I Love PostSecret

Does anyone else follow it?

These two spoke to me.


The first I could have sent,
and the second he could have sent.

There's something very comforting to know that there are strangers all over the country with the same secret thoughts. Have any of you ever mailed in a secret?

As promised.... THE DREAM

I mentioned in my last post (and which Mason Stanley so kindly mentioned in his, as well), I had a dream. It was a few days before our first meeting, so as you know if you've been paying attention, I had no idea what he looked like yet.

I had woken up in the morning for work by the sound of my alarm, but pressed snooze a few times as usual. When I do this (as I'm sure you've experienced too), I don't fall completely back asleep, so I usually have some very lucid dreams that I can remember well once I've woken up again. Generally speaking, I fall back asleep while I'm thinking of something, so the dream is half thought and half imagination.

On this particular morning, I fell mostly asleep and had a dream about a new guy I had met and was dating. The interesting thing about him was A. I could see him very clearly (and at least for me, usually the visuals in dreams are a bit hazy and hard to recall) and B. he wasn't an image of someone I had seen recently, as is usually the case in dreams. More on that in a second.

I had met this new guy and we were seeing each other. We were getting to know each other and having a great time, doing all of these really fun things together. He was smart, funny, and I knew he liked me, though he didn't lay it on super thick, like "oh my gosh, I've never felt this way, etc etc," which I've learned (through some harsh realizations) is not usually to be trusted.

Looks-wise, he was only a couple inches taller than me, light brown hair, cute eyes, a nose with a bump on it, strong chin, average build. Dressed simply/casually, and comfortable in his own skin. The only person I could think of that he kind of looked like is my friend Drew, but it definitely wasn't him. He was really cute, not drop-dead hot but I was really attracted to him.

We were doing all of these great activities; laughing and talking and bonding. But we hadn't kissed yet. Eventually, we were both laying on his bed talking, our faces very close. I thought in my head, "are you ever going to kiss me?" and at that moment he gave me a big smooch. We kissed for a few minutes, not hot and heavy and intense, but sweet, nice kissing. Eventually we stopped because we both realized it was going to inspire more if we didn't. He was very respectful.

It was a great dream, and it was on my mind all day. My first thought was, "oh, that's the one." I had this sense of calm and relief. It felt like I had seen into my future, and it was the guy I would meet and end up with. I even told my co-workers and friends about it. I described what he looked like, and as I said the only person I could think of that he looked like was my friend Drew, but it wasn't; plus, I haven't even seen or talked to him in over 6 months, so its not like the image of him was fresh in my mind.

You can imagine how shocking it was to walk up to Mason Stanley in front of Fox Sports Grill and find that he looked identical to the guy in my dream. And though it didn't occur to me at first, the hanging out a lot and doing all kinds of fun activities was accurate too, along with not having kissed yet until lots of dates into it. And the eventual kiss on his bed that lasted a few minutes and was sweet and not aggressive, of course, was the icing on the cake.

The girls at work thought it was crazy too, considering I'd told them all about the dream, and then they knew I was planning on meeting a fellow blogger... and they ended up being the same guy.


I had thought that the dream was a preview of the guy I was going to fall in love with, as crazy as that sounds. But I don't think it was anything more than a little intuition about a guy I'd be meeting a few days later.

Still..... weird!

DTR, Part 2 (+3+4+5)

I know, I know... I'm such a lagger.


Monday

Mason had gotten back on Sunday, so Monday we decided to have sushi and beers. He picked me up again (and yes, as he said I normally don't like to have a guy pick me up the first time if I don't know him well; never know when he's going to turn out to be a creepfest.... but once I know he's not, I love it when he picks me up), and we went over to the sushi place that has specials on Mondays. We sat at the sushi bar and had a really good conversation. He even remembered that I was getting a new job; impressive.

