, and he met my co-workers, who seemed to really enjoy embarrassing me by telling him everything I'd told them about him.

When we reached my apartment, he was still really uncomfortable and quiet, now two hours deep into the visit. He seemed to be a bit better than he had been when he arrived, so I crossed my fingers that a few drinks would loosen him up a little. We went into the kitchen to make some drinks, and I pulled out the different kinds of liquor and juice I had so he could pick what he wanted. He chose, and then said, "oh I just remembered, I brought some pictures of my dog to show you, I left them in my car. I'll be right back."

So I stood there in the kitchen, mixing our drinks. A couple minutes later, I heard a really rumbly engine start, but I assured myself I was just being paranoid and refused to go out to look. But my heart was pounding. I knew I wasn't being crazy when out of my kitchen window, I saw his yellow convertible peel out of the driveway and take off for the freeway. I was in complete shock. For a second I reasoned with myself - maybe he needed to pee and was so uncomfortable around me that he wanted to sneak off somewhere. Or maybe he wanted to be sweet and go get me flowers. After a few seconds I came to my senses and realized that the douchebag had just peeled out of my day.

So I did what any normal person would do; I called him. He didn't pick up. I texted him, "what the hell?" He didn't respond. I called again. He'd turned his phone off. I quickly downed the two drinks I had mixed us and started crying. Not because he was the man of my dreams once I had met him (I mean honestly, I wasn't even sure how we were going to get through the day together), but because I had done something so awful that a guy would drive two hours to see me, and immediately turn around and drive back. And LIE about it! Honestly.

So I layed on my freshly-made bed, in my spotless room, wearing my cute green outfit and perfect makeup and manicured nails, and drank and cried 'til I fell asleep. I woke up hours later to some text messages from friends about going out, and out of them I chose Brent, who came and picked me up and we went out and got even more drunk and cabbed it back to his house after too many Irish Carbombs and some drunken, naked making out and rolling around in bed that invariably led to my playing a little flesh flute as it always did.

Anyway, back to the douche in the yellow convertible. I decided with sound resolve not to try to contact him again, but come March 18th, I awoke to a long-winded text message from him, and something to the effect of, "I am so sorry. I don't know why I did that to you. I realized I'm not over my ex, and I like you SO much and it just didn't feel right to be moving on that fast." (LAME.) So I wrote back something about lying and being an asshole about it, and he apologized again, and kept apologizing through text message for the next few days while I ignored them.

And ever since, every couple of months I'll get a random email or text message from him, that says, "I wish I had never left."



This world is full of fuckin' weirdos.

Speaking of Awkward First Dates

The Top 5 Best Ways to Ruin A First Date: Girl Edition

We've all been on a bad date or two. For some of us, hundreds. Now you can either sit there at dinner making awkward conversation and swirling your spaghetti around your fork while he stares at your rack, or you can take a stand and make sure this guy won't ever want to take you out again. And all without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings!
Plus.... it sure does spice things up a bit.


5. Leave the ringer on your phone up to full volume, and make sure not to miss any phone calls. After a few minutes of chatting, explain that you're running errands with your mom. When you hang up, don't explain to your date who it was that you were talking to. Bonus points: send as many text messages as possible, giggling every time you get a response.

4.Get sloppy drunk. (No, slurring isn't good enough. You better be falling off that bar stool.) Bonus points: throw up in his car.

3. Take a time-out to return a phone call from your mom (or, bonus points: your grandma). When she asks what you're doing, giddily divulge the fact that you're out on a date with "that boy I told you about.... you know the one.... yeah yeah, THAT one. I know! I am too!" Tell her every detail of what the two of you have done so far (including how much things cost and who paid for them), how amazing he is, and how you can't wait for her to meet him. Super extra bonus points: Insist that she doesn't have to worry if you'll sleep together on the first date because Aunt Flo is in town tonight.

2. When out for drinks, insist that he doesn't need to buy you one; you've got it covered. While he sits alone at your table, get up and start approaching groups of drunk guys flirtily 'til they buy you drinks. Bring him back his appletini with a smile and a wink. Bonus points: cheer on the wrong side when the guys that bought you the drinks try to pick a fight with the guy thats drinking them.

And the number one best way to never have to see a dating dud again, without the guilt of hurting his feelings, is....

1. When shopping, casually suggest that the two of you pop into a jewelry store. Become fascinated by an engagement ring (preferrably the most excessive one you can find) and stare at it long enough for a sales person to take it out of the case for you. Proceed to try it on, "just to see." Make sure he sees it, because this is the "exact style I want."



How to lose a guy in 10 days? How bout losing him in 10 minutes?

Waitlisted

Maybe something I should consider starting.

