Queen of the Crazies (and the beginning of The Ex), Part 1

As promised, a frightening little look down memory lane.

Put simply, I met The Ex 4 years ago through mutual friends. But more specifically, my friend and I had been at a concert, and had very briefly chatted with this seemingly-nice-enough girl who he recognized from Myspace. A week later, when we were out and about partying it up for Halloween, she texted my friend and turned out to be a block away. When we met up with her she was with a group of 8 or 9 people, and one of them was The Ex. I was instantly attracted to him, and after spending all night with them, I had a full blown crush.

Though he was extremely shy, this girl was quite the opposite, and spent the night loudly slurring obscenities, talking to strangers, smoking like a chimney, and being generally sloppy-drunk. Eventually she had to use the restroom. We walked into a house party and they pointed us in the right direction, though there was someone using it. We all waited with her outside the door, when she started yelling to the occupant. "Hurry the fuck up! Pregnant girl out here has to pee!" Of course I was initially shocked (pregnant? after the 1/2 a bottle of rum and the 2 packs of cigarettes? and who would sleep with you anyway? [sidenote: this girl is what some would refer to as an 12-pack on her best night... just being honest]) but when everyone laughed awkwardly I figured it must be a joke and forgot about it.

Sometime during the next week, I found The Ex on Myspace and we started messaging each other back and forth. He asked me if I would be at a mutual friend's concert that weekend in LA (which was halfway between each of us, since we lived a couple hours from each other), which I very quickly affirmed. I was late to the concert and ended up missing the whole show, but my real motivation was to see him, so it didn't matter to me. She was there too (along with all the people from Halloween), and was super friendly to me (and had also added me on Myspace I believe at this point). We all headed over to Toi Thai and I made a point of sitting next to him. We laughed and talked and flirted through the whole meal, and everyone was having a great time.... except for her. Who I will now be referring to as Crazimort, which I'll explain in a sec. She spent the whole meal either A. with her face buried in her folded arms, sobbing on the table; B. checking her temperature with the back of her hand; or C. dramatically getting up and going outside for air. The thing that was really striking was the fact that out of a whole table of her friends, not one asked her what was wrong or paid any attention to her obvious plea for attention.

When we walked out she insisted that The Ex be the one to drive her back to where everyone lived, and all of a sudden seemed to be feeling loads better. She apologized very sweetly to me for her behavior, and explained that she felt like she might be bleeding internally. (Wtf?? Right?) I told her I hoped she felt better and the three of us walked to our cars which were right next to each other. With a big smile, The Ex said his cute goodbyes and gave me a big hug, while Crazimort sat and pouted in his passenger seat.

The next morning, I had a Myspace message from her apologizing again for the way she had been acting at dinner, and telling me how she was so upset she'd wasted that time she could have been hanging out with me (because... all of a sudden we were really good friends? I wasn't aware). She said she was having a very rough time, what with the pregnancy and lots of "other things" going on in her life. She hoped I understood. I told her I did, and didn't comment on anything. She was starting to weird me out.

A few days later, I emailed The Ex and said the following (I never said I wasn't ballsy):

Hi :)
I had a great time last night.
I totally have a crush on you,
but I would never ever tell you.
<3 B

He wrote back and said something about how he thought I was really cute and it was too bad we lived so far apart. We exchanged a ton of messages and eventually moved to Instant Messenger, where we ended up talking until 4am and realized we were very much into each other. We figured out the soonest possible time that we could hang out and excitedly set a date for our first date. We left each other cute Myspace comments (yes, I know, it's totally nerdy, but I was 19 years old so cut me some slack) about how we couldn't wait to see each other and were both completely giddy about the whole thing.

.... And woke up the next morning to 16 missed calls, and one voicemail, from her number.

Dun dun dun.... To be continued. :)

Curiosity Killed The Cat

As I was saying in my last post, I've been talking lately with Mason Stanley and we were making plans to hang out. We both wanted to go on a "real date," as in... "pick you up at 8, go to dinner and the movies" kind of thing, but it was going to be awhile before we both had a completely free night to do that, and my (our?) impatience got the best of us.

I also started to wonder if maybe I already knew him, since after chatting for a bit we'd realized we hang out at all the same places, on the same nights. It seemed more likely that we would have met before, or at least had some friends in common.

So he had plans to go out with his friends, and he asked me to come and meet up with them at an entertainment complex nearby our neighborhood. I was hanging out with my roommate and her boyfriend so I didn't leave right away. I had to be up early so I told him I would come, but only for a little while.

When I got there at about 11:30, I called him to tell him I was outside of the bar he was hanging out at. He said he was too, but there was no one around. I thought maybe he was messing with me, since from inside the bar he'd be able to see where I was standing, but then I figured out he was standing at the other entrance and started walking over. I saw him standing outside talking to me on his phone, and as I got closer I saw that he was really cute; a few inches taller than me, with the same piercing I have, and definitely my type.

I walked up and said, "Hi!" He looked back at me and said, "Hi, wow, you're cute! I had no idea what you were going to look like." I said, "I know, that was the point! What's your name?" We introduced ourselves and started walking towards the bar where his friends had moved to. We went over the basics; where we're from, what we do for a living, etc. He kept looking at me funny which was charming. I could tell he was drunk, but he was at least holding himself together pretty well.

We got to the bar and we ran into a few of his friends, all girls. He didn't introduce me at first and I wondered if he'd told anyone about me or how he knew me. After they stopped talking I introduced myself and felt a little uncomfortable. I know how female friends can be sometimes and I wasn't sure who they thought I was in the first place.