He told me about this underground society of pick-up artists he's been reading about (a la that show on VH1), and how there are all these message boards stuff, and said he'd show me some of the videos he found. He was talking about how boring work had been, and I asked why he hadn't written his blog about our first date. He insisted that he did, although I'd checked and it said there weren't any new posts. He whipped out his phone and went to his site; and sure enough, there was a new one. Except that he wouldn't let me read it! Imagine this: you're on a second date with a guy, and you've just found out there is a whole story written by him about what it was like to go on a date with you, and you can't see it. Torture!

Finally he let me read it; I thought it was pretty cute. It's funny to read the point of view of someone you've been on a date with... there are details and opinions that normally you wouldn't know if it was just a regular situation. So we finish reading it and we're laughing, and then it occurs to me... he likes me! Every time he looks at me, I'm thinking "you liiiike me," and I'm smiling to myself for the rest of the dinner; he keeps asking me what I'm smiling about. He'd made some comment about being able to read minds, so I told him he should put it to use, but he said he couldn't use it on command. Ha.

We finished dinner (he payed... "since it was happy hour") and ended up going back to hang out at his house (GASP! I know. That breaks every rule in my book. And I told him that too! But I wasn't worried that he might turn into this.) We hung out and talked and he showed me some videos of pick-up artists at work, and a book he loves called The Art of Deception. (Should I start taking these things as a bad sign?) After hanging out for awhile we agreed it was late, and he walked me out, said goodbye, and went inside. Note: Second official date, no kiss. Not a big deal... just saying.


Tuesday

We were texting each other, and I told him about my plans to go to the Taco Tuesday we both frequent. He told me he really wanted to go but wasn't sure if his friends did. This continued, even once I was there already with my friends (all of which, as it occured to me later, I have through Erwin, though he wasn't there.) Eventually he talked one of his friends into going with him, and he came and found my friends and I at our table without his own. (I realized the next day that it could have potentially been an uncomfortable situation to introduce a new guy to a group of my ex's friends, though it didn't seem to be, and I got the impression that they liked him.)

He hung out with us for awhile 'til 4/6 of us had to leave, and my remaining friend and him got up to get drinks. From there, we hung out at the bar, talking to people we ran into that we knew (one of mine was Ryan M, a guy I dated awhile ago, which was super awkward... I'll save that story for another time though) and flirting with each other. He spent a good portion of the evening telling me how adorable I am (reminicent of our first meeting). I'd told him I would give him a ride home, since the friend he came with wouldn't be able to. After awhile we decided to leave and we went to Denny's (he paid again, since I "only got french fries") before going back to his house. On the drive he told me that though he doesn't tell me how cute I am when he's sober, he's still thinking it. I asked him why, since he claims to be very outspoken, and he said that as cocky as he may come off, he's still "scared shitless" to tell a girl he likes her if he doesn't know she likes him.

We hung out for awhile talking on his bed 'til he finally made a move to kiss me. I made a joke about it, but let him, and we made out for awhile. (And yes, he is a good kisser. I know you were going to ask.) It started to trip me out a little bit because it was exactly like my dream*(more on this another time, promise), but it was fun, and eventually he walked me out because we were both exhausted.


Wednesday

I got an email from this PR girl I know who's a big deal in the music industry that said she had two tickets for me for one of my top 3 most favorite bands, Rilo Kiley. The show started at 7 so I only had a few hours to find someone to go with. Initially I thought of Mason Stanley, since we'd been talking about them and he had never heard of them before (which I, of course, promised to change). But realizing that we'd already spent the last two nights together, I reasoned that it was better to figure something else out. I texted a few people and they were busy or out of town. So I texted him and asked him if a round-about way if he'd want to go. He said he did and didn't seem phased by the three consecutive days.

I rushed home after work and he came to my house while I changed, and we left; I drove this time. He made fun of me for listening to the Christian radio station. We talked a lot in the car, or at least he did. I don't know if I was being far less interesting than I normally am, but it seemed like he wasn't as interested in what I had to say as he has been on the first two dates. We got there in perfect timing to park on the hill in $15 stacked parking (I paid), get our tickets from will-call, get some drinks (which he paid for, since he "can write them off on the company card"), find our seats, and have a few minutes before RK came on.

