Stay Classy, World.

If it didn't go without saying, I'm finding it impossible to continue writing this blog.

The truth is, my heart is in a completely different place. I never thought I'd see the day when dating wasn't my first priority, but nowadays its towards the bottom of the list.

I want to sincerely thank you guys for reading this, and taking interest in a stranger's strange life. I'll be keeping this blog open as far as archives are concerned.


For those of you who would like to continue reading, I invite you to read my other blog about my walk in faith and the soul-changing love that only God can provide.

The Old Has Gone

If you have questions or are just looking for someone to walk along side you or listen, you're more than welcome to email me at the address listed on my profile.


Lots of love,
The Girl In The Mirror

Short But Ever So Sweet

I can't make this long as I have GOT to be off to bed, but I just wanted to hand over the link for an interview I did the other day for Kate... uncensored.

Thought you might enjoy it!


As for me, I'm off to dreamland, but I will try*try*try to complete that crazy-ass triology very soon! I promise.

In the words of Paris Hilton..... goodnight, bitches.

queen of the crazies, part 2

As you can imagine, I was shocked and quite frankly, scared.

I immediately text The Ex to tell him and ask him why she would do that and what to do. Here is the background that I was given. (If you hate detail, skip it.)

He met her at a party through some friends sometime in mid-September, and very intoxicatedly listened to her sob stories and made out with her a bit. The week that followed consisted mostly of her following him around everywhere he went, and him not wanting to be an asshole so allowing this to go on (I never said he wasn't a pushover). Eventually he fessed up and told her he didn't feel that way about her.

That evening, as they hung out at one of their friend's houses drinking, she sobbed through self-harming threats and locked herself in the bathroom with a butcher knife she found in the kitchen. With everyone panicking, he finally broke in through the window and found she had been making small, deep cuts in her thigh. Whether or not they were in the shape of his name is still in question.

This behavior continued for a week or so before the whole group of friends unanimously decided she was not ever to be invited to any social function ever again, and she eventually left them alone for the most part, but the suicide-threatening phone calls at 3am didn't cease on his end. He refused to talk to her besides the times she swore she was sitting there with a knife. After awhile, he refused to talk to her, period. So, the phone calls stopped.

'Til one day, a couple weeks later, when he got a phone call from Crazimort (oh! I promised an explanation of her name. All of the girls in his social group were very much into Harry Potter at the time, and after saying 'she who must not be named' every time they referred to her, they came up with something more efficient.) who was sitting outside his front door. Did I mention she lived 45 minutes away? She swore up and down that she was "all better" and holding two bottles of expensive Pinot (I know, never a good excuse, but we learn from our mistakes) pretty much insisted that she come in and "talk."

As I'm sure you have guessed, talking led to drinking, and drinking led to blacking out (worsened by the fact that she hardly drank any at all but poured it very generously for him), drinking led to touching, and touching led to, as he surmised the next morning as he put the pieces together, sex. (If you're not humming Portions For Foxes at this point, something is wrong.) When I say pieces, I mean waking up naked in a bed with a girl (also naked) who's completely obsessed with you, and as you eye the floor frantically for a condom wrapper said girl telling you that you didn't use one, and now she is "worried." And she tells you she'll take a morning after pill. (Boys: If this ever happens, watch her swallow it.)

Five days (I kid you not) go by before she calls him in a panic because she is pregnant. No, really! I had no idea that there were pregnancy tests that could tell you that soon! Ugh. So being a young, naive, terrified 19 year old boy he believes it. As this horror unfolds, he begins to question her, asking if he can go to doctors visits with her or see some paperwork, which she aggressively denies and produces some papers clearly printed off the Planned Parenthood website, respectively.

Which brings us (almost) up to speed, when I met her on Halloween (a month and a half after their first meeting) as she professed her "pregnancy" as loudly as her need for a cigarette. So fast forward to when the Ex and I start talking, and he is telling me this and I'm trying to process it and figure out what to do about the 16 missed calls.

I listen to the voicemail, in which she very sweetly says, "hey it's me! Just calling to say hi. Oh, also I have a question for you. Can you call me back when you get a chance? Thanks!"

So I, fearfully if we're going to be honest here, IMed her instead. She starts unloading her version of reality, fit for a TV movie, where she thought that she and I were destined to become best friends, but now I've betrayed her by liking the guy who has impregnated-and-then-abandoned her, and now we'll never have that chance. Then she's telling me how she's very much in love with him and that he's in love with her too, but he's using me to try to make her jealous; that they have some "issues" to work out but that they're going to be getting back together, no doubt about it. She explains that the pregnancy was on purpose, because they want to start having children together already. Then she transitions into a description of how awful a guy he is and how he's out to lie, cheat and steal (and impregnate, I guess), and how he's plotting to do that to me too. She tells me how needy he is, and that's why she broke up with him. She ends it with a grotesque description of the abortion she's going to get to terminate the fetus he "helped" to create. In short, she goes through every nutcase story in the book, though none of them matched up. Unfalteringly, I let her know that I appreciate her concern but I will figure things out for myself, and proceed to block her screen name. (And also the 5 more she uses to IM me after said blockage.)

He calls me later, and tells me that although he isn't 100% (or even 10%) sure that she was really pregnant, he wanted to do the "right thing" so he met up with her at a coffee shop to give her the $400 it cost for her (fake) abortion that she had supposedly had only minutes prior. He reasoned that at least this way, it was off of his hands and we could be rid of her for good.

Or could we?

Queen of the Crazies (and the beginning of The Ex), Part 1

As promised, a frightening little look down memory lane.

Put simply, I met The Ex 4 years ago through mutual friends. But more specifically, my friend and I had been at a concert, and had very briefly chatted with this seemingly-nice-enough girl who he recognized from Myspace. A week later, when we were out and about partying it up for Halloween, she texted my friend and turned out to be a block away. When we met up with her she was with a group of 8 or 9 people, and one of them was The Ex. I was instantly attracted to him, and after spending all night with them, I had a full blown crush.

Though he was extremely shy, this girl was quite the opposite, and spent the night loudly slurring obscenities, talking to strangers, smoking like a chimney, and being generally sloppy-drunk. Eventually she had to use the restroom. We walked into a house party and they pointed us in the right direction, though there was someone using it. We all waited with her outside the door, when she started yelling to the occupant. "Hurry the fuck up! Pregnant girl out here has to pee!" Of course I was initially shocked (pregnant? after the 1/2 a bottle of rum and the 2 packs of cigarettes? and who would sleep with you anyway? [sidenote: this girl is what some would refer to as an 12-pack on her best night... just being honest]) but when everyone laughed awkwardly I figured it must be a joke and forgot about it.

Sometime during the next week, I found The Ex on Myspace and we started messaging each other back and forth. He asked me if I would be at a mutual friend's concert that weekend in LA (which was halfway between each of us, since we lived a couple hours from each other), which I very quickly affirmed. I was late to the concert and ended up missing the whole show, but my real motivation was to see him, so it didn't matter to me. She was there too (along with all the people from Halloween), and was super friendly to me (and had also added me on Myspace I believe at this point). We all headed over to Toi Thai and I made a point of sitting next to him. We laughed and talked and flirted through the whole meal, and everyone was having a great time.... except for her. Who I will now be referring to as Crazimort, which I'll explain in a sec. She spent the whole meal either A. with her face buried in her folded arms, sobbing on the table; B. checking her temperature with the back of her hand; or C. dramatically getting up and going outside for air. The thing that was really striking was the fact that out of a whole table of her friends, not one asked her what was wrong or paid any attention to her obvious plea for attention.

When we walked out she insisted that The Ex be the one to drive her back to where everyone lived, and all of a sudden seemed to be feeling loads better. She apologized very sweetly to me for her behavior, and explained that she felt like she might be bleeding internally. (Wtf?? Right?) I told her I hoped she felt better and the three of us walked to our cars which were right next to each other. With a big smile, The Ex said his cute goodbyes and gave me a big hug, while Crazimort sat and pouted in his passenger seat.

The next morning, I had a Myspace message from her apologizing again for the way she had been acting at dinner, and telling me how she was so upset she'd wasted that time she could have been hanging out with me (because... all of a sudden we were really good friends? I wasn't aware). She said she was having a very rough time, what with the pregnancy and lots of "other things" going on in her life. She hoped I understood. I told her I did, and didn't comment on anything. She was starting to weird me out.

