Friday, January 25, 2008

A Potential Hat Trick

What a day it has been!

There was a chance for three dates in one day, but ay.... it didn't happen.

Date #1 is an exceptionally attractive mama's boy about 20 minutes north of where I live, who found me on OKCupid and has been bugging me to hang out since before New Years (what.... over three weeks?), so I finally agreed on lunch for today, like three days ago.

Date #2 is a grad student who already has one masters degree and has completed law school (some people, I think, just can't imagine being anything but students) who has also found me on OKCupid and has also been bugging me to hang out. He asked yesterday, and we agreed on this afternoon after he finishes teaching his section.

But alas! I double booked myself. That's ok. The lean, mean, dating machine (aka the Girl in the Mirror) can handle these situations with grace. Not to worry!

So the backstory is that I went out last night with a friend from work, and wasn't even planning on waking up this morning (who really cares if I sleep 'til 1pm on my day off?) until I got a text from #1, at 10:30am, asking, "are we still on for lunch at 11:30?" "I just woke up," I answered, "Can we make it more like 12:30?"

I jumped out of bed and threw on clothes and makeup and cute hair and rushed over to where he works, which turns out to be about 35 minutes away from my house. I arrived at our date spot (Hot and Spicy Thai... if only that meant any date being held there would be the same) and he got there a few minutes after me. He was, as I had already thought, exceptionally attractive. And totally (one of) my type(s): pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes, freckles, brown hair, stylish haircut, cute clothes. He wasn't extraordinarily tall, but it would suffice. But... as I had already thought, he was extremely socially awkward. Not that he knows this... he's more than talkative, but speaks as though he is trying to impress a Harvard english professor with his immense vocabulary, which becomes a little tiring. He asked me a lot of questions, but the way he asked all of them ("If you could sum up the whole of your being, all 23 overwhelmingly provocative years of triumph and tragedy, how would you describe your soul, your very being, in one word?".... OK, really? Who says that) was just a bit off-putting, and I had to skip some of them. It was hard to ignore his obviously blessed features, but he didn't make it too hard. We finished lunch and the bill arrived, which he insisted on paying ("He brought the wallet, you brought the girl. Fair trade." Thanks, Janice, I almost forgot) which was sweet, and we left because he had to get back to work. Within 10 minutes, he was texting me, "When do I get to see you again?? Did you have as amazing of a time as I did?"

But I was off to Date #2. Have you ever heard of a euphonium? Me neither. Originally, when completing his 4-year degree, he was a classical music major, with an emphasis in euphonium-playing... whatever that is. He calls himself a "euphoniac." And no, I'm not kidding. So he had wanted to hang out this afternoon, but I guess I'd already made lunch plans that I'd quickly forgotten about, so I told him it'd have to be after that. I texted him on my way home and he was trying to come up with something fun to do. I turned down hiking (too rainy outside, and I'm dressed cute) and miniature golf (it'll be soggy from all the bad weather) and we agreed on coffee. He looked up the midway point between his house and my house and gave me the location we would meet at, and said he'd see me there at 5.

I had an hour, which I used to check email and freshen up a bit. I was off around 4:55, and texted him to let him know I was on my way and running a few minutes late, but no response. I arrived at Starbucks and texted him, "Are you here yet?" No response. I walked in and bought myself a soy peppermint white chocolate latte (if you haven't tried it, you must) from the three remarkably cute guys working behind the counter, and took a seat at the corner table, so I could see both entrances, all the tables, and the cute boys behind the counter; all at the same time. Perfect!

I sat, and texted him, "hmm... where are you?" with no response. That's ok... to be honest, I really didn't think he was all that cute, and unless he totally wowed me with an incredible personality, he really wasn't even an option... but he really wanted to hang, and I think everyone deserves a fair chance. So anyway, I sat there, texting some friends and trying desperately to take my wandering eyes away from the boys behind the counter (BBTC), one of which looked like the long lost redheaded twin of the Ex.... and if you know how I feel about redheads, you know that's totally unfair. (I have quite a weakness.)

I ended up staying a long while; no sign of #2 (aka the Euphoniac) but I actually had a very nice time making eyes at the boy I specifically had my eye on. At one point, a totally crazed schitzo bag lady entered the store, and inches from my table, started babbling obscenities 'til Hottie McFirecrotch jumped up and rushed to my rescue, very sternly escorting her back out. He's cute AND brave.... what a sexy combination!