We went and sat at the bar and ordered some drinks. I payed (I know Simon, aren't you shocked??) since he had insisted that I was the one that had initiated the 'date.' We chatted, mostly about the things we were into, places we hang out, our families, our backgrounds, and how we study and research body language (and all areas in which we had lots in common), and every couple of minutes one of his guy friends would come up and talk to us and ask me a bunch of questions. They were really funny guys! I can definitely see why he's friends with them.

After awhile all of his friends kept coming up and asking us to come down to the pool table they had, but we weren't going (we had a lot of getting to know each other to do!). Eventually they all (~8-10 of them?) pulled up stools and started asking all these questions; who was I? how did we meet? how long have we known each other? was I coming back to his house with them after?

I talked with them a lot, maybe even more than I got to talk with him. They were super cool, and I ended up hitting it off with the girls too, who I think ended up liking me a lot. I knew it was a big deal for him to bring me out with his friends, since he always mentions that in his blog; if there's a girl he thinks he might like, he always wants to see what his friends are going to think. By the time they were going to get going, they were trying to talk me into coming back to his house with them to hang out, but I had to be up super early and kept trying to tell them I couldn't go. At least it's a good sign that they really wanted me to come, right?

So they called a cab big enough to carry them all to his house, and he said he was going to walk me to my car. We started walking and he found a table and chairs and wanted to sit and chat. I reminded him that the cab would be here soon and that his friends might leave without him, and they called him to tell him the cab was there and they were leaving, but he wanted to keep talking, so I told him I'd drop him off since he lives so close. He seemed like a really sweet guy, and kept telling me how he thought I was so adorable. We talked for a little while longer and walked to my car, where he gave me one of his "business" cards.... or put more simply, a card with his last name (what he goes by) and his phone number, and a girl has to wonder if he hands these out a lot? Albeit smooth, but kind of a bad sign.

So we drove back to his house, and I was going to drop him off outside, but he insisted that I come in and see the cat that he had thought all along was a girl, but just found out was a boy when he went to get it fixed. I walked in and all of his friends seemed excited I was there, and I stayed and talked for a few minutes, but really did have to go. He walked me out to my car and gave me a hug, where he told me again I was adorable and wanted to hang out again.

When I got home, he texted me and said he wants to hang out for real soon, when I'm not "Cinderella with a curfew." Good one! I called him Prince Charming and asked when he was taking me out on a date. He asked me the next day if he'd embarrassed himself, which he didn't. I am looking forward to hanging out with him when he's sober though.

We've texted each other over the past few days but have yet to make a solid plan, since we both have busy schedules. Hopefully we will soon.

And you know I'll fill you in on all the details. :)

Who's up for a little adventure?

So if you've been paying any attention at all, you know that I'm sort of ballsy.

Some of you may be familiar with Mason Stanley, a blogger who writes an advice-type blog and also a blog about his personal experiences in dating, which is a lot like A Date In The Life... A boy after my own heart, right? I know of him because he's commented on some of his postings, and put me in his blogroll.

The other day he emailed me a question about a post he was writing, and after a few emails were exchanged I asked, just out of curiosity, whereabouts he lives. It could have been anywhere in the United States, so you can imagine I was a little surprised when I found that he lives less than 5 minutes from me. What are the chances, right?

It seemed all too appropriate to go on a date, so that we could each write about our perspectives from the guy and the girl standpoint. Right? All for the sake of our readers, of course. (Insert winking face.... haha)

We decided, just for the sake of adventure, to go on a legit blind date; no exchange of pictures, no myspace/facebook... not even real names, since we both have aliases. So as of now, all we know about each other is that we are both 23, we live in the same place, and that we hang out at all of the same bars. (Again, weird, right?) It's almost hard to believe that we haven't met already. (Sidenote: Arrgh... what if we have??)

I'm not sure if I'm going to be meeting up with him and his friends tonight (out of sheer impatience for waiting around to find out who this guy is), or if we're going to go on a "real date" at some point in the near future, but I can assure you that either way, you'll be the first to know all about it.

Wish me luck!



And on that note, isn't it funny that today's Single-ish blog post on Glamour.com is about the author, Ryan, and a friend of another blogger, being set up on a blind date through a blog? And how the girl is going to write a post afterwards on her perspective of it? Hmm.

The Top 5 Best Ways to Ruin A First Date: Girl Edition

We've all been on a bad date or two. For some of us, hundreds. Now you can either sit there at dinner making awkward conversation and swirling your spaghetti around your fork while he stares at your rack, or you can take a stand and make sure this guy won't ever want to take you out again. And all without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings!
Plus.... it sure does spice things up a bit.


5. Leave the ringer on your phone up to full volume, and make sure not to miss any phone calls. After a few minutes of chatting, explain that you're running errands with your mom. When you hang up, don't explain to your date who it was that you were talking to. Bonus points: send as many text messages as possible, giggling every time you get a response.

4.Get sloppy drunk. (No, slurring isn't good enough. You better be falling off that bar stool.) Bonus points: throw up in his car.

3. Take a time-out to return a phone call from your mom (or, bonus points: your grandma). When she asks what you're doing, giddily divulge the fact that you're out on a date with "that boy I told you about.... you know the one.... yeah yeah, THAT one. I know! I am too!" Tell her every detail of what the two of you have done so far (including how much things cost and who paid for them), how amazing he is, and how you can't wait for her to meet him. Super extra bonus points: Insist that she doesn't have to worry if you'll sleep together on the first date because Aunt Flo is in town tonight.

