Monday, April 7, 2008

Waitlisted

Maybe something I should consider starting.

Let me explain. When I was seeing Erwin, I had changed my status on my Facebook profile to say I was "In A Relationship." Due to the Live Feed Facebook started some months back, pretty much everyone I know was alerted to this fact. This includes many a boy I have gone on dates with recently. I have too much pride to change it just yet.

I don't write about each and every date, by virtue of a majority of them not being blog-worthy at all. For example, Steven, who I went out for drinks with the night before I went to Disneyland for my first date with Erwin. He's a 25 year old law school student who I met on OKCupid, who's good looking and super sweet, but missing some key ingredients. He showed up dressed like it was laundry day (alright when we've been dating for awhile, but on a first date I would have assumed he would want to make the best first impression), spent a majority of the date talking about his ex and how broke he was, and as we ordered our first beers, he announced that he would pay for the first ones, but that I would be paying for the second ones. Now I'm not saying boys need to shell out more money than they have, but if he doesn't have the money to pay for two rounds of beers.... let's just order one. (Boys, please. Don't ever TELL a girl on a first date - that YOU invited her on - that she's going to have to pay for the next round. Bad manners.)

Anyway, in my opinion, it was a nice time but nothing to write home about. In his opinion, though, we had a ton in common, amazing chemistry, and he really wanted to see me again. After a few weeks of text messages from him, I didn't hear from him anymore, until tonight.

Steven (10:01:17 PM): hey you. how is it going w/ your bf?
Me (10:01:47 PM): i'm guessing you got that from facebook?
Steven (10:02:12 PM): yeah
Steven (10:04:02 PM): can i just ask why you kind of didn't consider me for a 2nd date?
Steven(10:04:07 PM): i guess i misread something
Steven (10:04:12 PM): but i enjoyed chilling w/ ya
Steven (10:04:19 PM): i am not second guessing you or anything
Steven(10:04:24 PM): just curious if i did something wrong
Steven (10:04:27 PM): just for future reference
Me (10:04:29 PM): it isn't that i didnt consider hanging out with you again
Steven (10:04:36 PM): on a date level though?
Me (10:05:00 PM): i had thought i was going to go out with you again probably
Steven (10:05:09 PM): ?
Me (10:05:34 PM): you're a nice guy, we had a good time
Steven (10:05:44 PM): but i guess i lost my shot
Steven (10:05:56 PM): it just seemed like i asked you to hang a few times afterwards
Steven (10:06:06 PM): and you said you were busy and all
Me (10:06:12 PM): i was busy
Steven (10:06:20 PM): and you never really got around to letting me know
Me (10:06:28 PM): what it comes down to is that the thing thats most important is chemistry
Steven (10:06:28 PM): but i you dated another guy
Steven (10:06:33 PM): so i was a little confused
Steven (10:06:39 PM): i thought we had a lot of chemistry
Steven (10:06:47 PM): but i guess you didn't think so?
Me (10:07:00 PM): i thought we got along really well
Me (10:07:11 PM): but i think thats different than chemistry
Steven (10:07:18 PM): hmm
Steven (10:07:33 PM): well, whatever the reason, i am happy for you and the guy
Steven (10:07:39 PM): let me know if things change :-)
Steven (10:07:43 PM): put me on the waiting list
Me (10:07:43 PM): aww
Steven (10:07:43 PM): hehe
Me (10:07:51 PM): thats flattering
Me (10:07:53 PM): well thank you
Steven (10:07:59 PM): sure
Steven (10:12:02 PM): so where did you meet?
Me (10:12:09 PM): haha
Me (10:12:11 PM): taco tuesday
Steven (10:12:20 PM): how did you meet him though?
Steven (10:12:25 PM): did he come up to you and start talking?
Me (10:12:31 PM): yeah
Steven (10:12:37 PM): wow
Steven (10:12:45 PM): that is gutsy
Steven (10:12:50 PM): gotta give him props for that. what did he say??
Me (10:12:55 PM): he sat down and said "before you say anything, you have to give me a chance, not like all the other guys that you've been blowing off all night, I've been watching."
Steven (10:12:56 PM): i have never talked to a random girl soberly
Me (10:13:01 PM): yeah he's gutsy
Steven (10:13:08 PM): other guys had tried to flirt w/ you?
Me (10:13:20 PM): ya and apparently he had been watching the whole time
Steven (10:13:34 PM): coolio
Steven (10:13:41 PM): does he have a facebook or myspace?
Steven (10:13:43 PM): i wanna see
Steven (10:13:43 PM): hehe
Me (10:13:50 PM): nope he doesnt have anything
Me (10:13:53 PM): why do you want to see? weirdo
Steven (10:14:57 PM): hehe, just curious
Steven (10:15:04 PM): it's the curious cat in me
Steven (10:17:26 PM): i am out, laterz homeslice, have a good night, don't forget to put me on the list!
Me (10:17:33 PM): thanks dude, have a good one