A few days later, I emailed The Ex and said the following (I never said I wasn't ballsy):

Hi :)
I had a great time last night.
I totally have a crush on you,
but I would never ever tell you.
<3 B

He wrote back and said something about how he thought I was really cute and it was too bad we lived so far apart. We exchanged a ton of messages and eventually moved to Instant Messenger, where we ended up talking until 4am and realized we were very much into each other. We figured out the soonest possible time that we could hang out and excitedly set a date for our first date. We left each other cute Myspace comments (yes, I know, it's totally nerdy, but I was 19 years old so cut me some slack) about how we couldn't wait to see each other and were both completely giddy about the whole thing.

.... And woke up the next morning to 16 missed calls, and one voicemail, from her number.

Dun dun dun.... To be continued. :)

A Lesson in Catastrophe

Sometimes relationships end in total disaster. And I'm not one to stereotype beyond reason, but there are some common mistakes that some of you make in relationships.... particularly girls.

I know, I know... I'm a girl. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like some of our population is giving a whole lot of us a very bad reputation. I'm referring, of course, to the "crazy girl."

You know the one; in the beginning she seems like a cool chick to hang out with. You start to feel a little weird when she starts showing up at your work all the time, but write it off as friendly, until the day you realize she figured out your voicemail password and has been checking your messages. Before you know it, you've got a "crazy girl" on your hands. I think we've all known one of 'em. (More on the "crazy girl" I've encountered later.)

Before I get into details, you'll need the background: On St. Patrick's Day, I went out one time with this guy Coors from OKCupid. It was fun and all, but not noteworthy or second date worthy. Just wasn't really any chemistry. It's important that you note the second comment on that post. (And also the three consecutive, yet different comments on this one.)

The comments were posted over two months after that one unmemorable time we hung out, and I hadn't talked to Coors since. But curiosity got the best of me, and I had to ask what on earth he'd done to this girl to cause so much resentment, so I IMed him. Initially, he wasn't sure who the girl was. He came to the conclusion that it was a girl he'd been seeing and had hung out with a few times, and was (as far as he knew) getting along just fine with her. He told me about the few dates they had in detail (and trust me, I asked every question I could think of), and neither of us could figure out what she was so pissed off about. He said he wasn't going to tell her he'd seen the comments, since he knew she'd laugh it off or have an excuse anyway.

Sure enough, about a week later she sent me an email apologizing for being "dumb" and explaining that she was joking. We exchanged a few emails about what had brought them about, and when she told me that he couldn't "communicate" and she wanted to talk about what they were and if they were in a relationship (eek, after hanging out a few times?) I suggested she just relax and enjoy where it was going instead of over-analyzing it. She wrote back a few emails that I didn't respond to, one of which being something along the lines of, "I hear you keep texting and IMing him, lay off my boyfriend." Funny, since I'd IMed him only that once. I shrugged it off and forgot all about it.

A few months went by, and their messy interaction was the farthest thing from my mind. Then a few weeks ago, as I was checking my email, a G-Chat window appeared from our leading lady. In a complete panic, she begged me to IM him and ask him to talk to her, because apparently they'd gotten in an argument and he had blocked her on Instant Messenger. (Pretty immature, but the guy has the right to talk to, or not talk to, whoever he wants.) I refused of course. I like to think I'm far more reasonable than to get involved in some crazy girl's dilemmas.

She gave me a frantic recap of their fight, and told me how she was so in love with him but he was totally unable to talk about his feelings and communicate with her. So I started asking her what it was about him that she DID like, and she couldn't really pinpoint anything other than the fact that he was the first serious relationship she'd been in for awhile and that she'd slept with him within a week of meeting him. Fabulous. Although I refused to get involved in the chaos between the two of them, I gave her plenty of really tough love. Hey, the girl was talking to me because I write about dating advice. Why not give her what she came here for?

She pleaded with me to talk to him on her behalf, and I finally told her I had to go. I said I'd like to write about the conversation we had, because I think that it's a terrific example of mistakes that girls commonly make, ie coming on WAY WAY too strong.
(Ever heard the soap analogy? The harder you squeeze, the quicker it'll fly right out of your hand.) She panicked and begged me not to.

When I check my email that night, I had the following email from her:
hey go ahead and write the blog..u can even use our names if you would like. he ended up texting me and telling me how hott i was and that he was sorry then i was like ok well can we talk then he says no go fuck yourself. so im done with him and i have a date with another guy tommorow night.


Wow. Really? Thats impressive. So one minute you're obsessively in love with him, then you're calm and want to discuss things, then he tells you to go fuck yourself for no apparent reason at all (totally out of the blue, right?), and now you have a date lined up. How can anyone keep up with that rollercoaster?

Hey girlie,

Just wanted to thank you for taking the time to chat. I ended things with (Coors). I did realize that he was not the guy I wanted to be with.. it was more of the fact that I really liked being with SOMEONE because of the comfort level. It is weird because we ended on a bad note but I am not sad or upset or anything. Maybe just a little bummed which is normal after ANY break up. I actually went out on an amazing date with an amazing guy that i went on a date with about a month ago...so we will see if anything comes from that but I am extremely attracted to him....as for (Coors) ..not so much! Anyways just wanted to fill you in and say thank you!

- Kristen

Wait. You're telling me you're now (less than 24 hours later) totally at peace with the situation, and now you've met a new guy to latch onto? Not only that, but you went on a date with him a month ago (WHILE you were in a relationship that you were desperate to make very serious)? And now you're trying to tell me you weren't attracted to Coors? Unbelievable.

Do you see what I mean? I can't say every girl is like this. I can't even say that every "crazy girl" is like this. But damn, girl. You give meaning to the commonly heard phrase from guys all over the globe; "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

I wouldn't be either!

Footnote: I emailed him a few days ago, when I rejoined OKCupid (after having deleted it upon meeting/falling quickly for Erwin) and saw he was still on there. I asked, "so, meet any new crazies lately?" He wrote back and told me that she had been making up fake screen names pretending to be me, and kept IMing him trying to trick him into talking to her.

No, I'm serious.


Girls: STOP BEING CRAZIES! Jeez la weez. I know its easy to get so upset and hurt over a guy that you feel like you need to talk to him, but please do not resort to psychotic behavior. You are making the rest of us look bad!

Boys: We are not all like this. NOT AT ALL. So get over your fears of "relationships" and start being open to meeting open, honest, and stable women. :) You never know who you're passing up!

I Love PostSecret

Does anyone else follow it?

These two spoke to me.


The first I could have sent,
and the second he could have sent.

There's something very comforting to know that there are strangers all over the country with the same secret thoughts. Have any of you ever mailed in a secret?

As promised.... THE DREAM

I mentioned in my last post (and which Mason Stanley so kindly mentioned in his, as well), I had a dream. It was a few days before our first meeting, so as you know if you've been paying attention, I had no idea what he looked like yet.

I had woken up in the morning for work by the sound of my alarm, but pressed snooze a few times as usual. When I do this (as I'm sure you've experienced too), I don't fall completely back asleep, so I usually have some very lucid dreams that I can remember well once I've woken up again. Generally speaking, I fall back asleep while I'm thinking of something, so the dream is half thought and half imagination.

On this particular morning, I fell mostly asleep and had a dream about a new guy I had met and was dating. The interesting thing about him was A. I could see him very clearly (and at least for me, usually the visuals in dreams are a bit hazy and hard to recall) and B. he wasn't an image of someone I had seen recently, as is usually the case in dreams. More on that in a second.

I had met this new guy and we were seeing each other. We were getting to know each other and having a great time, doing all of these really fun things together. He was smart, funny, and I knew he liked me, though he didn't lay it on super thick, like "oh my gosh, I've never felt this way, etc etc," which I've learned (through some harsh realizations) is not usually to be trusted.

Looks-wise, he was only a couple inches taller than me, light brown hair, cute eyes, a nose with a bump on it, strong chin, average build. Dressed simply/casually, and comfortable in his own skin. The only person I could think of that he kind of looked like is my friend Drew, but it definitely wasn't him. He was really cute, not drop-dead hot but I was really attracted to him.

We were doing all of these great activities; laughing and talking and bonding. But we hadn't kissed yet. Eventually, we were both laying on his bed talking, our faces very close. I thought in my head, "are you ever going to kiss me?" and at that moment he gave me a big smooch. We kissed for a few minutes, not hot and heavy and intense, but sweet, nice kissing. Eventually we stopped because we both realized it was going to inspire more if we didn't. He was very respectful.

It was a great dream, and it was on my mind all day. My first thought was, "oh, that's the one." I had this sense of calm and relief. It felt like I had seen into my future, and it was the guy I would meet and end up with. I even told my co-workers and friends about it. I described what he looked like, and as I said the only person I could think of that he looked like was my friend Drew, but it wasn't; plus, I haven't even seen or talked to him in over 6 months, so its not like the image of him was fresh in my mind.

