A Date In The Life...

Stay Classy, World.

2008-09-13T00:48:00.001-07:00

If it didn't go without saying, I'm finding it impossible to continue writing this blog.

The truth is, my heart is in a completely different place. I never thought I'd see the day when dating wasn't my first priority, but nowadays its towards the bottom of the list.

I want to sincerely thank you guys for reading this, and taking interest in a stranger's strange life. I'll be keeping this blog open as far as archives are concerned.

For those of you who would like to continue reading, I invite you to read my other blog about my walk in faith and the soul-changing love that only God can provide.

The Old Has Gone

If you have questions or are just looking for someone to walk along side you or listen, you're more than welcome to email me at the address listed on my profile.

Lots of love,
The Girl In The Mirror

Short But Ever So Sweet

2008-08-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

I can't make this long as I have GOT to be off to bed, but I just wanted to hand over the link for an interview I did the other day for Kate... uncensored.

Thought you might enjoy it!

As for me, I'm off to dreamland, but I will try*try*try to complete that crazy-ass triology very soon! I promise.

In the words of Paris Hilton..... goodnight, bitches.

queen of the crazies, part 2

2008-07-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

As you can imagine, I was shocked and quite frankly, scared.

I immediately text The Ex to tell him and ask him why she would do that and what to do. Here is the background that I was given. (If you hate detail, skip it.)

He met her at a party through some friends sometime in mid-September, and very intoxicatedly listened to her sob stories and made out with her a bit. The week that followed consisted mostly of her following him around everywhere he went, and him not wanting to be an asshole so allowing this to go on (I never said he wasn't a pushover). Eventually he fessed up and told her he didn't feel that way about her.

That evening, as they hung out at one of their friend's houses drinking, she sobbed through self-harming threats and locked herself in the bathroom with a butcher knife she found in the kitchen. With everyone panicking, he finally broke in through the window and found she had been making small, deep cuts in her thigh. Whether or not they were in the shape of his name is still in question.

This behavior continued for a week or so before the whole group of friends unanimously decided she was not ever to be invited to any social function ever again, and she eventually left them alone for the most part, but the suicide-threatening phone calls at 3am didn't cease on his end. He refused to talk to her besides the times she swore she was sitting there with a knife. After awhile, he refused to talk to her, period. So, the phone calls stopped.

'Til one day, a couple weeks later, when he got a phone call from Crazimort (oh! I promised an explanation of her name. All of the girls in his social group were very much into Harry Potter at the time, and after saying 'she who must not be named' every time they referred to her, they came up with something more efficient.) who was sitting outside his front door. Did I mention she lived 45 minutes away? She swore up and down that she was "all better" and holding two bottles of expensive Pinot (I know, never a good excuse, but we learn from our mistakes) pretty much insisted that she come in and "talk."

As I'm sure you have guessed, talking led to drinking, and drinking led to blacking out (worsened by the fact that she hardly drank any at all but poured it very generously for him), drinking led to touching, and touching led to, as he surmised the next morning as he put the pieces together, sex. (If you're not humming Portions For Foxes at this point, something is wrong.) When I say pieces, I mean waking up naked in a bed with a girl (also naked) who's completely obsessed with you, and as you eye the floor frantically for a condom wrapper said girl telling you that you didn't use one, and now she is "worried." And she tells you she'll take a morning after pill. (Boys: If this ever happens, watch her swallow it.)

Five days (I kid you not) go by before she calls him in a panic because she is pregnant. No, really! I had no idea that there were pregnancy tests that could tell you that soon! Ugh. So being a young, naive, terrified 19 year old boy he believes it. As this horror unfolds, he begins to question her, asking if he can go to doctors visits with her or see some paperwork, which she aggressively denies and produces some papers clearly printed off the Planned Parenthood website, respectively.

Which brings us (almost) up to speed, when I met her on Halloween (a month and a half after their first meeting) as she professed her "pregnancy" as loudly as her need for a cigarette. So fast forward to when the Ex and I start talking, and he is telling me this and I'm trying to process it and figure out what to do about the 16 missed calls.

I listen to the voicemail, in which she very sweetly says, "hey it's me! Just calling to say hi. Oh, also I have a question for you. Can you call me back when you get a chance? Thanks!"

So I, fearfully if we're going to be honest here, IMed her instead. She starts unloading her version of reality, fit for a TV movie, where she thought that she and I were destined to become best friends, but now I've betrayed her by liking the guy who has impregnated-and-then-abandoned her, and now we'll never have that chance. Then she's telling me how she's very much in love with him and that he's in love with her too, but he's using me to try to make her jealous; that they have some "issues" to work out but that they're going to be getting back together, no doubt about it. She explains that the pregnancy was on purpose, because they want to start having children together already. Then she transitions into a description of how awful a guy he is and how he's out to lie, cheat and steal (and impregnate, I guess), and how he's plotting to do that to me too. She tells me how needy he is, and that's why she broke up with him. She ends it with a grotesque description of the abortion she's going to get to terminate the fetus he "helped" to create. In short, she goes through every nutcase story in the book, though none of them matched up. Unfalteringly, I let her know that I appreciate her concern but I will figure things out for myself, and proceed to block her screen name. (And also the 5 more she uses to IM me after said blockage.)

He calls me later, and tells me that although he isn't 100% (or even 10%) sure that she was really pregnant, he wanted to do the "right thing" so he met up with her at a coffee shop to give her the $400 it cost for her (fake) abortion that she had supposedly had only minutes prior. He reasoned that at least this way, it was off of his hands and we could be rid of her for good.

Or could we?

Queen of the Crazies (and the beginning of The Ex), Part 1

2008-07-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

As promised, a frightening little look down memory lane.

Put simply, I met The Ex 4 years ago through mutual friends. But more specifically, my friend and I had been at a concert, and had very briefly chatted with this seemingly-nice-enough girl who he recognized from Myspace. A week later, when we were out and about partying it up for Halloween, she texted my friend and turned out to be a block away. When we met up with her she was with a group of 8 or 9 people, and one of them was The Ex. I was instantly attracted to him, and after spending all night with them, I had a full blown crush.

Though he was extremely shy, this girl was quite the opposite, and spent the night loudly slurring obscenities, talking to strangers, smoking like a chimney, and being generally sloppy-drunk. Eventually she had to use the restroom. We walked into a house party and they pointed us in the right direction, though there was someone using it. We all waited with her outside the door, when she started yelling to the occupant. "Hurry the fuck up! Pregnant girl out here has to pee!" Of course I was initially shocked (pregnant? after the 1/2 a bottle of rum and the 2 packs of cigarettes? and who would sleep with you anyway? [sidenote: this girl is what some would refer to as an 12-pack on her best night... just being honest]) but when everyone laughed awkwardly I figured it must be a joke and forgot about it.

Sometime during the next week, I found The Ex on Myspace and we started messaging each other back and forth. He asked me if I would be at a mutual friend's concert that weekend in LA (which was halfway between each of us, since we lived a couple hours from each other), which I very quickly affirmed. I was late to the concert and ended up missing the whole show, but my real motivation was to see him, so it didn't matter to me. She was there too (along with all the people from Halloween), and was super friendly to me (and had also added me on Myspace I believe at this point). We all headed over to Toi Thai and I made a point of sitting next to him. We laughed and talked and flirted through the whole meal, and everyone was having a great time.... except for her. Who I will now be referring to as Crazimort, which I'll explain in a sec. She spent the whole meal either A. with her face buried in her folded arms, sobbing on the table; B. checking her temperature with the back of her hand; or C. dramatically getting up and going outside for air. The thing that was really striking was the fact that out of a whole table of her friends, not one asked her what was wrong or paid any attention to her obvious plea for attention.

When we walked out she insisted that The Ex be the one to drive her back to where everyone lived, and all of a sudden seemed to be feeling loads better. She apologized very sweetly to me for her behavior, and explained that she felt like she might be bleeding internally. (Wtf?? Right?) I told her I hoped she felt better and the three of us walked to our cars which were right next to each other. With a big smile, The Ex said his cute goodbyes and gave me a big hug, while Crazimort sat and pouted in his passenger seat.

The next morning, I had a Myspace message from her apologizing again for the way she had been acting at dinner, and telling me how she was so upset she'd wasted that time she could have been hanging out with me (because... all of a sudden we were really good friends? I wasn't aware). She said she was having a very rough time, what with the pregnancy and lots of "other things" going on in her life. She hoped I understood. I told her I did, and didn't comment on anything. She was starting to weird me out.

A few days later, I emailed The Ex and said the following (I never said I wasn't ballsy):

Hi :)
I had a great time last night.
I totally have a crush on you,
but I would never ever tell you.
<3 B

He wrote back and said something about how he thought I was really cute and it was too bad we lived so far apart. We exchanged a ton of messages and eventually moved to Instant Messenger, where we ended up talking until 4am and realized we were very much into each other. We figured out the soonest possible time that we could hang out and excitedly set a date for our first date. We left each other cute Myspace comments (yes, I know, it's totally nerdy, but I was 19 years old so cut me some slack) about how we couldn't wait to see each other and were both completely giddy about the whole thing.

.... And woke up the next morning to 16 missed calls, and one voicemail, from her number.

Dun dun dun.... To be continued. :)

A Lesson in Catastrophe

2008-07-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes relationships end in total disaster. And I'm not one to stereotype beyond reason, but there are some common mistakes that some of you make in relationships.... particularly girls.

I know, I know... I'm a girl. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like some of our population is giving a whole lot of us a very bad reputation. I'm referring, of course, to the "crazy girl."

You know the one; in the beginning she seems like a cool chick to hang out with. You start to feel a little weird when she starts showing up at your work all the time, but write it off as friendly, until the day you realize she figured out your voicemail password and has been checking your messages. Before you know it, you've got a "crazy girl" on your hands. I think we've all known one of 'em. (More on the "crazy girl" I've encountered later.)

Before I get into details, you'll need the background: On St. Patrick's Day, I went out one time with this guy Coors from OKCupid. It was fun and all, but not noteworthy or second date worthy. Just wasn't really any chemistry. It's important that you note the second comment on that post. (And also the three consecutive, yet different comments on this one.)

The comments were posted over two months after that one unmemorable time we hung out, and I hadn't talked to Coors since. But curiosity got the best of me, and I had to ask what on earth he'd done to this girl to cause so much resentment, so I IMed him. Initially, he wasn't sure who the girl was. He came to the conclusion that it was a girl he'd been seeing and had hung out with a few times, and was (as far as he knew) getting along just fine with her. He told me about the few dates they had in detail (and trust me, I asked every question I could think of), and neither of us could figure out what she was so pissed off about. He said he wasn't going to tell her he'd seen the comments, since he knew she'd laugh it off or have an excuse anyway.

Sure enough, about a week later she sent me an email apologizing for being "dumb" and explaining that she was joking. We exchanged a few emails about what had brought them about, and when she told me that he couldn't "communicate" and she wanted to talk about what they were and if they were in a relationship (eek, after hanging out a few times?) I suggested she just relax and enjoy where it was going instead of over-analyzing it. She wrote back a few emails that I didn't respond to, one of which being something along the lines of, "I hear you keep texting and IMing him, lay off my boyfriend." Funny, since I'd IMed him only that once. I shrugged it off and forgot all about it.

A few months went by, and their messy interaction was the farthest thing from my mind. Then a few weeks ago, as I was checking my email, a G-Chat window appeared from our leading lady. In a complete panic, she begged me to IM him and ask him to talk to her, because apparently they'd gotten in an argument and he had blocked her on Instant Messenger. (Pretty immature, but the guy has the right to talk to, or not talk to, whoever he wants.) I refused of course. I like to think I'm far more reasonable than to get involved in some crazy girl's dilemmas.

She gave me a frantic recap of their fight, and told me how she was so in love with him but he was totally unable to talk about his feelings and communicate with her. So I started asking her what it was about him that she DID like, and she couldn't really pinpoint anything other than the fact that he was the first serious relationship she'd been in for awhile and that she'd slept with him within a week of meeting him. Fabulous. Although I refused to get involved in the chaos between the two of them, I gave her plenty of really tough love. Hey, the girl was talking to me because I write about dating advice. Why not give her what she came here for?

She pleaded with me to talk to him on her behalf, and I finally told her I had to go. I said I'd like to write about the conversation we had, because I think that it's a terrific example of mistakes that girls commonly make, ie coming on WAY WAY too strong.
(Ever heard the soap analogy? The harder you squeeze, the quicker it'll fly right out of your hand.) She panicked and begged me not to.

When I check my email that night, I had the following email from her:
hey go ahead and write the blog..u can even use our names if you would like. he ended up texting me and telling me how hott i was and that he was sorry then i was like ok well can we talk then he says no go fuck yourself. so im done with him and i have a date with another guy tommorow night.

Wow. Really? Thats impressive. So one minute you're obsessively in love with him, then you're calm and want to discuss things, then he tells you to go fuck yourself for no apparent reason at all (totally out of the blue, right?), and now you have a date lined up. How can anyone keep up with that rollercoaster?

Hey girlie,

Just wanted to thank you for taking the time to chat. I ended things with (Coors). I did realize that he was not the guy I wanted to be with.. it was more of the fact that I really liked being with SOMEONE because of the comfort level. It is weird because we ended on a bad note but I am not sad or upset or anything. Maybe just a little bummed which is normal after ANY break up. I actually went out on an amazing date with an amazing guy that i went on a date with about a month ago...so we will see if anything comes from that but I am extremely attracted to him....as for (Coors) ..not so much! Anyways just wanted to fill you in and say thank you!

- Kristen

Wait. You're telling me you're now (less than 24 hours later) totally at peace with the situation, and now you've met a new guy to latch onto? Not only that, but you went on a date with him a month ago (WHILE you were in a relationship that you were desperate to make very serious)? And now you're trying to tell me you weren't attracted to Coors? Unbelievable.

Do you see what I mean? I can't say every girl is like this. I can't even say that every "crazy girl" is like this. But damn, girl. You give meaning to the commonly heard phrase from guys all over the globe; "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

I wouldn't be either!

Footnote: I emailed him a few days ago, when I rejoined OKCupid (after having deleted it upon meeting/falling quickly for Erwin) and saw he was still on there. I asked, "so, meet any new crazies lately?" He wrote back and told me that she had been making up fake screen names pretending to be me, and kept IMing him trying to trick him into talking to her.

No, I'm serious.

Girls: STOP BEING CRAZIES! Jeez la weez. I know its easy to get so upset and hurt over a guy that you feel like you need to talk to him, but please do not resort to psychotic behavior. You are making the rest of us look bad!

Boys: We are not all like this. NOT AT ALL. So get over your fears of "relationships" and start being open to meeting open, honest, and stable women. :) You never know who you're passing up!

I Love PostSecret

2008-06-26T01:08:00.001-07:00

Does anyone else follow it?

These two spoke to me.

The first I could have sent,
and the second he could have sent.

There's something very comforting to know that there are strangers all over the country with the same secret thoughts. Have any of you ever mailed in a secret?

As promised.... THE DREAM

2008-06-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in my last post (and which Mason Stanley so kindly mentioned in his, as well), I had a dream. It was a few days before our first meeting, so as you know if you've been paying attention, I had no idea what he looked like yet.

I had woken up in the morning for work by the sound of my alarm, but pressed snooze a few times as usual. When I do this (as I'm sure you've experienced too), I don't fall completely back asleep, so I usually have some very lucid dreams that I can remember well once I've woken up again. Generally speaking, I fall back asleep while I'm thinking of something, so the dream is half thought and half imagination.

On this particular morning, I fell mostly asleep and had a dream about a new guy I had met and was dating. The interesting thing about him was A. I could see him very clearly (and at least for me, usually the visuals in dreams are a bit hazy and hard to recall) and B. he wasn't an image of someone I had seen recently, as is usually the case in dreams. More on that in a second.

I had met this new guy and we were seeing each other. We were getting to know each other and having a great time, doing all of these really fun things together. He was smart, funny, and I knew he liked me, though he didn't lay it on super thick, like "oh my gosh, I've never felt this way, etc etc," which I've learned (through some harsh realizations) is not usually to be trusted.

Looks-wise, he was only a couple inches taller than me, light brown hair, cute eyes, a nose with a bump on it, strong chin, average build. Dressed simply/casually, and comfortable in his own skin. The only person I could think of that he kind of looked like is my friend Drew, but it definitely wasn't him. He was really cute, not drop-dead hot but I was really attracted to him.

We were doing all of these great activities; laughing and talking and bonding. But we hadn't kissed yet. Eventually, we were both laying on his bed talking, our faces very close. I thought in my head, "are you ever going to kiss me?" and at that moment he gave me a big smooch. We kissed for a few minutes, not hot and heavy and intense, but sweet, nice kissing. Eventually we stopped because we both realized it was going to inspire more if we didn't. He was very respectful.

It was a great dream, and it was on my mind all day. My first thought was, "oh, that's the one." I had this sense of calm and relief. It felt like I had seen into my future, and it was the guy I would meet and end up with. I even told my co-workers and friends about it. I described what he looked like, and as I said the only person I could think of that he looked like was my friend Drew, but it wasn't; plus, I haven't even seen or talked to him in over 6 months, so its not like the image of him was fresh in my mind.

You can imagine how shocking it was to walk up to Mason Stanley in front of Fox Sports Grill and find that he looked identical to the guy in my dream. And though it didn't occur to me at first, the hanging out a lot and doing all kinds of fun activities was accurate too, along with not having kissed yet until lots of dates into it. And the eventual kiss on his bed that lasted a few minutes and was sweet and not aggressive, of course, was the icing on the cake.