He's not a bad guy. In fact, he's a nice guy, with what seems like a good heart and a decent amount of intelligence. What he doesn't have is the social know-how to woo a girl during a first impression, which is key to getting 'em hooked. I spent the whole evening with him wishing there was someway to broach the subject, and help him out. With a few good pieces of wisdom and a little polishing, Steven could easily be a total catch for a great girl.

As much dating as I've done, and as many bad dates and poor first impressions I've had (if you don't believe me, go ahead and compare the amount of "first date" tags to "second date" tags.... I dare you), I think I'm kind of an expert on the subject of Do's and Absolutely-Do-Not's on a first date.


So I ask you...
What better career for me than date-coaching for the desperate and down-trodden?


I'm seriously considering it. The details would need to be ironed out and all... but I welcome comments on the subject. Let's hear 'em!

Would you consider hiring a dating coach?

15 people had something to say:

Jennifer said...

Aww, maybe you should tell him what he did "wrong" on the date with you. Help him out a little, if you're not interested in dating him yourself.

dater xtina said...

OMG! i was just telling someone else how i have dated so much. i know all the do's and do nots on a first date. you and i should write a book together. LOL

Mason Stanley said...

That guy seems like a super clingy needy guy. One of those guys that needs reassurance constantly. Dating a guy like that is like potty training a dog. You put up with it in the beginning thinking its going to change for the better. Then after a while it doesn't change and it just gets annoying and you need to get rid of the dog. Time for you to find a nice confident guy....that doesnt already have a boyfriend.

figuring it out as she goes said...

I think it's so strange that he wanted to see the guy...odd. also, can you please post your waitlist and their facebook profile? i'm curious. lol. kidding. :)

Anonymous said...

1. If Steven isn't a closet homosexual (which seems highly likely), he really needs to grow some balls.

2. With the way you approach dating, you will never have a meaningful, lasting relationship. And if a guy is good enough at "dating" to hook you, just as Erwin did, you know he's super experienced at the game (like yourself) and is probably "hooking" a dozen other girls at the same time. Meanwhile, you'll let the regular guys that are actually in your league and want to find a girl to settle down with slip through your fingers while you're chasing some flashy, ultra witty, polished typical orange county guy. Perhaps you need to lower your standards and expectations.

3. You're a self-absorbed, typical orange county air head, but it's funny to read your blog and imagine the situation as it really happened rather then the completely exaggerated, one-sided version you feed your audience.

4. It makes me laugh when you say "make out" instead of "had sex" because anyone who dates as much as you doesn't just "make out", and if that really is the truth, I feel so bad for these guys, i.e., your meal tickets, that are shelling out cash for the sole reason of getting into your pants. When a guy pays for a date with a girl, it's like a contractual relationship, the girl is suppose to put out; it's an unspoken rule and it's expected. Stop being such a cheap tease and open up your purse if you know the date's not going to end back in your bedroom. Why should a guy pay for your "company", what is he gaining from that? Theoretically, you're making a triple profit off of these guys, first from the cost of the date and then from the "content" you use your for site and the ad revenue that comes from your blog (as little as that is, it's still profit). So maybe you should be the one paying instead of these chumps, or at least getting a release after the dates through...