2. When out for drinks, insist that he doesn't need to buy you one; you've got it covered. While he sits alone at your table, get up and start approaching groups of drunk guys flirtily 'til they buy you drinks. Bring him back his appletini with a smile and a wink. Bonus points: cheer on the wrong side when the guys that bought you the drinks try to pick a fight with the guy thats drinking them.

And the number one best way to never have to see a dating dud again, without the guilt of hurting his feelings, is....

1. When shopping, casually suggest that the two of you pop into a jewelry store. Become fascinated by an engagement ring (preferrably the most excessive one you can find) and stare at it long enough for a sales person to take it out of the case for you. Proceed to try it on, "just to see." Make sure he sees it, because this is the "exact style I want."



How to lose a guy in 10 days? How bout losing him in 10 minutes?

Waitlisted

Maybe something I should consider starting.

Let me explain. When I was seeing Erwin, I had changed my status on my Facebook profile to say I was "In A Relationship." Due to the Live Feed Facebook started some months back, pretty much everyone I know was alerted to this fact. This includes many a boy I have gone on dates with recently. I have too much pride to change it just yet.

I don't write about each and every date, by virtue of a majority of them not being blog-worthy at all. For example, Steven, who I went out for drinks with the night before I went to Disneyland for my first date with Erwin. He's a 25 year old law school student who I met on OKCupid, who's good looking and super sweet, but missing some key ingredients. He showed up dressed like it was laundry day (alright when we've been dating for awhile, but on a first date I would have assumed he would want to make the best first impression), spent a majority of the date talking about his ex and how broke he was, and as we ordered our first beers, he announced that he would pay for the first ones, but that I would be paying for the second ones. Now I'm not saying boys need to shell out more money than they have, but if he doesn't have the money to pay for two rounds of beers.... let's just order one. (Boys, please. Don't ever TELL a girl on a first date - that YOU invited her on - that she's going to have to pay for the next round. Bad manners.)

Anyway, in my opinion, it was a nice time but nothing to write home about. In his opinion, though, we had a ton in common, amazing chemistry, and he really wanted to see me again. After a few weeks of text messages from him, I didn't hear from him anymore, until tonight.

Steven (10:01:17 PM): hey you. how is it going w/ your bf?

Me (10:01:47 PM): i'm guessing you got that from facebook?

Steven (10:02:12 PM): yeah

Steven (10:04:02 PM): can i just ask why you kind of didn't consider me for a 2nd date?

Steven(10:04:07 PM): i guess i misread something

Steven (10:04:12 PM): but i enjoyed chilling w/ ya

Steven (10:04:19 PM): i am not second guessing you or anything

Steven(10:04:24 PM): just curious if i did something wrong

Steven (10:04:27 PM): just for future reference

Me (10:04:29 PM): it isn't that i didnt consider hanging out with you again

Steven (10:04:36 PM): on a date level though?

Me (10:05:00 PM): i had thought i was going to go out with you again probably

Steven (10:05:09 PM): ?

Me (10:05:34 PM): you're a nice guy, we had a good time

Steven (10:05:44 PM): but i guess i lost my shot

Steven (10:05:56 PM): it just seemed like i asked you to hang a few times afterwards

Steven (10:06:06 PM): and you said you were busy and all

Me (10:06:12 PM): i was busy

Steven (10:06:20 PM): and you never really got around to letting me know

Me (10:06:28 PM): what it comes down to is that the thing thats most important is chemistry

Steven (10:06:28 PM): but i you dated another guy

Steven (10:06:33 PM): so i was a little confused

Steven (10:06:39 PM): i thought we had a lot of chemistry

Steven (10:06:47 PM): but i guess you didn't think so?

Me (10:07:00 PM): i thought we got along really well

Me (10:07:11 PM): but i think thats different than chemistry

Steven (10:07:18 PM): hmm

Steven (10:07:33 PM): well, whatever the reason, i am happy for you and the guy

Steven (10:07:39 PM): let me know if things change

Steven (10:07:43 PM): put me on the waiting list

Me (10:07:43 PM): aww

Steven (10:07:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:07:51 PM): thats flattering

Me (10:07:53 PM): well thank you

Steven (10:07:59 PM): sure

Steven (10:12:02 PM): so where did you meet?

Me (10:12:09 PM): haha

Me (10:12:11 PM): taco tuesday

Steven (10:12:20 PM): how did you meet him though?

Steven (10:12:25 PM): did he come up to you and start talking?

Me (10:12:31 PM): yeah

Steven (10:12:37 PM): wow

Steven (10:12:45 PM): that is gutsy

Steven (10:12:50 PM): gotta give him props for that. what did he say??

Me (10:12:55 PM): he sat down and said "before you say anything, you have to give me a chance, not like all the other guys that you've been blowing off all night, I've been watching."

Steven (10:12:56 PM): i have never talked to a random girl soberly

Me (10:13:01 PM): yeah he's gutsy

Steven (10:13:08 PM): other guys had tried to flirt w/ you?

Me (10:13:20 PM): ya and apparently he had been watching the whole time

Steven (10:13:34 PM): coolio

Steven (10:13:41 PM): does he have a facebook or myspace?