After my coffee was gone and an hour had gone by, I drove home, to find the Eupho online. "Hmm." I said. He replied (and I still can't believe he's actually a grown, adult aged human being):

I'm a terrible guy. I was really only meeting up with you because I wanted to have sex with you, and I realized I just couldn't do that, so I knew I couldn't go and put you through that. I'm very sorry.

Now... granted I ended up having possibly a much better time without him showing up, but isn't that something he probably could have told me before I left my house to meet up with him? Whatever. I replied:

You're pathetic. Have a nice evening.

And then an instant blockage from my AIM account.

So moving on, #1 had been consistently texting me pretty much since the time I drove away from Hot and Spicy Thai, asking when he could see me again and telling me how beautiful he thinks my eyes are. I toyed with the idea of hanging out again; meanwhile my roommates came home, poured me a cocktail, and told me we were going out tonight. I'm really not one to turn down a socially invigorating situation, so duh. I'm up for it.

Apparently I wasn't responding to #1's texts/IMs frequently enough, so he calls me. We talk for a few minutes, and I tell him I have to get ready to go out. He argues, "no you don't." "No, but really I do though." "No, you really don't." This continues literally for 2 minutes while I am simultaneously thanking the heavens I didn't have him pick me up at my house (obvious stalker potential) and I finally threaten to hang up on him if he doesn't say goodbye, which he does.

I rush upstairs and change clothes, go out with my roommates, and really don't meet anyone worth my time or attention, but talk to a few boys who seem to think I'm worthy of theirs.

Had Date #2 not bailed, I'm pretty sure today could have fallen under the category of Hat Trick, and although I'm glad I never met him, that would have been pretty fucking awesome to have three dates in one day. No?

Now I'm off to bed to sleep off the drunkness... before work tomorrow. Ay yay yay!

Monday, January 21, 2008

(OK)Cupid has perfected his aim

I'm not going to lie to you guys.... A great majority of the guys on OKCupid are just not... exactly my cup of tea. Not that there's anything wrong with them, and for whatever reason there are tons of exceptionally intelligent/well-spoken guys on there (or at least guys who can write well), and a few that aren't too bad to look at as well. There are a few I've exchanged some good emails with, and two that I exchange texts or instant messages with sometimes. But honestly, none have really captured my attention. (I'm starting to wonder if I'm just exceedingly picky [that's rhetorical, by the way]).

And granted, I am looking for somewhat of the perfect person (more on that another time, I was thinking maybe I could focus my energy on finding it better if I can narrow in down in print), but looking on the internet, at least according to my friends, is the last place I'll ever find it.

I'll have you know that I meet people everywhere, not just online. I'm not lacking social skills, I'm not introverted in the least bit, I'm not insecure, and I enjoy meeting people. Heck, I even like public speaking (The #2 fear in the United States, second only to burning to death... hard to believe) which a lot of times is what introducing yourself to a perfect stranger feels like.

Anyway, to make this long rant just a little bit shorter, I've succumbed to OKCupid's lure basically just because of the quizzes. I like that they "know" me to some degree, and I like getting personality awards on my profile (though I don't agree with "More Greedy"... assholes). Occasionally I like to search through my "matches" (really... if you could only see most of them) just to see if there's actually someone I can picture spending time around without laughing (at, not with).

WELL! Last night, another late night conversation with the ex (more on that another time, if I ever find out he isn't reading this anymore) kept me up way past my bedtime.. I'm talking like 3 in the morning. Searching through dozens of engineering students, Dungeons and Dragons fans, and mama's boys, I was about to give up and go to sleep finally when someone caught my eye.

First off, hot. Not that that's all that matters, but initially online.... give me a break. Read his profile.... 25, really smart, very well spoken, local, great job. Look at his additional pictures.... even cuter that I thought originally, fantastic smile, sexy build, two dogs. Plus we're an 80% match. Not bad at all.

At this point I'm literally sitting here at my desk, swooning. What a spectacle that would have been. I hit Send Message... I start typing, realize I sound like an idiot. Start over. Play it cool? Tell him he's adorable? Stroke his ego? Point out of common interests? Use big vocab?

I finally settle for a little bit of spice and a little bit of sugar and send it off into the universe. And then sit there, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. And then wonder how many girls must message him a day. And then check, and find that he is getting hundreds of profile views. And then come to terms with my message getting lost in a sea of unfortunate looking ex-colorguards with a taste for anime, and it really doesn't matter if I said the right thing or not because he's never going to read it.

