A Potential Hat Trick

What a day it has been!

There was a chance for three dates in one day, but ay.... it didn't happen.

Date #1 is an exceptionally attractive mama's boy about 20 minutes north of where I live, who found me on OKCupid and has been bugging me to hang out since before New Years (what.... over three weeks?), so I finally agreed on lunch for today, like three days ago.

Date #2 is a grad student who already has one masters degree and has completed law school (some people, I think, just can't imagine being anything but students) who has also found me on OKCupid and has also been bugging me to hang out. He asked yesterday, and we agreed on this afternoon after he finishes teaching his section.

But alas! I double booked myself. That's ok. The lean, mean, dating machine (aka the Girl in the Mirror) can handle these situations with grace. Not to worry!

So the backstory is that I went out last night with a friend from work, and wasn't even planning on waking up this morning (who really cares if I sleep 'til 1pm on my day off?) until I got a text from #1, at 10:30am, asking, "are we still on for lunch at 11:30?" "I just woke up," I answered, "Can we make it more like 12:30?"

I jumped out of bed and threw on clothes and makeup and cute hair and rushed over to where he works, which turns out to be about 35 minutes away from my house. I arrived at our date spot (Hot and Spicy Thai... if only that meant any date being held there would be the same) and he got there a few minutes after me. He was, as I had already thought, exceptionally attractive. And totally (one of) my type(s): pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes, freckles, brown hair, stylish haircut, cute clothes. He wasn't extraordinarily tall, but it would suffice. But... as I had already thought, he was extremely socially awkward. Not that he knows this... he's more than talkative, but speaks as though he is trying to impress a Harvard english professor with his immense vocabulary, which becomes a little tiring. He asked me a lot of questions, but the way he asked all of them ("If you could sum up the whole of your being, all 23 overwhelmingly provocative years of triumph and tragedy, how would you describe your soul, your very being, in one word?".... OK, really? Who says that) was just a bit off-putting, and I had to skip some of them. It was hard to ignore his obviously blessed features, but he didn't make it too hard. We finished lunch and the bill arrived, which he insisted on paying ("He brought the wallet, you brought the girl. Fair trade." Thanks, Janice, I almost forgot) which was sweet, and we left because he had to get back to work. Within 10 minutes, he was texting me, "When do I get to see you again?? Did you have as amazing of a time as I did?"

But I was off to Date #2. Have you ever heard of a euphonium? Me neither. Originally, when completing his 4-year degree, he was a classical music major, with an emphasis in euphonium-playing... whatever that is. He calls himself a "euphoniac." And no, I'm not kidding. So he had wanted to hang out this afternoon, but I guess I'd already made lunch plans that I'd quickly forgotten about, so I told him it'd have to be after that. I texted him on my way home and he was trying to come up with something fun to do. I turned down hiking (too rainy outside, and I'm dressed cute) and miniature golf (it'll be soggy from all the bad weather) and we agreed on coffee. He looked up the midway point between his house and my house and gave me the location we would meet at, and said he'd see me there at 5.

I had an hour, which I used to check email and freshen up a bit. I was off around 4:55, and texted him to let him know I was on my way and running a few minutes late, but no response. I arrived at Starbucks and texted him, "Are you here yet?" No response. I walked in and bought myself a soy peppermint white chocolate latte (if you haven't tried it, you must) from the three remarkably cute guys working behind the counter, and took a seat at the corner table, so I could see both entrances, all the tables, and the cute boys behind the counter; all at the same time. Perfect!

I sat, and texted him, "hmm... where are you?" with no response. That's ok... to be honest, I really didn't think he was all that cute, and unless he totally wowed me with an incredible personality, he really wasn't even an option... but he really wanted to hang, and I think everyone deserves a fair chance. So anyway, I sat there, texting some friends and trying desperately to take my wandering eyes away from the boys behind the counter (BBTC), one of which looked like the long lost redheaded twin of the Ex.... and if you know how I feel about redheads, you know that's totally unfair. (I have quite a weakness.)

I ended up staying a long while; no sign of #2 (aka the Euphoniac) but I actually had a very nice time making eyes at the boy I specifically had my eye on. At one point, a totally crazed schitzo bag lady entered the store, and inches from my table, started babbling obscenities 'til Hottie McFirecrotch jumped up and rushed to my rescue, very sternly escorting her back out. He's cute AND brave.... what a sexy combination!

After my coffee was gone and an hour had gone by, I drove home, to find the Eupho online. "Hmm." I said. He replied (and I still can't believe he's actually a grown, adult aged human being):

I'm a terrible guy. I was really only meeting up with you because I wanted to have sex with you, and I realized I just couldn't do that, so I knew I couldn't go and put you through that. I'm very sorry.