Let me explain. When I was seeing Erwin, I had changed my status on my Facebook profile to say I was "In A Relationship." Due to the Live Feed Facebook started some months back, pretty much everyone I know was alerted to this fact. This includes many a boy I have gone on dates with recently. I have too much pride to change it just yet.

I don't write about each and every date, by virtue of a majority of them not being blog-worthy at all. For example, Steven, who I went out for drinks with the night before I went to Disneyland for my first date with Erwin. He's a 25 year old law school student who I met on OKCupid, who's good looking and super sweet, but missing some key ingredients. He showed up dressed like it was laundry day (alright when we've been dating for awhile, but on a first date I would have assumed he would want to make the best first impression), spent a majority of the date talking about his ex and how broke he was, and as we ordered our first beers, he announced that he would pay for the first ones, but that I would be paying for the second ones. Now I'm not saying boys need to shell out more money than they have, but if he doesn't have the money to pay for two rounds of beers.... let's just order one. (Boys, please. Don't ever TELL a girl on a first date - that YOU invited her on - that she's going to have to pay for the next round. Bad manners.)

Anyway, in my opinion, it was a nice time but nothing to write home about. In his opinion, though, we had a ton in common, amazing chemistry, and he really wanted to see me again. After a few weeks of text messages from him, I didn't hear from him anymore, until tonight.

Steven (10:01:17 PM): hey you. how is it going w/ your bf?

Me (10:01:47 PM): i'm guessing you got that from facebook?

Steven (10:02:12 PM): yeah

Steven (10:04:02 PM): can i just ask why you kind of didn't consider me for a 2nd date?

Steven(10:04:07 PM): i guess i misread something

Steven (10:04:12 PM): but i enjoyed chilling w/ ya

Steven (10:04:19 PM): i am not second guessing you or anything

Steven(10:04:24 PM): just curious if i did something wrong

Steven (10:04:27 PM): just for future reference

Me (10:04:29 PM): it isn't that i didnt consider hanging out with you again

Steven (10:04:36 PM): on a date level though?

Me (10:05:00 PM): i had thought i was going to go out with you again probably

Steven (10:05:09 PM): ?

Me (10:05:34 PM): you're a nice guy, we had a good time

Steven (10:05:44 PM): but i guess i lost my shot

Steven (10:05:56 PM): it just seemed like i asked you to hang a few times afterwards

Steven (10:06:06 PM): and you said you were busy and all

Me (10:06:12 PM): i was busy

Steven (10:06:20 PM): and you never really got around to letting me know

Me (10:06:28 PM): what it comes down to is that the thing thats most important is chemistry

Steven (10:06:28 PM): but i you dated another guy

Steven (10:06:33 PM): so i was a little confused

Steven (10:06:39 PM): i thought we had a lot of chemistry

Steven (10:06:47 PM): but i guess you didn't think so?

Me (10:07:00 PM): i thought we got along really well

Me (10:07:11 PM): but i think thats different than chemistry

Steven (10:07:18 PM): hmm

Steven (10:07:33 PM): well, whatever the reason, i am happy for you and the guy

Steven (10:07:39 PM): let me know if things change

Steven (10:07:43 PM): put me on the waiting list

Me (10:07:43 PM): aww

Steven (10:07:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:07:51 PM): thats flattering

Me (10:07:53 PM): well thank you

Steven (10:07:59 PM): sure

Steven (10:12:02 PM): so where did you meet?

Me (10:12:09 PM): haha

Me (10:12:11 PM): taco tuesday

Steven (10:12:20 PM): how did you meet him though?

Steven (10:12:25 PM): did he come up to you and start talking?

Me (10:12:31 PM): yeah

Steven (10:12:37 PM): wow

Steven (10:12:45 PM): that is gutsy

Steven (10:12:50 PM): gotta give him props for that. what did he say??

Me (10:12:55 PM): he sat down and said "before you say anything, you have to give me a chance, not like all the other guys that you've been blowing off all night, I've been watching."

Steven (10:12:56 PM): i have never talked to a random girl soberly

Me (10:13:01 PM): yeah he's gutsy

Steven (10:13:08 PM): other guys had tried to flirt w/ you?

Me (10:13:20 PM): ya and apparently he had been watching the whole time

Steven (10:13:34 PM): coolio

Steven (10:13:41 PM): does he have a facebook or myspace?

Steven (10:13:43 PM): i wanna see

Steven (10:13:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:13:50 PM): nope he doesnt have anything

Me (10:13:53 PM): why do you want to see? weirdo

Steven (10:14:57 PM): hehe, just curious

Steven (10:15:04 PM): it's the curious cat in me

Steven (10:17:26 PM): i am out, laterz homeslice, have a good night, don't forget to put me on the list!