The show was great. It wasn't his favorite kind of music, and he felt really out of his element, but he seemed to have a good time. We wanted to do something after in LA but couldn't think of anything or anyone that would have something going on, so we decided to get food and I picked a Thai place I like called Toi Thai. He'd never had thai food before (oh, the shame) but was up for it. I think he was surprised at how loud the music was and how many people were there at midnight on a Wednesday. Neither of us had much to say and we sat and texted other people (we were those people) until our food got there. It seemed like he liked it. We didn't talk much, maybe out of tiredness, though he made a few future-plan comments about how he wants to take me to one of his concerts next, and how he can't wait 'til I start hanging out with his friends. The bill came and neither of us made a move for it for a few minutes, so I paid it.

We opened our fortune cookies (my favorite thing).

Mine: "An admirer is concealing their affection for you."

His: "A big challenge lies ahead of you."

We laughed about them. They both seemed fitting. He slipped his into his watch, I put mine in my purse. We agreed we like to keep the good ones.

We drove home, both super tired. We talked about shows he gets tickets to that he hasn't seen; namely Wicked, which is one of my favorite musicals and I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT. Yes, I know all the words. I proceeded, both out of feeling comfortable around him and being deliriously tired, to pop in the soundtrack and animatedly sing him the songs. Not sure if this was amusing, annoying, or embarrassing, but either way I thought it was funny.

We got to my house after what seemed like 3 hours and said goodbye with a hug. I had thought he would kiss me... for the first time that night (maybe I'm mistaken, but when you start seeing someone, and after your first kiss, doesn't that normally become part of the equation? Just checking.) but he didn't, and said something about trying to make it awkward. I told him it couldn't have been more awkward than the first time on the doorstep. He told me that he "learned a lot tonight." I figured he was referring to the indie music scene and thai food. We said goodnight and I went in and went to bed.


Thursday

We didn't talk today, aside from a couple text messages after work.


So all in all, I've been having a good time with him. The first few dates seemed to go progressively well, but for some reason the last one gave me the impression we're headed towards friend-territory at a fast clip. I may be wrong, I don't know. I thought we were getting along really well at first, but on Wednesday it seemed like we weren't really getting each other or connecting.

Plus, and please feel free to let me know if I'm way off base, I thought it was weird that we didn't kiss or anything (not hello or goodbye even, no touching, nothing) at all. It didn't even bother me so much, but just makes it seem like it's not moving in that direction. Not sure if it's because it's not there, or if neither of us is bold enough.

Guess we'll see. (Especially after we read his rendition of the story.... if he ever writes it... Ahem.)


On a side note, if you've read any of the posts I've written about who pays, (yep, all 15 of 'em!) you know that this is a very big, important topic to me. And if you've read his blog, you know it's big to him too. I do really appreciate the times he's picked up the check, and I always say thank you. But I find it weird that with every "thank you" comes an explanation of why he's paying it; because what I ordered was cheap, because our bill was half-priced, because he can write it off, etc. It makes me wonder, if those things weren't the case, would I have to pay for it? Am I not worth a full-priced dinner? Just saying.

A Date To Remember

I am so sorry to keep you guys on the edge of your seats all weekend, but a busy schedule superseded writing this post.

So! Down to business. As I said before, Thursday was the "big day," or date, so to speak. I wrote that as I was getting ready, thinking Mason Stanley would be ready around 8. At 7:40 he texted to say he was ready and leaving in a few minutes. Slightly panicked (totally not ready yet, new shirt I was going to wear wrinkled and in the dryer [right], etc), I said to text me when he left; that way I'd be prepared when he got here, right?

So I continue getting ready, phone on vibrate (I'm an idiot sometimes). I hear the doorbell ring, and ask my roommate to get the door; definitely not my plan. She lets him in and I stand in my room, trying to figure out how I'm going to walk downstairs, say hi to him, grab my shirt, and put it on without it being awkward. So I just sort of go for it. Say hi, run back upstairs, put it on, and I'm good to go. (4 minutes my ass!)

