Stuttering, Sushi, and Seduction... thanks Maki Monday!

Ah, Maki Monday. How I love thee.

My roommates and I went for dinner and drinks. We settled on a bottle of white wine and some rolls and edamame. When our waiter came to take our order, we found that he was A. 19 at the oldest and B. so painfully awkward that we had a hard time making eye contact with him. We ordered the wine and he came back to tell us that they were out of it. But then went on to explain that he doesn't know what it is, because his mom doesn't allow him to drink and he has never had alcohol before. And then smiled uncomfortably as we held in laughter and decided on a different wine.

We had to assume that customers don't often order bottles, as the manager was brought out to proudly present our bottle to us, uncork it dramatically, and pour us all what we thought was the initial taste, but what turned out to be what he considered a glass of wine.

As the evening went on, things became more and more awkward and funny, as Kevin (our waiter, and yes we absolutely used his name at every available opportunity) brought us our sushi and rambled on nervously every time we spoke to him. By the time the bottle was empty I had decided to wink at him every time we made eye contact, which as you can imagine caused a few close calls between him and the wall near our booth.

As we sat and chatted, the booth behind us emptied and a group of 3 walked by our table; namely a very attractive strawberry blonde studmuffin (you know how I love those redheads.... woo wee) who I smiled at seductively as he passed (and I'm really starting to think I've got that look down) and who turned around to look at me about 8 times before he left the place .

Within three minutes, Kevin reappeared with a scrap of paper, and explained that although this was not "regular protocol," the "gentleman" (let's call him Brett) who had been seated behind our table had called the restaurant and asked him to give me (the girl in the green top) his phone number, and that he wanted to buy us another bottle of what we were drinking. Kevin, in his regular fashion, rambled on about how this was not normal, and (I'm assuming he wasn't supposed to tell us this part) how the guy had asked him to call him back if we accepted and to tell him about our reaction. I told him to let him know we appreciated it, and (obviously) accepted another bottle of (totally unnecessary) wine. I told them I was going to text him to thank him, and my roommates told me that was SO lame, which Kevin lamented. ("Even I know that's lame." Thanks, Kev.) But of course, I did it anyway. By this point the entire center was closed, as well as Maki Maki, though they graciously sat around and waited for us to finish our second bottle. I got a text back from Brett asking what we were doing and that he was still around and wanted to meet up. At 11:30pm in an empty outdoor mall? Creepy. No thanks. (I suggested Wednesday night. We'll see.)

We wrote back and forth a couple times, and he added me on Facebook. So the good news first: he's actually cuter than I had thought originally, and 23 as well. The bad news is that he's "very conservative," lives in San Diego, and is in the military.

Guess nobody's perfect.

A Potential Hat Trick

What a day it has been!

There was a chance for three dates in one day, but ay.... it didn't happen.

Date #1 is an exceptionally attractive mama's boy about 20 minutes north of where I live, who found me on OKCupid and has been bugging me to hang out since before New Years (what.... over three weeks?), so I finally agreed on lunch for today, like three days ago.

Date #2 is a grad student who already has one masters degree and has completed law school (some people, I think, just can't imagine being anything but students) who has also found me on OKCupid and has also been bugging me to hang out. He asked yesterday, and we agreed on this afternoon after he finishes teaching his section.

But alas! I double booked myself. That's ok. The lean, mean, dating machine (aka the Girl in the Mirror) can handle these situations with grace. Not to worry!

So the backstory is that I went out last night with a friend from work, and wasn't even planning on waking up this morning (who really cares if I sleep 'til 1pm on my day off?) until I got a text from #1, at 10:30am, asking, "are we still on for lunch at 11:30?" "I just woke up," I answered, "Can we make it more like 12:30?"

I jumped out of bed and threw on clothes and makeup and cute hair and rushed over to where he works, which turns out to be about 35 minutes away from my house. I arrived at our date spot (Hot and Spicy Thai... if only that meant any date being held there would be the same) and he got there a few minutes after me. He was, as I had already thought, exceptionally attractive. And totally (one of) my type(s): pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes, freckles, brown hair, stylish haircut, cute clothes. He wasn't extraordinarily tall, but it would suffice. But... as I had already thought, he was extremely socially awkward. Not that he knows this... he's more than talkative, but speaks as though he is trying to impress a Harvard english professor with his immense vocabulary, which becomes a little tiring. He asked me a lot of questions, but the way he asked all of them ("If you could sum up the whole of your being, all 23 overwhelmingly provocative years of triumph and tragedy, how would you describe your soul, your very being, in one word?".... OK, really? Who says that) was just a bit off-putting, and I had to skip some of them. It was hard to ignore his obviously blessed features, but he didn't make it too hard. We finished lunch and the bill arrived, which he insisted on paying ("He brought the wallet, you brought the girl. Fair trade." Thanks, Janice, I almost forgot) which was sweet, and we left because he had to get back to work. Within 10 minutes, he was texting me, "When do I get to see you again?? Did you have as amazing of a time as I did?"