So I put it out of my mind and go back to my conversation with the ex. Minutes later, I hear a bell indicating that I have an incoming IM on OKCupid. I look. It's him.... Let's call him Scott.

He asks if I'm really up that late also, I tell him yes, and he tells me he appreciates my email, that it was really sweet. (Sweet.... great.) Then he tells me I'm really cute myself (ooh!), and is really tired but can't wait to talk to me again (aww!). He asks me a few questions, clearly having read my whole profile, and is really funny and nice. So we say goodnight, and then I smile for like 20 nerdy minutes over having talked to some guy who's voice I haven't even heard yet.

Ugh! I'm such a dork!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Just a pinch o' twitch

Date numero dos with Sean (aka Twitch) was refreshingly low on the twitchometer.

He picked me up at my house this time and the plan was to go to Color Me Mine, which is... let's just say, not typically a date that a guy suggests. (See? Even Paris does it.) But I was all for it, seeing as I am embarrassingly crafty and all. We looked up online where the closest location was and headed over. Sean seemed tremendously more at ease, and I can't even specifically remember any super noticable twitching. When we got to the Town Center, we wandered around on a goose-chase for the pottery studio, which was on all the maps but was nowhere to be found. We realized eventually that where it was supposed to be located was now just a vacant spot, so we settled on a movie.

He suggested Juno (Rainn Wilson of The Office is officially the funniest convenience store clerk that's ever existed... "What the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle?") which I have really been wanting to see, and bought some tickets (or he did at least), and went inside. Upon finding the theater, we sat down but were totally confused by the fact that the movie was definitely already started, and we were a good 10 minutes early. No more than 30 seconds went by before the credits were rolling. We'd both left our cellphones at home and weren't wearing watches so we asked someone next to us. Yep.... we were an hour early.

I myself didn't think it was a big deal, other than being really funny, while he was completely humiliated that he'd somehow overshot the time by an hour, and apologized prefusely. I reassured him, told him it was no big deal, and he made me promise not to go tell any of my friends what a big "doofus" he is..... oops. :) We walked over to the rock'n'roll sushi restaurant/bar next door for a few drinks while we waited.

Once he got over his embarrassment, we had another great conversation... he is totally positive, has nothing but good things to say about his family (which he casually mentioned he has told about me), is more than willing to laugh at himself when the moment's right (and agreed that there is something about his personality that is very reminiscent of Jack Black, though I can't put my finger on it, and even volunteered a "Jay Leno" description of his prominent chin [I wasn't going to say anything, because really, I'm not one to talk])... all that, plus he made friends with the bartender, and picked up our tab automatically. Nothing makes my eyes turn to hearts faster than a guy who makes friends with everyone around, and then insists on paying! Double swoon.

It was finally (for reals) time for the movie, and we went over and watched it, a little tipsy, holding hands and laughing hysterically together, which is always a good way to bond with someone. (Its a REALLY good movie, btw. You all need to go see it if you haven't already.) Then he drove me home, kissed me again, and said he'd call me tomorrow.

So everything about him (pretty much) is right.... why is it that I just don't feel all that excited about him?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Happy Birthday, Kristin Cavalleri

Turns out Miss Cavalleri celebrated her 21st birthday at Stone Rose Lounge with Paris Hilton and Cisco Adler, which is the same spot I went to on a date with Zoolander (as mentioned in Rich Guys Pt II). Small world.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Once, twice, three times a Twitch-er.

Have you ever started to get the feeling that you're on a date with a drug addict?

Wait, let me back up.

I logged into my Facebook account a few days ago to find an email from a guy named Sean who lives nearby. It was very sweet and he had a heck of a charming smile and big brown eyes.

Hey there..... I just stumbled across your profile from my friend _______'s page, I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful. Could I talk you into dinner? Or at least a drink?

Now how can a girl turn that down?

We exchanged a few emails, and I found out that he's a Pre-Med major (sexy), delivers pizzas part time, and is best friends with his sister (Girls: The way a guy gets along with his sister, or mother, or both, is an EXTREMELY important indicator of what his relationships with women in general are like, take note). Totally reminds me of the all-American, sweet boy-next-door type. Hot!