We take off to dinner in his car, which apparently is a big deal because he's never usually the one to drive when he goes out with his friends. We get to the restaurant, which is a family-owned type of local Italian place, very cute. We pick a table and order and start talking. We review our conversation from our first meeting, most of which he didn't recall. We talk about our families and friends. One of the waiters comes over and brings us a pink shot that we all take together. We trade our accounts of trying out for Parental Control on MTV (which we were both on), and he convinces me to tell him the "craziest thing I've ever done," which they made me describe on the show, though I'm not sure it made it into the episode. He says, "that's it? Boooring..." So, naturally, I call him out; "I'm sorry that I don't 'sleep with more guys than is safe or reasonable,'" which is a line from his Myspace (sub girls for guys). For a brief moment I think I may have actually embarrassed the unembarrassable (self-professed) but he recovers smoothly and explains that it's a quote from one of his favorite authors; I guess it. "Tucker Max?" The conversation continues, as we figure out we're both fans, and through one of his friends that knows him we should be able to hang out with him soon. (Future plans? Check.)

We eat and drink our beers and take off when we realize the place is closing. I had thought he had come up with a whole plan (my guess was bowling), but once we walked out he didn't know what we should do. One of us suggested the Hookah place a few doors down and we went in to get one. I've been there before and it was pretty cool, but for some reason it just seemed really sketchy and weird, and there weren't any couches left. We looked at each other and decided unanimously to try something else. We hop in the car and he starts driving towards a club a little ways away but second guesses himself. He asks if I want to go bowling, which I did.

He buys two games and assures me that they won't make me wear the rental shoes (ay yay yay). He helps me pick out my ball (since I'm A. very weak and need a very light ball and B. adult size and my fingers don't fit in the child sizes), and after throwing one a security guy walks up and tells me I need shoes, so we go get some and get back to our game. He gave me some good pointers, which helped a few times, but for the most part I.... decided to let him win. Don't want to throw off his male ego, ya know? Ha. We both seem to relax a bit while we're playing, and start being more goofy. He was being flirty, and would find reasons to nudge me or touch my arm every time we passed each other, which was cute.

After the second game we get back in the car and start driving, to nowhere in particular, he says. We end up in Dana Point, and he drives up on a cliff along the ocean. He says he's going to show me a gazebo he likes to hang out at. Again, I call him out; "Oh, is this the move you pull on all the girls?" He says no, and we end up just driving by it. I laugh and we head back in the direction we came from.

We drive by a bar that we both realized we go to a lot, and he suggests we go there, but then says we shouldn't because he knows so many people there. Is he afraid of people seeing him with me? Really? It occurs to him how it sounded and he tries to explain that he doesn't want to be distracted by other people. Good answer.

We end up in the next town by the water and at the same bar but a different location. As we walk in he runs into a pretty blonde girl that he introduces me to immediately, and she's really excited to see him. He tells me they went to prom together after he met her at the restaurant he worked at a week before her prom. We sit at the bar and order some drinks, and I open a tab. We talk for awhile and decide to sit outside and chat after getting another drink.

We sit outside talking, and discuss work and a lot of deeper topics that we hadn't really touched on so far in the evening. Up until that point the conversation was really good but seemed very surface level, and it seemed like we both opened up a little bit at that point. One thing I really like about talking to him is that he makes really good eye contact the whole time and I get the impression that he's listening really intently. We find that we've had a lot of similar experiences and it seems like we're connecting. He tells me he knows the owner of a salon that's really well known and will take me to the next event they have there. (More future plans? Check.)

At this point I'm a little buzzed (I'm a major lightweight, if I haven't mentioned that already) and we decide its time to head back to my house since I have to work the next day. When we get back to my house, he pulls up to the curb, with the engine running. He asks me if I want him to walk me to the door.

If I have a choice between being dropped off on the sidewalk or actually saying a proper goodbye after spending the evening together, which do you think I'm going to choose?