Me (10:17:33 PM): thanks dude, have a good one

He's not a bad guy. In fact, he's a nice guy, with what seems like a good heart and a decent amount of intelligence. What he doesn't have is the social know-how to woo a girl during a first impression, which is key to getting 'em hooked. I spent the whole evening with him wishing there was someway to broach the subject, and help him out. With a few good pieces of wisdom and a little polishing, Steven could easily be a total catch for a great girl.

As much dating as I've done, and as many bad dates and poor first impressions I've had (if you don't believe me, go ahead and compare the amount of "first date" tags to "second date" tags.... I dare you), I think I'm kind of an expert on the subject of Do's and Absolutely-Do-Not's on a first date.

So I ask you...
What better career for me than date-coaching for the desperate and down-trodden?

I'm seriously considering it. The details would need to be ironed out and all... but I welcome comments on the subject. Let's hear 'em!

Would you consider hiring a dating coach?

Geeks of the World..... Unite!

Ok, maybe that's a bit vague. Let's stick with Geeks in the LA area.

I will be attending the monthly Geek Dinner at Canter's Deli tomorrow, to mix and mingle with LA's finest computer nerds and internet aficionados. So if any of you other awesome bloggers out there plan on attending, let me know!

And on the note of being nerdily into the interent... exciting news for today! A Date In The Life... is now has its own, independent, even more awesome domain name! I'll admit it. I get pretty excited about this stuff.



And of course.... Happy St. Patty's Day. Please have fun and be SAFE!




And yes, I really am.

In my usual fashion, I will be celebrating this joyous holiday on a date (drinking a few too many free green beer and Irish Carbombs) with a guy named Coors, a marketing professional from OKCupid who turns out to live about 200 feet from me. What are the chances? Eh. We'll see. Not to say there aren't people I'd rather be spending it with.

Crushing dreams, one frumpy unmarried cat lady at a time.

Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

College Co-Ed runs 300-guy train to celebrate Valentine's Day

But only on Speeddate.com!

Seriously though, folks. You didn't really think I'd post about gangbang porn, did you?


According to the LA Times Web Scout blog, this college co-ed named Francesca Salcido decided to go on 300 online speed dates (as mentioned in my Speed Dating In Bed post back in December) for Valentine's Day. An honorable endeavor, if you ask me.

Had I known she was doing that, though, I obviously would have made plans to try and out-do this dating diva, instead of what I ended up doing, which was spending time with a group of real people. Nothing too notable... a few drinks with some friends (nothing personal guys, I did have a great time with you), but at least a little genuine human interaction. And as much as I can sit here and pretend to laugh about this girl's idea, I secretly wish I had thought of it first.


Something about this story makes me feel both fiercely competitive and also like I just found my kindered spirit. Maybe someday we'll be friends.


I wonder how it went?

Potential Boyfriend Questionnaire

Stolen (borrowed!) from one of my fabulously sexy gay Weho friends. Feel free to fill it out in a comment if you feel like it.... or better yet, if you are seriously applying, you can always email it to me. Include pictures please. :) haha...


1. What is your favorite non basic color....?
(ie not in your basic rainbow.... his favorite happened to be cum stain white... interesting)

2. Would you rather live in an ice mansion located in the Arctic circle, a wooden shack in the Carribean, an elven tree house in the Canadian forest, or Milwaukee? Why?

3. Name three colors in your eyes.

4. In your opinion, what is the best date movie, and why?

5. Pen, pencil, or quill?

6. What is the capital of Assyria?

7. Where do you prefer to get clothes? American Eagle/A&F, H&M, Heritage, Nordstrom Rail, Thrift Store or Garbage? Or other? Please specify.

8. When you are at the ceremony of your wedding, what music is playing?

9. What is the first thing you think about in the morning... if you think at all?

10. Which liquor is most like you, and why?

11. What do you dream about most often?

12. How do your parents feel about your life?

13. A relationship is (please select the closest answer):

• They are like a great wine to me... they compliment me when I am out with friends, and they are a good friend to me as well.
• A rush of emotion... someone I attach myself to and can't imagine living without.
  
• They are nothing like me at all; different tastes, different hobbies, etc... but for some reason, we mesh.
• My partner in crime. If I'm hungry for strawberries, they more than likely will be stealing some for me.
• They are HOT. Who cares what they're like? I don't take the time to get to know them well.

14. Please list any and all special attributes, related experience, or special skills that may set you apart from other applicants.

A Potential Hat Trick

What a day it has been!

There was a chance for three dates in one day, but ay.... it didn't happen.