So we made a plan to have dinner, and he let me pick the place. I chose sushi, which he agreed to, a little apprehensively, but insisted he liked it. I met him at his house (much easier to escape when necessary if the guy you're meeting for the first time doesn't pick you up at your own pad.... plus that way he can't turn stalkerface on you later) and initially found him a little shorter than expected, but with a very nice build (which he explained is due to his gym-addiction... I'm not complaining) and SUCH an adorable face - long eyelashes, freckles, perfectly straight white teeth, and a smile that could stop traffic (or me in my tracks, at least, which it did).

We got in his truck and drove off to the restaurant... but something about him seemed a little off. He seemed extremely tense; I wrote it off as nerves.

Upon arriving we found that the place was PACKED, and we put our names in for a place at the sushi bar; not exactly my favorite first date spot but it had to do. We waited around in the front for a few minutes. He gave me a few sweet compliments that seemed heartfelt and I accepted. His shoulder twitched. Was he really that nervous?

Finally our spot was ready and we sat down, only to find that our bar-stool type seats were squeezed into about 3 feet of bar space between two canoodling couples. Comfy!

We started looking at the menu, and he quickly through it aside and said I'd have to order for him, looking totally overwhelmed. As it turns out, he'd had sushi ONCE (where does he live, middle America? [No offense middle Americans... we just eat a lot of sushi out here]) and doesn't know anything about it except that he likes crunchy rolls. This place happened to have three different ones. Oh my!

I decided on a few that I thought wouldn't scare him out the door and ordered us a bottle of my favorite sake, Hakutsuru Sayuri Nigori, which is unfiltered/sweet/oh-so-delicious, but also comes in a pink flowery bottle, which is probably why the sushi chef scoffed a little in the direction of my date when I told him we would be sharing it.

We toasted and started talking... though I felt like I was leading the conversation due to his obvious nervousness. By the time our first roll was placed in front of us he was visibly sweating. He made good eye contact but had an almost panicked look in his eyes. Was I really that intimidating? I like to think I'm pretty friendly.

I dug in and looked over to see that he had never used chopsticks before. He got the hang of it after a short tutorial from me and it was a cute bonding moment... but by this time he was using his napkin to sop up the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. At this point there was no ignoring it on either side. "You're making me sweat!" he told me. I laughed uncomfortably. He excused himself to the bathroom.

After returning a few minutes later, slightly less dewy, he got back to attempting to eat sushi for the second time. But alas - chewing was a whole 'nother story.... there was something about the way he chewed, and actually the way he moved in general, that was just off-putting. There was no flow, no smooth transition between his movements. Every move of a muscle seemed jarring. He seemed jerky, tense... I couldn't put my finger on it. And he seemed so hyped up. He talked really fast but just rambled on and on out of anxiousness.

Oh. My. God.

He's on drugs. He HAS to be on drugs. Did this guy I'm on a first date with seriously just go in the bathroom and do a line?? Or is he on speed?! Oh my god! Unreal.

I sat there, eating, listening to his ramblings, and studying his every jerk, every twitch, every bead of sweat gathering above his brow. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

Hours, it seemed, and a few more sweaty restroom visits later, dinner was over and we walked outside into the refreshingly crisp night air. I shivered a little bit; he slid his hand into mine. Everyone deserves a chance, I say. I let him hold it.

We walked around for a bit, chatting. He seemed slightly more relaxed... but maybe the latest bump was started to wear off. We walked back to the car, and I jumped in, thankful to be on my way. I thought too soon.

There's a great new bar/lounge place that just opened down the road, do you wanna go grab a drink? Or are you in a hurry to get home?
Eh... what's another hour out of my life. He was a really sweet guy, exceptionally intelligent, and definitely good-looking.... maybe he was just going through a tough time. Or maybe, somehow, he really was just incredibly nervous. It's a possibility, I suppose. I had to hope for the best... because other than this apparent drug problem, he's a total catch.

We walked into a beautifully designed, dimly-lit bar full of exceptionally sexy male bartenders and took our seats at the glass bar. A tall one with curly brown hair looked at me, looked at him, looked back and me... gave me a bit of a confused look. I smiled and winked. Maybe I'll come back later with a girl friend? Mental note.

We ordered drinks (mine was on the house.... nice) and chatted a bit more. The bottle of sake and Absolut Pear and tonic started to hit me and the megaflirt in me inched its way out past my better judgement and sense of reason, hand in hand with my ballsy side. Just on the verge of asking him if he does drugs (I just had to know), I settled for something a little less direct. "Tell me a secret," I said.

"Well, I have Tourette's syndrome."