So, I tell him it's up to him, which is obvious girl-language for "there's only one right answer and I hope you choose wisely," which he figures out. As we're walking to the door I start worrying that wanting him to walk me to the door might look like me "wanting him to walk me to the door," a la that scene from Hitch when he explains that the girl stands in front of the door and fumbles with her keys because she's waiting for the guy to kiss her. I can tell you, at least usually after the first date, trying to make that awkward goodbye on the front stoop into a notable first kiss almost never works out the way its supposed to. Plus, (not to steal his thunder, but it's the truth) it's totally forced. Anyway. So we're walking towards my door and I'm really hoping he doesn't think I want him to walk me up there so we can have that awkward first-date kiss in front of the door, and then I'm thinking maybe I should have just gotten out of the car. Ugh.

So we get there, and he gives me a big hug and tells me he had a really good time, which is actually a little surprising coming from him, because he's mostly on the more sarcastic/dry side. I agree and we talk about how we'll hang out again. Then he goes in for another hug, and as I go to hug him back he sort of leans away, and then I sort of lean away 'cause I'm thinking, what is he doing? Is he trying to kiss me? And we look at each other. And then he sort of leans back in for the hug, and I do too, and then we pull away, and now it's super awkward. And then he says, "whoa, were you trying to kiss me?!"

Omg. No. No I wasn't. And now, as though that little half hug situation weren't awkward enough, now we're on my front stoop arguing about who was trying to kiss who. At least we're both laughing. A lot.

So I open my door and go in as he walks to his car, and I blow him a kiss as he gets in, which makes him smile (cheesy or not).

I get in my house and realize I left my leftovers in the backseat of his car, and I'm actually kind of bummed 'cause they were so good, but I don't want to be the girl that texts the guy the second he leaves. It's so much more satisfying if he texts me after instead.

I go upstairs and go to bed, falling asleep pretty quickly. When I wake up for work I see he texted me soon after he left to say he has my leftovers, but all that means is that now I'll have to hang out with him again. Cute! Oh, and a notable text during that day (because who doesn't love the use of totally tacky pick-up lines at the right moment?): After he said he was really tired, I told him I knew why... because he was running through my mind all day! Yep. Super cheesy. But when that's the point, I like to think it's sort of charming.

He was out of town for the weekend, though we were texting every day. He can sometimes be cute, but also sometimes sarcastic, which I'm into. One without the other, or when they're way out of balance, is never a good recipe for flirting, but he's got both. I love to be sarcastic and feisty, and I get the feeling a lot of the time that people don't get it, or that it scares them away, so it's always nice to find someone who can dish it out and take it too.

Anyway.... he got home yesterday, and asked me today if I had plans for tonight, which I didn't. And we went out again! But that's a story that I'll save for tomorrow. :)

Suffice it to say, things went well.

Drum Roll Please...

Tonight is the night!

I ended up getting off of work earlier than I expected to so Mason Stanley and I are going out when he gets done with work. He should be here in like 45 minutes... eek.

He asked me for ideas and I told him I trust him to figure something out.... I don't know why but it seems like he's worried about coming up with a good plan! I feel bad. I'm not hard to impress in terms of activities; as long as there is good conversation and a connection, and he's sweet, I don't care what we do. (And of course, there is a little added pressure, what with having an audience and all. It's gotta be blog worthy!)

Anyway, he said he had come up with a plan, and it sounds like we're going to get dinner and maybe something else after that? We'll see.

And as always.... I'll fill you in on all the details very soon.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

As I was saying in my last post, I've been talking lately with Mason Stanley and we were making plans to hang out. We both wanted to go on a "real date," as in... "pick you up at 8, go to dinner and the movies" kind of thing, but it was going to be awhile before we both had a completely free night to do that, and my (our?) impatience got the best of us.

I also started to wonder if maybe I already knew him, since after chatting for a bit we'd realized we hang out at all the same places, on the same nights. It seemed more likely that we would have met before, or at least had some friends in common.

So he had plans to go out with his friends, and he asked me to come and meet up with them at an entertainment complex nearby our neighborhood. I was hanging out with my roommate and her boyfriend so I didn't leave right away. I had to be up early so I told him I would come, but only for a little while.