Date #1 is an exceptionally attractive mama's boy about 20 minutes north of where I live, who found me on OKCupid and has been bugging me to hang out since before New Years (what.... over three weeks?), so I finally agreed on lunch for today, like three days ago.

Date #2 is a grad student who already has one masters degree and has completed law school (some people, I think, just can't imagine being anything but students) who has also found me on OKCupid and has also been bugging me to hang out. He asked yesterday, and we agreed on this afternoon after he finishes teaching his section.

But alas! I double booked myself. That's ok. The lean, mean, dating machine (aka the Girl in the Mirror) can handle these situations with grace. Not to worry!

So the backstory is that I went out last night with a friend from work, and wasn't even planning on waking up this morning (who really cares if I sleep 'til 1pm on my day off?) until I got a text from #1, at 10:30am, asking, "are we still on for lunch at 11:30?" "I just woke up," I answered, "Can we make it more like 12:30?"

I jumped out of bed and threw on clothes and makeup and cute hair and rushed over to where he works, which turns out to be about 35 minutes away from my house. I arrived at our date spot (Hot and Spicy Thai... if only that meant any date being held there would be the same) and he got there a few minutes after me. He was, as I had already thought, exceptionally attractive. And totally (one of) my type(s): pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes, freckles, brown hair, stylish haircut, cute clothes. He wasn't extraordinarily tall, but it would suffice. But... as I had already thought, he was extremely socially awkward. Not that he knows this... he's more than talkative, but speaks as though he is trying to impress a Harvard english professor with his immense vocabulary, which becomes a little tiring. He asked me a lot of questions, but the way he asked all of them ("If you could sum up the whole of your being, all 23 overwhelmingly provocative years of triumph and tragedy, how would you describe your soul, your very being, in one word?".... OK, really? Who says that) was just a bit off-putting, and I had to skip some of them. It was hard to ignore his obviously blessed features, but he didn't make it too hard. We finished lunch and the bill arrived, which he insisted on paying ("He brought the wallet, you brought the girl. Fair trade." Thanks, Janice, I almost forgot) which was sweet, and we left because he had to get back to work. Within 10 minutes, he was texting me, "When do I get to see you again?? Did you have as amazing of a time as I did?"

But I was off to Date #2. Have you ever heard of a euphonium? Me neither. Originally, when completing his 4-year degree, he was a classical music major, with an emphasis in euphonium-playing... whatever that is. He calls himself a "euphoniac." And no, I'm not kidding. So he had wanted to hang out this afternoon, but I guess I'd already made lunch plans that I'd quickly forgotten about, so I told him it'd have to be after that. I texted him on my way home and he was trying to come up with something fun to do. I turned down hiking (too rainy outside, and I'm dressed cute) and miniature golf (it'll be soggy from all the bad weather) and we agreed on coffee. He looked up the midway point between his house and my house and gave me the location we would meet at, and said he'd see me there at 5.

I had an hour, which I used to check email and freshen up a bit. I was off around 4:55, and texted him to let him know I was on my way and running a few minutes late, but no response. I arrived at Starbucks and texted him, "Are you here yet?" No response. I walked in and bought myself a soy peppermint white chocolate latte (if you haven't tried it, you must) from the three remarkably cute guys working behind the counter, and took a seat at the corner table, so I could see both entrances, all the tables, and the cute boys behind the counter; all at the same time. Perfect!

I sat, and texted him, "hmm... where are you?" with no response. That's ok... to be honest, I really didn't think he was all that cute, and unless he totally wowed me with an incredible personality, he really wasn't even an option... but he really wanted to hang, and I think everyone deserves a fair chance. So anyway, I sat there, texting some friends and trying desperately to take my wandering eyes away from the boys behind the counter (BBTC), one of which looked like the long lost redheaded twin of the Ex.... and if you know how I feel about redheads, you know that's totally unfair. (I have quite a weakness.)

I ended up staying a long while; no sign of #2 (aka the Euphoniac) but I actually had a very nice time making eyes at the boy I specifically had my eye on. At one point, a totally crazed schitzo bag lady entered the store, and inches from my table, started babbling obscenities 'til Hottie McFirecrotch jumped up and rushed to my rescue, very sternly escorting her back out. He's cute AND brave.... what a sexy combination!

After my coffee was gone and an hour had gone by, I drove home, to find the Eupho online. "Hmm." I said. He replied (and I still can't believe he's actually a grown, adult aged human being):

I'm a terrible guy. I was really only meeting up with you because I wanted to have sex with you, and I realized I just couldn't do that, so I knew I couldn't go and put you through that. I'm very sorry.