I tried to act genuinely surprised.

"Really? You haven't noticed?" I shook my head. "It tends to get better the older you get, and I never had too severe of a case, but I do have little twitches, like in my face and stuff. Especially when I'm nervous. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

A sense of utter relief washed over me like I'd just seen a negative sign on a home pregnancy test. And then a flashback to the True Life: I Have Tourettes show. Remember that one?

And interestingly enough, once he told me that, the twitches seemed to practically disappear. I guess once he got that off his chest he wasn't as nervous anymore. Fabulous!

We left after a good conversation and another drink, and drove back to his house where my car was. He opened the door for me (and had been all night by the way), helped me out of his car, gave me a warm hug, and kissed me sweetly. We walked to my car, he kissed me again, and told me he can't wait to see me again.

I sang cheerfully the whole way home. Truth be told, I kind of can't wait to see him either! (And hopefully he'll do less sweating next time.)

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Rich Guys, Pt II

Thinking you've found "the one" before you've met said "one" really only sets you up for a healthy dose of disappointment, I've found.

As I've mentioned before in my post Rich Guys and Kelly Clarkson, I playfully signed up for a website called Millionaire Match, which has all kinds of people, but more importantly rich, handsome, entrepreneurial ones (what could be better, I ask). The interesting thing about the site is that when you sign up for it, it asks if you make over $150 grand a year. If you say no, you are grouped in the non-millionaire club and there is nothing on your profile related to income. If you say that you make $150+, you are asked to specify (the max category they offer is $1Billion a year, but I have yet to see one of those profiles). For those wealthy members that want to obliterate any shred of doubt, there is a Certified Millionaire option, where they can fax in their W4s from the previous year to verify that they do, in fact, make as much money as they claim they do. These members receive a sparkling ruby emblem on their profile next to their yearly income.

And after exchanging a few lighthearted emails with the hot Persian fashion mogul I mentioned in Rich Guys, we decided we were going to hang out. We spent a few weeks texting for days and spending hours on the phone chatting and laughing, and it seemed clear that we had chemistry. I found him on the pompous side (his entire profile is quoted directly from Zoolander.... as in "I'm sure there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking"... you know what I mean) and he makes a lot of comments like "try not to daydream about me too much," but I took them with a grain of salt and figured he had a healthy sense of humor. Plus, in his pictures he looks like he actually is ridiculously good-looking. And to make matters better, he's under 30, is totally intelligent, makes me laugh like crazy, and is certified as making $1Million+ a year. Not bad.

The day finally came to hang out with the hot Persian fashion mogul (or Zoolander, as he will now be referred to) and I was beyond nervous. I spent the day shopping for new clothes (they had to at least look expensive... he's not only rich beyond reason but also owns a clothing company for God's sakes), getting my nails done, tanning, exfoliating, deep conditioning, moisturizing, and so on. Forget any flaws he might have; I wanted to seem as flawless as possible, since on paper this guy was just that.

I told him that I was going to meet up with an old friend for a little while before we hung out, which he said was totally fine as he'd be getting home from the gym and showering at that point. As it turned out, my old friend likes to talk a lot (I guess I had forgotten that part) and our one drink turned into a long-ass dinner. Except that I didn't eat anything but a bloody mary because me and Zoo were supposed to eat at some chic new restaurant in Weho, so I sat there wishing he would eat faster and staring at his delicious-looking mashed potatoes. I texted Zoolander a few times, apologizing profusely for my tardiness, but he assured me it was no problem at all. I finally got out of there and rushed over to his hot Hollywood home, now 45 minutes late.

The directions he gave me were clear, and he described his house as the one with a lot of lights and a yellow Corvette in the driveway. He was right; of the whole street, his house was by far the most well-lit, which showcased an amazing modern style concrete porch area sitting proudly in front of a three story house and beautiful landscape. And the yellow Corvette was not the only flashy car in his long driveway.... only the brightest. I knocked on the door, shaking a bit and trying to breathe deeply.

When he opened it, I was actually relieved to see he wasn't as perfect as I imagined. He stood at about 5'8" and had a big nose and a white blazer over a blue shirt. He was extremely welcoming though, and after asking for it gave me a little tour of his house. It was very lightly furnished; he told me he hadn't lived there long and was remodeling it. He showed me his kitchen (my favorite part of any house) and it was surprisingly small. I found a small Menorah in a glass cabinet. "Are you Jewish?" "Only on holidays," he told me. He took me upstairs and showed me his rec room, music room, art room, lofts, and finally his master bedroom - complete with the most gigantic, mahogany 4-poster bed, which he said he got in an auction of late 16th century royal furniture. I tried not to act too impressed. We went back downstairs.