When I got there at about 11:30, I called him to tell him I was outside of the bar he was hanging out at. He said he was too, but there was no one around. I thought maybe he was messing with me, since from inside the bar he'd be able to see where I was standing, but then I figured out he was standing at the other entrance and started walking over. I saw him standing outside talking to me on his phone, and as I got closer I saw that he was really cute; a few inches taller than me, with the same piercing I have, and definitely my type.

I walked up and said, "Hi!" He looked back at me and said, "Hi, wow, you're cute! I had no idea what you were going to look like." I said, "I know, that was the point! What's your name?" We introduced ourselves and started walking towards the bar where his friends had moved to. We went over the basics; where we're from, what we do for a living, etc. He kept looking at me funny which was charming. I could tell he was drunk, but he was at least holding himself together pretty well.

We got to the bar and we ran into a few of his friends, all girls. He didn't introduce me at first and I wondered if he'd told anyone about me or how he knew me. After they stopped talking I introduced myself and felt a little uncomfortable. I know how female friends can be sometimes and I wasn't sure who they thought I was in the first place.

We went and sat at the bar and ordered some drinks. I payed (I know Simon, aren't you shocked??) since he had insisted that I was the one that had initiated the 'date.' We chatted, mostly about the things we were into, places we hang out, our families, our backgrounds, and how we study and research body language (and all areas in which we had lots in common), and every couple of minutes one of his guy friends would come up and talk to us and ask me a bunch of questions. They were really funny guys! I can definitely see why he's friends with them.

After awhile all of his friends kept coming up and asking us to come down to the pool table they had, but we weren't going (we had a lot of getting to know each other to do!). Eventually they all (~8-10 of them?) pulled up stools and started asking all these questions; who was I? how did we meet? how long have we known each other? was I coming back to his house with them after?

I talked with them a lot, maybe even more than I got to talk with him. They were super cool, and I ended up hitting it off with the girls too, who I think ended up liking me a lot. I knew it was a big deal for him to bring me out with his friends, since he always mentions that in his blog; if there's a girl he thinks he might like, he always wants to see what his friends are going to think. By the time they were going to get going, they were trying to talk me into coming back to his house with them to hang out, but I had to be up super early and kept trying to tell them I couldn't go. At least it's a good sign that they really wanted me to come, right?

So they called a cab big enough to carry them all to his house, and he said he was going to walk me to my car. We started walking and he found a table and chairs and wanted to sit and chat. I reminded him that the cab would be here soon and that his friends might leave without him, and they called him to tell him the cab was there and they were leaving, but he wanted to keep talking, so I told him I'd drop him off since he lives so close. He seemed like a really sweet guy, and kept telling me how he thought I was so adorable. We talked for a little while longer and walked to my car, where he gave me one of his "business" cards.... or put more simply, a card with his last name (what he goes by) and his phone number, and a girl has to wonder if he hands these out a lot? Albeit smooth, but kind of a bad sign.

So we drove back to his house, and I was going to drop him off outside, but he insisted that I come in and see the cat that he had thought all along was a girl, but just found out was a boy when he went to get it fixed. I walked in and all of his friends seemed excited I was there, and I stayed and talked for a few minutes, but really did have to go. He walked me out to my car and gave me a hug, where he told me again I was adorable and wanted to hang out again.

When I got home, he texted me and said he wants to hang out for real soon, when I'm not "Cinderella with a curfew." Good one! I called him Prince Charming and asked when he was taking me out on a date. He asked me the next day if he'd embarrassed himself, which he didn't. I am looking forward to hanging out with him when he's sober though.

We've texted each other over the past few days but have yet to make a solid plan, since we both have busy schedules. Hopefully we will soon.

And you know I'll fill you in on all the details. :)

Who's up for a little adventure?

So if you've been paying any attention at all, you know that I'm sort of ballsy.