You can imagine how shocking it was to walk up to Mason Stanley in front of Fox Sports Grill and find that he looked identical to the guy in my dream. And though it didn't occur to me at first, the hanging out a lot and doing all kinds of fun activities was accurate too, along with not having kissed yet until lots of dates into it. And the eventual kiss on his bed that lasted a few minutes and was sweet and not aggressive, of course, was the icing on the cake.

The girls at work thought it was crazy too, considering I'd told them all about the dream, and then they knew I was planning on meeting a fellow blogger... and they ended up being the same guy.


I had thought that the dream was a preview of the guy I was going to fall in love with, as crazy as that sounds. But I don't think it was anything more than a little intuition about a guy I'd be meeting a few days later.

Still..... weird!

DTR, Part 2 (+3+4+5)

I know, I know... I'm such a lagger.


Monday

Mason had gotten back on Sunday, so Monday we decided to have sushi and beers. He picked me up again (and yes, as he said I normally don't like to have a guy pick me up the first time if I don't know him well; never know when he's going to turn out to be a creepfest.... but once I know he's not, I love it when he picks me up), and we went over to the sushi place that has specials on Mondays. We sat at the sushi bar and had a really good conversation. He even remembered that I was getting a new job; impressive.

He told me about this underground society of pick-up artists he's been reading about (a la that show on VH1), and how there are all these message boards stuff, and said he'd show me some of the videos he found. He was talking about how boring work had been, and I asked why he hadn't written his blog about our first date. He insisted that he did, although I'd checked and it said there weren't any new posts. He whipped out his phone and went to his site; and sure enough, there was a new one. Except that he wouldn't let me read it! Imagine this: you're on a second date with a guy, and you've just found out there is a whole story written by him about what it was like to go on a date with you, and you can't see it. Torture!

Finally he let me read it; I thought it was pretty cute. It's funny to read the point of view of someone you've been on a date with... there are details and opinions that normally you wouldn't know if it was just a regular situation. So we finish reading it and we're laughing, and then it occurs to me... he likes me! Every time he looks at me, I'm thinking "you liiiike me," and I'm smiling to myself for the rest of the dinner; he keeps asking me what I'm smiling about. He'd made some comment about being able to read minds, so I told him he should put it to use, but he said he couldn't use it on command. Ha.

We finished dinner (he payed... "since it was happy hour") and ended up going back to hang out at his house (GASP! I know. That breaks every rule in my book. And I told him that too! But I wasn't worried that he might turn into this.) We hung out and talked and he showed me some videos of pick-up artists at work, and a book he loves called The Art of Deception. (Should I start taking these things as a bad sign?) After hanging out for awhile we agreed it was late, and he walked me out, said goodbye, and went inside. Note: Second official date, no kiss. Not a big deal... just saying.


Tuesday

We were texting each other, and I told him about my plans to go to the Taco Tuesday we both frequent. He told me he really wanted to go but wasn't sure if his friends did. This continued, even once I was there already with my friends (all of which, as it occured to me later, I have through Erwin, though he wasn't there.) Eventually he talked one of his friends into going with him, and he came and found my friends and I at our table without his own. (I realized the next day that it could have potentially been an uncomfortable situation to introduce a new guy to a group of my ex's friends, though it didn't seem to be, and I got the impression that they liked him.)

He hung out with us for awhile 'til 4/6 of us had to leave, and my remaining friend and him got up to get drinks. From there, we hung out at the bar, talking to people we ran into that we knew (one of mine was Ryan M, a guy I dated awhile ago, which was super awkward... I'll save that story for another time though) and flirting with each other. He spent a good portion of the evening telling me how adorable I am (reminicent of our first meeting). I'd told him I would give him a ride home, since the friend he came with wouldn't be able to. After awhile we decided to leave and we went to Denny's (he paid again, since I "only got french fries") before going back to his house. On the drive he told me that though he doesn't tell me how cute I am when he's sober, he's still thinking it. I asked him why, since he claims to be very outspoken, and he said that as cocky as he may come off, he's still "scared shitless" to tell a girl he likes her if he doesn't know she likes him.

We hung out for awhile talking on his bed 'til he finally made a move to kiss me. I made a joke about it, but let him, and we made out for awhile. (And yes, he is a good kisser. I know you were going to ask.) It started to trip me out a little bit because it was exactly like my dream*(more on this another time, promise), but it was fun, and eventually he walked me out because we were both exhausted.


Wednesday

I got an email from this PR girl I know who's a big deal in the music industry that said she had two tickets for me for one of my top 3 most favorite bands, Rilo Kiley. The show started at 7 so I only had a few hours to find someone to go with. Initially I thought of Mason Stanley, since we'd been talking about them and he had never heard of them before (which I, of course, promised to change). But realizing that we'd already spent the last two nights together, I reasoned that it was better to figure something else out. I texted a few people and they were busy or out of town. So I texted him and asked him if a round-about way if he'd want to go. He said he did and didn't seem phased by the three consecutive days.

I rushed home after work and he came to my house while I changed, and we left; I drove this time. He made fun of me for listening to the Christian radio station. We talked a lot in the car, or at least he did. I don't know if I was being far less interesting than I normally am, but it seemed like he wasn't as interested in what I had to say as he has been on the first two dates. We got there in perfect timing to park on the hill in $15 stacked parking (I paid), get our tickets from will-call, get some drinks (which he paid for, since he "can write them off on the company card"), find our seats, and have a few minutes before RK came on.

The show was great. It wasn't his favorite kind of music, and he felt really out of his element, but he seemed to have a good time. We wanted to do something after in LA but couldn't think of anything or anyone that would have something going on, so we decided to get food and I picked a Thai place I like called Toi Thai. He'd never had thai food before (oh, the shame) but was up for it. I think he was surprised at how loud the music was and how many people were there at midnight on a Wednesday. Neither of us had much to say and we sat and texted other people (we were those people) until our food got there. It seemed like he liked it. We didn't talk much, maybe out of tiredness, though he made a few future-plan comments about how he wants to take me to one of his concerts next, and how he can't wait 'til I start hanging out with his friends. The bill came and neither of us made a move for it for a few minutes, so I paid it.

We opened our fortune cookies (my favorite thing).

Mine: "An admirer is concealing their affection for you."

His: "A big challenge lies ahead of you."

We laughed about them. They both seemed fitting. He slipped his into his watch, I put mine in my purse. We agreed we like to keep the good ones.

We drove home, both super tired. We talked about shows he gets tickets to that he hasn't seen; namely Wicked, which is one of my favorite musicals and I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT. Yes, I know all the words. I proceeded, both out of feeling comfortable around him and being deliriously tired, to pop in the soundtrack and animatedly sing him the songs. Not sure if this was amusing, annoying, or embarrassing, but either way I thought it was funny.

We got to my house after what seemed like 3 hours and said goodbye with a hug. I had thought he would kiss me... for the first time that night (maybe I'm mistaken, but when you start seeing someone, and after your first kiss, doesn't that normally become part of the equation? Just checking.) but he didn't, and said something about trying to make it awkward. I told him it couldn't have been more awkward than the first time on the doorstep. He told me that he "learned a lot tonight." I figured he was referring to the indie music scene and thai food. We said goodnight and I went in and went to bed.


Thursday

We didn't talk today, aside from a couple text messages after work.


So all in all, I've been having a good time with him. The first few dates seemed to go progressively well, but for some reason the last one gave me the impression we're headed towards friend-territory at a fast clip. I may be wrong, I don't know. I thought we were getting along really well at first, but on Wednesday it seemed like we weren't really getting each other or connecting.

Plus, and please feel free to let me know if I'm way off base, I thought it was weird that we didn't kiss or anything (not hello or goodbye even, no touching, nothing) at all. It didn't even bother me so much, but just makes it seem like it's not moving in that direction. Not sure if it's because it's not there, or if neither of us is bold enough.

Guess we'll see. (Especially after we read his rendition of the story.... if he ever writes it... Ahem.)


On a side note, if you've read any of the posts I've written about who pays, (yep, all 15 of 'em!) you know that this is a very big, important topic to me. And if you've read his blog, you know it's big to him too. I do really appreciate the times he's picked up the check, and I always say thank you. But I find it weird that with every "thank you" comes an explanation of why he's paying it; because what I ordered was cheap, because our bill was half-priced, because he can write it off, etc. It makes me wonder, if those things weren't the case, would I have to pay for it? Am I not worth a full-priced dinner? Just saying.

A Date To Remember

I am so sorry to keep you guys on the edge of your seats all weekend, but a busy schedule superseded writing this post.