The one thing I couldn't take my eyes off of, though, was a wall-sized painting of the famous moment when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed on stage at the MTV VMA's. I asked about it, and he told me he painted it, along with a few ocean scenes hanging in the kitchen that also closely resembled photographs. Impressive! He said he was working on a collection of important moments in Pop Culture.... sexy.

I sat down in his living room in front of his 50" Flat Panel Plasma TV hanging on the wall to watch some music videos while he made us drinks and called a cab. We chatted and drank until it arrived. He said it seemed a bit late for dinner but we should go out for some drinks and maybe an appetizer. As much as I had been totally starving, I had already started to get my buzz on and had pretty much lost my appetite anyway.

We got in the cab and sped off to the Sofitel's Stone Rose Lounge, a totally swanking hotel bar that was packed with good-looking LA socialites. He asked if they were still serving appetizers - the cocktail waitress said they had closed the kitchen an hour ago. He handed her something, and asked, "are you sure?" She scurried off and came back with good news. We ordered some crab thing (I was too drunk at this point to really care about reading the menu) and got a table. We sat intimately close, which somehow seemed comfortable already. There was just something about him I connected to. It didn't have anything to do with what he does or what he has, but there's just something about him that puts me at ease.

We laughed about how we had come about the Millionaire site; my story paled in comparison to his: Running on the treadmill at the gym next to Tommy Lee (yes, THE Tommy Lee) working on his laptop simultaneously, he told him he thought that was a great idea to bring a laptop to the gym. "I'm on this website, its amazing. You gotta join it," Tommy told him. Millionaire Match, no less. He was sold. (And so am I!)

Our crab thing came and it turned out to be A-MAZING... some totally rich crab/mayo mix on top of sticky rice and stuff, but he wouldn't eat any of it. "Oh my god," I said, "You don't eat shellfish. Why didn't you say something??" Duh. He's Jewish. I'm an idiot. He took a few bites and mmm-ed a little bit to make me feel better. I ate a few more bites and left the rest.

After a few more impressive speciality martinis we headed outside to a glass firepit and continued our conversation. The thing I found most surprising about him was that his cockiness (in jest or not) totally disappeared in person. He seemed completely humbled, and come to think of it, sort of in awe of me. Not that I think I deserve that kind of reaction, but it was certainly nice coming from someone that I was totally intimidated by prior to our meeting.

We got up to leave (I a little unbalanced no less) and he took my hand. Almost outside he stopped and turned to me, and leaned in close. "There's just... something about you... something I'm drawn to, I feel like I can't get enough of you." My heart raced. I smiled and played it cool. He kissed me. My heart raced faster. I kissed back. We pulled away and smiled at each other close.

We practically skipped out to the front, giddy in our newly discovered intimacy. He asked a doorman for a cab, and tipped him when it pulled up. He told the cabbie his address and made out in the backseat like teenagers for a few blocks. He pulled away suddenly, and sat straight up. "Why are you taking Santa Monica," he asked sternly. The cabbie explained he couldn't turn around on the street we'd been on. He pushed. "We could have taken Robertson, why didn't we take Robertson?" They argued back and forth 'til we pulled up to his house. He paid and we walked inside.

"Was that guy trying to stiff me??"

I wasn't sure how to respond. Was he really that concerned with a few extra dollars? Even I wouldn't have given it a second thought, and with my monthly salary being less than what he makes in a single day, I couldn't understand his frustration.

"No... I don't think so. It sounded like he had a reason to go that way."

He insisted he was trying to pull a fast one on him. I suggested that maybe he had a family at home he was struggling to take care of. He told me that wasn't his problem. After a few minutes of this, I tried to reason with him.

"Do you realize how many seconds it takes you to make $3?"

That seemed to calm him down. He made us some more drinks and we cozied up on the couch and made out playfully 'til the wee hours of the morning. I told him I had to leave, he asked me if I wanted to stay. He was worried about my driving after having had quite a few drinks and being tired.

I was so concerned with not staying at his house that I convinced not only him, but myself, that I would be just fine to make the trip home. We made out for the next 20 minutes, slowly inching our way to the door, where we said a sad goodbye and I got in my car and took off, only to realize that I was definitely too drunk to be driving.