Steven (10:13:43 PM): i wanna see

Steven (10:13:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:13:50 PM): nope he doesnt have anything

Me (10:13:53 PM): why do you want to see? weirdo

Steven (10:14:57 PM): hehe, just curious

Steven (10:15:04 PM): it's the curious cat in me

Steven (10:17:26 PM): i am out, laterz homeslice, have a good night, don't forget to put me on the list!

Me (10:17:33 PM): thanks dude, have a good one

He's not a bad guy. In fact, he's a nice guy, with what seems like a good heart and a decent amount of intelligence. What he doesn't have is the social know-how to woo a girl during a first impression, which is key to getting 'em hooked. I spent the whole evening with him wishing there was someway to broach the subject, and help him out. With a few good pieces of wisdom and a little polishing, Steven could easily be a total catch for a great girl.

As much dating as I've done, and as many bad dates and poor first impressions I've had (if you don't believe me, go ahead and compare the amount of "first date" tags to "second date" tags.... I dare you), I think I'm kind of an expert on the subject of Do's and Absolutely-Do-Not's on a first date.

So I ask you...
What better career for me than date-coaching for the desperate and down-trodden?

I'm seriously considering it. The details would need to be ironed out and all... but I welcome comments on the subject. Let's hear 'em!

Would you consider hiring a dating coach?

Stuttering, Sushi, and Seduction... thanks Maki Monday!

Ah, Maki Monday. How I love thee.

My roommates and I went for dinner and drinks. We settled on a bottle of white wine and some rolls and edamame. When our waiter came to take our order, we found that he was A. 19 at the oldest and B. so painfully awkward that we had a hard time making eye contact with him. We ordered the wine and he came back to tell us that they were out of it. But then went on to explain that he doesn't know what it is, because his mom doesn't allow him to drink and he has never had alcohol before. And then smiled uncomfortably as we held in laughter and decided on a different wine.

We had to assume that customers don't often order bottles, as the manager was brought out to proudly present our bottle to us, uncork it dramatically, and pour us all what we thought was the initial taste, but what turned out to be what he considered a glass of wine.

As the evening went on, things became more and more awkward and funny, as Kevin (our waiter, and yes we absolutely used his name at every available opportunity) brought us our sushi and rambled on nervously every time we spoke to him. By the time the bottle was empty I had decided to wink at him every time we made eye contact, which as you can imagine caused a few close calls between him and the wall near our booth.

As we sat and chatted, the booth behind us emptied and a group of 3 walked by our table; namely a very attractive strawberry blonde studmuffin (you know how I love those redheads.... woo wee) who I smiled at seductively as he passed (and I'm really starting to think I've got that look down) and who turned around to look at me about 8 times before he left the place .

Within three minutes, Kevin reappeared with a scrap of paper, and explained that although this was not "regular protocol," the "gentleman" (let's call him Brett) who had been seated behind our table had called the restaurant and asked him to give me (the girl in the green top) his phone number, and that he wanted to buy us another bottle of what we were drinking. Kevin, in his regular fashion, rambled on about how this was not normal, and (I'm assuming he wasn't supposed to tell us this part) how the guy had asked him to call him back if we accepted and to tell him about our reaction. I told him to let him know we appreciated it, and (obviously) accepted another bottle of (totally unnecessary) wine. I told them I was going to text him to thank him, and my roommates told me that was SO lame, which Kevin lamented. ("Even I know that's lame." Thanks, Kev.) But of course, I did it anyway. By this point the entire center was closed, as well as Maki Maki, though they graciously sat around and waited for us to finish our second bottle. I got a text back from Brett asking what we were doing and that he was still around and wanted to meet up. At 11:30pm in an empty outdoor mall? Creepy. No thanks. (I suggested Wednesday night. We'll see.)

We wrote back and forth a couple times, and he added me on Facebook. So the good news first: he's actually cuter than I had thought originally, and 23 as well. The bad news is that he's "very conservative," lives in San Diego, and is in the military.

Guess nobody's perfect.

It's me! The girl who isn't like every other girl!

Firstly, you absolutely must read this: It's Me! Every girl ever.

Hi there! I saw you looking at me from the other side of the bar. I love your shirt. What made me come over here? You're the hottest guy I've seen all night, and I'm not the type to sit around batting my eyelashes and wait for you to approach me. Awww, I'm glad you're flattered. Your blushing makes you even sexier, did you know that?

It's so refreshing that you know how to maintain eye contact. And even though I'm wearing this tight lowcut v-neck tee! What a sweetheart you are. Where are my friends? They're over in that booth. Yeah, we work together. Who are your friends? Don't worry, I'm only being friendly to make a good impression. If I wanted to flirt with them I wouldn't have come over to talk to you. I'm going to make them laugh a bit. They approve! I can see it by the way you guys look at each other.

It's sweet of you to buy me a drink, I didn't expect you to. Are you up for a tequila shot? If you aren't I'm going to call you a pussy, but all in good fun. It's so hot that you laugh at my sarcastic sense of humor, it shows a lot about a guy who isn't scared away by it. I can tell you think I'm cute by the way you're staring at me. No, not all hot girls have lame stuck-up personalities, but I'm still flattered that you think I'm awesome and smart too. You can't really be that shocked. Really? Oh, well ok. Thank you.

Now that we've exchanged names, I think it's fair to say we're not strangers anymore. I get a lot of satisfaction out of the way your face lights up when I touch your arm. A few more minutes of this and you're going to be totally hooked. Oops! I think you already are. I know, I hear that a lot that I'm not like all the other girls. Well, thank you for the compliment.