So! Down to business. As I said before, Thursday was the "big day," or date, so to speak. I wrote that as I was getting ready, thinking Mason Stanley would be ready around 8. At 7:40 he texted to say he was ready and leaving in a few minutes. Slightly panicked (totally not ready yet, new shirt I was going to wear wrinkled and in the dryer [right], etc), I said to text me when he left; that way I'd be prepared when he got here, right?

So I continue getting ready, phone on vibrate (I'm an idiot sometimes). I hear the doorbell ring, and ask my roommate to get the door; definitely not my plan. She lets him in and I stand in my room, trying to figure out how I'm going to walk downstairs, say hi to him, grab my shirt, and put it on without it being awkward. So I just sort of go for it. Say hi, run back upstairs, put it on, and I'm good to go. (4 minutes my ass!)

We take off to dinner in his car, which apparently is a big deal because he's never usually the one to drive when he goes out with his friends. We get to the restaurant, which is a family-owned type of local Italian place, very cute. We pick a table and order and start talking. We review our conversation from our first meeting, most of which he didn't recall. We talk about our families and friends. One of the waiters comes over and brings us a pink shot that we all take together. We trade our accounts of trying out for Parental Control on MTV (which we were both on), and he convinces me to tell him the "craziest thing I've ever done," which they made me describe on the show, though I'm not sure it made it into the episode. He says, "that's it? Boooring..." So, naturally, I call him out; "I'm sorry that I don't 'sleep with more guys than is safe or reasonable,'" which is a line from his Myspace (sub girls for guys). For a brief moment I think I may have actually embarrassed the unembarrassable (self-professed) but he recovers smoothly and explains that it's a quote from one of his favorite authors; I guess it. "Tucker Max?" The conversation continues, as we figure out we're both fans, and through one of his friends that knows him we should be able to hang out with him soon. (Future plans? Check.)

We eat and drink our beers and take off when we realize the place is closing. I had thought he had come up with a whole plan (my guess was bowling), but once we walked out he didn't know what we should do. One of us suggested the Hookah place a few doors down and we went in to get one. I've been there before and it was pretty cool, but for some reason it just seemed really sketchy and weird, and there weren't any couches left. We looked at each other and decided unanimously to try something else. We hop in the car and he starts driving towards a club a little ways away but second guesses himself. He asks if I want to go bowling, which I did.

He buys two games and assures me that they won't make me wear the rental shoes (ay yay yay). He helps me pick out my ball (since I'm A. very weak and need a very light ball and B. adult size and my fingers don't fit in the child sizes), and after throwing one a security guy walks up and tells me I need shoes, so we go get some and get back to our game. He gave me some good pointers, which helped a few times, but for the most part I.... decided to let him win. Don't want to throw off his male ego, ya know? Ha. We both seem to relax a bit while we're playing, and start being more goofy. He was being flirty, and would find reasons to nudge me or touch my arm every time we passed each other, which was cute.

After the second game we get back in the car and start driving, to nowhere in particular, he says. We end up in Dana Point, and he drives up on a cliff along the ocean. He says he's going to show me a gazebo he likes to hang out at. Again, I call him out; "Oh, is this the move you pull on all the girls?" He says no, and we end up just driving by it. I laugh and we head back in the direction we came from.

We drive by a bar that we both realized we go to a lot, and he suggests we go there, but then says we shouldn't because he knows so many people there. Is he afraid of people seeing him with me? Really? It occurs to him how it sounded and he tries to explain that he doesn't want to be distracted by other people. Good answer.

We end up in the next town by the water and at the same bar but a different location. As we walk in he runs into a pretty blonde girl that he introduces me to immediately, and she's really excited to see him. He tells me they went to prom together after he met her at the restaurant he worked at a week before her prom. We sit at the bar and order some drinks, and I open a tab. We talk for awhile and decide to sit outside and chat after getting another drink.

We sit outside talking, and discuss work and a lot of deeper topics that we hadn't really touched on so far in the evening. Up until that point the conversation was really good but seemed very surface level, and it seemed like we both opened up a little bit at that point. One thing I really like about talking to him is that he makes really good eye contact the whole time and I get the impression that he's listening really intently. We find that we've had a lot of similar experiences and it seems like we're connecting. He tells me he knows the owner of a salon that's really well known and will take me to the next event they have there. (More future plans? Check.)

At this point I'm a little buzzed (I'm a major lightweight, if I haven't mentioned that already) and we decide its time to head back to my house since I have to work the next day. When we get back to my house, he pulls up to the curb, with the engine running. He asks me if I want him to walk me to the door.

If I have a choice between being dropped off on the sidewalk or actually saying a proper goodbye after spending the evening together, which do you think I'm going to choose?

So, I tell him it's up to him, which is obvious girl-language for "there's only one right answer and I hope you choose wisely," which he figures out. As we're walking to the door I start worrying that wanting him to walk me to the door might look like me "wanting him to walk me to the door," a la that scene from Hitch when he explains that the girl stands in front of the door and fumbles with her keys because she's waiting for the guy to kiss her. I can tell you, at least usually after the first date, trying to make that awkward goodbye on the front stoop into a notable first kiss almost never works out the way its supposed to. Plus, (not to steal his thunder, but it's the truth) it's totally forced. Anyway. So we're walking towards my door and I'm really hoping he doesn't think I want him to walk me up there so we can have that awkward first-date kiss in front of the door, and then I'm thinking maybe I should have just gotten out of the car. Ugh.

So we get there, and he gives me a big hug and tells me he had a really good time, which is actually a little surprising coming from him, because he's mostly on the more sarcastic/dry side. I agree and we talk about how we'll hang out again. Then he goes in for another hug, and as I go to hug him back he sort of leans away, and then I sort of lean away 'cause I'm thinking, what is he doing? Is he trying to kiss me? And we look at each other. And then he sort of leans back in for the hug, and I do too, and then we pull away, and now it's super awkward. And then he says, "whoa, were you trying to kiss me?!"

Omg. No. No I wasn't. And now, as though that little half hug situation weren't awkward enough, now we're on my front stoop arguing about who was trying to kiss who. At least we're both laughing. A lot.

So I open my door and go in as he walks to his car, and I blow him a kiss as he gets in, which makes him smile (cheesy or not).

I get in my house and realize I left my leftovers in the backseat of his car, and I'm actually kind of bummed 'cause they were so good, but I don't want to be the girl that texts the guy the second he leaves. It's so much more satisfying if he texts me after instead.

I go upstairs and go to bed, falling asleep pretty quickly. When I wake up for work I see he texted me soon after he left to say he has my leftovers, but all that means is that now I'll have to hang out with him again. Cute! Oh, and a notable text during that day (because who doesn't love the use of totally tacky pick-up lines at the right moment?): After he said he was really tired, I told him I knew why... because he was running through my mind all day! Yep. Super cheesy. But when that's the point, I like to think it's sort of charming.

He was out of town for the weekend, though we were texting every day. He can sometimes be cute, but also sometimes sarcastic, which I'm into. One without the other, or when they're way out of balance, is never a good recipe for flirting, but he's got both. I love to be sarcastic and feisty, and I get the feeling a lot of the time that people don't get it, or that it scares them away, so it's always nice to find someone who can dish it out and take it too.

Anyway.... he got home yesterday, and asked me today if I had plans for tonight, which I didn't. And we went out again! But that's a story that I'll save for tomorrow. :)

Suffice it to say, things went well.

Drum Roll Please...

Tonight is the night!

I ended up getting off of work earlier than I expected to so Mason Stanley and I are going out when he gets done with work. He should be here in like 45 minutes... eek.

He asked me for ideas and I told him I trust him to figure something out.... I don't know why but it seems like he's worried about coming up with a good plan! I feel bad. I'm not hard to impress in terms of activities; as long as there is good conversation and a connection, and he's sweet, I don't care what we do. (And of course, there is a little added pressure, what with having an audience and all. It's gotta be blog worthy!)

Anyway, he said he had come up with a plan, and it sounds like we're going to get dinner and maybe something else after that? We'll see.

And as always.... I'll fill you in on all the details very soon.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

As I was saying in my last post, I've been talking lately with Mason Stanley and we were making plans to hang out. We both wanted to go on a "real date," as in... "pick you up at 8, go to dinner and the movies" kind of thing, but it was going to be awhile before we both had a completely free night to do that, and my (our?) impatience got the best of us.

I also started to wonder if maybe I already knew him, since after chatting for a bit we'd realized we hang out at all the same places, on the same nights. It seemed more likely that we would have met before, or at least had some friends in common.

So he had plans to go out with his friends, and he asked me to come and meet up with them at an entertainment complex nearby our neighborhood. I was hanging out with my roommate and her boyfriend so I didn't leave right away. I had to be up early so I told him I would come, but only for a little while.

