Booze makes Big Fish out of Bottomfeeders

Many a time I've met a guy when I was out who seemed like a gem; who was really a rock.

I was out on Saturday celebrating an early Cinco de Mayo weekend with my friends, where I met Casper, a 6'6" hottie with an amazing job at Fox. Amazing you ask? We're talking casting director for every major show on their network. Yeah. I know.

So we met, and we talked. And then we talked some more, and then we flirted. And the flirting turned into major flirting, which led to exchanging numbers, which meant yesterday we were texting each other like crazy. Texting turned into a phone call which ended up being three hours, and by the time we hung out tonight we were ten times more stoked on each other than we were when we first locked eyes.

We decided that we'd hang out tonight, the actual night of Cinco de Mayo, and he had me meet him at his apartment. He lives in a big gated apartment community that seems like it was probably nice 20 years ago but is now a little run-down for how expensive it probably is. I parked on the street and called him, knowing only which building he was in, but not the apartment number; not that it would help, since the door to get in was locked on the outside.

He came down to meet me, and was definitely not as supremely sexy as he was the night I met him, but I assured myself that boys are always better when you first meet them, that all I needed was a drink, and that he was excited to put me on the next season of American Idol - minus the embarrassing first rounds of auditions. He was cute enough. I must have liked him for a reason.

So we get in his car on the way to go out, and he's telling me about this girl at work that he was dating for the past few weeks, but they've broken up, and about all the weird things she's been doing and how awkward it is, but that he thinks they might work it out anyway. I tell him, very honestly, that if he wants to talk about his relationship with another girl I'm willing to listen, but only as a friend. If he wants to date me, he needs to leave all of those stories out of the date. And that it's up to him. So he chooses the former, and continues on about the strange dating circumstances with his co-worker.

We get to the bar and we're drinking, and some skeeze-ball comes up and flirts with me, which motivates him to go from regular "friend" guy to complete douchebag within a few seconds and almost gets into a fight with this pathetic 50 year old guy with too big of a smile. I calm him down, we order another drink. He starts getting flirty. He asks if I've ever been on a first date with a guy this tall. I remind him that this ISN'T a date, since he chose the "friends only, so that I can tell you all the details of dating another girl" option just an hour before in the car. He denies the whole conversation.

I have another drink. He continues flirting. I start to flirt back because now I'm drunk. I try to remind him that this isn't a date. Now he insists that it is. He orders me another drink, even though I'm not halfway through the current one.

Eventually we decide to leave, because now we've been talking about The Secret, and he tells me that he has the video and thinks we should go watch it, so we go. We get to his house, climb up on his bed (and I understand this was my bad), and start watching the DVD. I actually want to watch it, while he just wants an excuse to make out. I keep backing away so that I can watch, but he keeps pushing me back down and kissing me.

Eventually I tell him, "hey, I want to watch this," but he pushes me back down into the pillow hard, and pulls me shirt and bra up and in one foul swoop, aggressively enough to actually hurt my skin. I push him off of me hard and sit up. "WHAT THE FUCK. What's wrong with you," as I'm pulling my shirt back down. I jump off the bed and start looking for my purse.

"You fucking tease," he calls me. I'm not responding because I want to go. He calls me a whore, and tells me all he wanted was to fuck me. I find my purse and head quickly for the door.

But he jumps up. 6'6" worth of drunk, irrational guy are now in front of the door, blocking it. His name-calling is now name-screaming, in my face. "You're a fucking whore! You disgusting slut, you're a tease. Fuck you!" He's yelling at me. Now he's crying. Tears are falling off his face onto my foot. His yelling gets more intense and the name-calling gets more ugly.

I'm scared.

I haven't been scared like this by a guy before. A guy isn't supposed to make you feel scared. I take account of my surroundings; I'm in a strange apartment, with a huge guy I really don't know. A guy who's extremely emotionally unstable and now screaming and crying at me. I need to stay calm. I never should have come back to his apartment with him. This was a mistake.

I tell him calmly that he's scaring me, and I need to go. I feel like as long as I bring himback to what is going on, he'll realize his irrationality and let me leave. It doesn't help. It gets worse. He's yelling. He tells me that hates me, and that he wants me to go to hell. That I've teased him, I've broken his heart, and doesn't know how I could do this after what he's been through lately with that "slut" at his work. I keep repeating, "ok, I'm scared. I want to leave. Please let me leave. You're scaring me." I reach for the doorknob and start to pull it open; he slams it closed. He gets right in my face and tells me I'm a fucking bitch, and that I don't deserve him.

I stand there, I'm shaking. I'm wondering if I'm going to make it out of his apartment alive. I'm wondering if he has a record of doing this kind of thing. I'm thinking about how long it takes before they use GPS to figure out where a cellphone is, and if that's how they'll find me. I'm wishing his neighbors could hear me yelling and would come rescue me. I keep saying, "Casper. I'm scared. Please let me go home. You're scaring me. Please let me go. I'm going to go now." Every time I reach for the door, he shoves my hand away. He's now slumped against the door, sitting on the floor, sobbing; every girl fucks him over, and why does he always meet all these whores? All he wanted was a nice girl to settle down with.

After what seems like hours, he stands up. I tell him, over and over, that I need to leave. I'm going to leave. Let me leave please. All of a sudden to steps away from the door and opens it. As I go to walk out of it, I feel his hand on my back and he shoves me hard into the hallway and against the wall. I'm stunned and spin around, trying to push the door open. I'm not being rational but I'm in shock and angry that a man would lay his hands on me like that. He slams it in my face and cusses at me throught he locked door.

I realize what's happened and take off running for the elevator. Now I'm more scared than ever; once a guy has crossed the line of being violent with a girl, there's no telling what he'll do. I'm pushing the elevator call button frantically when I hear his door open. "Delete my number you fucking bitch, don't ever call me again! Fuck you! You fucking slut!"

Finally the elevator comes, and I stand in it, shaking hard. I get to the bottom floor and I run to my car, though he's probably not following me. When I get in, I lock all the doors, and I burst into tears. I bawl my eyes out all the way to my house.


Now I'm sitting here, and I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. I know tomorrow I'll tell my friends about it and they'll be there for me the way that friends are, but I'm still going to feel empty. I feel empty because part of me thinks I deserved this, for being an idiot and going with him to his apartment when I didn't even know him. I put myself in dangerous situations, and I'm bound to have a dangerous result at some point.

No one deserves to be touched or talked to like that. I know that and I hope you know that. If you, or anyone you know has been through something like that, please seek help. Talk to someone. Let people know. Telling someone might mean that this person doesn't have the chance to act again against someone else.

I know that there are good guys out there. If anyone knows where they are, please clue me in.