But I was off to Date #2. Have you ever heard of a euphonium? Me neither. Originally, when completing his 4-year degree, he was a classical music major, with an emphasis in euphonium-playing... whatever that is. He calls himself a "euphoniac." And no, I'm not kidding. So he had wanted to hang out this afternoon, but I guess I'd already made lunch plans that I'd quickly forgotten about, so I told him it'd have to be after that. I texted him on my way home and he was trying to come up with something fun to do. I turned down hiking (too rainy outside, and I'm dressed cute) and miniature golf (it'll be soggy from all the bad weather) and we agreed on coffee. He looked up the midway point between his house and my house and gave me the location we would meet at, and said he'd see me there at 5.

I had an hour, which I used to check email and freshen up a bit. I was off around 4:55, and texted him to let him know I was on my way and running a few minutes late, but no response. I arrived at Starbucks and texted him, "Are you here yet?" No response. I walked in and bought myself a soy peppermint white chocolate latte (if you haven't tried it, you must) from the three remarkably cute guys working behind the counter, and took a seat at the corner table, so I could see both entrances, all the tables, and the cute boys behind the counter; all at the same time. Perfect!

I sat, and texted him, "hmm... where are you?" with no response. That's ok... to be honest, I really didn't think he was all that cute, and unless he totally wowed me with an incredible personality, he really wasn't even an option... but he really wanted to hang, and I think everyone deserves a fair chance. So anyway, I sat there, texting some friends and trying desperately to take my wandering eyes away from the boys behind the counter (BBTC), one of which looked like the long lost redheaded twin of the Ex.... and if you know how I feel about redheads, you know that's totally unfair. (I have quite a weakness.)

I ended up staying a long while; no sign of #2 (aka the Euphoniac) but I actually had a very nice time making eyes at the boy I specifically had my eye on. At one point, a totally crazed schitzo bag lady entered the store, and inches from my table, started babbling obscenities 'til Hottie McFirecrotch jumped up and rushed to my rescue, very sternly escorting her back out. He's cute AND brave.... what a sexy combination!

After my coffee was gone and an hour had gone by, I drove home, to find the Eupho online. "Hmm." I said. He replied (and I still can't believe he's actually a grown, adult aged human being):

I'm a terrible guy. I was really only meeting up with you because I wanted to have sex with you, and I realized I just couldn't do that, so I knew I couldn't go and put you through that. I'm very sorry.

Now... granted I ended up having possibly a much better time without him showing up, but isn't that something he probably could have told me before I left my house to meet up with him? Whatever. I replied:

You're pathetic. Have a nice evening.

And then an instant blockage from my AIM account.

So moving on, #1 had been consistently texting me pretty much since the time I drove away from Hot and Spicy Thai, asking when he could see me again and telling me how beautiful he thinks my eyes are. I toyed with the idea of hanging out again; meanwhile my roommates came home, poured me a cocktail, and told me we were going out tonight. I'm really not one to turn down a socially invigorating situation, so duh. I'm up for it.

Apparently I wasn't responding to #1's texts/IMs frequently enough, so he calls me. We talk for a few minutes, and I tell him I have to get ready to go out. He argues, "no you don't." "No, but really I do though." "No, you really don't." This continues literally for 2 minutes while I am simultaneously thanking the heavens I didn't have him pick me up at my house (obvious stalker potential) and I finally threaten to hang up on him if he doesn't say goodbye, which he does.

I rush upstairs and change clothes, go out with my roommates, and really don't meet anyone worth my time or attention, but talk to a few boys who seem to think I'm worthy of theirs.

Had Date #2 not bailed, I'm pretty sure today could have fallen under the category of Hat Trick, and although I'm glad I never met him, that would have been pretty fucking awesome to have three dates in one day. No?

Now I'm off to bed to sleep off the drunkness... before work tomorrow. Ay yay yay!