When I got there at about 11:30, I called him to tell him I was outside of the bar he was hanging out at. He said he was too, but there was no one around. I thought maybe he was messing with me, since from inside the bar he'd be able to see where I was standing, but then I figured out he was standing at the other entrance and started walking over. I saw him standing outside talking to me on his phone, and as I got closer I saw that he was really cute; a few inches taller than me, with the same piercing I have, and definitely my type.

I walked up and said, "Hi!" He looked back at me and said, "Hi, wow, you're cute! I had no idea what you were going to look like." I said, "I know, that was the point! What's your name?" We introduced ourselves and started walking towards the bar where his friends had moved to. We went over the basics; where we're from, what we do for a living, etc. He kept looking at me funny which was charming. I could tell he was drunk, but he was at least holding himself together pretty well.

We got to the bar and we ran into a few of his friends, all girls. He didn't introduce me at first and I wondered if he'd told anyone about me or how he knew me. After they stopped talking I introduced myself and felt a little uncomfortable. I know how female friends can be sometimes and I wasn't sure who they thought I was in the first place.

We went and sat at the bar and ordered some drinks. I payed (I know Simon, aren't you shocked??) since he had insisted that I was the one that had initiated the 'date.' We chatted, mostly about the things we were into, places we hang out, our families, our backgrounds, and how we study and research body language (and all areas in which we had lots in common), and every couple of minutes one of his guy friends would come up and talk to us and ask me a bunch of questions. They were really funny guys! I can definitely see why he's friends with them.

After awhile all of his friends kept coming up and asking us to come down to the pool table they had, but we weren't going (we had a lot of getting to know each other to do!). Eventually they all (~8-10 of them?) pulled up stools and started asking all these questions; who was I? how did we meet? how long have we known each other? was I coming back to his house with them after?

I talked with them a lot, maybe even more than I got to talk with him. They were super cool, and I ended up hitting it off with the girls too, who I think ended up liking me a lot. I knew it was a big deal for him to bring me out with his friends, since he always mentions that in his blog; if there's a girl he thinks he might like, he always wants to see what his friends are going to think. By the time they were going to get going, they were trying to talk me into coming back to his house with them to hang out, but I had to be up super early and kept trying to tell them I couldn't go. At least it's a good sign that they really wanted me to come, right?

So they called a cab big enough to carry them all to his house, and he said he was going to walk me to my car. We started walking and he found a table and chairs and wanted to sit and chat. I reminded him that the cab would be here soon and that his friends might leave without him, and they called him to tell him the cab was there and they were leaving, but he wanted to keep talking, so I told him I'd drop him off since he lives so close. He seemed like a really sweet guy, and kept telling me how he thought I was so adorable. We talked for a little while longer and walked to my car, where he gave me one of his "business" cards.... or put more simply, a card with his last name (what he goes by) and his phone number, and a girl has to wonder if he hands these out a lot? Albeit smooth, but kind of a bad sign.

So we drove back to his house, and I was going to drop him off outside, but he insisted that I come in and see the cat that he had thought all along was a girl, but just found out was a boy when he went to get it fixed. I walked in and all of his friends seemed excited I was there, and I stayed and talked for a few minutes, but really did have to go. He walked me out to my car and gave me a hug, where he told me again I was adorable and wanted to hang out again.

When I got home, he texted me and said he wants to hang out for real soon, when I'm not "Cinderella with a curfew." Good one! I called him Prince Charming and asked when he was taking me out on a date. He asked me the next day if he'd embarrassed himself, which he didn't. I am looking forward to hanging out with him when he's sober though.

We've texted each other over the past few days but have yet to make a solid plan, since we both have busy schedules. Hopefully we will soon.

And you know I'll fill you in on all the details. :)

Who's up for a little adventure?

So if you've been paying any attention at all, you know that I'm sort of ballsy.

Some of you may be familiar with Mason Stanley, a blogger who writes an advice-type blog and also a blog about his personal experiences in dating, which is a lot like A Date In The Life... A boy after my own heart, right? I know of him because he's commented on some of his postings, and put me in his blogroll.

The other day he emailed me a question about a post he was writing, and after a few emails were exchanged I asked, just out of curiosity, whereabouts he lives. It could have been anywhere in the United States, so you can imagine I was a little surprised when I found that he lives less than 5 minutes from me. What are the chances, right?

It seemed all too appropriate to go on a date, so that we could each write about our perspectives from the guy and the girl standpoint. Right? All for the sake of our readers, of course. (Insert winking face.... haha)

We decided, just for the sake of adventure, to go on a legit blind date; no exchange of pictures, no myspace/facebook... not even real names, since we both have aliases. So as of now, all we know about each other is that we are both 23, we live in the same place, and that we hang out at all of the same bars. (Again, weird, right?) It's almost hard to believe that we haven't met already. (Sidenote: Arrgh... what if we have??)

I'm not sure if I'm going to be meeting up with him and his friends tonight (out of sheer impatience for waiting around to find out who this guy is), or if we're going to go on a "real date" at some point in the near future, but I can assure you that either way, you'll be the first to know all about it.

Wish me luck!



And on that note, isn't it funny that today's Single-ish blog post on Glamour.com is about the author, Ryan, and a friend of another blogger, being set up on a blind date through a blog? And how the girl is going to write a post afterwards on her perspective of it? Hmm.

Diamonds and Devotion

It occured to me this morning as I was getting dressed what month it is. And more importantly, what month in what year it is.

June 2008.

It might not be that significant to you. And I didn't even realize it was significant to me either, 'til something reminded me of The Ex.

Had we done things according to the plans we had made (and talked about constantly), we would have been getting married this month. MARRIED.

I know, right? Wow. It's almost unbelievable to me. Honestly, I can hardly even remember what it was like to be with him, it seems so long ago. I remember similarly, it hit me last June that we would have been getting engaged at that time, but since then I guess I had just put it out of my mind. It really snuck up on me.

But I went off to work (on my day off, mind you) for a class, knowing that at least concentrating on something else would temporarily distract my mind from it.

So there I am, in our back room learning all kinds of new things about our haircolor line, when in walks one of the girls I work with, sporting a brand new sparkling rock on her left ring finger. I tell myself I'm hallucinating and turn my attention back to the lecture.

Another one of the girls I work with (engaged), walks back to mix color and sees the ring, and they start talking excitedly about diamonds and fiances and wedding plans, and now I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded. I focus again on the class.

Another girl I work with walks back (also engaged) and gives her a big congratulatory hug. Now everyone is giggling and hugging. My eyes are stinging with tears and my stomach is imitating the washing machine churning beside me. I don't even notice that 10 minutes has gone by when I realize I haven't heard anything our educator is talking about, but I'm nodding along with the information.

So now, I am one of two un-engaged (or un-married) girls at my work, and the other girl has a serious boyfriend. Literally, I kid you not. There are 6 engaged girls! I am surrounded daily by diamonds and devotion. Where's mine?

And this, of course, all comes fairly soon after a break-up with Erwin; someone who I thought was sort of downright amazing. I wish he hadn't said all the things he said if he didn't mean them.

And on the subject of weddings, remind me to tell you all about my opinion on the Sex And The City movie. Cute movie! TERRIFYING PREMISE.



Note: I'm not upset anymore about not marrying The Ex, as I've realized over the course of the past few years that it's definitely for the best. But I'm starting to feel a little left behind, knowing that that could have been me too.

My Achy-Breaky Heart

I know it's been a long time, you guys. But alcohol has fueled a pretty honest blog post, and I hope you can enjoy it while it lasts.

My heart aches for Erwin. I know it's been awhile, and I should have moved on. I know I've been out with other guys. I know he's only human. But I still haven't been able to get over him.

I know what he did was no dice, but I also know that he was pretty damn incredible and I wonder if I'm going to find another like him.

A girl can dream. Sigh.

Lo Siento

I just wanted to send you all a quick apology for the newly censored comments. I still want you to leave comments and I welcome them. Why moderate, then?

Well, I'm just getting sick of seeing a few super hateful, moronic comments sprinkled in with all the others every time I look at my blog. Enough so to delete them. I'm not hiding anything. I'm saving myself (and maybe some of you) the irritation.

Yep. You're right! I do choose to put my life on the internet to share with anyone who wants to read it, and you're right - that does open myself up to criticism. Criticize away! Please, feel free. But do it in your own blog, k? Quit wasting my time.

Continue to leave them, and I'll approve any comment that is not oozing with hatred and condemnation. :)

Come Here Often?

Interesting ways people have found my blog...

Some of these inquiries make me feel bad, because what they're searching for isn't actually in here. So let's take a second to answer some of your questions, shall we?