(Sidenote: I do NOT under any circumstances condone drunk driving. In fact, I am extremely against it and am always 100% willing to pick up my friends anywhere in the middle of the night, no matter how late. This was a mistake all the way, and one that I won't make again!)

I tried to turn around and go back to his house so I could stay the night, but was lost in a matter of minutes. I drove around for two hours before I was able to find my way to the freeway to get out of LA, and another hour on the freeway back to my house.

Upon arriving home, I burst into tears, never so relieved to be alive.

On a happier note, other than the totally obvious display of awful stereotypical behavior (and I HATE stereotyping) during the second cab ride, I think it was a pretty successful date. He's out of town for a month, but I guess we'll see what happens when he gets back!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I'm not much into clowns.

Finally starting to get over this damn cold (10 days? Really?) I decided to go out with this guy Dave, that found me on OkCupid, who's been hounding me all week for a "coffee" date or something. So cliche, no? Oh well.. not every guy can be blessed with a creative spirit, and he wasn't taking no for an answer, so when I finally got my voice back last night, I agreed to hang out tomorrow, aka this evening.

Not much in the mood for coffee, I redirected the date to the area of dinner - he suggested my very favorite restaurant Memphis (what a lucky guess!) and we met there. I'd seen some pictures of him and thought he was sort of cute; he turned out to be more attractive than I expected (always a nice surprise) and pretty tall. Boring haircut and outfit aside, he has big blue eyes and a charmingly vulnerable smile which gets me every time. We sat down at our table and started talking, and the more we talked the more I realized I hadn't the slightest clue what he did or who he was. The embarrassing part was that he had told me but I guess I've been talking to too many different guys because I have no recollection of the email exchange. Oops!

Anyway, apparently he's some big deal engineer for a local company that makes some really crazy new barcode system, and on the side he buys electronics, refurbishes, sells them, and makes a grip off the difference. Cute, smart, and entrepreneurial? Bring it on.

Though he was a math major in college (which he went to in Canada, where he's from) he actually had pretty impressive social skills, and I only ate a bit of my dinner (cornmeal crusted catfish and dirty rice.... pinch me) because our conversation was flowin' as smoothly as my martinis were going down. So far so good!

Once the bill was paid (which he took care of immediately... sexy) he told me he wasn't ready for the date to be over, I giggled, and he suggested one of my favorite late night spots down the street for a few drinks.

When we got there it was packed but we found a cozy table in the corner, and sat huddled together with our drinks, chatting. The more buzzed I got the more I realized that this date was actually going REALLY well.... like, I really like him! This never happens! We had a lot in common, he was totally interested in everything I had to say, and likewise, he's funny, he makes great eye contact (Girls and Boys: This is incredibly important if you want to come off as confident and comfortable, which you DO) and is super positive about life.

He asked me what my longest relationship was, I told him almost two years. He asked how long ago was that? I said about a year and a half ago. I asked when his last relationship was... his smile dropped and eyes darted away. Uh oh. He told me he didn't like to talk about it much. I pried.

"...10 years ago," he told me. I was buzzed but I did the math.... let's see... he's 28... "You haven't had a girlfriend since you were EIGHTEEN? WHY??"

He went on to tell me that he just couldn't figure it out. He'd meet girls, invite them out, sometimes they would say yes, they'd have at least an ok time, and they'd never hang out again. My crazy-dude radar started to beep annoyingly.

I pressed snooze.

I thought it sounded like a good idea to head back to his townhouse (which he owns, cool) to watch Flight of the Conchords, because nothing beats my two favorite New Zealanders. So funny. So sexy.

He changed into his pajamas and we got onto his bed. Ok, wait. Before I start, you have to visualize the layout of the situation.

Basically, we're laying on his bed, watching tv. During a commercial, he looks over and me with this really cute vulnerable look in his eye, and goes in for a kiss. He's a great kisser! I'm excited! We're kissing, we're happy, we're totally vibing on each other.

The show comes back on and I pull away and get back to watching... always playing the interested and then slightly-disinterested and then interested again card, works every time. (If you haven't read the Art of Seduction yet, DO.)

Except, ALAS! Our three minute makeout sesh has proved QUITE the turn-on for Dave, who is now sporting a more impressive tent than the Ringling Bros "Best Show on Earth," or whatever.... I'm not much into circuses anyway.