5. You mentioned Steven was in law school, which would mean that he probably knows you're in violation of the law by writing these embarrassing stories about him and these other saps:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_of_privacy

So you should probably alter the true facts of the dates as to make the persona's different from the real dudes, or keep your real identity and this blog site very separate matters, just an FYI, B

6. I don't mean to offend, I'm just being totally honest here and telling you how I see it. I'll keep reading, and laughing, keep up the good work and if you're not doing anything this Saturday night... ;)

Anonymous said...

at almost twenty one and never been on a real date, i could use your help.

M said...

wow, that anonymous guy obviously has some anger issues. Girl, I love your blog, I think you write well, are good hearted and genuinely have good intentions unlike this anonymous writer seems to think.

There is nothing wrong with going on dates having a guy pay and not having sex with them! There is no unwritten contract whatsoever! It's bullshit when a guy writes an anonymous post like that and then says I don't mean to offend, I'm just being honest. No dude you're venting your own issues and trying to put someone down.

Anonymous said...

To Mr. Anonymous 6-points,

I pretty much agree with what you said, but sometimes telling your truthful opinion of things doesn't actually help. So in your attempts to help Miss Girl-in-Mirror, consider the full effects of your words.

To Miss Girl-in-Mirror,

You need to think about what exactly you're looking for in guys, and why you're looking for those things. Hell, I need to think about that too.

~A religious reader

Anonymous said...

(except I'm looking for girls. Yeah.)

The Girl in the Mirror said...

I know I don't usually respond to comments, but how could I help myself?

I'm so glad to see that my beloved anonymous is back! I was starting to worry about you. I had a feeling you would come out of the woodwork for this post, but I'm surprised you didn't have anything to say about my career idea.

Between you and me (or... at least it would have been if you were emailing me, instead of hiding behind your computer screen), I think you're the kind of dude that could benefit most from a little courting-consulting. But just because I like you so much, I'll give you a little freebie.

1. If you're going to talk about someone else "growing balls," I would urge you to take your own advice and stop acting like a pussy.

2. "Approaching dating" with standards, and not jumping on the first bus to settling-town, is not going to prohibit me from EVER finding a lasting, meaninful relationship; but prevent me from realizing years down the line that I really just don't like my guy all that much. Why on earth would I want to lower my expectations? Much better to be single and happy than committed and bitter/cynical about love. Why is that sounding so much like someone we know?

Now, on the subject of a good first impression - a little confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, and honesty go a long way. Flashy? No thanks. I like a guy in jeans and a t-shirt. I've never said I need a guy in an Armani suit, I'd just prefer it if his clothes didn't have stains and holes (at least that weren't there when he bought them).

I know its difficult to break out of the ol' shell, log out of WoW for a bit, and spend time with a real-life female, but I truly believe that with a little practice, anyone can do it. Yes, even you, anonymous.

3. Being confident and selective doesn't make me an airhead, but quite the contrary. It makes me a woman, not a little girl. I know it takes a lot of self-esteem on a guy's part to date a woman who doesn't bow to his every whim, but like I said, with a little practice... we'll work towards that. And unless you know me personally (though obviously don't), you wouldn't have any standing on whether or not I exaggerate any of my stories. For the record, I do not. There is only one thing I alter, and we'll get to that in a second. It's flattering to think that you believe me to be that imaginative. Bet you didn't think I'd unveil that compliment! Such a charmer. Words of affirmation will build loyalty and attraction in a budding relationship, make a mental note.

4. When I say "make out," what I mean is make out. If I were to blow the guy on the drive home from dinner, I would fess up. If I wanted to 'exaggerate' a story... making out would not be the activity of choice. I guess I've failed to mention this in a previous post, but I abstain from casual sex, and have for over 5 years - that is, outside of a serious, healthy, and committed relationship. Go ahead and Wikipedia that if you're not sure what that is.