The girls at work thought it was crazy too, considering I'd told them all about the dream, and then they knew I was planning on meeting a fellow blogger... and they ended up being the same guy.

I had thought that the dream was a preview of the guy I was going to fall in love with, as crazy as that sounds. But I don't think it was anything more than a little intuition about a guy I'd be meeting a few days later.

Still..... weird!

DTR, Part 2 (+3+4+5)

2008-06-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... I'm such a lagger.

Monday

Mason had gotten back on Sunday, so Monday we decided to have sushi and beers. He picked me up again (and yes, as he said I normally don't like to have a guy pick me up the first time if I don't know him well; never know when he's going to turn out to be a creepfest.... but once I know he's not, I love it when he picks me up), and we went over to the sushi place that has specials on Mondays. We sat at the sushi bar and had a really good conversation. He even remembered that I was getting a new job; impressive.

He told me about this underground society of pick-up artists he's been reading about (a la that show on VH1), and how there are all these message boards stuff, and said he'd show me some of the videos he found. He was talking about how boring work had been, and I asked why he hadn't written his blog about our first date. He insisted that he did, although I'd checked and it said there weren't any new posts. He whipped out his phone and went to his site; and sure enough, there was a new one. Except that he wouldn't let me read it! Imagine this: you're on a second date with a guy, and you've just found out there is a whole story written by him about what it was like to go on a date with you, and you can't see it. Torture!

Finally he let me read it; I thought it was pretty cute. It's funny to read the point of view of someone you've been on a date with... there are details and opinions that normally you wouldn't know if it was just a regular situation. So we finish reading it and we're laughing, and then it occurs to me... he likes me! Every time he looks at me, I'm thinking "you liiiike me," and I'm smiling to myself for the rest of the dinner; he keeps asking me what I'm smiling about. He'd made some comment about being able to read minds, so I told him he should put it to use, but he said he couldn't use it on command. Ha.

We finished dinner (he payed... "since it was happy hour") and ended up going back to hang out at his house (GASP! I know. That breaks every rule in my book. And I told him that too! But I wasn't worried that he might turn into this.) We hung out and talked and he showed me some videos of pick-up artists at work, and a book he loves called The Art of Deception. (Should I start taking these things as a bad sign?) After hanging out for awhile we agreed it was late, and he walked me out, said goodbye, and went inside. Note: Second official date, no kiss. Not a big deal... just saying.

Tuesday

We were texting each other, and I told him about my plans to go to the Taco Tuesday we both frequent. He told me he really wanted to go but wasn't sure if his friends did. This continued, even once I was there already with my friends (all of which, as it occured to me later, I have through Erwin, though he wasn't there.) Eventually he talked one of his friends into going with him, and he came and found my friends and I at our table without his own. (I realized the next day that it could have potentially been an uncomfortable situation to introduce a new guy to a group of my ex's friends, though it didn't seem to be, and I got the impression that they liked him.)

He hung out with us for awhile 'til 4/6 of us had to leave, and my remaining friend and him got up to get drinks. From there, we hung out at the bar, talking to people we ran into that we knew (one of mine was Ryan M, a guy I dated awhile ago, which was super awkward... I'll save that story for another time though) and flirting with each other. He spent a good portion of the evening telling me how adorable I am (reminicent of our first meeting). I'd told him I would give him a ride home, since the friend he came with wouldn't be able to. After awhile we decided to leave and we went to Denny's (he paid again, since I "only got french fries") before going back to his house. On the drive he told me that though he doesn't tell me how cute I am when he's sober, he's still thinking it. I asked him why, since he claims to be very outspoken, and he said that as cocky as he may come off, he's still "scared shitless" to tell a girl he likes her if he doesn't know she likes him.

We hung out for awhile talking on his bed 'til he finally made a move to kiss me. I made a joke about it, but let him, and we made out for awhile. (And yes, he is a good kisser. I know you were going to ask.) It started to trip me out a little bit because it was exactly like my dream*(more on this another time, promise), but it was fun, and eventually he walked me out because we were both exhausted.

Wednesday

I got an email from this PR girl I know who's a big deal in the music industry that said she had two tickets for me for one of my top 3 most favorite bands, Rilo Kiley. The show started at 7 so I only had a few hours to find someone to go with. Initially I thought of Mason Stanley, since we'd been talking about them and he had never heard of them before (which I, of course, promised to change). But realizing that we'd already spent the last two nights together, I reasoned that it was better to figure something else out. I texted a few people and they were busy or out of town. So I texted him and asked him if a round-about way if he'd want to go. He said he did and didn't seem phased by the three consecutive days.

I rushed home after work and he came to my house while I changed, and we left; I drove this time. He made fun of me for listening to the Christian radio station. We talked a lot in the car, or at least he did. I don't know if I was being far less interesting than I normally am, but it seemed like he wasn't as interested in what I had to say as he has been on the first two dates. We got there in perfect timing to park on the hill in $15 stacked parking (I paid), get our tickets from will-call, get some drinks (which he paid for, since he "can write them off on the company card"), find our seats, and have a few minutes before RK came on.

The show was great. It wasn't his favorite kind of music, and he felt really out of his element, but he seemed to have a good time. We wanted to do something after in LA but couldn't think of anything or anyone that would have something going on, so we decided to get food and I picked a Thai place I like called Toi Thai. He'd never had thai food before (oh, the shame) but was up for it. I think he was surprised at how loud the music was and how many people were there at midnight on a Wednesday. Neither of us had much to say and we sat and texted other people (we were those people) until our food got there. It seemed like he liked it. We didn't talk much, maybe out of tiredness, though he made a few future-plan comments about how he wants to take me to one of his concerts next, and how he can't wait 'til I start hanging out with his friends. The bill came and neither of us made a move for it for a few minutes, so I paid it.

We opened our fortune cookies (my favorite thing).

Mine: "An admirer is concealing their affection for you."

His: "A big challenge lies ahead of you."

We laughed about them. They both seemed fitting. He slipped his into his watch, I put mine in my purse. We agreed we like to keep the good ones.

We drove home, both super tired. We talked about shows he gets tickets to that he hasn't seen; namely Wicked, which is one of my favorite musicals and I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT. Yes, I know all the words. I proceeded, both out of feeling comfortable around him and being deliriously tired, to pop in the soundtrack and animatedly sing him the songs. Not sure if this was amusing, annoying, or embarrassing, but either way I thought it was funny.

We got to my house after what seemed like 3 hours and said goodbye with a hug. I had thought he would kiss me... for the first time that night (maybe I'm mistaken, but when you start seeing someone, and after your first kiss, doesn't that normally become part of the equation? Just checking.) but he didn't, and said something about trying to make it awkward. I told him it couldn't have been more awkward than the first time on the doorstep. He told me that he "learned a lot tonight." I figured he was referring to the indie music scene and thai food. We said goodnight and I went in and went to bed.

Thursday

We didn't talk today, aside from a couple text messages after work.

So all in all, I've been having a good time with him. The first few dates seemed to go progressively well, but for some reason the last one gave me the impression we're headed towards friend-territory at a fast clip. I may be wrong, I don't know. I thought we were getting along really well at first, but on Wednesday it seemed like we weren't really getting each other or connecting.

Plus, and please feel free to let me know if I'm way off base, I thought it was weird that we didn't kiss or anything (not hello or goodbye even, no touching, nothing) at all. It didn't even bother me so much, but just makes it seem like it's not moving in that direction. Not sure if it's because it's not there, or if neither of us is bold enough.

Guess we'll see. (Especially after we read his rendition of the story.... if he ever writes it... Ahem.)

On a side note, if you've read any of the posts I've written about who pays, (yep, all 15 of 'em!) you know that this is a very big, important topic to me. And if you've read his blog, you know it's big to him too. I do really appreciate the times he's picked up the check, and I always say thank you. But I find it weird that with every "thank you" comes an explanation of why he's paying it; because what I ordered was cheap, because our bill was half-priced, because he can write it off, etc. It makes me wonder, if those things weren't the case, would I have to pay for it? Am I not worth a full-priced dinner? Just saying.

A Date To Remember

2008-06-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry to keep you guys on the edge of your seats all weekend, but a busy schedule superseded writing this post.

So! Down to business. As I said before, Thursday was the "big day," or date, so to speak. I wrote that as I was getting ready, thinking Mason Stanley would be ready around 8. At 7:40 he texted to say he was ready and leaving in a few minutes. Slightly panicked (totally not ready yet, new shirt I was going to wear wrinkled and in the dryer [right], etc), I said to text me when he left; that way I'd be prepared when he got here, right?

So I continue getting ready, phone on vibrate (I'm an idiot sometimes). I hear the doorbell ring, and ask my roommate to get the door; definitely not my plan. She lets him in and I stand in my room, trying to figure out how I'm going to walk downstairs, say hi to him, grab my shirt, and put it on without it being awkward. So I just sort of go for it. Say hi, run back upstairs, put it on, and I'm good to go. (4 minutes my ass!)

We take off to dinner in his car, which apparently is a big deal because he's never usually the one to drive when he goes out with his friends. We get to the restaurant, which is a family-owned type of local Italian place, very cute. We pick a table and order and start talking. We review our conversation from our first meeting, most of which he didn't recall. We talk about our families and friends. One of the waiters comes over and brings us a pink shot that we all take together. We trade our accounts of trying out for Parental Control on MTV (which we were both on), and he convinces me to tell him the "craziest thing I've ever done," which they made me describe on the show, though I'm not sure it made it into the episode. He says, "that's it? Boooring..." So, naturally, I call him out; "I'm sorry that I don't 'sleep with more guys than is safe or reasonable,'" which is a line from his Myspace (sub girls for guys). For a brief moment I think I may have actually embarrassed the unembarrassable (self-professed) but he recovers smoothly and explains that it's a quote from one of his favorite authors; I guess it. "Tucker Max?" The conversation continues, as we figure out we're both fans, and through one of his friends that knows him we should be able to hang out with him soon. (Future plans? Check.)

We eat and drink our beers and take off when we realize the place is closing. I had thought he had come up with a whole plan (my guess was bowling), but once we walked out he didn't know what we should do. One of us suggested the Hookah place a few doors down and we went in to get one. I've been there before and it was pretty cool, but for some reason it just seemed really sketchy and weird, and there weren't any couches left. We looked at each other and decided unanimously to try something else. We hop in the car and he starts driving towards a club a little ways away but second guesses himself. He asks if I want to go bowling, which I did.

He buys two games and assures me that they won't make me wear the rental shoes (ay yay yay). He helps me pick out my ball (since I'm A. very weak and need a very light ball and B. adult size and my fingers don't fit in the child sizes), and after throwing one a security guy walks up and tells me I need shoes, so we go get some and get back to our game. He gave me some good pointers, which helped a few times, but for the most part I.... decided to let him win. Don't want to throw off his male ego, ya know? Ha. We both seem to relax a bit while we're playing, and start being more goofy. He was being flirty, and would find reasons to nudge me or touch my arm every time we passed each other, which was cute.

After the second game we get back in the car and start driving, to nowhere in particular, he says. We end up in Dana Point, and he drives up on a cliff along the ocean. He says he's going to show me a gazebo he likes to hang out at. Again, I call him out; "Oh, is this the move you pull on all the girls?" He says no, and we end up just driving by it. I laugh and we head back in the direction we came from.

We drive by a bar that we both realized we go to a lot, and he suggests we go there, but then says we shouldn't because he knows so many people there. Is he afraid of people seeing him with me? Really? It occurs to him how it sounded and he tries to explain that he doesn't want to be distracted by other people. Good answer.

We end up in the next town by the water and at the same bar but a different location. As we walk in he runs into a pretty blonde girl that he introduces me to immediately, and she's really excited to see him. He tells me they went to prom together after he met her at the restaurant he worked at a week before her prom. We sit at the bar and order some drinks, and I open a tab. We talk for awhile and decide to sit outside and chat after getting another drink.

We sit outside talking, and discuss work and a lot of deeper topics that we hadn't really touched on so far in the evening. Up until that point the conversation was really good but seemed very surface level, and it seemed like we both opened up a little bit at that point. One thing I really like about talking to him is that he makes really good eye contact the whole time and I get the impression that he's listening really intently. We find that we've had a lot of similar experiences and it seems like we're connecting. He tells me he knows the owner of a salon that's really well known and will take me to the next event they have there. (More future plans? Check.)

At this point I'm a little buzzed (I'm a major lightweight, if I haven't mentioned that already) and we decide its time to head back to my house since I have to work the next day. When we get back to my house, he pulls up to the curb, with the engine running. He asks me if I want him to walk me to the door.

If I have a choice between being dropped off on the sidewalk or actually saying a proper goodbye after spending the evening together, which do you think I'm going to choose?

So, I tell him it's up to him, which is obvious girl-language for "there's only one right answer and I hope you choose wisely," which he figures out. As we're walking to the door I start worrying that wanting him to walk me to the door might look like me "wanting him to walk me to the door," a la that scene from Hitch when he explains that the girl stands in front of the door and fumbles with her keys because she's waiting for the guy to kiss her. I can tell you, at least usually after the first date, trying to make that awkward goodbye on the front stoop into a notable first kiss almost never works out the way its supposed to. Plus, (not to steal his thunder, but it's the truth) it's totally forced. Anyway. So we're walking towards my door and I'm really hoping he doesn't think I want him to walk me up there so we can have that awkward first-date kiss in front of the door, and then I'm thinking maybe I should have just gotten out of the car. Ugh.

So we get there, and he gives me a big hug and tells me he had a really good time, which is actually a little surprising coming from him, because he's mostly on the more sarcastic/dry side. I agree and we talk about how we'll hang out again. Then he goes in for another hug, and as I go to hug him back he sort of leans away, and then I sort of lean away 'cause I'm thinking, what is he doing? Is he trying to kiss me? And we look at each other. And then he sort of leans back in for the hug, and I do too, and then we pull away, and now it's super awkward. And then he says, "whoa, were you trying to kiss me?!"

Omg. No. No I wasn't. And now, as though that little half hug situation weren't awkward enough, now we're on my front stoop arguing about who was trying to kiss who. At least we're both laughing. A lot.

So I open my door and go in as he walks to his car, and I blow him a kiss as he gets in, which makes him smile (cheesy or not).

I get in my house and realize I left my leftovers in the backseat of his car, and I'm actually kind of bummed 'cause they were so good, but I don't want to be the girl that texts the guy the second he leaves. It's so much more satisfying if he texts me after instead.

I go upstairs and go to bed, falling asleep pretty quickly. When I wake up for work I see he texted me soon after he left to say he has my leftovers, but all that means is that now I'll have to hang out with him again. Cute! Oh, and a notable text during that day (because who doesn't love the use of totally tacky pick-up lines at the right moment?): After he said he was really tired, I told him I knew why... because he was running through my mind all day! Yep. Super cheesy. But when that's the point, I like to think it's sort of charming.

He was out of town for the weekend, though we were texting every day. He can sometimes be cute, but also sometimes sarcastic, which I'm into. One without the other, or when they're way out of balance, is never a good recipe for flirting, but he's got both. I love to be sarcastic and feisty, and I get the feeling a lot of the time that people don't get it, or that it scares them away, so it's always nice to find someone who can dish it out and take it too.

Anyway.... he got home yesterday, and asked me today if I had plans for tonight, which I didn't. And we went out again! But that's a story that I'll save for tomorrow. :)

Suffice it to say, things went well.

Drum Roll Please...

2008-06-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the night!

I ended up getting off of work earlier than I expected to so Mason Stanley and I are going out when he gets done with work. He should be here in like 45 minutes... eek.

He asked me for ideas and I told him I trust him to figure something out.... I don't know why but it seems like he's worried about coming up with a good plan! I feel bad. I'm not hard to impress in terms of activities; as long as there is good conversation and a connection, and he's sweet, I don't care what we do. (And of course, there is a little added pressure, what with having an audience and all. It's gotta be blog worthy!)

Anyway, he said he had come up with a plan, and it sounds like we're going to get dinner and maybe something else after that? We'll see.

And as always.... I'll fill you in on all the details very soon.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

2008-06-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

As I was saying in my last post, I've been talking lately with Mason Stanley and we were making plans to hang out. We both wanted to go on a "real date," as in... "pick you up at 8, go to dinner and the movies" kind of thing, but it was going to be awhile before we both had a completely free night to do that, and my (our?) impatience got the best of us.

I also started to wonder if maybe I already knew him, since after chatting for a bit we'd realized we hang out at all the same places, on the same nights. It seemed more likely that we would have met before, or at least had some friends in common.

So he had plans to go out with his friends, and he asked me to come and meet up with them at an entertainment complex nearby our neighborhood. I was hanging out with my roommate and her boyfriend so I didn't leave right away. I had to be up early so I told him I would come, but only for a little while.

When I got there at about 11:30, I called him to tell him I was outside of the bar he was hanging out at. He said he was too, but there was no one around. I thought maybe he was messing with me, since from inside the bar he'd be able to see where I was standing, but then I figured out he was standing at the other entrance and started walking over. I saw him standing outside talking to me on his phone, and as I got closer I saw that he was really cute; a few inches taller than me, with the same piercing I have, and definitely my type.

I walked up and said, "Hi!" He looked back at me and said, "Hi, wow, you're cute! I had no idea what you were going to look like." I said, "I know, that was the point! What's your name?" We introduced ourselves and started walking towards the bar where his friends had moved to. We went over the basics; where we're from, what we do for a living, etc. He kept looking at me funny which was charming. I could tell he was drunk, but he was at least holding himself together pretty well.