Now... granted I ended up having possibly a much better time without him showing up, but isn't that something he probably could have told me before I left my house to meet up with him? Whatever. I replied:

You're pathetic. Have a nice evening.

And then an instant blockage from my AIM account.

So moving on, #1 had been consistently texting me pretty much since the time I drove away from Hot and Spicy Thai, asking when he could see me again and telling me how beautiful he thinks my eyes are. I toyed with the idea of hanging out again; meanwhile my roommates came home, poured me a cocktail, and told me we were going out tonight. I'm really not one to turn down a socially invigorating situation, so duh. I'm up for it.

Apparently I wasn't responding to #1's texts/IMs frequently enough, so he calls me. We talk for a few minutes, and I tell him I have to get ready to go out. He argues, "no you don't." "No, but really I do though." "No, you really don't." This continues literally for 2 minutes while I am simultaneously thanking the heavens I didn't have him pick me up at my house (obvious stalker potential) and I finally threaten to hang up on him if he doesn't say goodbye, which he does.

I rush upstairs and change clothes, go out with my roommates, and really don't meet anyone worth my time or attention, but talk to a few boys who seem to think I'm worthy of theirs.

Had Date #2 not bailed, I'm pretty sure today could have fallen under the category of Hat Trick, and although I'm glad I never met him, that would have been pretty fucking awesome to have three dates in one day. No?

Now I'm off to bed to sleep off the drunkness... before work tomorrow. Ay yay yay!

(OK)Cupid has perfected his aim

I'm not going to lie to you guys.... A great majority of the guys on OKCupid are just not... exactly my cup of tea. Not that there's anything wrong with them, and for whatever reason there are tons of exceptionally intelligent/well-spoken guys on there (or at least guys who can write well), and a few that aren't too bad to look at as well. There are a few I've exchanged some good emails with, and two that I exchange texts or instant messages with sometimes. But honestly, none have really captured my attention. (I'm starting to wonder if I'm just exceedingly picky [that's rhetorical, by the way]).

And granted, I am looking for somewhat of the perfect person (more on that another time, I was thinking maybe I could focus my energy on finding it better if I can narrow in down in print), but looking on the internet, at least according to my friends, is the last place I'll ever find it.

I'll have you know that I meet people everywhere, not just online. I'm not lacking social skills, I'm not introverted in the least bit, I'm not insecure, and I enjoy meeting people. Heck, I even like public speaking (The #2 fear in the United States, second only to burning to death... hard to believe) which a lot of times is what introducing yourself to a perfect stranger feels like.

Anyway, to make this long rant just a little bit shorter, I've succumbed to OKCupid's lure basically just because of the quizzes. I like that they "know" me to some degree, and I like getting personality awards on my profile (though I don't agree with "More Greedy"... assholes). Occasionally I like to search through my "matches" (really... if you could only see most of them) just to see if there's actually someone I can picture spending time around without laughing (at, not with).

WELL! Last night, another late night conversation with the ex (more on that another time, if I ever find out he isn't reading this anymore) kept me up way past my bedtime.. I'm talking like 3 in the morning. Searching through dozens of engineering students, Dungeons and Dragons fans, and mama's boys, I was about to give up and go to sleep finally when someone caught my eye.

First off, hot. Not that that's all that matters, but initially online.... give me a break. Read his profile.... 25, really smart, very well spoken, local, great job. Look at his additional pictures.... even cuter that I thought originally, fantastic smile, sexy build, two dogs. Plus we're an 80% match. Not bad at all.

At this point I'm literally sitting here at my desk, swooning. What a spectacle that would have been. I hit Send Message... I start typing, realize I sound like an idiot. Start over. Play it cool? Tell him he's adorable? Stroke his ego? Point out of common interests? Use big vocab?

I finally settle for a little bit of spice and a little bit of sugar and send it off into the universe. And then sit there, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. And then wonder how many girls must message him a day. And then check, and find that he is getting hundreds of profile views. And then come to terms with my message getting lost in a sea of unfortunate looking ex-colorguards with a taste for anime, and it really doesn't matter if I said the right thing or not because he's never going to read it.

So I put it out of my mind and go back to my conversation with the ex. Minutes later, I hear a bell indicating that I have an incoming IM on OKCupid. I look. It's him.... Let's call him Scott.

He asks if I'm really up that late also, I tell him yes, and he tells me he appreciates my email, that it was really sweet. (Sweet.... great.) Then he tells me I'm really cute myself (ooh!), and is really tired but can't wait to talk to me again (aww!). He asks me a few questions, clearly having read my whole profile, and is really funny and nice. So we say goodnight, and then I smile for like 20 nerdy minutes over having talked to some guy who's voice I haven't even heard yet.

Ugh! I'm such a dork!