Some of you may be familiar with Mason Stanley, a blogger who writes an advice-type blog and also a blog about his personal experiences in dating, which is a lot like A Date In The Life... A boy after my own heart, right? I know of him because he's commented on some of his postings, and put me in his blogroll.

The other day he emailed me a question about a post he was writing, and after a few emails were exchanged I asked, just out of curiosity, whereabouts he lives. It could have been anywhere in the United States, so you can imagine I was a little surprised when I found that he lives less than 5 minutes from me. What are the chances, right?

It seemed all too appropriate to go on a date, so that we could each write about our perspectives from the guy and the girl standpoint. Right? All for the sake of our readers, of course. (Insert winking face.... haha)

We decided, just for the sake of adventure, to go on a legit blind date; no exchange of pictures, no myspace/facebook... not even real names, since we both have aliases. So as of now, all we know about each other is that we are both 23, we live in the same place, and that we hang out at all of the same bars. (Again, weird, right?) It's almost hard to believe that we haven't met already. (Sidenote: Arrgh... what if we have??)

I'm not sure if I'm going to be meeting up with him and his friends tonight (out of sheer impatience for waiting around to find out who this guy is), or if we're going to go on a "real date" at some point in the near future, but I can assure you that either way, you'll be the first to know all about it.

Wish me luck!



And on that note, isn't it funny that today's Single-ish blog post on Glamour.com is about the author, Ryan, and a friend of another blogger, being set up on a blind date through a blog? And how the girl is going to write a post afterwards on her perspective of it? Hmm.

Diamonds and Devotion

It occured to me this morning as I was getting dressed what month it is. And more importantly, what month in what year it is.

June 2008.

It might not be that significant to you. And I didn't even realize it was significant to me either, 'til something reminded me of The Ex.

Had we done things according to the plans we had made (and talked about constantly), we would have been getting married this month. MARRIED.

I know, right? Wow. It's almost unbelievable to me. Honestly, I can hardly even remember what it was like to be with him, it seems so long ago. I remember similarly, it hit me last June that we would have been getting engaged at that time, but since then I guess I had just put it out of my mind. It really snuck up on me.

But I went off to work (on my day off, mind you) for a class, knowing that at least concentrating on something else would temporarily distract my mind from it.

So there I am, in our back room learning all kinds of new things about our haircolor line, when in walks one of the girls I work with, sporting a brand new sparkling rock on her left ring finger. I tell myself I'm hallucinating and turn my attention back to the lecture.

Another one of the girls I work with (engaged), walks back to mix color and sees the ring, and they start talking excitedly about diamonds and fiances and wedding plans, and now I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded. I focus again on the class.

Another girl I work with walks back (also engaged) and gives her a big congratulatory hug. Now everyone is giggling and hugging. My eyes are stinging with tears and my stomach is imitating the washing machine churning beside me. I don't even notice that 10 minutes has gone by when I realize I haven't heard anything our educator is talking about, but I'm nodding along with the information.

So now, I am one of two un-engaged (or un-married) girls at my work, and the other girl has a serious boyfriend. Literally, I kid you not. There are 6 engaged girls! I am surrounded daily by diamonds and devotion. Where's mine?

And this, of course, all comes fairly soon after a break-up with Erwin; someone who I thought was sort of downright amazing. I wish he hadn't said all the things he said if he didn't mean them.

And on the subject of weddings, remind me to tell you all about my opinion on the Sex And The City movie. Cute movie! TERRIFYING PREMISE.



Note: I'm not upset anymore about not marrying The Ex, as I've realized over the course of the past few years that it's definitely for the best. But I'm starting to feel a little left behind, knowing that that could have been me too.

My Achy-Breaky Heart

I know it's been a long time, you guys. But alcohol has fueled a pretty honest blog post, and I hope you can enjoy it while it lasts.

My heart aches for Erwin. I know it's been awhile, and I should have moved on. I know I've been out with other guys. I know he's only human. But I still haven't been able to get over him.

I know what he did was no dice, but I also know that he was pretty damn incredible and I wonder if I'm going to find another like him.

A girl can dream. Sigh.