We got to the bar and we ran into a few of his friends, all girls. He didn't introduce me at first and I wondered if he'd told anyone about me or how he knew me. After they stopped talking I introduced myself and felt a little uncomfortable. I know how female friends can be sometimes and I wasn't sure who they thought I was in the first place.

We went and sat at the bar and ordered some drinks. I payed (I know Simon, aren't you shocked??) since he had insisted that I was the one that had initiated the 'date.' We chatted, mostly about the things we were into, places we hang out, our families, our backgrounds, and how we study and research body language (and all areas in which we had lots in common), and every couple of minutes one of his guy friends would come up and talk to us and ask me a bunch of questions. They were really funny guys! I can definitely see why he's friends with them.

After awhile all of his friends kept coming up and asking us to come down to the pool table they had, but we weren't going (we had a lot of getting to know each other to do!). Eventually they all (~8-10 of them?) pulled up stools and started asking all these questions; who was I? how did we meet? how long have we known each other? was I coming back to his house with them after?

I talked with them a lot, maybe even more than I got to talk with him. They were super cool, and I ended up hitting it off with the girls too, who I think ended up liking me a lot. I knew it was a big deal for him to bring me out with his friends, since he always mentions that in his blog; if there's a girl he thinks he might like, he always wants to see what his friends are going to think. By the time they were going to get going, they were trying to talk me into coming back to his house with them to hang out, but I had to be up super early and kept trying to tell them I couldn't go. At least it's a good sign that they really wanted me to come, right?

So they called a cab big enough to carry them all to his house, and he said he was going to walk me to my car. We started walking and he found a table and chairs and wanted to sit and chat. I reminded him that the cab would be here soon and that his friends might leave without him, and they called him to tell him the cab was there and they were leaving, but he wanted to keep talking, so I told him I'd drop him off since he lives so close. He seemed like a really sweet guy, and kept telling me how he thought I was so adorable. We talked for a little while longer and walked to my car, where he gave me one of his "business" cards.... or put more simply, a card with his last name (what he goes by) and his phone number, and a girl has to wonder if he hands these out a lot? Albeit smooth, but kind of a bad sign.

So we drove back to his house, and I was going to drop him off outside, but he insisted that I come in and see the cat that he had thought all along was a girl, but just found out was a boy when he went to get it fixed. I walked in and all of his friends seemed excited I was there, and I stayed and talked for a few minutes, but really did have to go. He walked me out to my car and gave me a hug, where he told me again I was adorable and wanted to hang out again.

When I got home, he texted me and said he wants to hang out for real soon, when I'm not "Cinderella with a curfew." Good one! I called him Prince Charming and asked when he was taking me out on a date. He asked me the next day if he'd embarrassed himself, which he didn't. I am looking forward to hanging out with him when he's sober though.

We've texted each other over the past few days but have yet to make a solid plan, since we both have busy schedules. Hopefully we will soon.

And you know I'll fill you in on all the details. :)

Who's up for a little adventure?

2008-06-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

So if you've been paying any attention at all, you know that I'm sort of ballsy.

Some of you may be familiar with Mason Stanley, a blogger who writes an advice-type blog and also a blog about his personal experiences in dating, which is a lot like A Date In The Life... A boy after my own heart, right? I know of him because he's commented on some of his postings, and put me in his blogroll.

The other day he emailed me a question about a post he was writing, and after a few emails were exchanged I asked, just out of curiosity, whereabouts he lives. It could have been anywhere in the United States, so you can imagine I was a little surprised when I found that he lives less than 5 minutes from me. What are the chances, right?

It seemed all too appropriate to go on a date, so that we could each write about our perspectives from the guy and the girl standpoint. Right? All for the sake of our readers, of course. (Insert winking face.... haha)

We decided, just for the sake of adventure, to go on a legit blind date; no exchange of pictures, no myspace/facebook... not even real names, since we both have aliases. So as of now, all we know about each other is that we are both 23, we live in the same place, and that we hang out at all of the same bars. (Again, weird, right?) It's almost hard to believe that we haven't met already. (Sidenote: Arrgh... what if we have??)

I'm not sure if I'm going to be meeting up with him and his friends tonight (out of sheer impatience for waiting around to find out who this guy is), or if we're going to go on a "real date" at some point in the near future, but I can assure you that either way, you'll be the first to know all about it.

Wish me luck!

And on that note, isn't it funny that today's Single-ish blog post on Glamour.com is about the author, Ryan, and a friend of another blogger, being set up on a blind date through a blog? And how the girl is going to write a post afterwards on her perspective of it? Hmm.

Diamonds and Devotion

2008-06-04T02:03:00.000-07:00

It occured to me this morning as I was getting dressed what month it is. And more importantly, what month in what year it is.

June 2008.

It might not be that significant to you. And I didn't even realize it was significant to me either, 'til something reminded me of The Ex.

Had we done things according to the plans we had made (and talked about constantly), we would have been getting married this month. MARRIED.

I know, right? Wow. It's almost unbelievable to me. Honestly, I can hardly even remember what it was like to be with him, it seems so long ago. I remember similarly, it hit me last June that we would have been getting engaged at that time, but since then I guess I had just put it out of my mind. It really snuck up on me.

But I went off to work (on my day off, mind you) for a class, knowing that at least concentrating on something else would temporarily distract my mind from it.

So there I am, in our back room learning all kinds of new things about our haircolor line, when in walks one of the girls I work with, sporting a brand new sparkling rock on her left ring finger. I tell myself I'm hallucinating and turn my attention back to the lecture.

Another one of the girls I work with (engaged), walks back to mix color and sees the ring, and they start talking excitedly about diamonds and fiances and wedding plans, and now I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded. I focus again on the class.

Another girl I work with walks back (also engaged) and gives her a big congratulatory hug. Now everyone is giggling and hugging. My eyes are stinging with tears and my stomach is imitating the washing machine churning beside me. I don't even notice that 10 minutes has gone by when I realize I haven't heard anything our educator is talking about, but I'm nodding along with the information.

So now, I am one of two un-engaged (or un-married) girls at my work, and the other girl has a serious boyfriend. Literally, I kid you not. There are 6 engaged girls! I am surrounded daily by diamonds and devotion. Where's mine?

And this, of course, all comes fairly soon after a break-up with Erwin; someone who I thought was sort of downright amazing. I wish he hadn't said all the things he said if he didn't mean them.

And on the subject of weddings, remind me to tell you all about my opinion on the Sex And The City movie. Cute movie! TERRIFYING PREMISE.

Note: I'm not upset anymore about not marrying The Ex, as I've realized over the course of the past few years that it's definitely for the best. But I'm starting to feel a little left behind, knowing that that could have been me too.

My Achy-Breaky Heart

2008-06-01T03:21:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time, you guys. But alcohol has fueled a pretty honest blog post, and I hope you can enjoy it while it lasts.

My heart aches for Erwin. I know it's been awhile, and I should have moved on. I know I've been out with other guys. I know he's only human. But I still haven't been able to get over him.

I know what he did was no dice, but I also know that he was pretty damn incredible and I wonder if I'm going to find another like him.

A girl can dream. Sigh.

Lo Siento

2008-05-26T15:47:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to send you all a quick apology for the newly censored comments. I still want you to leave comments and I welcome them. Why moderate, then?

Well, I'm just getting sick of seeing a few super hateful, moronic comments sprinkled in with all the others every time I look at my blog. Enough so to delete them. I'm not hiding anything. I'm saving myself (and maybe some of you) the irritation.

Yep. You're right! I do choose to put my life on the internet to share with anyone who wants to read it, and you're right - that does open myself up to criticism. Criticize away! Please, feel free. But do it in your own blog, k? Quit wasting my time.

Continue to leave them, and I'll approve any comment that is not oozing with hatred and condemnation. :)

Come Here Often?

2008-05-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

Interesting ways people have found my blog...

Some of these inquiries make me feel bad, because what they're searching for isn't actually in here. So let's take a second to answer some of your questions, shall we?

6 month anniversary email

I'd normally start it out with how you felt when you two first met, and end it with how far you've come. Sprinkle in a few good times you've had, and sign it with your pet name. Works every time.
p.s. Why are you writing her an email for Christ's sakes? Take her out to dinner or something.

something cute for 6 month anniversary

How 'bout a nice little weekend getaway to your hometown? Has he met your family yet?
Or.... the scandalous answer would be a bj in a new piece of lingerie. That one never fails.
This question depends on what kind of anniversary it is... are you two dating? Have you been married for 6 months? My friend just had her 6 month wedding anniversary and got her husband the game Rock Band. I think it all depends on your level of intimacy/awesomeness.

what a guy wants in a relationship

On the surface, it's going to look like he wants guaranteed head and someone to pick him up when he gets too bombed to drive home, but guys are really not as different from girls as we tend to think they are. They want to be loved, taken care of, and appreciated, just like us.
This also depends on where he's at in his life. Does he want a RELATIONSHIP? Or a ....relationship...? Think about it.

boyfriend questionnaire
okcupid date

Generally, a bad idea. 'Nough said.

the peach random gentle love master (rglm)

Grow some cajones.

picking up girls on okcupid

See number 5, please.

Kazakhstan
happy two months love text message

If (s)he just said "I love you" for the first time, and it was a text message, I wouldn't recommend it goes a day past two months.
Crap. I've done that before. Additional piece of wisdom: Don't text when you've been drinking.

eyelid mole images

Sorry, couldn't find a good one. But this picture appears for google image searches on eyelid moles, and I thought it was creepy enough to post. (Whatever it is that she's holding hands with, that relationship is doomed for so many reasons. There is a fine line between open-minded and desperate, don't you forget it.)

okcupid personality awards

... are bullshit if you ask me. But I guess no one really wants to think they're greedy.

girls from kazakhstan

Really?

when a guy pull away you can move on

"Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer but can't accept it." You've got it, sista'. Can, and should.

dating her 6 month anniversary

I'm starting to wonder why people are so dang frazzled over the whole 6 month anniversary situation. Would it help if you pretended it was 5 months?

best ways to date

Be nice. Shower first. Chew with your mouth closed. Say thank you. And do not, under any circumstances, talk more about your mom/ex-girlfriend than you do about her.

dating my new

I wish I knew what the last word was supposed to be. Any ideas?

The Foxista: A Reunion

2008-05-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

I was driving home last night from my friend's house and listening to John Tesh on the radio (cheesy, I know). Just as I was passing the street I used to turn on to get to Starbucks to see the Foxista, he started talking about the effects of drinking coffee on your health. I haven't been to that Starbucks since the last time I talked to him (aka morning after he stayed over, basically) and the thought of going in there hasn't even crossed my mind since.

So it was kind of weird when all of a sudden I hear this random fact about coffee as I'm passing the street he works on, and I got the feeling I should go in there. I figured he didn't work there anymore, but something was calling me to go get a cup of coffee.

So I went in, and lo and behold, he was the only one working. The look of shock on his face was impossible to miss. He kept asking me what was new, and what I'd been up to. I finally told him I wanted some coffee. As he was making it, he kept doing his really intense staring thing, which I called him out on.

I asked what was new with him, and he told me about work and skateboarding, and then walked all the way to the end of the counter and said he'd met a really nice girl, at Starbucks, and that she was sitting over in the corner. He said it in a way that implied that he didn't want her to see me talking to him. Ah. So I told him congratulations, grabbed my Splenda, and traded farewells.

So strange. I almost expected to get a weird text message from him about it. Nothing yet.

Well-bred, Ill-spoken

2008-05-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

I've never gotten over how strange it is to run into someone from what seems like a past life.

A few years ago, while I was still in college, I had met this guy on campus while I was studying in the language lab. I'd noticed him immediately as he entered - we'll call him Model Todd- he was hard to miss. He was especially good-looking, though not my typical "look" (not usually into the blond hair and blue eyes situation), great build, very sharply dressed, and struck up a conversation with me about the professors in the Spanish department. Though initially very handsome, when he spoke something changed. I'm the first to admit that confidence is super sexy, but there was something very socially stunted about the way he talked. It was almost as if his timing was off-kilter. His responses seemed delayed and choppy, and the conversation was generally just very awkward. I figured he was nervous (which is kind of charming in its own right), and when he asked to take me out for dinner the next night I accepted. I like to give people a fair chance, especially after a bold display of cajones.

The next night I drove to Model Todd's house to meet him for dinner. He lived on a cliff overlooking the ocean with an amazing view and a friendly roommate. When I got there (10 minutes late... as always) his roommate said he was getting ready and went to tell him I was there. So I sat waiting for 25 minutes while he "finished his hair." I kid you not - that was the explanation he gave me (lacking apology or even notice of my own late arrival) when he finally emerged from the bathroom with expertly coiffed spikes.

We took off for dinner in my car, because it turned out he didn't have one. He chose a pretty cool new restaurant that had a live jazz band that night and a great martini list. Our chat over dinner was almost identical to the one in the language lab, and it became hard to believe it was just nerves. Over the course of the conversation, he told me that he was born and raised in Connecticut, and moved out to Southern California to pursue his modeling career, which he does part time along with his college classes. I started to realize that the only time he was engaged in our conversation was while he was talking about modeling (as there was nothing else he liked talking about), and any time it was my turn to talk his eyes got more glazed than donuts. I'm sure we've all had one of those conversations that's just one of the people sitting there waiting 'til it's their turn to talk, right?

It got to a point where he would ask me some bland, generic question and visibly space out while I attempted to answer it quickly enough to keep his interest. Eventually, I gave up. The rest of the evening I learned about the diet, sleep schedule, and workout routine of any successful male model, why every guy with nice abs should wear only Armani button-ups, and why it's absolutely essential that I have my own airbrush tanning kit at home. Snore.

We paid (and split the bill, eat your heart out) and left. I was ready to bail as soon as I dropped him off, but he wanted me to see his portfolio. The potential image of this aggressively attractive 20-something guy in underwear was enough to convince me to park and hang out for a bit. And to be honest, the pictures were totally worth it. I left without kissing him goodnight or plans to contact him again, and that feeling was mutual. We didn't speak for years.

Up until, of course! Saturday, when I ran into him at the specialty grocery store down the road from my house. Apparently we've both moved to the same area. This time, he seemed completely different; he was now poised, confident, and smooth. It was hard to believe this was even the same Model Todd I had gone out with years ago. He had no problem making conversation, and seemed so interested in what I had been up to. He told me he'd always really regretted not seeing me again and wanted to hang out and catch up. How could I turn that down?

So Sunday night he came and picked me up (he now has a car... guess that modeling career finally paid off) and took me to the wine bar across the street. Apparently I was a little off about this new and improved version of Model Todd, as he still adores talking about himself. Much of it was review from the last date, and I was strongly reminded why I didn't want to hang out with him again the first time. But I graciously conversed, split the bill again, and went home.

Normal, right?

'Til the past few days, when he's called me quite a few times. I pick up every once in awhile, talk to him for a minute or two, and say I have things to get done and I'll talk to him later. I've politely turned down his requests to hang out. For some reason, he isn't getting the hint.

So I get to work today, and as I'm with my first client of the day I'm told by the receptionist that I have a "visitor." Go ahead. Guess who it was.

So here I am, in the middle of giving someone what's supposed to be a stress-relieving scalp-massage/shampoo, while I have Model Todd sitting on the next shampoo bowl talking to me. Embarrassing. I told him I'd be done in an hour if he wanted to come back, and he didn't even take that hint. He was still sitting a foot away from me, talking, when I finished blowdrying my second client, and I finally had to tell him that I'd call him later. Ugh!

So now I have an entire salon full of girls wanting to know A. WHO that guy was and how I know him, and B. how on EARTH I can be so uninterested in one of the studliest men on the planet.

I don't know where to begin.

Booze makes Big Fish out of Bottomfeeders

2008-05-06T02:26:00.001-07:00

Many a time I've met a guy when I was out who seemed like a gem; who was really a rock.

I was out on Saturday celebrating an early Cinco de Mayo weekend with my friends, where I met Casper, a 6'6" hottie with an amazing job at Fox. Amazing you ask? We're talking casting director for every major show on their network. Yeah. I know.

So we met, and we talked. And then we talked some more, and then we flirted. And the flirting turned into major flirting, which led to exchanging numbers, which meant yesterday we were texting each other like crazy. Texting turned into a phone call which ended up being three hours, and by the time we hung out tonight we were ten times more stoked on each other than we were when we first locked eyes.

We decided that we'd hang out tonight, the actual night of Cinco de Mayo, and he had me meet him at his apartment. He lives in a big gated apartment community that seems like it was probably nice 20 years ago but is now a little run-down for how expensive it probably is. I parked on the street and called him, knowing only which building he was in, but not the apartment number; not that it would help, since the door to get in was locked on the outside.

He came down to meet me, and was definitely not as supremely sexy as he was the night I met him, but I assured myself that boys are always better when you first meet them, that all I needed was a drink, and that he was excited to put me on the next season of American Idol - minus the embarrassing first rounds of auditions. He was cute enough. I must have liked him for a reason.

So we get in his car on the way to go out, and he's telling me about this girl at work that he was dating for the past few weeks, but they've broken up, and about all the weird things she's been doing and how awkward it is, but that he thinks they might work it out anyway. I tell him, very honestly, that if he wants to talk about his relationship with another girl I'm willing to listen, but only as a friend. If he wants to date me, he needs to leave all of those stories out of the date. And that it's up to him. So he chooses the former, and continues on about the strange dating circumstances with his co-worker.