1. 6 month anniversary email
• I'd normally start it out with how you felt when you two first met, and end it with how far you've come. Sprinkle in a few good times you've had, and sign it with your pet name. Works every time.
• p.s. Why are you writing her an email for Christ's sakes? Take her out to dinner or something.
  
2. something cute for 6 month anniversary
• How 'bout a nice little weekend getaway to your hometown? Has he met your family yet?
• Or.... the scandalous answer would be a bj in a new piece of lingerie. That one never fails.
• This question depends on what kind of anniversary it is... are you two dating? Have you been married for 6 months? My friend just had her 6 month wedding anniversary and got her husband the game Rock Band. I think it all depends on your level of intimacy/awesomeness.
  
3. what a guy wants in a relationship
• On the surface, it's going to look like he wants guaranteed head and someone to pick him up when he gets too bombed to drive home, but guys are really not as different from girls as we tend to think they are. They want to be loved, taken care of, and appreciated, just like us.
  
• This also depends on where he's at in his life. Does he want a RELATIONSHIP? Or a ....relationship...? Think about it.
  
4. boyfriend questionnaire
5. okcupid date
• Generally, a bad idea. 'Nough said.
  
6. the peach random gentle love master (rglm)
• Grow some cajones.
  
7. picking up girls on okcupid
• See number 5, please.
  
8. Kazakhstan
9. happy two months love text message
• If (s)he just said "I love you" for the first time, and it was a text message, I wouldn't recommend it goes a day past two months.
• Crap. I've done that before. Additional piece of wisdom: Don't text when you've been drinking.
  
10. eyelid mole images
• Sorry, couldn't find a good one. But this picture appears for google image searches on eyelid moles, and I thought it was creepy enough to post. (Whatever it is that she's holding hands with, that relationship is doomed for so many reasons. There is a fine line between open-minded and desperate, don't you forget it.)
  
11. okcupid personality awards
• ... are bullshit if you ask me. But I guess no one really wants to think they're greedy.
  
12. girls from kazakhstan
• Really?
  
13. when a guy pull away you can move on
• "Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer but can't accept it." You've got it, sista'. Can, and should.
  
14. dating her 6 month anniversary
• I'm starting to wonder why people are so dang frazzled over the whole 6 month anniversary situation. Would it help if you pretended it was 5 months?
  
15. best ways to date
• Be nice. Shower first. Chew with your mouth closed. Say thank you. And do not, under any circumstances, talk more about your mom/ex-girlfriend than you do about her.
  
16. dating my new
• I wish I knew what the last word was supposed to be. Any ideas?
  

The Foxista: A Reunion

I was driving home last night from my friend's house and listening to John Tesh on the radio (cheesy, I know). Just as I was passing the street I used to turn on to get to Starbucks to see the Foxista, he started talking about the effects of drinking coffee on your health. I haven't been to that Starbucks since the last time I talked to him (aka morning after he stayed over, basically) and the thought of going in there hasn't even crossed my mind since.

So it was kind of weird when all of a sudden I hear this random fact about coffee as I'm passing the street he works on, and I got the feeling I should go in there. I figured he didn't work there anymore, but something was calling me to go get a cup of coffee.

So I went in, and lo and behold, he was the only one working. The look of shock on his face was impossible to miss. He kept asking me what was new, and what I'd been up to. I finally told him I wanted some coffee. As he was making it, he kept doing his really intense staring thing, which I called him out on.

I asked what was new with him, and he told me about work and skateboarding, and then walked all the way to the end of the counter and said he'd met a really nice girl, at Starbucks, and that she was sitting over in the corner. He said it in a way that implied that he didn't want her to see me talking to him. Ah. So I told him congratulations, grabbed my Splenda, and traded farewells.

So strange. I almost expected to get a weird text message from him about it. Nothing yet.

Well-bred, Ill-spoken

I've never gotten over how strange it is to run into someone from what seems like a past life.

A few years ago, while I was still in college, I had met this guy on campus while I was studying in the language lab. I'd noticed him immediately as he entered - we'll call him Model Todd- he was hard to miss. He was especially good-looking, though not my typical "look" (not usually into the blond hair and blue eyes situation), great build, very sharply dressed, and struck up a conversation with me about the professors in the Spanish department. Though initially very handsome, when he spoke something changed. I'm the first to admit that confidence is super sexy, but there was something very socially stunted about the way he talked. It was almost as if his timing was off-kilter. His responses seemed delayed and choppy, and the conversation was generally just very awkward. I figured he was nervous (which is kind of charming in its own right), and when he asked to take me out for dinner the next night I accepted. I like to give people a fair chance, especially after a bold display of cajones.

The next night I drove to Model Todd's house to meet him for dinner. He lived on a cliff overlooking the ocean with an amazing view and a friendly roommate. When I got there (10 minutes late... as always) his roommate said he was getting ready and went to tell him I was there. So I sat waiting for 25 minutes while he "finished his hair." I kid you not - that was the explanation he gave me (lacking apology or even notice of my own late arrival) when he finally emerged from the bathroom with expertly coiffed spikes.

We took off for dinner in my car, because it turned out he didn't have one. He chose a pretty cool new restaurant that had a live jazz band that night and a great martini list. Our chat over dinner was almost identical to the one in the language lab, and it became hard to believe it was just nerves. Over the course of the conversation, he told me that he was born and raised in Connecticut, and moved out to Southern California to pursue his modeling career, which he does part time along with his college classes. I started to realize that the only time he was engaged in our conversation was while he was talking about modeling (as there was nothing else he liked talking about), and any time it was my turn to talk his eyes got more glazed than donuts. I'm sure we've all had one of those conversations that's just one of the people sitting there waiting 'til it's their turn to talk, right?

It got to a point where he would ask me some bland, generic question and visibly space out while I attempted to answer it quickly enough to keep his interest. Eventually, I gave up. The rest of the evening I learned about the diet, sleep schedule, and workout routine of any successful male model, why every guy with nice abs should wear only Armani button-ups, and why it's absolutely essential that I have my own airbrush tanning kit at home. Snore.

We paid (and split the bill, eat your heart out) and left. I was ready to bail as soon as I dropped him off, but he wanted me to see his portfolio. The potential image of this aggressively attractive 20-something guy in underwear was enough to convince me to park and hang out for a bit. And to be honest, the pictures were totally worth it. I left without kissing him goodnight or plans to contact him again, and that feeling was mutual. We didn't speak for years.

Up until, of course! Saturday, when I ran into him at the specialty grocery store down the road from my house. Apparently we've both moved to the same area. This time, he seemed completely different; he was now poised, confident, and smooth. It was hard to believe this was even the same Model Todd I had gone out with years ago. He had no problem making conversation, and seemed so interested in what I had been up to. He told me he'd always really regretted not seeing me again and wanted to hang out and catch up. How could I turn that down?

So Sunday night he came and picked me up (he now has a car... guess that modeling career finally paid off) and took me to the wine bar across the street. Apparently I was a little off about this new and improved version of Model Todd, as he still adores talking about himself. Much of it was review from the last date, and I was strongly reminded why I didn't want to hang out with him again the first time. But I graciously conversed, split the bill again, and went home.

Normal, right?

'Til the past few days, when he's called me quite a few times. I pick up every once in awhile, talk to him for a minute or two, and say I have things to get done and I'll talk to him later. I've politely turned down his requests to hang out. For some reason, he isn't getting the hint.

So I get to work today, and as I'm with my first client of the day I'm told by the receptionist that I have a "visitor." Go ahead. Guess who it was.

So here I am, in the middle of giving someone what's supposed to be a stress-relieving scalp-massage/shampoo, while I have Model Todd sitting on the next shampoo bowl talking to me. Embarrassing. I told him I'd be done in an hour if he wanted to come back, and he didn't even take that hint. He was still sitting a foot away from me, talking, when I finished blowdrying my second client, and I finally had to tell him that I'd call him later. Ugh!

So now I have an entire salon full of girls wanting to know A. WHO that guy was and how I know him, and B. how on EARTH I can be so uninterested in one of the studliest men on the planet.

I don't know where to begin.

Booze makes Big Fish out of Bottomfeeders

Many a time I've met a guy when I was out who seemed like a gem; who was really a rock.

I was out on Saturday celebrating an early Cinco de Mayo weekend with my friends, where I met Casper, a 6'6" hottie with an amazing job at Fox. Amazing you ask? We're talking casting director for every major show on their network. Yeah. I know.

So we met, and we talked. And then we talked some more, and then we flirted. And the flirting turned into major flirting, which led to exchanging numbers, which meant yesterday we were texting each other like crazy. Texting turned into a phone call which ended up being three hours, and by the time we hung out tonight we were ten times more stoked on each other than we were when we first locked eyes.