Yes, here are my friends. Don't be intimidated. Just like we established, girls can be hot AND awesome, which of course my friends are too. Well, I don't want to ditch them so I'm going to go get another drink on the other side of the bar, and pretend you aren't watching me even though I can see it out of the corner of my eye, and I know you can't help it anyway. You want my number? I'll think about it. Maybe later. Go have fun with your friends!

Ooh, here comes another really cute guy. I hope you don't notice him talking to me. Oh, too late. I see you looking at us from across the room. But what can you do.

Oh hey, it's you again. I'm impressed you lasted 15 minutes over on that other side. Boys are so predictable! Sure, you can have my number if you really want it. Yes, I'll try to answer if you call. Better yet, text me. What do you mean how many days should you wait before you contact me? Oh come on... do I really seem like other girls? Let me put it this way; if you want to hang out, text me tomorrow. Do you like sushi?

No I'm sorry, I'm working late the next few days and then I'll be in LA for the weekend. Oh he, sorry about that, I had to get back to work. What are you doing? Yeah, next Tuesday will work. I know it's driving you nuts that I don't respond to your text messages right away, but that's the whole point. I know deep down you like it.

Aww thanks! You look great too. You're totally still as hot as I remember and I'm not even drinking this time! I'm so glad I chose these jeans, they make my butt look hot. And I know you just noticed it when you were walking behind me, I caught you. How cute that you put on a little too much cologne. It's flattering that you're worried about impressing me. This is our house, yeah that is my roommate. It is nice, huh? I found them on craigslist, can you believe it? What do you feel like? There's an all you can eat sushi place a few miles away. Sounds good to me too!

I like everything, I'm not picky, you can just order for us. Want to share a sake and a Kirin? Do you like unfiltered? So what do you do? I like that you feel important when I listen to what you're saying with interest. I'm glad you like answering questions. It's really charming that you're a little nervous. Oh finally, the drinks are here. Looks like you're starting to loosen up! I can tell that when you ask me something and I answer, you're more interested in watching my lips move. I think you're cute too. Yes, of course I'm glad we got together. Yeah I'm having a really good time! I know you are, I can tell. Thank you so much for dinner.

I'm impressed that you got up the guts to take my hand. Aren't you glad it's cold out so you have a reason to put your arms around me? I wonder how long I can look up at you with this look in my eyes before you get bold and kiss me. Finally.... you're not bad. Little less tongue next time though maybe.

You're right, we do have so much in common. You're pretty cool yourself. I'm glad I met you too. When can you see me again? Hmm... I'm not sure, I'll have to look at my schedule. We'll plan something though. Yes I promise! I'm pretty tired, I have to work early tomorrow. Aww don't look so sad. You'll see me again.

Oh hi, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you the last few days, I've been so busy with work. Yeah, I have plans with my friends for tonight. Yeah I have to work tomorrow too. How about Thursday?

He likes me a LATTE too!

Omg. GREAT news.

So I guess the Foxista wasn't working until today, so when he got to work at 5:30pm and was handed a pink takeout box with his name on it he was a bit surprised.

5:36pm: I get a phone call from a number I don't know, so I don't answer. I get a voicemail from him, telling me how cute the puzzle was and how "stoked" he is, and how he's working and really wants me to come by.

5:40pm: I'm totally surprised and not sure how to respond so I call all my friends to tell them the message word for word and they are all about as excited as I am.

6:10pm: I get a text from him, telling me how stoked he is, and he thanks me again for the puzzle, telling me I made his night. I ask him what time he gets off.

6:20-8:00pm: We write back and forth every few minutes, and he keeps telling me to come by the store. He tells me how awesome that was, and how much he loved it, and that I'm beautiful. (aww)

8:15pm: I walk into Starbucks and his coworker goes to get him from the back. He has a huge smile on his face. He makes me my favorite drink and doesn't charge me for it; his Valentine's present to me. He tells me how good it made him feel again, and how awesome and beautiful I am (I could really get used to that, let me tell ya) and that he was all bummed because he didn't think I was going to come in. I basically blushed hardcore through the entire visit and felt beyond shy, but hopefully it didn't show too bad. Then he said (which I thought was really weird) that he was working the next night so I should come in (doesn't he want to hang out outside of Starbucks maybe?) and I say I'm working too. He asks if he can text me later. Duh.

9:00pm: I ask him what he's doing after work. He says nothing. I ask if he wants to hang out. He says he'd love to and that he misses me already. (For reals?)

So now I sit here, (im)patiently waiting for him to get off of work so we can go get a drink, which I think is totally necessary to make sure I'm not a nervous wreck the whole time.

Ahh!!! Wish me luck!

A Love Affair with CL Missed Connections

If you don't know what missed connections are, check this out.

Basically, picture you're out at dinner with your friends, let's say. You look at a table across the room and see a member of the sex you're attracted to who is totally good looking, stylish, and seems to notice you, too. You want to talk to them, but you're both tied up with friends, and they end up leaving before you have a chance to work up the balls to approach them.

So... you go on Craigslist, and you post a missed connection about where you were, what you look like, what they look like, what time it was, and that you hope they see your ad because you're hopelessly in love with them, or want to jump their bones, or whatever the case is.
That way, you save yourself the humiliation of being rejected in person, and if they happen to see it and want to talk to you, they have the opportunity.