We get to the bar and we're drinking, and some skeeze-ball comes up and flirts with me, which motivates him to go from regular "friend" guy to complete douchebag within a few seconds and almost gets into a fight with this pathetic 50 year old guy with too big of a smile. I calm him down, we order another drink. He starts getting flirty. He asks if I've ever been on a first date with a guy this tall. I remind him that this ISN'T a date, since he chose the "friends only, so that I can tell you all the details of dating another girl" option just an hour before in the car. He denies the whole conversation.

I have another drink. He continues flirting. I start to flirt back because now I'm drunk. I try to remind him that this isn't a date. Now he insists that it is. He orders me another drink, even though I'm not halfway through the current one.

Eventually we decide to leave, because now we've been talking about The Secret, and he tells me that he has the video and thinks we should go watch it, so we go. We get to his house, climb up on his bed (and I understand this was my bad), and start watching the DVD. I actually want to watch it, while he just wants an excuse to make out. I keep backing away so that I can watch, but he keeps pushing me back down and kissing me.

Eventually I tell him, "hey, I want to watch this," but he pushes me back down into the pillow hard, and pulls me shirt and bra up and in one foul swoop, aggressively enough to actually hurt my skin. I push him off of me hard and sit up. "WHAT THE FUCK. What's wrong with you," as I'm pulling my shirt back down. I jump off the bed and start looking for my purse.

"You fucking tease," he calls me. I'm not responding because I want to go. He calls me a whore, and tells me all he wanted was to fuck me. I find my purse and head quickly for the door.

But he jumps up. 6'6" worth of drunk, irrational guy are now in front of the door, blocking it. His name-calling is now name-screaming, in my face. "You're a fucking whore! You disgusting slut, you're a tease. Fuck you!" He's yelling at me. Now he's crying. Tears are falling off his face onto my foot. His yelling gets more intense and the name-calling gets more ugly.

I'm scared.

I haven't been scared like this by a guy before. A guy isn't supposed to make you feel scared. I take account of my surroundings; I'm in a strange apartment, with a huge guy I really don't know. A guy who's extremely emotionally unstable and now screaming and crying at me. I need to stay calm. I never should have come back to his apartment with him. This was a mistake.

I tell him calmly that he's scaring me, and I need to go. I feel like as long as I bring himback to what is going on, he'll realize his irrationality and let me leave. It doesn't help. It gets worse. He's yelling. He tells me that hates me, and that he wants me to go to hell. That I've teased him, I've broken his heart, and doesn't know how I could do this after what he's been through lately with that "slut" at his work. I keep repeating, "ok, I'm scared. I want to leave. Please let me leave. You're scaring me." I reach for the doorknob and start to pull it open; he slams it closed. He gets right in my face and tells me I'm a fucking bitch, and that I don't deserve him.

I stand there, I'm shaking. I'm wondering if I'm going to make it out of his apartment alive. I'm wondering if he has a record of doing this kind of thing. I'm thinking about how long it takes before they use GPS to figure out where a cellphone is, and if that's how they'll find me. I'm wishing his neighbors could hear me yelling and would come rescue me. I keep saying, "Casper. I'm scared. Please let me go home. You're scaring me. Please let me go. I'm going to go now." Every time I reach for the door, he shoves my hand away. He's now slumped against the door, sitting on the floor, sobbing; every girl fucks him over, and why does he always meet all these whores? All he wanted was a nice girl to settle down with.

After what seems like hours, he stands up. I tell him, over and over, that I need to leave. I'm going to leave. Let me leave please. All of a sudden to steps away from the door and opens it. As I go to walk out of it, I feel his hand on my back and he shoves me hard into the hallway and against the wall. I'm stunned and spin around, trying to push the door open. I'm not being rational but I'm in shock and angry that a man would lay his hands on me like that. He slams it in my face and cusses at me throught he locked door.

I realize what's happened and take off running for the elevator. Now I'm more scared than ever; once a guy has crossed the line of being violent with a girl, there's no telling what he'll do. I'm pushing the elevator call button frantically when I hear his door open. "Delete my number you fucking bitch, don't ever call me again! Fuck you! You fucking slut!"

Finally the elevator comes, and I stand in it, shaking hard. I get to the bottom floor and I run to my car, though he's probably not following me. When I get in, I lock all the doors, and I burst into tears. I bawl my eyes out all the way to my house.

Now I'm sitting here, and I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. I know tomorrow I'll tell my friends about it and they'll be there for me the way that friends are, but I'm still going to feel empty. I feel empty because part of me thinks I deserved this, for being an idiot and going with him to his apartment when I didn't even know him. I put myself in dangerous situations, and I'm bound to have a dangerous result at some point.

No one deserves to be touched or talked to like that. I know that and I hope you know that. If you, or anyone you know has been through something like that, please seek help. Talk to someone. Let people know. Telling someone might mean that this person doesn't have the chance to act again against someone else.

I know that there are good guys out there. If anyone knows where they are, please clue me in.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary!

2008-05-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the 6th month since I started this blog, and I'm the type of girl who celebrates these things, so I wanted to give y'all a great big shout out for reading!

To mark this joyous day, I'll tell you the story of Hughes, a very attractive boy who turned out to be more strange than anything else.

It was last year, early March. I lived up north a few hours, but knew I would be moving to Southern California. Since I don't waste any time, I started perusing Craigslist in this area, to meet some new "friends." (You know, the ol' "new to the area, need some fun people to show me around" line.)

It was late at night, and after confirming my posting, I immediately got an email from Hughes; a year younger than me, who works as a professional photographer, who was really funny and sent a really hot picture. That'll work.

So we started exchanging emails, each one longer and more flirtatious. The more we discussed, the more we had in common it seemed: music taste, places we've traveled, prior relationship experiences, favorite movies, etc. I felt giddier every time I read another email. I lost track of time, and realized at 5:30am that it was probably time to go to bed. We exchanged phone numbers and I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. I woke up for work not exhausted, but excited.

Throughout that first day, we texted each other constantly. The conversations were originally like, "I can't wait 'til you live down here" or "I'm so excited to move," but became, "there's no way I can wait that long, I'm going to come see you," and my asking, "how soon?"

This lasted two weeks. We talked on the phone every night, exchanged picture after picture, and generally fell for each other virtually. He had told me early on that he'd just broken up with a serious girlfriend (ie three weeks before the first night we talked, and by serious I mean they had been living together for a year) which is an obvious red flag, but he insisted that he'd been over it for months before they broke up, and had definitely moved on. I believed it.

We decided on St. Patrick's Day for his visit, and couldn't have been more excited. As we discussed his upcoming visit, our conversations had this underlying sense of, "that's when we're going to start dating." One night, he even told me to count 6 months from that day, September 17th, and write "6 months since I met Hughes" with a heart on my calendar. And I did. We had high hopes.

On the 16th I did my usual nervous/excited girl activities: got my hair and nails done, went tanning, gave myself a facial, cleaned my room top to bottom, and picked out a few potential outfit combinations. I could hardly sleep. I woke up hours before he'd be there, and spent tediously long getting ready. I wanted everything to be perfect! I'd made the mistake of telling all my friends and co-workers about it too; despite that whole "don't jinx it" philosophy. Ay.

So he pulled into my complex's parking lot in his souped-up yellow convertible (yeah, yeah, I know... another red flag. So sue me). As soon as I heard the rumble of his super-charged engine, my heart jumped out of my chest and I ran to the door. And there he was, 6'5", well-dressed, and almost as cute as I'd previously imagined. I ran downstairs and gave him a big hug, though he seemed kind of shy. Oh well, we are meeting for the first time, and he did just finish a 2-hour car ride in a tiny convertible, which is really just not fitting for his height, I thought.

He came up with me so I could get my purse, and we decided to walk around downtown. Already, all the bars were stuffed with drunk people doused in green beer. He still seemed really quiet. We decided it would be the most effective to go back to my house for a few drinks and then go out to the bars, so we wouldn't be ripped off quite as bad for drinks. On the way back we stopped at my work, and he met my co-workers, who seemed to really enjoy embarrassing me by telling him everything I'd told them about him.

When we reached my apartment, he was still really uncomfortable and quiet, now two hours deep into the visit. He seemed to be a bit better than he had been when he arrived, so I crossed my fingers that a few drinks would loosen him up a little. We went into the kitchen to make some drinks, and I pulled out the different kinds of liquor and juice I had so he could pick what he wanted. He chose, and then said, "oh I just remembered, I brought some pictures of my dog to show you, I left them in my car. I'll be right back."

So I stood there in the kitchen, mixing our drinks. A couple minutes later, I heard a really rumbly engine start, but I assured myself I was just being paranoid and refused to go out to look. But my heart was pounding. I knew I wasn't being crazy when out of my kitchen window, I saw his yellow convertible peel out of the driveway and take off for the freeway. I was in complete shock. For a second I reasoned with myself - maybe he needed to pee and was so uncomfortable around me that he wanted to sneak off somewhere. Or maybe he wanted to be sweet and go get me flowers. After a few seconds I came to my senses and realized that the douchebag had just peeled out of my day.

So I did what any normal person would do; I called him. He didn't pick up. I texted him, "what the hell?" He didn't respond. I called again. He'd turned his phone off. I quickly downed the two drinks I had mixed us and started crying. Not because he was the man of my dreams once I had met him (I mean honestly, I wasn't even sure how we were going to get through the day together), but because I had done something so awful that a guy would drive two hours to see me, and immediately turn around and drive back. And LIE about it! Honestly.

So I layed on my freshly-made bed, in my spotless room, wearing my cute green outfit and perfect makeup and manicured nails, and drank and cried 'til I fell asleep. I woke up hours later to some text messages from friends about going out, and out of them I chose Brent, who came and picked me up and we went out and got even more drunk and cabbed it back to his house after too many Irish Carbombs and some drunken, naked making out and rolling around in bed that invariably led to my playing a little flesh flute as it always did.

Anyway, back to the douche in the yellow convertible. I decided with sound resolve not to try to contact him again, but come March 18th, I awoke to a long-winded text message from him, and something to the effect of, "I am so sorry. I don't know why I did that to you. I realized I'm not over my ex, and I like you SO much and it just didn't feel right to be moving on that fast." (LAME.) So I wrote back something about lying and being an asshole about it, and he apologized again, and kept apologizing through text message for the next few days while I ignored them.

And ever since, every couple of months I'll get a random email or text message from him, that says, "I wish I had never left."

This world is full of fuckin' weirdos.

Speaking of Awkward First Dates

2008-04-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

The Top 5 Best Ways to Ruin A First Date: Girl Edition

2008-04-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

We've all been on a bad date or two. For some of us, hundreds. Now you can either sit there at dinner making awkward conversation and swirling your spaghetti around your fork while he stares at your rack, or you can take a stand and make sure this guy won't ever want to take you out again. And all without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings!
Plus.... it sure does spice things up a bit.

5. Leave the ringer on your phone up to full volume, and make sure not to miss any phone calls. After a few minutes of chatting, explain that you're running errands with your mom. When you hang up, don't explain to your date who it was that you were talking to. Bonus points: send as many text messages as possible, giggling every time you get a response.

4.Get sloppy drunk. (No, slurring isn't good enough. You better be falling off that bar stool.) Bonus points: throw up in his car.

3. Take a time-out to return a phone call from your mom (or, bonus points: your grandma). When she asks what you're doing, giddily divulge the fact that you're out on a date with "that boy I told you about.... you know the one.... yeah yeah, THAT one. I know! I am too!" Tell her every detail of what the two of you have done so far (including how much things cost and who paid for them), how amazing he is, and how you can't wait for her to meet him. Super extra bonus points: Insist that she doesn't have to worry if you'll sleep together on the first date because Aunt Flo is in town tonight.

2. When out for drinks, insist that he doesn't need to buy you one; you've got it covered. While he sits alone at your table, get up and start approaching groups of drunk guys flirtily 'til they buy you drinks. Bring him back his appletini with a smile and a wink. Bonus points: cheer on the wrong side when the guys that bought you the drinks try to pick a fight with the guy thats drinking them.

And the number one best way to never have to see a dating dud again, without the guilt of hurting his feelings, is....

1. When shopping, casually suggest that the two of you pop into a jewelry store. Become fascinated by an engagement ring (preferrably the most excessive one you can find) and stare at it long enough for a sales person to take it out of the case for you. Proceed to try it on, "just to see." Make sure he sees it, because this is the "exact style I want."

How to lose a guy in 10 days? How bout losing him in 10 minutes?

What a guy wants, what a guy needs...

2008-04-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is caught in a strange situation with her guy, and has been asking me advice.

Now usually I'm the go-to for guy-related questions, but for once I'm kind of at a loss.

So here's the sitch. (And maybe I should have "Asked Mason," but I digress.) She met this guy, and they totally hit it off. They had major chemistry, "got" each other, wanted to spend every waking second together, texted each other during the time they couldn't hang out (ie during work and sleeping time), etc. Everything was just dandy, up until about a week and a half ago.

All of a sudden, this dream dude seemed to disconnect himself. Where he used to call/write/email/text/smoke-signal her regularly, he now hardly seems to have the time to hang out with her or even think about her. At one point when they were first getting to know each other, he had told her that occasionally he goes through phases where he holes himself up in his room and hides from the world with video games and movies, and although it seems like he just wants to be alone, he's really looking for attention. As any girl knows, the worst thing you can do when a guy starts to pull back is come on stronger, but according to him, thats really what he's wishing for when he acts that way. So fast forward back to the present, where she's sitting on my couch moping around because her super sweet dream guy seems to be completely forgetting abotu her. Her feelings and desire to see him haven't changed, but he seems to feel completely differently.

Now her guy doesn't seem to be a bad person, don't get me wrong. I'm definitely rooting for the guy. He's funny, smart, outgoing, and seems really nice to her. And it isn't as though he's being an ass. He's still nice when they do talk or hang out, but as she described it, "it seems like the fire has died down to an ember." And after only a month and a half, we both agree the fire shouldn't have changed any yet.

They sat down and talked about it (I know, every guy's favorite activity) and he finally admitted that things seemed different to him too, and that it had come about the day he made her his girlfriend. Having that label apparently spooked him to a point of wanting to push the relationship far enough away to feel like a single guy again, despite the fact that he has self-proclaimed "super strong feelings" for her. According to her, they hardly ever see each other now, and she's lucky to hear from him once a day through text message or email.

I'm trying to be there for her, but I don't know what to tell her. She's a pretty tough cookie, and she's starting to feel like "if he isn't ready for me, then I'm moving on." We both agreed that their relationship was something really special, but she insists it just doesn't feel that way anymore.

What do you guys think? Is it doomed? Should she wait it out more? Is he looking for attention? Or will it be better in the long run for her to pull back too?

A Little Self-Reflection..... never a bad idea.

2008-04-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

No pun intended.

Like you guys said, I need to think about what it is that I want; at least that way I can try to focus my energy/send it out into the universe, and hope it comes a-knockin' on my door. Yeah?

Ok, to start with the surface. Physically, I don't have one specific type, other than exceptionally good-looking. Ha. What does that mean? At least a few of the following, in my opinion.

dark hair
slim hips
straight white teeth
prominent noses (previously broken? i'm into the bump)
strong jaw lines
freckles
long eyelashes
nice, strong hands
slim/skinny/toned
stylish: edgy, indie, hipster, casual, Abercrombie or surfer-type style, laid-back

And more importantly, character.

a servant's heart
a lust for knowledge and wisdom
an intelligent, quick sense of humor
the ability to see the good in people and in all situations, a positive attitude
a deep understanding of themselves, an open mind to understand me
the heart of a child
charisma, a strong presence
someone who validates me, for who I am on all levels
dedication to personal growth: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally
ambition, a passion for what they do
the desire to be unabashedly smitten, selectively
honesty, someone who keeps their word and follows through
most importantly, the ability to love without conditions

And y'all thought I was shallow. I really do have a big heart, underneath it all. Promise. Just have to find my matching puzzle piece.

And the quest continues...

Waitlisted

2008-04-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Maybe something I should consider starting.

Let me explain. When I was seeing Erwin, I had changed my status on my Facebook profile to say I was "In A Relationship." Due to the Live Feed Facebook started some months back, pretty much everyone I know was alerted to this fact. This includes many a boy I have gone on dates with recently. I have too much pride to change it just yet.

I don't write about each and every date, by virtue of a majority of them not being blog-worthy at all. For example, Steven, who I went out for drinks with the night before I went to Disneyland for my first date with Erwin. He's a 25 year old law school student who I met on OKCupid, who's good looking and super sweet, but missing some key ingredients. He showed up dressed like it was laundry day (alright when we've been dating for awhile, but on a first date I would have assumed he would want to make the best first impression), spent a majority of the date talking about his ex and how broke he was, and as we ordered our first beers, he announced that he would pay for the first ones, but that I would be paying for the second ones. Now I'm not saying boys need to shell out more money than they have, but if he doesn't have the money to pay for two rounds of beers.... let's just order one. (Boys, please. Don't ever TELL a girl on a first date - that YOU invited her on - that she's going to have to pay for the next round. Bad manners.)

Anyway, in my opinion, it was a nice time but nothing to write home about. In his opinion, though, we had a ton in common, amazing chemistry, and he really wanted to see me again. After a few weeks of text messages from him, I didn't hear from him anymore, until tonight.

Steven (10:01:17 PM): hey you. how is it going w/ your bf?