Rich Guys, Pt II

Thinking you've found "the one" before you've met said "one" really only sets you up for a healthy dose of disappointment, I've found.

As I've mentioned before in my post Rich Guys and Kelly Clarkson, I playfully signed up for a website called Millionaire Match, which has all kinds of people, but more importantly rich, handsome, entrepreneurial ones (what could be better, I ask). The interesting thing about the site is that when you sign up for it, it asks if you make over $150 grand a year. If you say no, you are grouped in the non-millionaire club and there is nothing on your profile related to income. If you say that you make $150+, you are asked to specify (the max category they offer is $1Billion a year, but I have yet to see one of those profiles). For those wealthy members that want to obliterate any shred of doubt, there is a Certified Millionaire option, where they can fax in their W4s from the previous year to verify that they do, in fact, make as much money as they claim they do. These members receive a sparkling ruby emblem on their profile next to their yearly income.


And after exchanging a few lighthearted emails with the hot Persian fashion mogul I mentioned in Rich Guys, we decided we were going to hang out. We spent a few weeks texting for days and spending hours on the phone chatting and laughing, and it seemed clear that we had chemistry. I found him on the pompous side (his entire profile is quoted directly from Zoolander.... as in "I'm sure there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking"... you know what I mean) and he makes a lot of comments like "try not to daydream about me too much," but I took them with a grain of salt and figured he had a healthy sense of humor. Plus, in his pictures he looks like he actually is ridiculously good-looking. And to make matters better, he's under 30, is totally intelligent, makes me laugh like crazy, and is certified as making $1Million+ a year. Not bad.

The day finally came to hang out with the hot Persian fashion mogul (or Zoolander, as he will now be referred to) and I was beyond nervous. I spent the day shopping for new clothes (they had to at least look expensive... he's not only rich beyond reason but also owns a clothing company for God's sakes), getting my nails done, tanning, exfoliating, deep conditioning, moisturizing, and so on. Forget any flaws he might have; I wanted to seem as flawless as possible, since on paper this guy was just that.

I told him that I was going to meet up with an old friend for a little while before we hung out, which he said was totally fine as he'd be getting home from the gym and showering at that point. As it turned out, my old friend likes to talk a lot (I guess I had forgotten that part) and our one drink turned into a long-ass dinner. Except that I didn't eat anything but a bloody mary because me and Zoo were supposed to eat at some chic new restaurant in Weho, so I sat there wishing he would eat faster and staring at his delicious-looking mashed potatoes. I texted Zoolander a few times, apologizing profusely for my tardiness, but he assured me it was no problem at all. I finally got out of there and rushed over to his hot Hollywood home, now 45 minutes late.

The directions he gave me were clear, and he described his house as the one with a lot of lights and a yellow Corvette in the driveway. He was right; of the whole street, his house was by far the most well-lit, which showcased an amazing modern style concrete porch area sitting proudly in front of a three story house and beautiful landscape. And the yellow Corvette was not the only flashy car in his long driveway.... only the brightest. I knocked on the door, shaking a bit and trying to breathe deeply.

When he opened it, I was actually relieved to see he wasn't as perfect as I imagined. He stood at about 5'8" and had a big nose and a white blazer over a blue shirt. He was extremely welcoming though, and after asking for it gave me a little tour of his house. It was very lightly furnished; he told me he hadn't lived there long and was remodeling it. He showed me his kitchen (my favorite part of any house) and it was surprisingly small. I found a small Menorah in a glass cabinet. "Are you Jewish?" "Only on holidays," he told me. He took me upstairs and showed me his rec room, music room, art room, lofts, and finally his master bedroom - complete with the most gigantic, mahogany 4-poster bed, which he said he got in an auction of late 16th century royal furniture. I tried not to act too impressed. We went back downstairs.

The one thing I couldn't take my eyes off of, though, was a wall-sized painting of the famous moment when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed on stage at the MTV VMA's. I asked about it, and he told me he painted it, along with a few ocean scenes hanging in the kitchen that also closely resembled photographs. Impressive! He said he was working on a collection of important moments in Pop Culture.... sexy.

I sat down in his living room in front of his 50" Flat Panel Plasma TV hanging on the wall to watch some music videos while he made us drinks and called a cab. We chatted and drank until it arrived. He said it seemed a bit late for dinner but we should go out for some drinks and maybe an appetizer. As much as I had been totally starving, I had already started to get my buzz on and had pretty much lost my appetite anyway.

