Saturday, November 24, 2007

This is an A. and B. conversation, so C. your way out of it.

I had an interesting conversation at work today on the topic of "who pays."

In my opinion, whoever asks for the date pays. If a guy asks me to go out, I think he should pay for the date. If I ask a guy on a date, then I'll pay (or offer to pay) for the date.

Now the way that I get around that (because of course there's a way.... I am a girl you know) is that I don't usually ask a guy on a date. I have gotten really good at making guys think that they are the ones that wanted to go out in the first place. But rules are rules, and if I do actually do the asking I will for sure assume I'm going to pay.

The other thing is that if I want to be really charming, even on the first date, I'll start moving towards my wallet when the check comes. That way, the guy will see that I'm going towards money to pitch in, and will almost inevitably be totally impressed that I am willing to pay/say "Oh no way, don't worry about it!" This definitely scores me some points in the way of being an awesome girl and not a gold-digging moochface. Plus he scores some points by not letting me pitch in (usually...).

The second date usually goes as the first does. This is kind of a crossroads for the budding relationship on many levels; obviously a second date meant I liked him (and he liked me) enough to want to see each other again. On the subject of who pays, if he again pays for this date, chances are he's either A. a keeper or B. has more money than most of the guys his age. If he lets me pay this time, I will either A. not mind because I'm totally digging his chili, or B. be kind of turned off and not see him again. Hopefully it will be option A., as I have a hard time changing my own mind after it makes itself up.

Going dutch (ugh... even the phrase turns me off) is a whole 'nother ball game. It is the world's biggest turn-off to pay for my own meal. I would rather take us both out to dinner, or the movies, or bowling or whatever than have to just pay for myself. If I wanted to pay for myself, I would have gone out by myself. Going dutch to me means that he A. was raised by wolves or B. does not intend to see me again. It most likely means that he isn't expecting to take turns, as in I will pay next time, because he doesn't foresee a next time. In the event that we go dutch, I don't foresee a next time either.

By the third date, I'm more than happy to pay if he'll let me. I don't expect a guy to pay for every meal, show ticket, bucket of popcorn, or pair of rental skates for me for the rest of our relationship. I think that's unrealistic (unless, of course, your name is Holly, Bridget, or Kendra.... you lucky bitches). I am a mostly-modern girl and I do find pleasure in taking someone I like a lot out to dinner. I will, however, never turn down being treated, unless its like a birthday or something.

My friend at work has a different strategy, and its mapped out quite nicely by date number. I hope I get this right (please feel free to correct me if I miss anything).

First Date: She expects him to pay. She doesn't make a move to chip in, but says a big thank you after the check is taken care of.

Second Date: Again, she expects him to pay. But this time, she will ask if he wants some money. Hopefully he doesn't.

Third Date: By the third date, she will offer to chip in, and if he doesn't let her, she'll buy him a drink or something later on.

Fourth Date: By this time she thinks its fair to pick up the tab, and is totally willing to. Although I don't think she's be too upset if he didn't let her, she's happy to pay for this one.

After that, I think its kind of up to the guy to offer to pay, but she'll pick up some too. We both agreed that its a big turn on when a guy pays a lot of the time, but she put it well when she said, "guys our age either can't pay all the time or have rich daddies."

I think that about sums it up.... that's actually a pretty good method. I think I'm gonna try that next time there's a new somebody to try it with. :)

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