Me (10:01:47 PM): i'm guessing you got that from facebook?

Steven (10:02:12 PM): yeah

Steven (10:04:02 PM): can i just ask why you kind of didn't consider me for a 2nd date?

Steven(10:04:07 PM): i guess i misread something

Steven (10:04:12 PM): but i enjoyed chilling w/ ya

Steven (10:04:19 PM): i am not second guessing you or anything

Steven(10:04:24 PM): just curious if i did something wrong

Steven (10:04:27 PM): just for future reference

Me (10:04:29 PM): it isn't that i didnt consider hanging out with you again

Steven (10:04:36 PM): on a date level though?

Me (10:05:00 PM): i had thought i was going to go out with you again probably

Steven (10:05:09 PM): ?

Me (10:05:34 PM): you're a nice guy, we had a good time

Steven (10:05:44 PM): but i guess i lost my shot

Steven (10:05:56 PM): it just seemed like i asked you to hang a few times afterwards

Steven (10:06:06 PM): and you said you were busy and all

Me (10:06:12 PM): i was busy

Steven (10:06:20 PM): and you never really got around to letting me know

Me (10:06:28 PM): what it comes down to is that the thing thats most important is chemistry

Steven (10:06:28 PM): but i you dated another guy

Steven (10:06:33 PM): so i was a little confused

Steven (10:06:39 PM): i thought we had a lot of chemistry

Steven (10:06:47 PM): but i guess you didn't think so?

Me (10:07:00 PM): i thought we got along really well

Me (10:07:11 PM): but i think thats different than chemistry

Steven (10:07:18 PM): hmm

Steven (10:07:33 PM): well, whatever the reason, i am happy for you and the guy

Steven (10:07:39 PM): let me know if things change

Steven (10:07:43 PM): put me on the waiting list

Me (10:07:43 PM): aww

Steven (10:07:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:07:51 PM): thats flattering

Me (10:07:53 PM): well thank you

Steven (10:07:59 PM): sure

Steven (10:12:02 PM): so where did you meet?

Me (10:12:09 PM): haha

Me (10:12:11 PM): taco tuesday

Steven (10:12:20 PM): how did you meet him though?

Steven (10:12:25 PM): did he come up to you and start talking?

Me (10:12:31 PM): yeah

Steven (10:12:37 PM): wow

Steven (10:12:45 PM): that is gutsy

Steven (10:12:50 PM): gotta give him props for that. what did he say??

Me (10:12:55 PM): he sat down and said "before you say anything, you have to give me a chance, not like all the other guys that you've been blowing off all night, I've been watching."

Steven (10:12:56 PM): i have never talked to a random girl soberly

Me (10:13:01 PM): yeah he's gutsy

Steven (10:13:08 PM): other guys had tried to flirt w/ you?

Me (10:13:20 PM): ya and apparently he had been watching the whole time

Steven (10:13:34 PM): coolio

Steven (10:13:41 PM): does he have a facebook or myspace?

Steven (10:13:43 PM): i wanna see

Steven (10:13:43 PM): hehe

Me (10:13:50 PM): nope he doesnt have anything

Me (10:13:53 PM): why do you want to see? weirdo

Steven (10:14:57 PM): hehe, just curious

Steven (10:15:04 PM): it's the curious cat in me

Steven (10:17:26 PM): i am out, laterz homeslice, have a good night, don't forget to put me on the list!

Me (10:17:33 PM): thanks dude, have a good one

He's not a bad guy. In fact, he's a nice guy, with what seems like a good heart and a decent amount of intelligence. What he doesn't have is the social know-how to woo a girl during a first impression, which is key to getting 'em hooked. I spent the whole evening with him wishing there was someway to broach the subject, and help him out. With a few good pieces of wisdom and a little polishing, Steven could easily be a total catch for a great girl.

As much dating as I've done, and as many bad dates and poor first impressions I've had (if you don't believe me, go ahead and compare the amount of "first date" tags to "second date" tags.... I dare you), I think I'm kind of an expert on the subject of Do's and Absolutely-Do-Not's on a first date.

So I ask you...
What better career for me than date-coaching for the desperate and down-trodden?

I'm seriously considering it. The details would need to be ironed out and all... but I welcome comments on the subject. Let's hear 'em!

Would you consider hiring a dating coach?

Not Dating the Danish (ie Douchebags)

2008-04-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

Sidenote: I went out last night to my favorite local dive, The Goathill. It was packed and 90% guys as usual. Despite my lowkey outfit (black t-shirt, jeans, flats, and a ponytail... not my usual outing attire) I was getting a ton of attention. I said hi to the friend I was meeting up with, and went to the bar to stand in the long line (all men) for a drink. As they turned around and noticed me, they kept letting me go ahead of them, 'til finally I was behind a group of three guys. The loudest of them (with some sort of accent) stopped what he was saying midsentence when he saw me and grabbed my arm and pulled me up to the bar. With slurred speech, he asked the bartender (about 5 times) for "a vanilla vodka and cranberry." (I won't say no to a free drink, though what I really wanted was a Hefewiesen.) He said cheers in Danish and handed me what he called a "Pantydropper." I thanked him, apologized that it wouldn't work on me, and went back to my friend.

I learned years ago not to date the Danish. Now I'm sure they are not all bad, but after a few examples of Douchebagginess I think I've accepted they are just not for me. Here's a prime example.

I met Von in the library my sophomore year of college. He told me how he thought I was beautiful and wanted to take me out, and at this point in my dating career a little compliment could go a very long way; I agreed, and we made plans for that weekend. Though I wasn't particularly attracted to him, I hoped he had potential.

We met up for shopping (his idea) which was really just walking around downtown and him pointing out all the stores he recently spent large amounts of money in. He didn't ask me a single question, and interrupted me every time I tried to speak, mostly with examples of how much money his family had. By the time he took me home, I was almost jumping out the car window.

In the days that followed, he would text and email me, telling me how great of a time he had and how he couldn't get his mind off me. I finally said very bluntly that I thought he was really full of himself and didn't want to see him again. He apologized profusely and promised that if I gave him another chance, things would be different. I conceded.

Three days later, he picked me up for a romantic dinner in Montecito. He dressed nicely, opened every door, asked me all kinds of questions, and was more of a gentleman than I had ever gone out with at that point. This time around, by the time we got back to my house I was aching for a goodnight kiss.

My best friend M, who had been my very first friend in college and literally the closest thing to a sister I have ever had, didn't like him from what I had told her the first time. She was protective and what I always described as not only my best friend, but also my sister, lawyer, and bodyguard. I finally talked her into accepting that we were dating after telling her how amazing he was the second time. They met one evening after lots of convincing, and she agreed that he wasn't quite as bad as she had expected. Even still, she didn't understand the attraction, telling me that he wasn't even cute. (Thanks, girl.)

Naturally, we started dating. He lived two blocks from our campus in a nice house on the ocean. We spent days at the beach, went out to great meals, took day trips, and he even took me back to Solvang to meet his family (yes, they actually live in Danishville... I know). He bragged to all of his friends about his new girlfriend, told me how thrilled he was to be with me, that he was going to plan something amazing for Valentine's Day (over two months away), and even gave me his passwords to his email account for some reason (which I never thought to check).

Somewhere around two months into the relationship things started to turn. When we would go out to eat, he would surprise me with having "forgotten" his wallet (despite the fact that he knew I was barely getting by) and started making rude jokes about me around his friends. One night at dinner (another one I was duped into paying for with the $25 I had left in my bank account), he made some stupid comment about how if I wasn't happy with him, maybe he'd just go date my best friend M. Flustered and angry, I snapped back, "she isn't even attracted to you." He laughed. "Are you sure we're talking about the same M?"

A few days later was Valentine's Day, the night before which I was at her house, close to tears and telling her how the relationship was going downhill at a fast pace. "If he doesn't perform a miracle tomorrow, I'm going to end it," I proclaimed. We'd had plans to get a room at a bed and breakfast in Solvang, but after the plans changed, he would now already be there hanging out with his friends, and I would drive up to meet him (almost 2 hours away) for the night, where we'd be staying at his parents' house since they were out of town. How romantic.

Even still, the next morning I packed up my overnight bag, put together the feeble Valentine's gift and card I was able to get him, and kept trying to call him to get directions. Finally he called me back, and when I picked up the phone, he said this:

"Look, I've been thinking, and this just isn't working. Let's not fool ourselves here, we both know this relationship isn't going anywhere. Why waste this holiday with someone I don't even want to be with? It just doesn't make sense."

I was so much in shock that I walked out into the living room where my roommates were watching TV, and put one of them on the phone to verify that I wasn't hallucinating. She cussed him out and hung up on him. As much as I was furious, I wasn't sad. I didn't cry. I called M and went over to her house to vent. She seemed even more upset than I was. We logged into his email (the first time I had ever used that password) to see that he had written an email to a friend of his two weeks prior, saying he was over me and was going to dump me. He had actually been planning to do it like this. She had all kinds of ideas for retaliation. "Let's go key his car! We should put sugar in his gas tank. Or egg his house. What a fucking asshole." (Like I said, best friend and bodyguard.) I turned down her ideas, wanting to stay on the high road. But just for laughs, we changed his name in my phone's contact list to "Danish Douchebag."

For the next few days, she would constantly ask me how I was doing, if there was anything she could do to help, or get back at him, or if I needed anything. By the following weekend I was over it and out partying with my friends, when I ran into her cousin. I called her to tell her, no answer. Unusual, but ok. We talked for a long time and I (drunkenly) tried to call her again, no answer. We went to another party down the street, I called her on the way, no answer. Since she and I talked on the phone about 50 times a day, this was strange. About 45 minutes later, I got a text message from her. "Sorry, I'm going to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow." Wtf, right? So of course, I call her again. NO ANSWER. Now I'm getting frustrated. She texts again, "my phone is about to die, I'll talk to you tomorrow." So I write back, "M, what is your deal? I have to talk to you!"

Two minutes later, I got a text message. Not from her number, but from "Danish Douchebag," that said "I didn't want to tell you like this, my phone died. I'm sorry. We're going to sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow." I may not have cried on Valentine's Day, but I cried this time. In fact, I bawled. I cried so hard I couldn't see, and had to be escorted out of the party and back to my house, and I cried the whole way home. I wrote her an email when I got home about how heartbroken I was over the loss of my best friend. She wrote back the next day with some stupid response about how it wasn't her fault that they were "meant to be." We wrote back and forth a few more times, each one I sent a little more crushed, and each one I received a little more ridiculous.

On a whim, I logged into his email account again. I knew that password would come in handy someday. And there were all the emails we had exchanged, forwarded to him and sitting in his inbox.

It took me 5 days to get over him after he dumped me, less than 5 for her to pounce on the asshole (possibly even less than that, quite possible they started hooking up before he broke up with me), one month before he dumped her too (big surprise), and three years before I could bring myself to talk to her again. And even still, we won't ever be friends like we were then.

Moral of the story, I've written off Danish Douchebags for good. Save your Pantydroppers for another girl!

Karma’s a Bitch.

2008-03-31T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for the lapse in posts, I've not only been nursing a badly bruised heart, but also have had a hell of a time connecting to the internet lately. (Seriously... any CPU geniuses wanna help a girl out?)

Anyway, my friends would all tell you that they love my dating life, because they’re all in committed relationships and here I am, “happy as a clam” as far as they know, dating most of the under-40 year old population within an hour of my house. They like living vicariously through me, and get a kick out of my stories. And I play it off as though that’s all I want; a little entertainment, a free dinner, some attention, a good laugh.

Well, you know what?? That isn’t what I want. I was really fucking exciting to begin a new relationship, after all this time has gone by; after thinking I’d never find someone I liked on that level again. It was exhilarating to know that there was someone who felt the same way about me, too. Much to my friends’ chagrin, I was thrilled to dive off the single boat into Boyfriend Sea.

I’ve spent much of this past week dwelling on what happened on Easter. How could he? How could I let something like that happen? How could that delicious quiche have gone to waste? I’m a good person. I’m generous, kind, and thoughtful. I have a lot of love to give! I know… everything happens for a reason. What was the reason!?

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I do, in fact, deserve what happened. Here it is. I’ll admit it. I’ve been in the same situation before. But I wasn’t the one being played like a fool. Karma, you are such a bitch.

About a year and a half ago, pretty soon after the Breakup, I spent so much time and energy looking for a new guy that I didn’t care where I found him. Hours a day were spent on Craigslist personals, Match.com, eHarmony, Myspace, Facebook, Engage, and any other website you could think up. I wasn’t just perusing; I was a cat in heat and on the prowl.

I had posted one of my many Craigslist ads, proclaiming that I was “new to the area” (lies) and looking for “new friends,” (or sexy boys for dating and kissing) along with the best picture of myself I could find. It wasn’t long before my inbox was filled as usual, but one caught my eye. Exceptionally well-spoken, a little suggestive, and extremely vague, I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was about this response that I liked. The mystery? The fact that he didn’t suggest kinky sexual activities, or tell me what car he drove? His picture was from 200 feet away, taken on the beach, from behind. He was hiding something. Maybe I knew him! I had to know.

We exchanged emails and I asked plenty of direct questions and received very subtle answers. By this point, all this mystery guy had told me was his first name (Brent), his age (27), the area he owned a house/ lived in (down the street from me and very swank), and his occupation (engineer). But that was it. It finally struck me one day…. He had to have a girlfriend, and I asked. For the first time, he was direct.

“It isn’t as black and white as that. I’m not going to lie. I do. But she’s moving across the country in the next few weeks and then it’s over. I’m not saying I’m single, or trying to have something lined up. I’m just open to meeting new people.”

Fair enough. He started to open up a bit more. He even sent me the link to his Myspace account. And he was hot! He wouldn’t add me to his friends, for fear that I could start leaving him comments or something. Looking at his profile, I found he was on the same marathon team as my roommate (who said she had met both him AND his girlfriend, who she said was a “total snot”) and had a seemingly perfect relationship with said snot, who posted him obnoxious “I love you Baby!” comments daily. Eventually, he admitted that they lived together. As much as my conscience should have kicked in and given me the “do unto others” speech, it didn’t. We made plans to meet.

Brent arrived at my house the following day, but insisted that I meet him down the street in case my roommate saw and recognized him (little did he know I had already showed her his MySpace) . I got into his (beautiful, foreign) car and we headed off to the countryside for a day of wine-tasting. Conversation was awkward, and I finally asked him how he’d phrased his plans for the day to his photographer girlfriend. “I didn’t have to,” he told me. “She never asks what I’m doing when she’s in the middle of a shoot.” Our flirting heated up with each glass of wine. After a few hours he said he needed to be getting back, but he would try and get out later to see me again. He dropped me off, and only an hour later texted me, saying he would come over as long as my roommate wouldn’t see him come in. I promised. When he arrived, he held my jacket in his hand (which I had unintentionally forgotten in the backseat) and berated me for being careless. As wrong as it was, I ate up every moment of it. We watched a movie on my bed, but didn’t kiss.

It started off innocently enough; occasional meetings, flirting, but no kissing or touching. An obvious attraction between us grew, and he called me one night, drunk and standing outside my bedroom window, demanding that I let him in. Despite my protests, he kissed me and we stayed up until the sun rose, making out aggressively; exhilarated in our sexual tension and how immoral it was.

Weeks turned into months, and when I would ask him when she was moving, he would give me vague answers. “It’s looking like next month.” “Sometime in the next few weeks.” “She hasn’t signed her lease yet but I think she found a place.” Our encounters became more frequent and his excuses for her began to run dry, until finally one day they packed up her things and drove her car across the country. He called me from the airport before his flight home left, to let me know he had gotten me a gift in NYC and couldn’t wait to see me.

Occasional turned frequent, and things seemed to be going well. I asked, one evening, why he still wouldn’t add me to his Myspace. “We haven’t quite broken up yet.” My heart dropped. From then on, things were strained, and we told each other less and less about our lives (yet the makeout sessions didn’t change). I casually announced one evening that I would be moving back down south, and his reaction made me wonder if we were experiencing two different relationships. I couldn’t understand how he could be so upset that I would leave, considering he was already in a relationship with someone else. We hardly spoke for the next few weeks.

Two nights before I left, he called me drunk and outside my window again, demanding that he come up. “I broke up with her. It’s done. Don’t leave me. You don’t have to leave now.” I, of course, wasn’t leaving over him, and was leaving despite him.

Since I moved here a year ago, and although I have many friends who I could stay with when I go to visit my old city every once in awhile, he is invariably the one I call. Without my asking if I can stay, he asks what time I’ll be in town and where he'll meet up with me. I go out, see my friends, have a great time, and we meet up at the end of the night for a hot makeout sesh like the old days. Other than my visits, we very rarely speak. Recently, he started IMing me more frequently, and told me how much he looks forward to my visits, and that he will be down in my area over the summer for a wedding and wants to see me. He casually mentioned that his ex-girlfriend had moved back from New York, but refused to talk about it when I asked him if they had seen each other.

Just days ago, I took a peek at his Myspace page, to find that he is now “In a Relationship” with her again. Interesting how things come full circle.

Oh, karma. You vengeful slutface.

Hiding more than eggs

2008-03-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

Easter 2008: Officially SUCKS. Betrayed and bombed off cheap champagne.

Erwin and I have spent most of the past week together, completely falling for each other, and it's been as great as I had thought it would be. He's taken me out with his work friends, we've spent the night at each others' house, and he's been nothing but a gentleman. I told him originally that I'm kind of a prude when it comes to hooking up with someone I'm not in a relationship with, and he's been nothing but supportive than that. We even told each other we should wait until May before we start messing around, because as he says, that way we can build a strong meaningful relationship before we introduce sex into it, according to a book he read. Normally charming, but as it turns out, its quite the opposite.