So.... truth be told, I had kind of a fascination with the Craigslist Missed Connections about a year ago. And every time I would see a guy I fancied (which is extremely often) but didn't have the balls to talk to him (which is not too often) or wasn't in a situation where I had the ability to talk to him, I would go on Missed Connections and post an ad. You'd be surprised how many times it worked.

The first time, I was in the drive-thru line for In-n-Out Burger, waiting for a milkshake. When I pulled up to the big window they have so you can watch them cook while you're waiting, I was practically face-to-face with an incredibly handsome Joaquin Pheonix lookalike: perfect, muscular build, black hair, green eyes, and without the awkward lip scar. He was just feet from my car, but we were separated by the glass; it was the only time I have ever enjoyed a long wait in the drive-thru, because nothing could have been more appealing to me at that moment than watching his biceps flex while he pushed potatoes through the fry-slicer machine.

I posted a Missed Connection about him, and two days later got a reply from a female friend of his, telling me that not only was he super hot, but was also an incredibly sweet guy. She showed him the post, and he emailed me right away. We ended up going out one night with some of his friends, all of which were super fun. He was super shy in the beginning but the more he drank, the more he seemed to loosen up. By the end of the night we were giddy and holding hands and flirting, and were both completely bombed, so he ended up staying over. We made out passionately for what seemed like hours, and finally fell asleep. When we woke up, I realized he was naked (which I can assure you did not take place while we were making out) and I was fully clothed. The awkwardness and embarrassment of the fact that he had drunkenly gotten naked in a stranger's bed without intention to proved to be too much for poor Joaquin, who sheepishly got dressed, I drove him home, he gave me a very shy kiss, and we never talked again.

The absolute most amazing MC story was on the 405-South. I was driving south to stay with a friend of mine, when I started to come up on a beautiful, brand new 6-series BMW... didn't even have a license plate yet. The license plate frame was from a law school. I had to see who was driving this thing. Picturing some old, stuffy lawyer, I was shocked to see a very young and VERY good-looking hottie driving it. He looked at me too, smiled, and raced forward. I raced forward too, smiled at him, and sped off. This went on for about 10 miles (and is affectionately known as "flirt-driving") until he exited onto another freeway, waving as he drove off. When I got to my friend's house, I posted a Missed Connection on a whim, in the area of LA that we had been traveling through. I described his car and my car, the situation, where we were, and where he got off. I didn't say the color of our cars though, and said that if he saw it, he should email me and tell me what colors they were.
Early the next morning, I had an email. From him.

You are not going to believe this, but I am the guy from you post. I remember you, as I was checking you out too. My license plate is Santa Clara Law school (I was actually getting home from the office). My BMW is a graphite color (dark grey). You had a lighter colored car if I recall correctly...kind of an orange or rusty type color.

This is crazy, I alway cruise the missed connections sections, but never thought I would be the subject of it. So tell me about you.

Sean

My friend ran in when she heard me screaming about it. I couldn't believe he'd found it! I wrote back.

Wow! I am in shock right now! I never thought that would work but I figured I might as well give it a shot. That is amazing.

Anyway.... you obviously are who I was talking about, you got all the details right. :) My car is a reddish color.... I think they call it salsa red haha. So you work at the law school? Or you're a lawyer? I was planning on going to law school but decided to do hair and makeup instead, big difference, I know.

I was on my way down to Orange County last night from Santa Barbara. I do hair and makeup in a salon right now but when I move I'll be working at the school I went to.

What else? I'm 22, as you probably saw on the ad. I'm from Northern California, in the wine country. Umm... I'm not sure what else to tell you off the top of my head.

What's your story? How old are you?

I seriously can't believe you found my ad, but I'm pretty excited that you did. :)

And then he made himself even better.

No kidding! How random!

Here is my story. I am a lawyer...in Westwood/Brentwood. I am from the Bay Area too....Richmond and Moraga. I really miss it there. I am 28. Since you could only see my head, I am 6'1, 185...very athletic. I live in Marina del Rey ...with my dog Bailey (Beagle). What else would you like to know?

I have never been to Santa Barbara.

Do you have any pics? I tried not to make it obvious that I was checking you out :)

Very nice to meet you :)

Sean

Our email exchange went on for a few weeks. We texted daily, flirted, and couldn't wait to see each other. Unfortunately, by week three his emails started requesting "bikini" pictures, and other toolshed things, which I quickly discouraged and we lost touch.
A few months ago, I was driving through LA and passed the World Savings Bank building on the right side of the 405-south; the building that he works in. I texted him, and we exchanged a few as I drove home. I asked him if he wanted to get together. He said he had a girlfriend now. Oh well.


Anyway... those are a few examples, but definitely not all of them. I still have the urge to post a missed connection every time I see a cute guy that I don't have a chance to charm the pants off of in person. And of course.... always nice to peruse them; you never know when someone is going to write about you!

I like you a LATTE!

Let's play a little catch-up about my new favorite Starbucks barista, aka the cute, tall, shaggy haired, blue eyed one, aka.... the Foxista. (cue sigh)

Ever since the day I got stood up at my new Starbucks and discovered the plethora of hotties working behind the counter, I haven't seen Hottie McFirecrotch again, but I'm ok with that, because he has been totally overshadowed by a very attractive and very flirty coworker of his.

So basically.... I've become a full-fledged regular at this location over the course of the past few weeks because I'm totally crushing on this guy. The funny part (and the part that luckily the Foxista doesn't realize) is that A. there are 25 Starbucks far closer to either my home or where I work and B. I really don't even like Starbucks coffee that much. I'm definitely a Coffee Bean girl. But that is besides the point, because my love of Coffee Bean doesn't compare to my enfatuation right now. Love is all about compromise, so they say, right? Ha.