We decided that we'd hang out tonight, the actual night of Cinco de Mayo, and he had me meet him at his apartment. He lives in a big gated apartment community that seems like it was probably nice 20 years ago but is now a little run-down for how expensive it probably is. I parked on the street and called him, knowing only which building he was in, but not the apartment number; not that it would help, since the door to get in was locked on the outside.

He came down to meet me, and was definitely not as supremely sexy as he was the night I met him, but I assured myself that boys are always better when you first meet them, that all I needed was a drink, and that he was excited to put me on the next season of American Idol - minus the embarrassing first rounds of auditions. He was cute enough. I must have liked him for a reason.

So we get in his car on the way to go out, and he's telling me about this girl at work that he was dating for the past few weeks, but they've broken up, and about all the weird things she's been doing and how awkward it is, but that he thinks they might work it out anyway. I tell him, very honestly, that if he wants to talk about his relationship with another girl I'm willing to listen, but only as a friend. If he wants to date me, he needs to leave all of those stories out of the date. And that it's up to him. So he chooses the former, and continues on about the strange dating circumstances with his co-worker.

We get to the bar and we're drinking, and some skeeze-ball comes up and flirts with me, which motivates him to go from regular "friend" guy to complete douchebag within a few seconds and almost gets into a fight with this pathetic 50 year old guy with too big of a smile. I calm him down, we order another drink. He starts getting flirty. He asks if I've ever been on a first date with a guy this tall. I remind him that this ISN'T a date, since he chose the "friends only, so that I can tell you all the details of dating another girl" option just an hour before in the car. He denies the whole conversation.

I have another drink. He continues flirting. I start to flirt back because now I'm drunk. I try to remind him that this isn't a date. Now he insists that it is. He orders me another drink, even though I'm not halfway through the current one.

Eventually we decide to leave, because now we've been talking about The Secret, and he tells me that he has the video and thinks we should go watch it, so we go. We get to his house, climb up on his bed (and I understand this was my bad), and start watching the DVD. I actually want to watch it, while he just wants an excuse to make out. I keep backing away so that I can watch, but he keeps pushing me back down and kissing me.

Eventually I tell him, "hey, I want to watch this," but he pushes me back down into the pillow hard, and pulls me shirt and bra up and in one foul swoop, aggressively enough to actually hurt my skin. I push him off of me hard and sit up. "WHAT THE FUCK. What's wrong with you," as I'm pulling my shirt back down. I jump off the bed and start looking for my purse.

"You fucking tease," he calls me. I'm not responding because I want to go. He calls me a whore, and tells me all he wanted was to fuck me. I find my purse and head quickly for the door.

But he jumps up. 6'6" worth of drunk, irrational guy are now in front of the door, blocking it. His name-calling is now name-screaming, in my face. "You're a fucking whore! You disgusting slut, you're a tease. Fuck you!" He's yelling at me. Now he's crying. Tears are falling off his face onto my foot. His yelling gets more intense and the name-calling gets more ugly.

I'm scared.

I haven't been scared like this by a guy before. A guy isn't supposed to make you feel scared. I take account of my surroundings; I'm in a strange apartment, with a huge guy I really don't know. A guy who's extremely emotionally unstable and now screaming and crying at me. I need to stay calm. I never should have come back to his apartment with him. This was a mistake.

I tell him calmly that he's scaring me, and I need to go. I feel like as long as I bring himback to what is going on, he'll realize his irrationality and let me leave. It doesn't help. It gets worse. He's yelling. He tells me that hates me, and that he wants me to go to hell. That I've teased him, I've broken his heart, and doesn't know how I could do this after what he's been through lately with that "slut" at his work. I keep repeating, "ok, I'm scared. I want to leave. Please let me leave. You're scaring me." I reach for the doorknob and start to pull it open; he slams it closed. He gets right in my face and tells me I'm a fucking bitch, and that I don't deserve him.

I stand there, I'm shaking. I'm wondering if I'm going to make it out of his apartment alive. I'm wondering if he has a record of doing this kind of thing. I'm thinking about how long it takes before they use GPS to figure out where a cellphone is, and if that's how they'll find me. I'm wishing his neighbors could hear me yelling and would come rescue me. I keep saying, "Casper. I'm scared. Please let me go home. You're scaring me. Please let me go. I'm going to go now." Every time I reach for the door, he shoves my hand away. He's now slumped against the door, sitting on the floor, sobbing; every girl fucks him over, and why does he always meet all these whores? All he wanted was a nice girl to settle down with.

After what seems like hours, he stands up. I tell him, over and over, that I need to leave. I'm going to leave. Let me leave please. All of a sudden to steps away from the door and opens it. As I go to walk out of it, I feel his hand on my back and he shoves me hard into the hallway and against the wall. I'm stunned and spin around, trying to push the door open. I'm not being rational but I'm in shock and angry that a man would lay his hands on me like that. He slams it in my face and cusses at me throught he locked door.

I realize what's happened and take off running for the elevator. Now I'm more scared than ever; once a guy has crossed the line of being violent with a girl, there's no telling what he'll do. I'm pushing the elevator call button frantically when I hear his door open. "Delete my number you fucking bitch, don't ever call me again! Fuck you! You fucking slut!"

Finally the elevator comes, and I stand in it, shaking hard. I get to the bottom floor and I run to my car, though he's probably not following me. When I get in, I lock all the doors, and I burst into tears. I bawl my eyes out all the way to my house.


Now I'm sitting here, and I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. I know tomorrow I'll tell my friends about it and they'll be there for me the way that friends are, but I'm still going to feel empty. I feel empty because part of me thinks I deserved this, for being an idiot and going with him to his apartment when I didn't even know him. I put myself in dangerous situations, and I'm bound to have a dangerous result at some point.

No one deserves to be touched or talked to like that. I know that and I hope you know that. If you, or anyone you know has been through something like that, please seek help. Talk to someone. Let people know. Telling someone might mean that this person doesn't have the chance to act again against someone else.

I know that there are good guys out there. If anyone knows where they are, please clue me in.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary!

Well, today marks the 6th month since I started this blog, and I'm the type of girl who celebrates these things, so I wanted to give y'all a great big shout out for reading!

To mark this joyous day, I'll tell you the story of Hughes, a very attractive boy who turned out to be more strange than anything else.

It was last year, early March. I lived up north a few hours, but knew I would be moving to Southern California. Since I don't waste any time, I started perusing Craigslist in this area, to meet some new "friends." (You know, the ol' "new to the area, need some fun people to show me around" line.)

It was late at night, and after confirming my posting, I immediately got an email from Hughes; a year younger than me, who works as a professional photographer, who was really funny and sent a really hot picture. That'll work.

So we started exchanging emails, each one longer and more flirtatious. The more we discussed, the more we had in common it seemed: music taste, places we've traveled, prior relationship experiences, favorite movies, etc. I felt giddier every time I read another email. I lost track of time, and realized at 5:30am that it was probably time to go to bed. We exchanged phone numbers and I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. I woke up for work not exhausted, but excited.

Throughout that first day, we texted each other constantly. The conversations were originally like, "I can't wait 'til you live down here" or "I'm so excited to move," but became, "there's no way I can wait that long, I'm going to come see you," and my asking, "how soon?"

This lasted two weeks. We talked on the phone every night, exchanged picture after picture, and generally fell for each other virtually. He had told me early on that he'd just broken up with a serious girlfriend (ie three weeks before the first night we talked, and by serious I mean they had been living together for a year) which is an obvious red flag, but he insisted that he'd been over it for months before they broke up, and had definitely moved on. I believed it.

We decided on St. Patrick's Day for his visit, and couldn't have been more excited. As we discussed his upcoming visit, our conversations had this underlying sense of, "that's when we're going to start dating." One night, he even told me to count 6 months from that day, September 17th, and write "6 months since I met Hughes" with a heart on my calendar. And I did. We had high hopes.

On the 16th I did my usual nervous/excited girl activities: got my hair and nails done, went tanning, gave myself a facial, cleaned my room top to bottom, and picked out a few potential outfit combinations. I could hardly sleep. I woke up hours before he'd be there, and spent tediously long getting ready. I wanted everything to be perfect! I'd made the mistake of telling all my friends and co-workers about it too; despite that whole "don't jinx it" philosophy. Ay.

So he pulled into my complex's parking lot in his souped-up yellow convertible (yeah, yeah, I know... another red flag. So sue me). As soon as I heard the rumble of his super-charged engine, my heart jumped out of my chest and I ran to the door. And there he was, 6'5", well-dressed, and almost as cute as I'd previously imagined. I ran downstairs and gave him a big hug, though he seemed kind of shy. Oh well, we are meeting for the first time, and he did just finish a 2-hour car ride in a tiny convertible, which is really just not fitting for his height, I thought.