We got in the cab and sped off to the Sofitel's Stone Rose Lounge, a totally swanking hotel bar that was packed with good-looking LA socialites. He asked if they were still serving appetizers - the cocktail waitress said they had closed the kitchen an hour ago. He handed her something, and asked, "are you sure?" She scurried off and came back with good news. We ordered some crab thing (I was too drunk at this point to really care about reading the menu) and got a table. We sat intimately close, which somehow seemed comfortable already. There was just something about him I connected to. It didn't have anything to do with what he does or what he has, but there's just something about him that puts me at ease.

We laughed about how we had come about the Millionaire site; my story paled in comparison to his: Running on the treadmill at the gym next to Tommy Lee (yes, THE Tommy Lee) working on his laptop simultaneously, he told him he thought that was a great idea to bring a laptop to the gym. "I'm on this website, its amazing. You gotta join it," Tommy told him. Millionaire Match, no less. He was sold. (And so am I!)

Our crab thing came and it turned out to be A-MAZING... some totally rich crab/mayo mix on top of sticky rice and stuff, but he wouldn't eat any of it. "Oh my god," I said, "You don't eat shellfish. Why didn't you say something??" Duh. He's Jewish. I'm an idiot. He took a few bites and mmm-ed a little bit to make me feel better. I ate a few more bites and left the rest.

After a few more impressive speciality martinis we headed outside to a glass firepit and continued our conversation. The thing I found most surprising about him was that his cockiness (in jest or not) totally disappeared in person. He seemed completely humbled, and come to think of it, sort of in awe of me. Not that I think I deserve that kind of reaction, but it was certainly nice coming from someone that I was totally intimidated by prior to our meeting.

We got up to leave (I a little unbalanced no less) and he took my hand. Almost outside he stopped and turned to me, and leaned in close. "There's just... something about you... something I'm drawn to, I feel like I can't get enough of you." My heart raced. I smiled and played it cool. He kissed me. My heart raced faster. I kissed back. We pulled away and smiled at each other close.

We practically skipped out to the front, giddy in our newly discovered intimacy. He asked a doorman for a cab, and tipped him when it pulled up. He told the cabbie his address and made out in the backseat like teenagers for a few blocks. He pulled away suddenly, and sat straight up. "Why are you taking Santa Monica," he asked sternly. The cabbie explained he couldn't turn around on the street we'd been on. He pushed. "We could have taken Robertson, why didn't we take Robertson?" They argued back and forth 'til we pulled up to his house. He paid and we walked inside.

"Was that guy trying to stiff me??"

I wasn't sure how to respond. Was he really that concerned with a few extra dollars? Even I wouldn't have given it a second thought, and with my monthly salary being less than what he makes in a single day, I couldn't understand his frustration.

"No... I don't think so. It sounded like he had a reason to go that way."

He insisted he was trying to pull a fast one on him. I suggested that maybe he had a family at home he was struggling to take care of. He told me that wasn't his problem. After a few minutes of this, I tried to reason with him.

"Do you realize how many seconds it takes you to make $3?"

That seemed to calm him down. He made us some more drinks and we cozied up on the couch and made out playfully 'til the wee hours of the morning. I told him I had to leave, he asked me if I wanted to stay. He was worried about my driving after having had quite a few drinks and being tired.

I was so concerned with not staying at his house that I convinced not only him, but myself, that I would be just fine to make the trip home. We made out for the next 20 minutes, slowly inching our way to the door, where we said a sad goodbye and I got in my car and took off, only to realize that I was definitely too drunk to be driving.

(Sidenote: I do NOT under any circumstances condone drunk driving. In fact, I am extremely against it and am always 100% willing to pick up my friends anywhere in the middle of the night, no matter how late. This was a mistake all the way, and one that I won't make again!)

I tried to turn around and go back to his house so I could stay the night, but was lost in a matter of minutes. I drove around for two hours before I was able to find my way to the freeway to get out of LA, and another hour on the freeway back to my house.

Upon arriving home, I burst into tears, never so relieved to be alive.


On a happier note, other than the totally obvious display of awful stereotypical behavior (and I HATE stereotyping) during the second cab ride, I think it was a pretty successful date. He's out of town for a month, but I guess we'll see what happens when he gets back!

I'm not much into clowns.

Finally starting to get over this damn cold (10 days? Really?) I decided to go out with this guy Dave, that found me on OkCupid, who's been hounding me all week for a "coffee" date or something. So cliche, no? Oh well.. not every guy can be blessed with a creative spirit, and he wasn't taking no for an answer, so when I finally got my voice back last night, I agreed to hang out tomorrow, aka this evening.