To clarify, out here in the real dating world (ie outside of the lonely one in which men "date" prostitutes or strippers.... I presume you've been spending a lot of time at Captain Creams, no?) spending money on a girl does not equal having sex with a girl. If you do want to continue with your empty, contractual pity-sex, I suggest you keep cruising around Anaheim. Or if you're lucky enough, and she's drunk enough, maybe you could even get some girl with those lowered expectations you were raving about to sleep with you for free. Otherwise, it may be time to put away your checkbook and your dick and realize that there is more to the female population than an orifice. If you didn't have such lowered standards and expectations, you'd probably know that by now.

5. Yes, Steven is in law school. I was a law major in college. Thank you for the Wikipedia reference, it was thoughtful of you to be so concerned with my wellbeing. Luckily, I have yet to infringe on anyone's privacy, as the one thing I change when relating my stories to those who read my posts are names. Is his name Steven? No. Did I give you his screen name? No. Did I tell you what school he goes to, what city he lives in, where he works, or give you any way to contact him? No. He is still very much in the quiet comfort of seclusion.
While we're on the subject of legal issues, make sure to check out the footnote at the end, because I care about you, too!

6. How sweet of you to ask me out! You sure do know the way to a girl's heart.


I thank you, anonymous, for setting aside the time to share with me your opinions on my life. Since you're really only a few minutes away, how about we continue this conversation, over coffee?

Or would that blow your cover?

Giddily awaiting your reply,
the Girl in the Mirror
xoxoxo


P.S. Thank you to the rest of you who have posted comments, I'm feelin' the love!





********************************

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacker_%28computer_security%29#Documents
Just a little FYI for you - hacking is a serious criminal offense, and punishable by law. My Norton Security Center keeps a log of attempted intrusions, including the three made by a local IP address last night around 3:30am, coincidentally the same time you were on my blog. Maybe not such a good idea after all. Go to sleep.

Henrietta Hussy said...

facebook creeps me out. FYI you can change your privacy settings so people wont be notified whenever you change something on your profile. facebook is stalking for the 21st century.
i still have one though.

do's and dont's.... DO IT!!!
that's a great idea!

I give out (potentially)bad relationship advice in my blog, check it out, its brand new!

Cara said...

You don't usually respond to comments? Heck I've been wasting my time then!

Anonymous said...

Dear Girl,

It’s so good to know I’m beloved! Thank you for the kind words. I didn’t say anything about your career idea, but I think it’s fabulous, you probably know more about “dating” then anyone. As far as “courting” goes, I’m good but thanks for the free advice. And you talk about “hiding behind your computer screen” like it’s a bad thing… but come on, you are the girl in the mirror here, you’re doing exactly the same thing. Besides, that’s one of the primary reasons the internet is so popular; it offers an anonymous way to tell the world your thoughts, stories, etc.

To address your points to my points, I suppose I should just go down the list:

1. How on earth am I acting like a “pussy”? I’m not. I’m merely posting my anonymous opinion on your anonymous website. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the anonymous kitchen. Be professional; this is a business enterprise for you, after all. What’s one of the number one ways to generate interest? Conflict. What do my little posts provided? Just that. No one wants to read the trite little “you go girl” and “oh snaps, I heart you, you know just how girls think” comments that are provided by your silly little fan club. I’m sure my observations are doing nothing, if anything, but generating more interest to your site, and for that, you’re welcome.

2. If you were approaching dating with standards, you would be selective in who you date. You would not date every Tom, Dick, and Harry that happens into your field of vision. And this will very much hinder your ability to find a lasting meaningful relationship because you’ll never be able to really connect with a good guy because you’ll always be too busy with your “waitlist” of dates or because you’ll be snared up in some dude that knows the game better then you do, like that last winner.