He came up with me so I could get my purse, and we decided to walk around downtown. Already, all the bars were stuffed with drunk people doused in green beer. He still seemed really quiet. We decided it would be the most effective to go back to my house for a few drinks and then go out to the bars, so we wouldn't be ripped off quite as bad for drinks. On the way back we stopped at my work, and he met my co-workers, who seemed to really enjoy embarrassing me by telling him everything I'd told them about him.

When we reached my apartment, he was still really uncomfortable and quiet, now two hours deep into the visit. He seemed to be a bit better than he had been when he arrived, so I crossed my fingers that a few drinks would loosen him up a little. We went into the kitchen to make some drinks, and I pulled out the different kinds of liquor and juice I had so he could pick what he wanted. He chose, and then said, "oh I just remembered, I brought some pictures of my dog to show you, I left them in my car. I'll be right back."

So I stood there in the kitchen, mixing our drinks. A couple minutes later, I heard a really rumbly engine start, but I assured myself I was just being paranoid and refused to go out to look. But my heart was pounding. I knew I wasn't being crazy when out of my kitchen window, I saw his yellow convertible peel out of the driveway and take off for the freeway. I was in complete shock. For a second I reasoned with myself - maybe he needed to pee and was so uncomfortable around me that he wanted to sneak off somewhere. Or maybe he wanted to be sweet and go get me flowers. After a few seconds I came to my senses and realized that the douchebag had just peeled out of my day.

So I did what any normal person would do; I called him. He didn't pick up. I texted him, "what the hell?" He didn't respond. I called again. He'd turned his phone off. I quickly downed the two drinks I had mixed us and started crying. Not because he was the man of my dreams once I had met him (I mean honestly, I wasn't even sure how we were going to get through the day together), but because I had done something so awful that a guy would drive two hours to see me, and immediately turn around and drive back. And LIE about it! Honestly.

So I layed on my freshly-made bed, in my spotless room, wearing my cute green outfit and perfect makeup and manicured nails, and drank and cried 'til I fell asleep. I woke up hours later to some text messages from friends about going out, and out of them I chose Brent, who came and picked me up and we went out and got even more drunk and cabbed it back to his house after too many Irish Carbombs and some drunken, naked making out and rolling around in bed that invariably led to my playing a little flesh flute as it always did.

Anyway, back to the douche in the yellow convertible. I decided with sound resolve not to try to contact him again, but come March 18th, I awoke to a long-winded text message from him, and something to the effect of, "I am so sorry. I don't know why I did that to you. I realized I'm not over my ex, and I like you SO much and it just didn't feel right to be moving on that fast." (LAME.) So I wrote back something about lying and being an asshole about it, and he apologized again, and kept apologizing through text message for the next few days while I ignored them.

And ever since, every couple of months I'll get a random email or text message from him, that says, "I wish I had never left."



This world is full of fuckin' weirdos.

Speaking of Awkward First Dates

The Top 5 Best Ways to Ruin A First Date: Girl Edition

We've all been on a bad date or two. For some of us, hundreds. Now you can either sit there at dinner making awkward conversation and swirling your spaghetti around your fork while he stares at your rack, or you can take a stand and make sure this guy won't ever want to take you out again. And all without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings!
Plus.... it sure does spice things up a bit.


5. Leave the ringer on your phone up to full volume, and make sure not to miss any phone calls. After a few minutes of chatting, explain that you're running errands with your mom. When you hang up, don't explain to your date who it was that you were talking to. Bonus points: send as many text messages as possible, giggling every time you get a response.

4.Get sloppy drunk. (No, slurring isn't good enough. You better be falling off that bar stool.) Bonus points: throw up in his car.

3. Take a time-out to return a phone call from your mom (or, bonus points: your grandma). When she asks what you're doing, giddily divulge the fact that you're out on a date with "that boy I told you about.... you know the one.... yeah yeah, THAT one. I know! I am too!" Tell her every detail of what the two of you have done so far (including how much things cost and who paid for them), how amazing he is, and how you can't wait for her to meet him. Super extra bonus points: Insist that she doesn't have to worry if you'll sleep together on the first date because Aunt Flo is in town tonight.

2. When out for drinks, insist that he doesn't need to buy you one; you've got it covered. While he sits alone at your table, get up and start approaching groups of drunk guys flirtily 'til they buy you drinks. Bring him back his appletini with a smile and a wink. Bonus points: cheer on the wrong side when the guys that bought you the drinks try to pick a fight with the guy thats drinking them.

And the number one best way to never have to see a dating dud again, without the guilt of hurting his feelings, is....

1. When shopping, casually suggest that the two of you pop into a jewelry store. Become fascinated by an engagement ring (preferrably the most excessive one you can find) and stare at it long enough for a sales person to take it out of the case for you. Proceed to try it on, "just to see." Make sure he sees it, because this is the "exact style I want."



How to lose a guy in 10 days? How bout losing him in 10 minutes?

What a guy wants, what a guy needs...

A friend of mine is caught in a strange situation with her guy, and has been asking me advice.

Now usually I'm the go-to for guy-related questions, but for once I'm kind of at a loss.

So here's the sitch. (And maybe I should have "Asked Mason," but I digress.) She met this guy, and they totally hit it off. They had major chemistry, "got" each other, wanted to spend every waking second together, texted each other during the time they couldn't hang out (ie during work and sleeping time), etc. Everything was just dandy, up until about a week and a half ago.

All of a sudden, this dream dude seemed to disconnect himself. Where he used to call/write/email/text/smoke-signal her regularly, he now hardly seems to have the time to hang out with her or even think about her. At one point when they were first getting to know each other, he had told her that occasionally he goes through phases where he holes himself up in his room and hides from the world with video games and movies, and although it seems like he just wants to be alone, he's really looking for attention. As any girl knows, the worst thing you can do when a guy starts to pull back is come on stronger, but according to him, thats really what he's wishing for when he acts that way. So fast forward back to the present, where she's sitting on my couch moping around because her super sweet dream guy seems to be completely forgetting abotu her. Her feelings and desire to see him haven't changed, but he seems to feel completely differently.

Now her guy doesn't seem to be a bad person, don't get me wrong. I'm definitely rooting for the guy. He's funny, smart, outgoing, and seems really nice to her. And it isn't as though he's being an ass. He's still nice when they do talk or hang out, but as she described it, "it seems like the fire has died down to an ember." And after only a month and a half, we both agree the fire shouldn't have changed any yet.

They sat down and talked about it (I know, every guy's favorite activity) and he finally admitted that things seemed different to him too, and that it had come about the day he made her his girlfriend. Having that label apparently spooked him to a point of wanting to push the relationship far enough away to feel like a single guy again, despite the fact that he has self-proclaimed "super strong feelings" for her. According to her, they hardly ever see each other now, and she's lucky to hear from him once a day through text message or email.

I'm trying to be there for her, but I don't know what to tell her. She's a pretty tough cookie, and she's starting to feel like "if he isn't ready for me, then I'm moving on." We both agreed that their relationship was something really special, but she insists it just doesn't feel that way anymore.

What do you guys think? Is it doomed? Should she wait it out more? Is he looking for attention? Or will it be better in the long run for her to pull back too?

A Little Self-Reflection..... never a bad idea.

No pun intended.

Like you guys said, I need to think about what it is that I want; at least that way I can try to focus my energy/send it out into the universe, and hope it comes a-knockin' on my door. Yeah?

Ok, to start with the surface. Physically, I don't have one specific type, other than exceptionally good-looking. Ha. What does that mean? At least a few of the following, in my opinion.

• dark hair
• slim hips
• straight white teeth
• prominent noses (previously broken? i'm into the bump)
• strong jaw lines
• freckles
• long eyelashes
• nice, strong hands
• slim/skinny/toned
• stylish: edgy, indie, hipster, casual, Abercrombie or surfer-type style, laid-back

And more importantly, character.

• a servant's heart
• a lust for knowledge and wisdom
• an intelligent, quick sense of humor
• the ability to see the good in people and in all situations, a positive attitude
  
• a deep understanding of themselves, an open mind to understand me
• the heart of a child
• charisma, a strong presence
  
• someone who validates me, for who I am on all levels
• dedication to personal growth: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally
  
• ambition, a passion for what they do
• the desire to be unabashedly smitten, selectively
  
• honesty, someone who keeps their word and follows through
  
• most importantly, the ability to love without conditions

And y'all thought I was shallow. I really do have a big heart, underneath it all. Promise. Just have to find my matching puzzle piece.

And the quest continues...