He has a girlfriend.

And no, I didn't see it coming. I didn't see any signs. He came over this morning for the Easter brunch that I had spent all morning cooking; wanting to impress him with my cooking skills and do something special for him. He showed up acting distant (totally out of character) and sat around while I served it, hardly speaking. Every couple minutes he would receive a text that he would respond to immediately, despite the fact that he usually doesn't even bring his phone with him. I didn't really think anything of it until he started getting a bunch of phone calls that he was ignoring.

Finally, while I sat there eating my omelet, he said he had to grab something out of his car and was gone for a good 10 minutes before I walked out the front door and saw him sitting against his car, telling someone he loved them. I guess he didn't hear me come out, because the conversation didn't cease. "Yes, baby, I wish I could spend it with you too. I know. You know how my family is though. Oh and my Grandma sends her love. Ok baby, I'll tell her." I stood, stunned and unsure what to do. My heart pounded and I got up the strength to move, I swung around, ran in the house, and slammed and locked the door. I stood there, shaking, furious, feeling like a complete idiot, while he yelled through the door that he could explain.

I told him to fuck off; that there wasn't anything to explain. After a minute or two of this, there was silence. "You're right. Can we talk about this?.... Come on. Let me in." I'm a pushover.

He walked in. He didn't make eye contact with me. He said he was sorry, and that he knew he was an asshole. I didn't have any response. He pushed past me, grabbed his car keys and wallet and another strawberry, and walked out.

So I spent the last 2 hours sitting here, drinking the 3 bottles of champagne I bought for mimosas (straight out of the bottle, and let me tell you, Cook's is not meant to be consumed without juice in it; and yes I am drunk and yes it took me a long time to write this in a readable way) and calling all my friends, telling them how the guy we all finally thought was good for me is more of an asshole than any of the other douches I've been hanging out with.

I would rather have sat suffocating in a creep-ass Easter Bunny costume hugging kids in the mall than spending the day feeling humiliated like this.

What a fantastic fucking Easter. Onto the next one. Cheers!

Geeks of the World..... Unite!

2008-03-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe that's a bit vague. Let's stick with Geeks in the LA area.

I will be attending the monthly Geek Dinner at Canter's Deli tomorrow, to mix and mingle with LA's finest computer nerds and internet aficionados. So if any of you other awesome bloggers out there plan on attending, let me know!

And on the note of being nerdily into the interent... exciting news for today! A Date In The Life... is now has its own, independent, even more awesome domain name! I'll admit it. I get pretty excited about this stuff.

And of course.... Happy St. Patty's Day. Please have fun and be SAFE!

And yes, I really am.

In my usual fashion, I will be celebrating this joyous holiday on a date (drinking a few too many free green beer and Irish Carbombs) with a guy named Coors, a marketing professional from OKCupid who turns out to live about 200 feet from me. What are the chances? Eh. We'll see. Not to say there aren't people I'd rather be spending it with.

A Symphony of Epiphanies

2008-03-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

I needed this weekend to know that I really was ready to move on.

Amazing, after two years of endless heartbreak/recklessly wanting someone who "isn't sure" if I'm the right girl for him, I've realized that I don't think he's the right guy for me either, as much as I've tried to believe he was. It's time to let go.

It takes a lot of work sometimes to take your own advice. My mantra is always to live each day in the moment. Don't waste your time. Live each day in the moment! You never know how long you (or anyone else) has on this earth, so don't wait around for anything. This was always the reasoning I gave the Ex. "If you think you want to be with me again someday, why not now!? Life is too short to wait for another time!"

Rihanna says it best when she said that to me he's like a drug, and we both use each other, but in different ways. Some sad kind of gratification came from getting attention from him, no matter what the outcome. I spent the past two years believing that there was something I was lacking if he felt the need to look elsewhere. Maybe if I lose weight before I see him again? Maybe if I get a better job? Maybe if my relationship with my family was different? Maybe if I play harder to get, and then he'll be under the false pretense that I won't always be here waiting for him?

As much as he's known how it's affected me, he's always kept me at arms length, but close enough to be comfortable in the fact that if he can't find someone better, he can always go back to me. Any time it's seemed as though I'm moving on and getting over us, a quick yank on my leash has brought me right back. And no matter how much I've told myself, time and time again, that I was strong and resilient and independent, and wasn't going to let him affect me, he always has.

Recent discovery that I have the ability to have feelings for another person* made me wonder what it is that I've been waiting for. Why him? What is it about him that's made me want to wait the rest of my life for him? I love and care about him, but it finally clicked with me that I'm not his ideal mate. And the truth is, he's not my ideal mate either. This isn't my love story. We had some great times, and now they are some great memories. But those memories don't translate to a future the way I've always pushed for.

Clear as day, here it is: If after almost 4 years of being involved with each other (committed or otherwise), if he's not in love with me, he's not going to be.

Simple as that.

Not to say I didn't have a good weekend with him. We enjoy each other's company and are reallyrelaxed around each other, and we did a lot of fun things and ate a lot of great food. I'm glad he came because I had fun, and was able to gain some real-life perspective on the chapter in my life that is closing.

I knew going into it that there was a good chance my feelings would come flooding back, as they always do, as soon as I saw him, which they didn't. I also knew that if I spent all weekend thinking about someone different, it was a definite way to know that my heart isn't in it anymore.... which I did.

Excuse my French.... Fan-fucking-tastic! I have an overwhelming sense of relief and pride in myself.

I spent so much time waiting for the day that he would declare that he had "made a mistake" and mean it for real; so long hoping that one day he would realize I was really the person he was happiest with and that he didn't need to look anymore. And now I know that even if those feelings are genuine this time, it just comes down to too little, too late, and my heart isn't invested in it in the same way. He was super sweet this weekend, and I appreciate the nice dinners and fun things we did so much, but continuing on the way we have been isn't doing either one of us any favors, and nothing good is going to come out of it; now, or in the foreseeable future.

After driving him to the airport, I texted Erwin (aka the Mickey Mouse Man) to say I was on my way back and he asked me to have dinner with him. We had been texting each other during the weekend, and he's been telling me how much all of his friends want to meet me after what he told them, and how he couldn't wait to see me again.

As soon as I got back into town, he picked me up and we got some dinner (which ended up being a good two hour long meal because we had such a good conversation... and so nice to know that we like all the same things about each other, we have a LOT in common), rented a movie, and snuggled on my bed. Sigh.

*Before you get your panties in a twist: Erwin is not the REASON I was able to get over the Ex. Even if he and I never saw each other again, I would still be over the Ex. It's the fact that I am able to be totally into someone else that made me realize the Ex is not the only fish in the sea that I'll ever want to swim with.

Happy Steak and BJ Day!

2008-03-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts..... this week has been painfully busy. And this weekend is no different!

The Ex arrives tonight at the airport, and is spending the weekend with me. Normally I would be all giddy in anticipation of seeing him, but I realized recently that some spark that I've always had for him seems to finally have blown out. I'm using this weekend to really figure out, once and for all, if this is going to happen or if its just time for me to move the hell on with my life. I feel refreshed that I am ready to do that if it's the best thing to do.

I'm gonna have to make this short; I have a ton to get done today before I pick him up. But you know I'll update you as soon as I can!

And of course.....

Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

If you know me well, you know that I don't eat meat.
But if you know me really well, you know there aren't many things I genuinely enjoy doing more than giving head, and there are not many things in this world I am better at. (Blunt, I know. Sorry. Sue me.) I have a strict policy on not hooking up with people I'm not in a committed relationship with (I might love giving BJ's, but that doesn't mean I do it to just anyone), and I guess I will just have to cross my fingers and hope that next year I have someone to celebrate with.

Ladies: Go do your men right.

A second date to write home about

2008-03-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

I guess technically you could say that it was a third date (I met up with Erwin the other night when we were at the same bar with our friends, and we hung out a bit), but fabulous nonetheless.

Thinking I was off work at 10pm (instead of 6pm) he'd made plans to go to a party at a pizza place with his coworkers and was considering canceling so we could hang out instead, which I insisted he didn't do (bailing on plans with friends to hang out with your girlfriend is the first ingredient in a very potent brew of resentment later on). He came by my work to visit me, which caused about 25 minutes of glowing smiles in front of my coworkers, and asked me a little hesitantly if I wanted to go with him to his work party. I told him I didn't want to intrude and it was totally fine if he would rather meet up later, but he said he wanted me to come so I said I'd love to. We met at my house when I got off so I could change and took off for Pizza Port.

His colleagues are 95% male and range in age from 24-60(?). It's obviously a little intimidating to walk into a big room full of people I don't know (that secretly I was hoping would like me so they would give him the thumbs up on me), but he introduced me to everyone and they were all very friendly and positive. It wasn't long before I was involved in my own conversations with them and making everyone laugh. We ended up staying a few hours and having quite a few beers, and also a great time. When we left he told me how much he loves the fact that he knows he can take me anywhere and introduce me to people and doesn't have to worry if I'm going to be awkward or shy or having a good time; that he adores the fact that I have an intelligent sense of humor that makes everyone around me laugh. Gotta love genuine compliments.

We stopped at his apartment so he could change. I wasn't surprised to find that the 1 bedroom apartment of a single 24 year old male wasn't exactly spotless (which he warned me about extensively, and almost didn't want me to see it), but was so relieved to see that it was just clothes and papers on the floor, and not month-old pizza boxes and crushed beer cans. And underneath the bills and tee-shirts is actually a very nice apartment, also inhabited by two very cute black kitties. It always means a lot to me when a guy has pets, because it means he is able to commit himself for caring for something other than his own needs.

We met up with some of his friends I had met the night we ran into each other and had another great time with them. Time flew by and after closing the bar down, we went over to the 24-hour diner across the street and ate lots of greasy drunk-food and traded nicknames for awful sex acts (my personal worst picks of the evening: grumpy munchkins, chili rainbows, and tiajuana crimescenes). When we finished, we parted ways with his friends and he drove me home, but we sat in the car and talked for over an hour. It's strange and exciting to feel like I met a guy who is the male equivalent of myself, personality wise, and that he feels the same way. I'm thinking we're sort of crazy about each other.

Sweet! When does this every happen??

This is literally the first time I've felt like I have actually feelings for someone other than the Ex since we broke up...

Real magic in the Magic Kingdom

2008-03-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

About two weeks ago, I was at Taco Tuesday at Fred's with C, and after being approached (/chatted up/harassed/stalked) by a bunch of definite no-go's (and I think it might have been "Marines drink for free" considering how many obnoxiously drunk douchebags with crewcuts there were), I locked eyes with a guy leaning over the back of C's chair to snag some napkins off of our table. After a few sarcastic comments between us, he retreated a few feet back and leaned against the wall, directly behind C's head. From then on, no matter who I talked to or was looking at, he was looking at me. And every time we made eye contact, he'd smile this seductive smile at me (think James Dean), or wink at me, and even stuck his tongue out at me to show off his tongue ring. Come to think of it... I may have started the facemaking. But that's just details.

Eventually Mr. Badass (let's call him Erwin) came and sat down next to me. "Before you say anything, Missy," he said, "let me just tell you now, I'm not gonna let you blow me off like all the other poor guys who keep trying to talk to you. Not until you give me a fighting chance." Ok, so he was real cute, though definitely not my "type," but a guy with charisma and a little spice is alright in my book.

We talked for awhile, and he made C and I laugh until we cried quite a few times, and we sassed each other up. (It's always so refreshing to find a guy who can take it and dish it back just as well.) I asked him why he had flashed his tongue ring at me. "Just tryin' to get some pussy." Classy. (To which I, of course, explained that he better move to another table 'cause it wasn't on the menu at mine.) Eventually, I finally agreed to tell him my name and what I did and where I lived. Each minute that we bullshitted, the boy grew more fond of me. The brattier I was, the more he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of me. (Is it really that easy?) At one point he told me he wanted to take me to Disneyland. "Oh yeah, totally, let's go." (I'm sure.) As much as I sassed him and toyed with him and lovingly dragged him through the coals (which he ate up, and did right back to me, so none of those "you're such a bitch" comments, please), there was definitely some sort of magnetic chemistry between us that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

He walked out with us, and I (perfectly willingly) gave him my phone number. He asked how soon he should call. "Tomorrow, if you want to see me again. But I prefer texts."

Sure enough, Erwin texted me the next day. We wrote back and forth every so often for two weeks, until we solidified a plan to go to Disneyland Friday (which was yesterday). I told my friends I had these plans, but was convinced they weren't actually going to happen.... who honestly takes a girl to Disneyland for a first date?

He picked me up around 10am and was cuter than I recalled, and turned out to be a great driver (very important to me, seeing as how I get so awkwardly nervous when other people hold my life in their hands). We drove over and laughed on the way, and he bought my two-day parkhopper pass (he has a premium annual passport already).

We went straight to the Blue Bayou restaurant, which is the one inside Pirates of the Carribbean. (Which has also impressed every single one of my friends, because apparently it's impossible to get a reservation... this boy did some planning.)

Lunch was dark and kind of romantic, but still in the "uncomfortable first date" sort of way. We had a nice conversation and headed out to start riding the rides. Things started to loosen up while we waited for Pirates, and as we walked out after we got off he held my hand. From then on, we felt a bit more comfortable, and I don't really recall standing in the lines (though we must have) because we were talking and laughing a lot. He's definitely one of those people with a natural charisma and magnetism about him, and one of those smiles that lights up a room, which I love. And he keeps me laughing, which automatically makes him pretty damn dateable.

Eventually we headed over to California Adventure Park, which I had never been to before. Strangely the best thing in the park was the museum about animation. I'm not sure what happened in there, but something between us just clicked. We were looking at all these original sketches from Snow White and talking about how my roommate had just moved out and taken her dog (aka the love of my life) and he made a joke about getting me one, but then said more seriously that he was becoming more crazy about me by the minute and I could probably talk him into just about anything anything. When we walked out he was being really quite, and told me he had had a moment of euphoria while we were inside that he couldn't really explain.

He talked me into going on the Tower of Terror, which is named quite appropriately. They always say that fear and humor are two emotions that bond people the quickest, which I wouldn't argue. Gotta love that adrenaline!

After a few more rides and lots of hand-holding and arms around each other, and times where we'd look at each other and it seemed as though we both wanted to kiss but it just wasn't the perfect moment yet, I talked him into the Ferris Wheel, which he said was his biggest fear. (After everything else we went on, I can't really understand that.) We waited 'til it got dark and my big plan was to kiss at the top when it stopped (movie-worthy, right?), but they put us in a cage with two ladies so that plan was blown. We chose a rocking cage (or at least I did, while he stood shaking in his boots) which turned out to be about as terrifying as he predicted it would be. Although he was scared shitless, he did make me and the two ladies in our gondola laugh hysterically which only reminded me why I was having such a fantastic day and was growing exponentially fond of this guy.

When we got off (and after he pretty much kissed the ground) he said he wanted to go back to guest services to see if we could convert my ticket into an annual passport. They told us the best thing to do is to do it on the second day we use it, so that we won't have trouble with blackout days. The woman showed us the brochure with all of the different options, and was describing to me about how much I would pay for each type of membership. He told her I wouldn't be the one paying for it, and agreed that we would do it next time we came back. As much as I am not one to plan anything for the future these days, I had no doubt in my mind that I would be coming back with him. Already, this was by far the best date I had ever been on.

At this point we realized we were painfully hungry and set off to Downtown Disney to get some dinner before the fireworks, which were only an hour away. But when we got there we found that every single other person at Disneyland was doing the same thing and all the restaurants had over an hour wait, so we put our name in and went to the bar at ESPNZone to have a drink. We realized that we were going to miss the fireworks show by waiting that long anyway, so we decided Disney was done for the day and headed off to the restaurant of my choice, which just so happened to be my beloved BJ's. Mmm....

We got some (delicious) pizza and cocktails in our tummies and at this point were just staring at each other in awe of the day we had just had. Though we joked with each other that it was a good sign that we had "tolerated" each other for the 13 hours we had spent together (again, I adore a guy who can take my sarcasm and give it back to me), it was beyond a doubt that we had both grown head over heels over the course of the day.

At one point, after a couple drinks, I asked him if there really wasn't anything he wanted to know about me (he really hadn't asked me much about my family or past, though I had asked him lots of things). He replied with, quite honestly, the best monologue I think I've ever heard.

"It isn't that I don't want to know about you. I want to know everything about you. But I know I'll learn these things over time. It isn't important to me to sit here and ask you questions about your past, because I can't be a part of your past. What I want to know is how I can make you laugh. What makes you tick. I want to know what you're excited about. What makes you cry, and what your buttons are, so I know what not to do. What I want to know about is your future, because that's what I can be a part of. I WANT to be a part of it."

The day that could have gone so wrong managed to go better than I could ever have imagined.

While he was driving me home (now 11pm) he jokingly said "where to next?" though he knew I had to be up early and had to be getting to bed. "Seriously though, I don't even want you to go home. I don't want this day to end."

I didn't either.

He pulled up to my house and got out of the car to hug me goodbye, gave me a fantastic goodnight kiss, and told me he had been waiting for it all day. He told me he already missed me and truly couldn't wait to see me again.

As much as I am so noncommittal since the heartbreak to end all heartbreaks, there is something about him that I just can't get enough of. This might actually be it.