Not much in the mood for coffee, I redirected the date to the area of dinner - he suggested my very favorite restaurant Memphis (what a lucky guess!) and we met there. I'd seen some pictures of him and thought he was sort of cute; he turned out to be more attractive than I expected (always a nice surprise) and pretty tall. Boring haircut and outfit aside, he has big blue eyes and a charmingly vulnerable smile which gets me every time. We sat down at our table and started talking, and the more we talked the more I realized I hadn't the slightest clue what he did or who he was. The embarrassing part was that he had told me but I guess I've been talking to too many different guys because I have no recollection of the email exchange. Oops!

Anyway, apparently he's some big deal engineer for a local company that makes some really crazy new barcode system, and on the side he buys electronics, refurbishes, sells them, and makes a grip off the difference. Cute, smart, and entrepreneurial? Bring it on.

Though he was a math major in college (which he went to in Canada, where he's from) he actually had pretty impressive social skills, and I only ate a bit of my dinner (cornmeal crusted catfish and dirty rice.... pinch me) because our conversation was flowin' as smoothly as my martinis were going down. So far so good!

Once the bill was paid (which he took care of immediately... sexy) he told me he wasn't ready for the date to be over, I giggled, and he suggested one of my favorite late night spots down the street for a few drinks.

When we got there it was packed but we found a cozy table in the corner, and sat huddled together with our drinks, chatting. The more buzzed I got the more I realized that this date was actually going REALLY well.... like, I really like him! This never happens! We had a lot in common, he was totally interested in everything I had to say, and likewise, he's funny, he makes great eye contact (Girls and Boys: This is incredibly important if you want to come off as confident and comfortable, which you DO) and is super positive about life.

He asked me what my longest relationship was, I told him almost two years. He asked how long ago was that? I said about a year and a half ago. I asked when his last relationship was... his smile dropped and eyes darted away. Uh oh. He told me he didn't like to talk about it much. I pried.

"...10 years ago," he told me. I was buzzed but I did the math.... let's see... he's 28... "You haven't had a girlfriend since you were EIGHTEEN? WHY??"

He went on to tell me that he just couldn't figure it out. He'd meet girls, invite them out, sometimes they would say yes, they'd have at least an ok time, and they'd never hang out again. My crazy-dude radar started to beep annoyingly.

I pressed snooze.

I thought it sounded like a good idea to head back to his townhouse (which he owns, cool) to watch Flight of the Conchords, because nothing beats my two favorite New Zealanders. So funny. So sexy.

He changed into his pajamas and we got onto his bed. Ok, wait. Before I start, you have to visualize the layout of the situation.

Basically, we're laying on his bed, watching tv. During a commercial, he looks over and me with this really cute vulnerable look in his eye, and goes in for a kiss. He's a great kisser! I'm excited! We're kissing, we're happy, we're totally vibing on each other.

The show comes back on and I pull away and get back to watching... always playing the interested and then slightly-disinterested and then interested again card, works every time. (If you haven't read the Art of Seduction yet, DO.)

Except, ALAS! Our three minute makeout sesh has proved QUITE the turn-on for Dave, who is now sporting a more impressive tent than the Ringling Bros "Best Show on Earth," or whatever.... I'm not much into circuses anyway.

(More epic than this)

As you can see from my diagram, said tent-poppage is in my DIRECT line of vision, and seeing as he clearly hadn't taken any notice of the fact that I had noticed, I felt even more awkward. So here I am, laying there, and trying to look ANYWHERE but the TV. I check my phone. I send a text message. I ask him about the photography on the wall.

(Sidenote: Don't get me wrong, people. Being a girl in her early 20's with the libido of a bunny, I have no problem with boner. In fact, I like boner. I'm flattered by boner. Boner means fun things are to come. It means progress. It means we're in business. All fun aside, though, I'm still an old-fashioned girl and this was just not the appropriate time for boner. It was clear to both of us.)

(Sidenote #2: The good news is he's clearly packing some serious heat... there wasn't much left to the imagination.)

After the longest 45 seconds of my life, I heard him gasp and roll over uncomfortably, rigid with embarrassment. Maybe the track pants were a poor choice, my friend. "Do you want something to drink??" He jumps up and crosses awkwardly diagonally in front of the bed towards the fridge as to not display his obscene profile. Upon arriving at said fridge, he opens it and stands in it. "Is it hot in here?! It feels hot. Are you hot??"

I accepted a Vitamin Water and we layed there watching Flight of the Conchords and probably both wishing we could sink into the bed and disappear. Eventually after it wore off (which took literally like... 10 minutes. You would think the embarrassment/shame that was written all over his face would help calm things down? Guess not) I yawned and said I better go. He walked me out and gave me a less warm/comfortable hug than he welcomed me with.


I can't imagine what a second date would be like, but I can definitely say that he better not wear pajama pants next time. I wonder if this happens with all the other girls?

... Such is life.