Further, if you had the right approach to dating, you wouldn’t have to worry about “realizing years down the line that you’ve lost interest in your guy” because when you’re with the right person for the right reasons, that doesn’t happen (and perhaps I misspoke about “lowering” your expectations, but your approach is all messed up). You should find someone based on how they make you feel good about who you are, not about how much they fit the preconceived mold you want them to (that list is ridiculous – wanting someone to love you without conditions, with all those conditions of yours!). Your partner will always fail if you hold them up to some “white knight” mold that you think they should be. Why? Because no one is perfect. However, their imperfections shouldn’t matter, as long as they make you feel good about who you are, and if they are a genuine person, everything should fall into place. The fact that you think “you’ll lose interest” makes it obvious that you aren’t really ready for a serious relationship anyways, and shouldn’t be looking for “one” because you’re misleading the people that actually are ready. Serious relationships are hard work that require… commitment. If you lose interest, you just weren’t committed in the first place and totally wasted both of your time. It seems to me like you’re just looking for a placeholder, not someone to share you’re live with. Lastly, if you think you’ll find someone with all those qualities that you listed in your other blog that just so happens to have a “quality check list” that you happen to fit to the tee, you’re mistaken. Life doesn’t work out that way.

And please, you know you’re not happy; no one that dates as much as you do is single and “happy”, same goes for the bitter/cynical jab. This is obvious, and pretending you’re happy is just silly, don’t lie to your audience, that’s never a good way to win them over. As far as “someone we know”, my happiness/bitterness/cynicalness isn’t really the topic of this blog, now is it? Like I said, if you can’t handle the pressure of being in the public eye, you shouldn’t put yourself out there to be scrutinized. And it’s in poor taste to try and flip the tables on those that take time out of their day to give you a little insight. But thanks for being so concerned! And if I do ever make a little blog like yours (which I’m actually considering), you’ll be the first person I invite to read it!

3. You portray an aura of confidence and selectivity, but you know that confidence is just a shell. And we already covered the selectivity issue.

4. Come on, you’re trying to tell us that in the last five years you’ve never had sex outside of a “serious”, “committed” relationship?!? Again, lying to your audience will just make them resent you, make a mental note! Have you even had a serious committed relationship in the last five years, one that lasted more then a couple weeks (because those aren’t serious or committed, fyi). But don’t fret, that doesn’t matter, I’m not advocating that you should be in one anyways. I think you should just spill what really happened, and if you really are that prudish, you should lighten up once and a while, you only live once!

You’re right, in the real dating world, spending money on a girl doesn’t equal sex. I really don’t think any guy should spend money on a girl as a way to get them into the sack. But they do, and girls accept it with open arms, it’s a fact of life. However, girls are getting just as much pleasure out of the sex activity as guys, why should guys bear the financial burden that occurs during outside the bedroom activities? If a guy does spend money on a girl on a date or with gifts, and the girl accepts it knowing she’s not going to sleep with him, or that she really has no romantic interest, she’s being a bitch and breaking the unspoken rule of dating.

Just so I’m clear about what I just read, because I’m a little shocked, you think “girls should only sleep with guys for free” when those girls have low self esteem and are very drunk?! That’s not really helping your cause. Girls that think a guy should shell out money for their “company” during a date are more whores then the girls at the “Captains” or the streets of Anaheim that actually give these guys what they want instead of just being a lying, tease. I’m not saying you think that way, but, do you?

5. I’m no lawyer, nor did I major in “law” like you but I am bright enough to know that just because you change someone’s name doesn’t mean you aren’t infringing on their privacy. If you divulge enough information about someone which allows other people (people they know) to figure out who they are, I’m pretty sure that’s enough. Think back, did you do that? Would someone know what Starbucks guy you were dating, would someone know “Erwin” by your references, or that rich dude with the white jacket, or the hundreds of douchebag guys you date; I think the chances are high.

6. I was kidding about the date and don’t think we should do coffee (wouldn’t it make that red headed kid jealous???).

7. Thanks for the footnote, but I wasn’t “hacking” into your computer, I could care less about whatever it is your hiding on there. I came across your blog a while back and it made me laugh, so I read. I felt compelled to comment because you entries are so ridiculous. PS – if you actually read the article I sent you, you might know that falsely accusing someone of a crime in print isn’t the most legal thing to do!

So that’s it, again, no harm meant by my comments and I hope I don’t offend, just a fan that thinks if you want to call yourself a girl in the “mirror”, maybe you should see the reflection for what it is once and a while, and I don’t think all those silly people that were commenting were doing a good job.

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