Wednesday, March 5, 2008


As we grow up, we all (or most of us) come to learn some important rules about dating and the dynamics between us and the people we are interested in.

"Don't be too available."

"Wait three days before calling."

"Don't put out on the first date."

Obviously, there are some ageless pieces of wisdom that we all know, and some of us follow. But there are deeper intricacies that make simple ideals that much more effective. For example, not being too available. Sure, I can get a text message from a guy I met that asks if I can hang out that night, and I can write back and say I'm busy. But you know what's even better? Not writing back 'til that night, when I'm busy. See what I mean?

There are so many of these little games (albeit stupid... I'm the first to admit that all these little dating games are bullshit and the world would be a better place without the unneeded frustrations that go along with them) that make the chance of having the person you really like fall for you that much greater. (Again... stupid, but proven successful from many, many experiments.)

Now as much as I would like to believe myself to be some incredible dating guru who has a natural talent for making guys fall head over heels in love with her, this stuff does not come easily for me. I spent the first 75% of my dating career being "that girl."

You know the one. She likes a guy, and she makes it known; not only to him, but also his roommates, his friends, her friends, their mutual friends, his pets, and whoever else will listen.
The girl that texts him as soon as she wakes up to tell him the dreams she had about how they got married and what their kids looked like, and as she's falling asleep to let him know that he's the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. Before I scare you away (as so many I have during those shameful years), I'll continue.

I have learned much of what I know through trial and error, but experience is the worst teacher: It gives you the test before ever presenting the lesson. And sometimes that just isn't good enough.

A year ago, I moved into my current house, with two fun girls around my age. I only realized recently that one of them is my source of endless amounts of boy advice, because when she moved out I found myself thinking, "What would Brandy do?" She is intelligent and beautiful, of course, but in the world of seducing the boys you really want, you have to have a bit better hand than that. She always has blackjack.

She's the girl who goes into a bar, and by the time she leaves she's been asked for her contact info by the top 5 hottest guys in the room, without having approached any of them herself. She is pretty much constantly dating a small handful of some of the most attractive, sweetest guys you could round up (including high fashion models, working actors, celebrity bodyguards, Ultimate Fighters, professional football players.... you get the picture). And most importantly (for me), she is the girl that I can always tell my dating dilemmas to, and who always knows exactly how to handle any given situation. She's very independent and resilient, and whenever I find myself floating back into the "it's been three days, why hasn't he called me yet?" mentality, I remember that it isn't the guys I should be worried about; it's me that they should be worried about. And with that motto, I move on to the next, and by the time I hear from the lame guy who took an extra week to call me after we went out, I've already met a few more guys and have all but forgotten about that one. (Which definitely works in my favor, because they always want to get back in the picture when they can see I have other things going on in my life. If you take nothing else from this entry, take that bit of wisdom.)

These little differences may seem trivial or benign, but they are the reason why sometimes gorgeous girls can't seem to find anyone better than some average looking, moronic douchebag who treats them like crap, and girls who aren't necessarily 10's (or even 7's or 8') or all that smart or interesting but always seem to get the most amazing guys. There aren't any leagues (let's cut out this "he's out of my league" shit, once and for all please). You could potentially have any girl or guy that you want. It's all in the way you approach things. (And, to put it very basically, all about letting them know you're interested and then making them think that you're far too busy or important to worry about it. Being comfortable in your own skin and being your first priority is the world's biggest aphrodisiac. Promise.)

And with that, I will just say simply...

Go get 'em, tigers!

Suggested reading: The Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene

P.S. On a side note, but totally related to this subject, do you remember The Sexy Czechy I noted in my Most Epic Week In History post? The young engineer/kitesurfer Val Kilmer look alike.... Well anyway, after that night (a month ago), I never heard from him, though he had insisted on getting my number. So (like I was saying) I forgot about it and moved on to the next. Well, two days ago he texted me, and apologized for the big gap and very confidently suggested lunch at a nice restaurant right on the beach for the next day. Long story short, we had lunch yesterday, and it was FAB. The weather was perfect, the convo was seamless, he was even more handsome than I remembered, and we kissed at the end, where he said we really HAD to do it again. Hopefully this won't be the last mention of The Sexy Czechy!

5 people had something to say:

figuring it out as she goes said...

(tear)my little girl is all grown up! i'm sooo flattered right now. you have no idea. it's not everyday that you're actually "bloggable". speaking of which, YOU have inspired me. check me out. first blog posted yesterday. xoxoxoxoxo.

xtina said...

You've been tagged. ^_^

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog. I appreciate the outlook you have on life. Live it up!

Anonymous said...

1. If all those "stupid games" you play have been proven successful, why are you not in a successful relationship?

2. You're right, only a "lame" guy would want back "into your life" after he saw you had "other things" going on. And only a childish girl would consider dating numerous people as important "things" that are going on in her life.

The Renaissance Man said...

Different strokes for different folks. Her definition of a succesful relationship is likely radically different from yours. She's not harming anyone, so I don't see why you're placing such a harsh judgement upon her chosen lifestyle. People have different priorities, different standards, and different lifestyles. Ranting anonymously on the internet will get you no where.


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