(More epic than this)

As you can see from my diagram, said tent-poppage is in my DIRECT line of vision, and seeing as he clearly hadn't taken any notice of the fact that I had noticed, I felt even more awkward. So here I am, laying there, and trying to look ANYWHERE but the TV. I check my phone. I send a text message. I ask him about the photography on the wall.

(Sidenote: Don't get me wrong, people. Being a girl in her early 20's with the libido of a bunny, I have no problem with boner. In fact, I like boner. I'm flattered by boner. Boner means fun things are to come. It means progress. It means we're in business. All fun aside, though, I'm still an old-fashioned girl and this was just not the appropriate time for boner. It was clear to both of us.)

(Sidenote #2: The good news is he's clearly packing some serious heat... there wasn't much left to the imagination.)

After the longest 45 seconds of my life, I heard him gasp and roll over uncomfortably, rigid with embarrassment. Maybe the track pants were a poor choice, my friend. "Do you want something to drink??" He jumps up and crosses awkwardly diagonally in front of the bed towards the fridge as to not display his obscene profile. Upon arriving at said fridge, he opens it and stands in it. "Is it hot in here?! It feels hot. Are you hot??"

I accepted a Vitamin Water and we layed there watching Flight of the Conchords and probably both wishing we could sink into the bed and disappear. Eventually after it wore off (which took literally like... 10 minutes. You would think the embarrassment/shame that was written all over his face would help calm things down? Guess not) I yawned and said I better go. He walked me out and gave me a less warm/comfortable hug than he welcomed me with.

I can't imagine what a second date would be like, but I can definitely say that he better not wear pajama pants next time. I wonder if this happens with all the other girls?

... Such is life.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Life isn't fair, Pt.1

The girl in the mirror is

A. Sick as all hell (and its been over a week!)

B. Posting this from her Treo, because she is

C. Unable to sign on to the internet.

Ahh! As if being sick isn't enough, I have to lay here in bed, feeling like crap, and I can't even play with OKCupid or have flirty AIM conversations. :(

It seems as though one of the many evil viruses infecting my laptop has attacked my wireless card... is this possible? It keeps saying there are wireless networks in range, but when I go to view them it says there aren't any, and won't connect.


So if any of you readers happen to be sexy tech-whizzes and want to email me ( ideas on how to fix this problem.... I would be MUCH oblidged.

'Til then.... muah!


Thursday, January 3, 2008

If it were this complicated, I would give up fooling around for good.

Sexual Consent

Add to My Profile | More Videos
(Thank you to T. for this video)

Can you imagine?

Thank god most guys aren't so opposed to Article 17.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

My new favorite waste of time

After calling in sick this morning (yes, New Year's Day, and no, not because I'm hungover, since I stayed home last night and watched tv with my friends... I'm actually super sick, and yes, my work HATES me right now and I'm sure totally doesn't believe me) I've been in bed relaxing all day, since there's not much else I can do.

That much downtime requires some entertainment, which has been a cross between these:

and also OkCupid:

Thanks to College Callgirl for the recommendation!

It has turned out to be totally entertaining. There aren't many things I like more than taking quizzes/filling out surveys about myself (other than making out with hotties and eating sushi) and seeing as its a cross between a never-ending quiz and a dating site (that functions off of the way you answer questions and the way you want your matches to answer questions) its kind of a match made in heaven, so to speak.

Not only does the website write its own questions, but members have the opportunity to submit their own questions, most of which are used in the basic test. There are also tons of additional specific quizzes that you can choose from and get a personality profile on your main page. I took the Dating Persona Quiz. Apparently I'm a "Maid of Honor," which kind of sounds like the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" type of situation, but apparently I'm a perfect catch?

The Maid of Honor
[Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM)]

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience,
you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love.
You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect... you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

Always avoid: The False Messiah (DBLM), The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Vapor Trail (RBLM), The Bachelor (DGSM)

Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), someone just like you.
Take the quiz: Dating Persona Test
Post your scores as a comment if you want. :)

(Please note my favorite question: "If you have ever had an STD, click here." Hilarious!)

I've already taken 200 basic questions aside from this quiz (I know... I've had all day), some of which are
"Would you consider dating someone you knew was married?" or "Have you ever had an STD?" or "What is your opinion of having a female president?"

So far, I've received 3 ims, 7 messages, and been favorited by 2 members. Interesting! I'll keep you updated if I actually plan on meeting anyone. There's actually a few cute ones on there.


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