WWBD?

2008-03-05T00:58:00.000-08:00

As we grow up, we all (or most of us) come to learn some important rules about dating and the dynamics between us and the people we are interested in.

"Don't be too available."

"Wait three days before calling."

"Don't put out on the first date."

Obviously, there are some ageless pieces of wisdom that we all know, and some of us follow. But there are deeper intricacies that make simple ideals that much more effective. For example, not being too available. Sure, I can get a text message from a guy I met that asks if I can hang out that night, and I can write back and say I'm busy. But you know what's even better? Not writing back 'til that night, when I'm busy. See what I mean?

There are so many of these little games (albeit stupid... I'm the first to admit that all these little dating games are bullshit and the world would be a better place without the unneeded frustrations that go along with them) that make the chance of having the person you really like fall for you that much greater. (Again... stupid, but proven successful from many, many experiments.)

Now as much as I would like to believe myself to be some incredible dating guru who has a natural talent for making guys fall head over heels in love with her, this stuff does not come easily for me. I spent the first 75% of my dating career being "that girl."

You know the one. She likes a guy, and she makes it known; not only to him, but also his roommates, his friends, her friends, their mutual friends, his pets, and whoever else will listen.
The girl that texts him as soon as she wakes up to tell him the dreams she had about how they got married and what their kids looked like, and as she's falling asleep to let him know that he's the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. Before I scare you away (as so many I have during those shameful years), I'll continue.

I have learned much of what I know through trial and error, but experience is the worst teacher: It gives you the test before ever presenting the lesson. And sometimes that just isn't good enough.

A year ago, I moved into my current house, with two fun girls around my age. I only realized recently that one of them is my source of endless amounts of boy advice, because when she moved out I found myself thinking, "What would Brandy do?" She is intelligent and beautiful, of course, but in the world of seducing the boys you really want, you have to have a bit better hand than that. She always has blackjack.

She's the girl who goes into a bar, and by the time she leaves she's been asked for her contact info by the top 5 hottest guys in the room, without having approached any of them herself. She is pretty much constantly dating a small handful of some of the most attractive, sweetest guys you could round up (including high fashion models, working actors, celebrity bodyguards, Ultimate Fighters, professional football players.... you get the picture). And most importantly (for me), she is the girl that I can always tell my dating dilemmas to, and who always knows exactly how to handle any given situation. She's very independent and resilient, and whenever I find myself floating back into the "it's been three days, why hasn't he called me yet?" mentality, I remember that it isn't the guys I should be worried about; it's me that they should be worried about. And with that motto, I move on to the next, and by the time I hear from the lame guy who took an extra week to call me after we went out, I've already met a few more guys and have all but forgotten about that one. (Which definitely works in my favor, because they always want to get back in the picture when they can see I have other things going on in my life. If you take nothing else from this entry, take that bit of wisdom.)

These little differences may seem trivial or benign, but they are the reason why sometimes gorgeous girls can't seem to find anyone better than some average looking, moronic douchebag who treats them like crap, and girls who aren't necessarily 10's (or even 7's or 8') or all that smart or interesting but always seem to get the most amazing guys. There aren't any leagues (let's cut out this "he's out of my league" shit, once and for all please). You could potentially have any girl or guy that you want. It's all in the way you approach things. (And, to put it very basically, all about letting them know you're interested and then making them think that you're far too busy or important to worry about it. Being comfortable in your own skin and being your first priority is the world's biggest aphrodisiac. Promise.)

And with that, I will just say simply...

Go get 'em, tigers!

Suggested reading: The Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene

P.S. On a side note, but totally related to this subject, do you remember The Sexy Czechy I noted in my Most Epic Week In History post? The young engineer/kitesurfer Val Kilmer look alike.... Well anyway, after that night (a month ago), I never heard from him, though he had insisted on getting my number. So (like I was saying) I forgot about it and moved on to the next. Well, two days ago he texted me, and apologized for the big gap and very confidently suggested lunch at a nice restaurant right on the beach for the next day. Long story short, we had lunch yesterday, and it was FAB. The weather was perfect, the convo was seamless, he was even more handsome than I remembered, and we kissed at the end, where he said we really HAD to do it again. Hopefully this won't be the last mention of The Sexy Czechy!

Stuttering, Sushi, and Seduction... thanks Maki Monday!

2008-03-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

Ah, Maki Monday. How I love thee.

My roommates and I went for dinner and drinks. We settled on a bottle of white wine and some rolls and edamame. When our waiter came to take our order, we found that he was A. 19 at the oldest and B. so painfully awkward that we had a hard time making eye contact with him. We ordered the wine and he came back to tell us that they were out of it. But then went on to explain that he doesn't know what it is, because his mom doesn't allow him to drink and he has never had alcohol before. And then smiled uncomfortably as we held in laughter and decided on a different wine.

We had to assume that customers don't often order bottles, as the manager was brought out to proudly present our bottle to us, uncork it dramatically, and pour us all what we thought was the initial taste, but what turned out to be what he considered a glass of wine.

As the evening went on, things became more and more awkward and funny, as Kevin (our waiter, and yes we absolutely used his name at every available opportunity) brought us our sushi and rambled on nervously every time we spoke to him. By the time the bottle was empty I had decided to wink at him every time we made eye contact, which as you can imagine caused a few close calls between him and the wall near our booth.

As we sat and chatted, the booth behind us emptied and a group of 3 walked by our table; namely a very attractive strawberry blonde studmuffin (you know how I love those redheads.... woo wee) who I smiled at seductively as he passed (and I'm really starting to think I've got that look down) and who turned around to look at me about 8 times before he left the place .

Within three minutes, Kevin reappeared with a scrap of paper, and explained that although this was not "regular protocol," the "gentleman" (let's call him Brett) who had been seated behind our table had called the restaurant and asked him to give me (the girl in the green top) his phone number, and that he wanted to buy us another bottle of what we were drinking. Kevin, in his regular fashion, rambled on about how this was not normal, and (I'm assuming he wasn't supposed to tell us this part) how the guy had asked him to call him back if we accepted and to tell him about our reaction. I told him to let him know we appreciated it, and (obviously) accepted another bottle of (totally unnecessary) wine. I told them I was going to text him to thank him, and my roommates told me that was SO lame, which Kevin lamented. ("Even I know that's lame." Thanks, Kev.) But of course, I did it anyway. By this point the entire center was closed, as well as Maki Maki, though they graciously sat around and waited for us to finish our second bottle. I got a text back from Brett asking what we were doing and that he was still around and wanted to meet up. At 11:30pm in an empty outdoor mall? Creepy. No thanks. (I suggested Wednesday night. We'll see.)

We wrote back and forth a couple times, and he added me on Facebook. So the good news first: he's actually cuter than I had thought originally, and 23 as well. The bad news is that he's "very conservative," lives in San Diego, and is in the military.

Guess nobody's perfect.

It's me! The girl who isn't like every other girl!

2008-02-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

Firstly, you absolutely must read this: It's Me! Every girl ever.

Hi there! I saw you looking at me from the other side of the bar. I love your shirt. What made me come over here? You're the hottest guy I've seen all night, and I'm not the type to sit around batting my eyelashes and wait for you to approach me. Awww, I'm glad you're flattered. Your blushing makes you even sexier, did you know that?

It's so refreshing that you know how to maintain eye contact. And even though I'm wearing this tight lowcut v-neck tee! What a sweetheart you are. Where are my friends? They're over in that booth. Yeah, we work together. Who are your friends? Don't worry, I'm only being friendly to make a good impression. If I wanted to flirt with them I wouldn't have come over to talk to you. I'm going to make them laugh a bit. They approve! I can see it by the way you guys look at each other.

It's sweet of you to buy me a drink, I didn't expect you to. Are you up for a tequila shot? If you aren't I'm going to call you a pussy, but all in good fun. It's so hot that you laugh at my sarcastic sense of humor, it shows a lot about a guy who isn't scared away by it. I can tell you think I'm cute by the way you're staring at me. No, not all hot girls have lame stuck-up personalities, but I'm still flattered that you think I'm awesome and smart too. You can't really be that shocked. Really? Oh, well ok. Thank you.

Now that we've exchanged names, I think it's fair to say we're not strangers anymore. I get a lot of satisfaction out of the way your face lights up when I touch your arm. A few more minutes of this and you're going to be totally hooked. Oops! I think you already are. I know, I hear that a lot that I'm not like all the other girls. Well, thank you for the compliment.

Yes, here are my friends. Don't be intimidated. Just like we established, girls can be hot AND awesome, which of course my friends are too. Well, I don't want to ditch them so I'm going to go get another drink on the other side of the bar, and pretend you aren't watching me even though I can see it out of the corner of my eye, and I know you can't help it anyway. You want my number? I'll think about it. Maybe later. Go have fun with your friends!

Ooh, here comes another really cute guy. I hope you don't notice him talking to me. Oh, too late. I see you looking at us from across the room. But what can you do.

Oh hey, it's you again. I'm impressed you lasted 15 minutes over on that other side. Boys are so predictable! Sure, you can have my number if you really want it. Yes, I'll try to answer if you call. Better yet, text me. What do you mean how many days should you wait before you contact me? Oh come on... do I really seem like other girls? Let me put it this way; if you want to hang out, text me tomorrow. Do you like sushi?

No I'm sorry, I'm working late the next few days and then I'll be in LA for the weekend. Oh he, sorry about that, I had to get back to work. What are you doing? Yeah, next Tuesday will work. I know it's driving you nuts that I don't respond to your text messages right away, but that's the whole point. I know deep down you like it.

Aww thanks! You look great too. You're totally still as hot as I remember and I'm not even drinking this time! I'm so glad I chose these jeans, they make my butt look hot. And I know you just noticed it when you were walking behind me, I caught you. How cute that you put on a little too much cologne. It's flattering that you're worried about impressing me. This is our house, yeah that is my roommate. It is nice, huh? I found them on craigslist, can you believe it? What do you feel like? There's an all you can eat sushi place a few miles away. Sounds good to me too!

I like everything, I'm not picky, you can just order for us. Want to share a sake and a Kirin? Do you like unfiltered? So what do you do? I like that you feel important when I listen to what you're saying with interest. I'm glad you like answering questions. It's really charming that you're a little nervous. Oh finally, the drinks are here. Looks like you're starting to loosen up! I can tell that when you ask me something and I answer, you're more interested in watching my lips move. I think you're cute too. Yes, of course I'm glad we got together. Yeah I'm having a really good time! I know you are, I can tell. Thank you so much for dinner.

I'm impressed that you got up the guts to take my hand. Aren't you glad it's cold out so you have a reason to put your arms around me? I wonder how long I can look up at you with this look in my eyes before you get bold and kiss me. Finally.... you're not bad. Little less tongue next time though maybe.

You're right, we do have so much in common. You're pretty cool yourself. I'm glad I met you too. When can you see me again? Hmm... I'm not sure, I'll have to look at my schedule. We'll plan something though. Yes I promise! I'm pretty tired, I have to work early tomorrow. Aww don't look so sad. You'll see me again.

Oh hi, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you the last few days, I've been so busy with work. Yeah, I have plans with my friends for tonight. Yeah I have to work tomorrow too. How about Thursday?

My brief vacay: A vague overview

2008-02-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

Since starting my job in October, I've been asking for 3-4 days off to celebrate Christmas with my family up north (about 8 hours from where I live). I was finally given a few days off: February 24th, 25th, and 26th. Knowing I only had three nights and two and a half days, I had to make the most of it.

After working all day on Saturday, I jumped in my car and drove straight from my job to the hometown of the Ex, where I stayed for the evening. We hadn't seen each other in 6 months, and the last visit was a little strange because it was a short meeting in the lobby of the hotel he was staying in. I think we were both concerned that this visit could be as awkward as the last, but we had high hopes. In an effort to maintain the privacy and sweetness of the situation, I will just say this: it was really nice, really sweet, really innocent, and went at least as well as I had hoped for. And also reminded me of why I miss him, and reinforced the fact that I do. Very much. The only disappointing part was the fact that I'd lost 9 lbs since I saw him last, which I don't think he noticed. (Come to think of it, no one in my family did either. Fabulous.)

Sunday, after lunch and a little shopping, we said goodbye and I drove up to my own hometown where I met up with my mom and went to an Oscar party. After a few Bloody Marys with her former work friends (who haven't seen me since I was 15) I started telling them some of my most recent dating stories (including, of course, the toolshed plastic surgeon and the persian fashion mogul, among others). Within 15 minutes, I had 15-20 generously middle-aged women crowded around me, enthralled and asking question upon question, which eventually turned into a live advice column for all their own dating dilemmas. Love the ladies... but I have to say I never thought I'd be giving 55 year old women dating advice. C'est la vie!

The drive home got ugly when the conversation between my mom and I turned to her relationship with the World's Biggest Scumbag, ie her boyfriend of the past 12 years. The same Scumbag she's been vowing to break up with and kick out of her house for the past 10. Also, the same Scumbag that was the eventual cause of my moving out at the age of 16. Not my favorite subject, as I'm sure you can understand, but I'm sure I'll divulge you more in the future. But for the purpose of this story, let's just say she left my (former) stepdad (one of the most intelligent, kind-hearted, successful, worldly, sweet people ever) for the World's Biggest Scumbag, which I will never understand. Not even under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs! Long story short, my stepdad and I keep in touch because he's awesome.

Monday I woke up to an email from my stepdad, and we got together for the best sushi I think I have ever had. We talked about all different kinds of things, and he asked me some different things about how things are with the Ex, who I can tell he liked a lot. He reaffirmed my thoughts on the subject. (I wish I could say more about this, but better to say too little than too much.)

I spent the rest of the evening with my mom (and more messy conversations). I woke up this morning (Tuesday), and showered and got ready so I could leave by 11. On the way back down south, I stopped at the Ex's office and we had lunch across the street, which was still comfortable and nice and definitely a great note to end my visit on.

We texted pretty much the whole time I was driving back, and I may be wrong but I do believe we are at least somewhat in the same mindset.

I guess we'll see.

Stopped shortly at Starbucks when I got back into town to say hello to the Foxista. He was in the middle of a staff meeting and couldn't talk, but called me later and we had an unusually awkward conversation. He texted me after to tell me how there is no way he could explain how much he missed me, how he thinks about me frequently, and seeing my sweet face was "spectacular." Weird. Maybe we'll go on a second date after all.

.... MAYBE.

Crushing dreams, one frumpy unmarried cat lady at a time.

2008-02-26T23:17:00.000-08:00

Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

A Brief Vacay

2008-02-24T01:52:00.000-08:00

The Girl in the Mirror is out of town for a few days.....

I'll try to update you on what's been going on, but just advanced warning; it's going to be a hectic three days.

Au revoir!

College Co-Ed runs 300-guy train to celebrate Valentine's Day

2008-02-19T02:01:00.000-08:00

But only on Speeddate.com!

Seriously though, folks. You didn't really think I'd post about gangbang porn, did you?

According to the LA Times Web Scout blog, this college co-ed named Francesca Salcido decided to go on 300 online speed dates (as mentioned in my Speed Dating In Bed post back in December) for Valentine's Day. An honorable endeavor, if you ask me.

Had I known she was doing that, though, I obviously would have made plans to try and out-do this dating diva, instead of what I ended up doing, which was spending time with a group of real people. Nothing too notable... a few drinks with some friends (nothing personal guys, I did have a great time with you), but at least a little genuine human interaction. And as much as I can sit here and pretend to laugh about this girl's idea, I secretly wish I had thought of it first.

Something about this story makes me feel both fiercely competitive and also like I just found my kindered spirit. Maybe someday we'll be friends.

I wonder how it went?

The Foxista: A Rundown

2008-02-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

So we hung out last night.

Firstly, I picked him up from his house, which is only a few minutes from me which is nice, but because he doesn't have a car, which is not nice.

When I got him I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said, "Honestly I'm so stoked to be hanging out with you, I don't care what we do." (Awwww..... so nice.) I gave him the choice of either A. going to the fun brewery down the street or B. going to my house and drinking bloody marys, and he opted for the second, due to a lack of funds in his account. (Not so nice.)

We got to my house and I made us some drinks and we dove into getting to know each other. He's 26, from Upstate NY, has two older sisters, and is passionate about skateboarding and music. His goal is to submit some video footage of his skating to skate companies and get a sponsorship. To be perfectly honest with you guys, I have no problem with skateboarding, and I actually think skaters are sexy (a feeling that dates back to 7th grade and my complete and utter enfatuation with pretty much any boy at my middle school who wore baggy pants and airwalks and flipped ollies in the front parking lot during lunch), but unfortunately those kinds of goals/dreams aren't a turn on anymore when they're coming from a grown man, who, in his words, wants to settle down in the next few years. How?

I'm sorry if I sound like a total picky, wishy-washing snotty bitch, and maybe I am (I hope not), but other than the whole lacking ambition/a car/a well-paying career, he's really an amazing guy. Like I'm sure I've made clear already, he's super attractive, and he's extremely sweet, open, and affectionate. We spent the whole night talking, and he kept telling me how I was so gorgeous and he just couldn't believe I would choose him to do something like that for. After a few Bloody Marys I admitted that the primary reason I go to that Starbucks is because he works there, which he was completely surprised by, as he has spent every shift since the first night I came in hoping I'll be coming in for a coffee.

At some point in the night, we were in the kitchen talking while I was making another drink for him and was in the middle of a sentence, stopped talking, put his hands behind my head, and kissed me for what seemed like 10 minutes (but was realistically probably 10 seconds). As it turns out, he is a fantastic kisser, which he said about me as well.