Over the past 20 or so days, my visits have become increasingly interesting. First he read my name off my cup and promised to remember it. The next time, he shouted it excitedly across the store when I walked in, and winked when I left. Ever since then, he not only greets me excitedly every time I come in, but introduces me to whoever he happens to be working with that night as "B*******, the most awesome girl ever." What would even make him think that (considering our conversations have all been under 5 minutes) I don't know, but I'm not complaining. At one point, while making my drink, he reached in his pocket and withdrew his cell phone which he handed me. I took it, confused. "I got a new phone." I handed it back and realized he probably wanted me to put my number in it. (Am I way off base?)

The last time I was in was two nights ago. He said hello in the usual fashion (shouting my name with a huge smile before I'm fully in the door) and took my order. After he rang me up, he said, "I have to tell you, you look really, really nice tonight." I blushed. The woman behind me in line (possibly a little off, but looked normal) said, "Ya you better tell her that after yelling at her." Obviously, we were both totally confused. She insisted that she had 'witnessed' it, and he explained that the volume of his voice had just been elevated because he was so excited to see me, because (like I said) I'm just "so awesome."

As I walked to the end of the counter where he usually makes my drink and chats with me, I found the woman wasn't done. "What you really mean to say is that you think she's GORGEOUS, isn't it?" He told her, unfortunately, he wasn't able to tell customers they're gorgeous while he was at work. She swung around to me and professed, "See??? He thinks you're gorgeous!!!"

So I stood there feeling sufficiently sheepish while he made my coffee. We chatted a bit, and when he handed me my drink (on which he had written a cute nickname version of my name, along with some happy faces) he said, "it was such a pleasure seeing you tonight. I really hope I get to see you again soon." I told him I was sure he would, and he said "no really... I hope you come back again really soon." I blushed my way through the two splendas I still had to mix in and left.


Now here's the thing. On a normal basis, I am any or all of the following: extroverted, flirty, ballsy, seductive, outgoing, forward, or brave. I'm used to being the one that flirts and winks. For whatever reason, this guy makes me feel totally shy and I never know what to say. I try to flirt back, but since he's so forward, I end up totally embarrassed and I end up playing it cool as though I'm not interested. (Which apparently hasn't really worked against me. So that's good.)

Fast forward to tomorrow: VALENTINE'S DAY.
Every girl wants a Valentine. And me, of all girls, thinks its heresy to not celebrate the holiday of my patron saint. And since Cupid (real cupid, not OKCupid this time) hit me right in the venti cup, I figured it was time to be ballsy.

My crafty impulses got the best of me. I went to Michael's to get Valentine supplies, but the idea I came up with was so much better. I stupidly didn't take a picture of it before I packaged it all up and had my friend drop it off at Starbucks tonight, so I'll have to show you the pieces.

Basically, I took a blank puzzle and I wrote with black sticky letters "I like you a LATTE.... Be my Valentine?" on the front, and wrote "Love, B******* (and my phone number)" on the back of it, and then decorated it with lipstick stickers and hearts and puff paint.

Then I broke it apart and I stuffed the takeout box with the red squiggly shredded paper and the confetti and the puzzle pieces.

So yes, I'm a big craft nerd, but I had some friends over while I was making it, and though they made fun of me for putting so much effort into it for someone I don't even know, they were all totally impressed with the final product.

I called Starbucks yesterday and asked who was working Valentine's night, and he wasn't. So I met up with my friend C today and she dropped it off for him... though I guess he wasn't there tonight either, but the girl working said she'd give it to him, and I took extra care to seal it all up so no one can open it without it being totally obvious its been tampered with.



So..... now comes the hard part. I just have to wait and see if he calls me. I've run through a few different possible scenarios:

• He calls, he loves it, he loves me, and we end up dating. Some day, we tell this story at our wedding reception. (I'm a girl.... we all have these little daydreams, even if I'm the only one that admits it.)
• He calls, says thank you, but that he's seeing someone. Or he's not interested. Or he's gay. I smile through the embarrassment, and get really hammered that night and tell the story to everyone I meet.
• He calls, he's flattered, we go out, and he A. turns out to be a total weirdo or B. we have no chemistry. We go our separate ways, and I never go to that Starbucks again.
  
• He doesn't call.

If he doesn't.... c'est la vie. I can go to one of the other 150 coffee places that are closer to my house anyway.

..... But I'm not going to say I wouldn't be just a little disappointed.

Once, twice, three times a Twitch-er.

Have you ever started to get the feeling that you're on a date with a drug addict?

Wait, let me back up.

I logged into my Facebook account a few days ago to find an email from a guy named Sean who lives nearby. It was very sweet and he had a heck of a charming smile and big brown eyes.

Hey there..... I just stumbled across your profile from my friend _______'s page, I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful. Could I talk you into dinner? Or at least a drink?

Now how can a girl turn that down?

We exchanged a few emails, and I found out that he's a Pre-Med major (sexy), delivers pizzas part time, and is best friends with his sister (Girls: The way a guy gets along with his sister, or mother, or both, is an EXTREMELY important indicator of what his relationships with women in general are like, take note). Totally reminds me of the all-American, sweet boy-next-door type. Hot!