Now... granted I ended up having possibly a much better time without him showing up, but isn't that something he probably could have told me before I left my house to meet up with him? Whatever. I replied:

You're pathetic. Have a nice evening.

And then an instant blockage from my AIM account.

So moving on, #1 had been consistently texting me pretty much since the time I drove away from Hot and Spicy Thai, asking when he could see me again and telling me how beautiful he thinks my eyes are. I toyed with the idea of hanging out again; meanwhile my roommates came home, poured me a cocktail, and told me we were going out tonight. I'm really not one to turn down a socially invigorating situation, so duh. I'm up for it.

Apparently I wasn't responding to #1's texts/IMs frequently enough, so he calls me. We talk for a few minutes, and I tell him I have to get ready to go out. He argues, "no you don't." "No, but really I do though." "No, you really don't." This continues literally for 2 minutes while I am simultaneously thanking the heavens I didn't have him pick me up at my house (obvious stalker potential) and I finally threaten to hang up on him if he doesn't say goodbye, which he does.

I rush upstairs and change clothes, go out with my roommates, and really don't meet anyone worth my time or attention, but talk to a few boys who seem to think I'm worthy of theirs.

Had Date #2 not bailed, I'm pretty sure today could have fallen under the category of Hat Trick, and although I'm glad I never met him, that would have been pretty fucking awesome to have three dates in one day. No?

Now I'm off to bed to sleep off the drunkness... before work tomorrow. Ay yay yay!

Check, Please!

Although I've had more than my fair share of dating experience at my tender age of 23, and may shell out a generous amount of wisdom and advice to my friends who may have a little less, I seek at least twice as much from other sources (can't learn EVERTHING from personal experience, you know).

So I've read lots of books. My favorites so far have been the Art of Seduction (thank you very much to Spencer for that spirited recommendation) and Superflirt (which is really just a thanks to Amazon, who suggested it when I was searching for the former, good work people).

And although I learned a great deal about the world of dating (and how to have anyone wrapped around your finger, by ignoring them and swinging your hips correctly, respectively), I still continue to feel that there is just oodles I don't know yet.

Which brings me to my new book. Hopefully you know by now that some of my favorite things are dating, talking about dating, thinking about dating, boys in general, and celebrity gossip. Now combine that all in a book written by the world's first supermodel, and we're in business.

Check, Please! Dating, Mating, and Extricating is written by the infamous Janice Dickinson, who has dated more celebrities than Paris Hilton (give the heiress some credit though, Janice has got a lot of years on her) and is filled with acerbic wit and tough love, plus TMI about way too many male celebrities.
I haven't finished yet, but so far, Janice has taught me that:

I'm an idiot for "going for my wallet" on a first date.

If a woman breaks out her wallet, she has a problem. Even for the 50/50 split. On a first date, I don't ever want you to say, "What's my share?" He brought the wallet. You brought the girl. Even trade.

I should stop meeting guys on the Internet.

You know how they used to say of ugly actors, "He has a face for radio?" Well, if a guy's out there hunting for women online, chances are he has a face and personality for the Web. Plus, some of those weirdos really could be hunting for women. And remember this: If the camera adds 10 pounds, the Web adds 40.

There are ideal places to meet guys (some of these I haven't even tried! Thanks Janice).

• Park Benches (not bums... the rich one's own the parks, not live in them)
• Men's Clothing Stores (ie: Turnbull & Asser, the nicer the better obvi)
• Bike Paths
• The Car Wash
• Dog Parks (at least you know the men can handle the responsibility of nurturing and interacting with living things.... and are used to dealing with some crap)
• The Gym
• The Bank (only the main branch of one of the most exclusive banks, as approved by Forbes)
• Delicatessens in Wealthy Neighborhoods (Janice is obsessed with Jewish men, more on that in a second)
• The Golf Course on Weekdays (only two types of men can golf on weekdays - rich men and retired men, who are often rich men too. And according to Janice, one of the three requirements of a perfect man is a flexible schedule [the other two being slim hips and a trust fund])
• Car Dealerships (of course, luxury car dealerships. This is Janice Dickinson we're learning from)

Jewish Men are God's Gift.

They make the absolute best husbands -- because they're loyal and because they have the largest units. Jewish men are used to women running things. [They] are also used to women taking charge of the household finances, so you'll control the purse strings -- which are always strings I want to control. They're also less likely to divorce you. They would rather put up with more of your crap than give you the keys to the second BMW and the vacation house in Boca.

All in all, I think Janice might be slightly out of her mind, a little too stereotypical, and overly impressed by a huge bank account... but her book is fun to read and there's no reason why an avid Dating Diva like myself can't try out a few of her theories.