So we made a plan to have dinner, and he let me pick the place. I chose sushi, which he agreed to, a little apprehensively, but insisted he liked it. I met him at his house (much easier to escape when necessary if the guy you're meeting for the first time doesn't pick you up at your own pad.... plus that way he can't turn stalkerface on you later) and initially found him a little shorter than expected, but with a very nice build (which he explained is due to his gym-addiction... I'm not complaining) and SUCH an adorable face - long eyelashes, freckles, perfectly straight white teeth, and a smile that could stop traffic (or me in my tracks, at least, which it did).

We got in his truck and drove off to the restaurant... but something about him seemed a little off. He seemed extremely tense; I wrote it off as nerves.

Upon arriving we found that the place was PACKED, and we put our names in for a place at the sushi bar; not exactly my favorite first date spot but it had to do. We waited around in the front for a few minutes. He gave me a few sweet compliments that seemed heartfelt and I accepted. His shoulder twitched. Was he really that nervous?

Finally our spot was ready and we sat down, only to find that our bar-stool type seats were squeezed into about 3 feet of bar space between two canoodling couples. Comfy!

We started looking at the menu, and he quickly through it aside and said I'd have to order for him, looking totally overwhelmed. As it turns out, he'd had sushi ONCE (where does he live, middle America? [No offense middle Americans... we just eat a lot of sushi out here]) and doesn't know anything about it except that he likes crunchy rolls. This place happened to have three different ones. Oh my!

I decided on a few that I thought wouldn't scare him out the door and ordered us a bottle of my favorite sake, Hakutsuru Sayuri Nigori, which is unfiltered/sweet/oh-so-delicious, but also comes in a pink flowery bottle, which is probably why the sushi chef scoffed a little in the direction of my date when I told him we would be sharing it.

We toasted and started talking... though I felt like I was leading the conversation due to his obvious nervousness. By the time our first roll was placed in front of us he was visibly sweating. He made good eye contact but had an almost panicked look in his eyes. Was I really that intimidating? I like to think I'm pretty friendly.

I dug in and looked over to see that he had never used chopsticks before. He got the hang of it after a short tutorial from me and it was a cute bonding moment... but by this time he was using his napkin to sop up the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. At this point there was no ignoring it on either side. "You're making me sweat!" he told me. I laughed uncomfortably. He excused himself to the bathroom.

After returning a few minutes later, slightly less dewy, he got back to attempting to eat sushi for the second time. But alas - chewing was a whole 'nother story.... there was something about the way he chewed, and actually the way he moved in general, that was just off-putting. There was no flow, no smooth transition between his movements. Every move of a muscle seemed jarring. He seemed jerky, tense... I couldn't put my finger on it. And he seemed so hyped up. He talked really fast but just rambled on and on out of anxiousness.

Oh. My. God.

He's on drugs. He HAS to be on drugs. Did this guy I'm on a first date with seriously just go in the bathroom and do a line?? Or is he on speed?! Oh my god! Unreal.

I sat there, eating, listening to his ramblings, and studying his every jerk, every twitch, every bead of sweat gathering above his brow. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

Hours, it seemed, and a few more sweaty restroom visits later, dinner was over and we walked outside into the refreshingly crisp night air. I shivered a little bit; he slid his hand into mine. Everyone deserves a chance, I say. I let him hold it.

We walked around for a bit, chatting. He seemed slightly more relaxed... but maybe the latest bump was started to wear off. We walked back to the car, and I jumped in, thankful to be on my way. I thought too soon.

There's a great new bar/lounge place that just opened down the road, do you wanna go grab a drink? Or are you in a hurry to get home?

Eh... what's another hour out of my life. He was a really sweet guy, exceptionally intelligent, and definitely good-looking.... maybe he was just going through a tough time. Or maybe, somehow, he really was just incredibly nervous. It's a possibility, I suppose. I had to hope for the best... because other than this apparent drug problem, he's a total catch.

We walked into a beautifully designed, dimly-lit bar full of exceptionally sexy male bartenders and took our seats at the glass bar. A tall one with curly brown hair looked at me, looked at him, looked back and me... gave me a bit of a confused look. I smiled and winked. Maybe I'll come back later with a girl friend? Mental note.

We ordered drinks (mine was on the house.... nice) and chatted a bit more. The bottle of sake and Absolut Pear and tonic started to hit me and the megaflirt in me inched its way out past my better judgement and sense of reason, hand in hand with my ballsy side. Just on the verge of asking him if he does drugs (I just had to know), I settled for something a little less direct. "Tell me a secret," I said.

"Well, I have Tourette's syndrome."

I tried to act genuinely surprised.

"Really? You haven't noticed?" I shook my head. "It tends to get better the older you get, and I never had too severe of a case, but I do have little twitches, like in my face and stuff. Especially when I'm nervous. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

A sense of utter relief washed over me like I'd just seen a negative sign on a home pregnancy test. And then a flashback to the True Life: I Have Tourettes show. Remember that one?


And interestingly enough, once he told me that, the twitches seemed to practically disappear. I guess once he got that off his chest he wasn't as nervous anymore. Fabulous!

We left after a good conversation and another drink, and drove back to his house where my car was. He opened the door for me (and had been all night by the way), helped me out of his car, gave me a warm hug, and kissed me sweetly. We walked to my car, he kissed me again, and told me he can't wait to see me again.

I sang cheerfully the whole way home. Truth be told, I kind of can't wait to see him either! (And hopefully he'll do less sweating next time.)