From then on, we split our time between getting to know each other, and a passionate makeout sesh. Eventually we decided he was going to stay over (since I was about 4 drinks deep) and I made it clear that staying over meant sleeping, and not.... staying over (wink wink). I told him I move slowly with physical stuff, and I told him it would be no different than exactly what was going on already, except in a different room. He told me a few times that he understood, and we went upstairs.

I was very pleasantly surprised when he stripped down to boxers and I found that he has an absolutely perfect body. Think slim hips, strong V-lines and 0% body fat.... just completely toned everything. Right. (Sorry for the stockphoto, just needed an example.)

So we get in bed, and get back to making out. Its more sweet and passionate than hot and heavy (to be graphic, there isn't any intense grinding or groping or moving or anything else that would lead a person to believe this was a segway to other activities), and goes on for about 15 minutes before, ALL OF A SUDDEN, there's a hand in my pants. Literally, like a flash of lightning.

And in a similar fashion I yanked it out and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. He apologized profusely and said it was because he was drunk. We kissed for another minute, until he pulled away, and (get this) asked me if I had a condom.

I asked him if he was kidding. No. I asked him what exactly he needed a condom for. He said, with the most sincere look on his face, that it was really important to him to be "safe."

"Were you not listening?? Did I not tell you before that nothing more was going to happen? That 'staying over' didn't entail anything?? Did I not just get mad a second ago when you put your hand down my pants?!"

Again, he apologized profusely, blamed it on all the drinks that I had made him (hesitantly.... that he had kept asking for) and then apologized some more and said I was "lucky" that it was him (a nice guy) instead of some drunk jerk that would try to take advantage of the situation (he has a point, but a weird time to bring up threatening situations with strangers). We kissed for a little bit longer and went to sleep.

So I awoke this morning to a very sexy, quietly snoring bedmate who had stolen all the covers. I managed to weasel some out of his grasp and rolled the opposite way to go back to sleep. The snoring stopped and he rolled over towards me, and said "awwww" while he wrapped his arms and legs around me and buried his face in my hair and told me how nice it was to wake up and see me next to him. And then he apologized profusely for last night and told me how embarrassed he was for being like that, and understood if I never wanted to see him again but that he really wasn't that kind of guy and it was really just the alcohol talking, and that he just feels so bad about it.

From then we rolled around and laughed and kissed and talked and snuggled and tickled each other (and were consistently turned on the whole time, though not in the aggressive way like the night before, but more in a cute funny way that we kept giggling about) 'til I realized suddenly that I had exactly an hour before I had to leave for work and get there exactly on time, and I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet, so I jumped up and got ready while he hung out with me, and drove him home on my way to work. He sent me a few really sweet texts during the day, telling me that he was thinking about me and how beautiful he thinks I am.... I could really get used to that.

I secretly hope that he can pull together some ambition and a car in the next few weeks so that he can be my boyfriend. But that might be somewhat of a miracle.

He likes me a LATTE too!

2008-02-15T22:20:00.000-08:00

Omg. GREAT news.

So I guess the Foxista wasn't working until today, so when he got to work at 5:30pm and was handed a pink takeout box with his name on it he was a bit surprised.

5:36pm: I get a phone call from a number I don't know, so I don't answer. I get a voicemail from him, telling me how cute the puzzle was and how "stoked" he is, and how he's working and really wants me to come by.

5:40pm: I'm totally surprised and not sure how to respond so I call all my friends to tell them the message word for word and they are all about as excited as I am.

6:10pm: I get a text from him, telling me how stoked he is, and he thanks me again for the puzzle, telling me I made his night. I ask him what time he gets off.

6:20-8:00pm: We write back and forth every few minutes, and he keeps telling me to come by the store. He tells me how awesome that was, and how much he loved it, and that I'm beautiful. (aww)

8:15pm: I walk into Starbucks and his coworker goes to get him from the back. He has a huge smile on his face. He makes me my favorite drink and doesn't charge me for it; his Valentine's present to me. He tells me how good it made him feel again, and how awesome and beautiful I am (I could really get used to that, let me tell ya) and that he was all bummed because he didn't think I was going to come in. I basically blushed hardcore through the entire visit and felt beyond shy, but hopefully it didn't show too bad. Then he said (which I thought was really weird) that he was working the next night so I should come in (doesn't he want to hang out outside of Starbucks maybe?) and I say I'm working too. He asks if he can text me later. Duh.

9:00pm: I ask him what he's doing after work. He says nothing. I ask if he wants to hang out. He says he'd love to and that he misses me already. (For reals?)

So now I sit here, (im)patiently waiting for him to get off of work so we can go get a drink, which I think is totally necessary to make sure I'm not a nervous wreck the whole time.

Ahh!!! Wish me luck!

A Love Affair with CL Missed Connections

2008-02-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

If you don't know what missed connections are, check this out.

Basically, picture you're out at dinner with your friends, let's say. You look at a table across the room and see a member of the sex you're attracted to who is totally good looking, stylish, and seems to notice you, too. You want to talk to them, but you're both tied up with friends, and they end up leaving before you have a chance to work up the balls to approach them.

So... you go on Craigslist, and you post a missed connection about where you were, what you look like, what they look like, what time it was, and that you hope they see your ad because you're hopelessly in love with them, or want to jump their bones, or whatever the case is.
That way, you save yourself the humiliation of being rejected in person, and if they happen to see it and want to talk to you, they have the opportunity.

So.... truth be told, I had kind of a fascination with the Craigslist Missed Connections about a year ago. And every time I would see a guy I fancied (which is extremely often) but didn't have the balls to talk to him (which is not too often) or wasn't in a situation where I had the ability to talk to him, I would go on Missed Connections and post an ad. You'd be surprised how many times it worked.

The first time, I was in the drive-thru line for In-n-Out Burger, waiting for a milkshake. When I pulled up to the big window they have so you can watch them cook while you're waiting, I was practically face-to-face with an incredibly handsome Joaquin Pheonix lookalike: perfect, muscular build, black hair, green eyes, and without the awkward lip scar. He was just feet from my car, but we were separated by the glass; it was the only time I have ever enjoyed a long wait in the drive-thru, because nothing could have been more appealing to me at that moment than watching his biceps flex while he pushed potatoes through the fry-slicer machine.

I posted a Missed Connection about him, and two days later got a reply from a female friend of his, telling me that not only was he super hot, but was also an incredibly sweet guy. She showed him the post, and he emailed me right away. We ended up going out one night with some of his friends, all of which were super fun. He was super shy in the beginning but the more he drank, the more he seemed to loosen up. By the end of the night we were giddy and holding hands and flirting, and were both completely bombed, so he ended up staying over. We made out passionately for what seemed like hours, and finally fell asleep. When we woke up, I realized he was naked (which I can assure you did not take place while we were making out) and I was fully clothed. The awkwardness and embarrassment of the fact that he had drunkenly gotten naked in a stranger's bed without intention to proved to be too much for poor Joaquin, who sheepishly got dressed, I drove him home, he gave me a very shy kiss, and we never talked again.

The absolute most amazing MC story was on the 405-South. I was driving south to stay with a friend of mine, when I started to come up on a beautiful, brand new 6-series BMW... didn't even have a license plate yet. The license plate frame was from a law school. I had to see who was driving this thing. Picturing some old, stuffy lawyer, I was shocked to see a very young and VERY good-looking hottie driving it. He looked at me too, smiled, and raced forward. I raced forward too, smiled at him, and sped off. This went on for about 10 miles (and is affectionately known as "flirt-driving") until he exited onto another freeway, waving as he drove off. When I got to my friend's house, I posted a Missed Connection on a whim, in the area of LA that we had been traveling through. I described his car and my car, the situation, where we were, and where he got off. I didn't say the color of our cars though, and said that if he saw it, he should email me and tell me what colors they were.
Early the next morning, I had an email. From him.

You are not going to believe this, but I am the guy from you post. I remember you, as I was checking you out too. My license plate is Santa Clara Law school (I was actually getting home from the office). My BMW is a graphite color (dark grey). You had a lighter colored car if I recall correctly...kind of an orange or rusty type color.

This is crazy, I alway cruise the missed connections sections, but never thought I would be the subject of it. So tell me about you.

Sean

My friend ran in when she heard me screaming about it. I couldn't believe he'd found it! I wrote back.

Wow! I am in shock right now! I never thought that would work but I figured I might as well give it a shot. That is amazing.

Anyway.... you obviously are who I was talking about, you got all the details right. :) My car is a reddish color.... I think they call it salsa red haha. So you work at the law school? Or you're a lawyer? I was planning on going to law school but decided to do hair and makeup instead, big difference, I know.

I was on my way down to Orange County last night from Santa Barbara. I do hair and makeup in a salon right now but when I move I'll be working at the school I went to.

What else? I'm 22, as you probably saw on the ad. I'm from Northern California, in the wine country. Umm... I'm not sure what else to tell you off the top of my head.

What's your story? How old are you?

I seriously can't believe you found my ad, but I'm pretty excited that you did. :)

And then he made himself even better.

No kidding! How random!

Here is my story. I am a lawyer...in Westwood/Brentwood. I am from the Bay Area too....Richmond and Moraga. I really miss it there. I am 28. Since you could only see my head, I am 6'1, 185...very athletic. I live in Marina del Rey ...with my dog Bailey (Beagle). What else would you like to know?

I have never been to Santa Barbara.

Do you have any pics? I tried not to make it obvious that I was checking you out :)

Very nice to meet you :)

Sean

Our email exchange went on for a few weeks. We texted daily, flirted, and couldn't wait to see each other. Unfortunately, by week three his emails started requesting "bikini" pictures, and other toolshed things, which I quickly discouraged and we lost touch.
A few months ago, I was driving through LA and passed the World Savings Bank building on the right side of the 405-south; the building that he works in. I texted him, and we exchanged a few as I drove home. I asked him if he wanted to get together. He said he had a girlfriend now. Oh well.

Anyway... those are a few examples, but definitely not all of them. I still have the urge to post a missed connection every time I see a cute guy that I don't have a chance to charm the pants off of in person. And of course.... always nice to peruse them; you never know when someone is going to write about you!

I like you a LATTE!

2008-02-13T22:50:00.001-08:00

Let's play a little catch-up about my new favorite Starbucks barista, aka the cute, tall, shaggy haired, blue eyed one, aka.... the Foxista. (cue sigh)

Ever since the day I got stood up at my new Starbucks and discovered the plethora of hotties working behind the counter, I haven't seen Hottie McFirecrotch again, but I'm ok with that, because he has been totally overshadowed by a very attractive and very flirty coworker of his.

So basically.... I've become a full-fledged regular at this location over the course of the past few weeks because I'm totally crushing on this guy. The funny part (and the part that luckily the Foxista doesn't realize) is that A. there are 25 Starbucks far closer to either my home or where I work and B. I really don't even like Starbucks coffee that much. I'm definitely a Coffee Bean girl. But that is besides the point, because my love of Coffee Bean doesn't compare to my enfatuation right now. Love is all about compromise, so they say, right? Ha.

Over the past 20 or so days, my visits have become increasingly interesting. First he read my name off my cup and promised to remember it. The next time, he shouted it excitedly across the store when I walked in, and winked when I left. Ever since then, he not only greets me excitedly every time I come in, but introduces me to whoever he happens to be working with that night as "B*******, the most awesome girl ever." What would even make him think that (considering our conversations have all been under 5 minutes) I don't know, but I'm not complaining. At one point, while making my drink, he reached in his pocket and withdrew his cell phone which he handed me. I took it, confused. "I got a new phone." I handed it back and realized he probably wanted me to put my number in it. (Am I way off base?)

The last time I was in was two nights ago. He said hello in the usual fashion (shouting my name with a huge smile before I'm fully in the door) and took my order. After he rang me up, he said, "I have to tell you, you look really, really nice tonight." I blushed. The woman behind me in line (possibly a little off, but looked normal) said, "Ya you better tell her that after yelling at her." Obviously, we were both totally confused. She insisted that she had 'witnessed' it, and he explained that the volume of his voice had just been elevated because he was so excited to see me, because (like I said) I'm just "so awesome."

As I walked to the end of the counter where he usually makes my drink and chats with me, I found the woman wasn't done. "What you really mean to say is that you think she's GORGEOUS, isn't it?" He told her, unfortunately, he wasn't able to tell customers they're gorgeous while he was at work. She swung around to me and professed, "See??? He thinks you're gorgeous!!!"

So I stood there feeling sufficiently sheepish while he made my coffee. We chatted a bit, and when he handed me my drink (on which he had written a cute nickname version of my name, along with some happy faces) he said, "it was such a pleasure seeing you tonight. I really hope I get to see you again soon." I told him I was sure he would, and he said "no really... I hope you come back again really soon." I blushed my way through the two splendas I still had to mix in and left.

Now here's the thing. On a normal basis, I am any or all of the following: extroverted, flirty, ballsy, seductive, outgoing, forward, or brave. I'm used to being the one that flirts and winks. For whatever reason, this guy makes me feel totally shy and I never know what to say. I try to flirt back, but since he's so forward, I end up totally embarrassed and I end up playing it cool as though I'm not interested. (Which apparently hasn't really worked against me. So that's good.)

Fast forward to tomorrow: VALENTINE'S DAY.
Every girl wants a Valentine. And me, of all girls, thinks its heresy to not celebrate the holiday of my patron saint. And since Cupid (real cupid, not OKCupid this time) hit me right in the venti cup, I figured it was time to be ballsy.

My crafty impulses got the best of me. I went to Michael's to get Valentine supplies, but the idea I came up with was so much better. I stupidly didn't take a picture of it before I packaged it all up and had my friend drop it off at Starbucks tonight, so I'll have to show you the pieces.

Basically, I took a blank puzzle and I wrote with black sticky letters "I like you a LATTE.... Be my Valentine?" on the front, and wrote "Love, B******* (and my phone number)" on the back of it, and then decorated it with lipstick stickers and hearts and puff paint.

Then I broke it apart and I stuffed the takeout box with the red squiggly shredded paper and the confetti and the puzzle pieces.

So yes, I'm a big craft nerd, but I had some friends over while I was making it, and though they made fun of me for putting so much effort into it for someone I don't even know, they were all totally impressed with the final product.

I called Starbucks yesterday and asked who was working Valentine's night, and he wasn't. So I met up with my friend C today and she dropped it off for him... though I guess he wasn't there tonight either, but the girl working said she'd give it to him, and I took extra care to seal it all up so no one can open it without it being totally obvious its been tampered with.

So..... now comes the hard part. I just have to wait and see if he calls me. I've run through a few different possible scenarios:

He calls, he loves it, he loves me, and we end up dating. Some day, we tell this story at our wedding reception. (I'm a girl.... we all have these little daydreams, even if I'm the only one that admits it.)
He calls, says thank you, but that he's seeing someone. Or he's not interested. Or he's gay. I smile through the embarrassment, and get really hammered that night and tell the story to everyone I meet.
He calls, he's flattered, we go out, and he A. turns out to be a total weirdo or B. we have no chemistry. We go our separate ways, and I never go to that Starbucks again.
He doesn't call.

If he doesn't.... c'est la vie. I can go to one of the other 150 coffee places that are closer to my house anyway.

..... But I'm not going to say I wouldn't be just a little disappointed.

Curiousity killed the cat.

2008-02-12T23:08:00.000-08:00

The time has come, boys and girls. The Disclaimer

Here's the deal. I go on a lot of dates. I'm totally boy-crazy. I meet a lot of interesting guys and have some pretty crazy, noteworthy experiences that seem to entertain the people that read this.
Granted, in order to write this, I have to write about these people. And in order to give you the full, nitty-gritty story, I have to be as blunt as I can.

As much of an effort as I make to be sure that I keep this anonymous and totally separate from the people that I am dating, apparently there is still a little leak. So here goes.

I don't show guys this blog because I AM PROBABLY GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THEM. I don't want to sensor what I say or think about a person or a situation because I'm thinking they're going to see it. I use this space to VENT, to UNLOAD, and to SPEAK MY MIND, completely unadulterated and without restriction.

There is an obvious reason you (the general you, as well as the you that clearly went to a lot of trouble to find this) were not invited to read this. I am not a cruel person. I like to think that I have a good heart and I treat people with the respect that I expect in return. I would never say the things that I say here (in an anonymous, personal forum) to someone's face.

THERE IS A REASON I DO(/DID) NOT GIVE YOU THE URL.

And even on top of that, if you and I are no longer seeing or speaking to each other (or at least, I am no longer responding to your text messages, especially those I receive at 4 in the morning, after I have clearly expressed I don't wish to be in contact with you again), and you decide that you want to spend X amount of time researching and googling and scouring the internet trying to find my blog, I DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR WHAT YOU FIND. This was your time spent and your decision to read something you were clearly asked not to.

And that's that! That is all I have to say. If feelings get hurt, that is unfortunate, but you have no one to blame but yourself.

And on a sidenote:
Saying "go fuck yourself" in a text message about said
findings is foolish and only embarrassing for you because
A. you make it really obvious that you are as young in character as you are in age, and
B. I already do, sans your invitation or permission, thank you very much.

If you've come across this blog, it's your own damned fault for looking for it.

Sex and the Sushi

2008-02-06T14:55:00.000-08:00

Just a thought..

I have this friend, and I've realized after quite a few experiences of eating sushi together that I can't go with him anymore.

We go to sushi, and we have a great time. We go out to the car; he inevitably ends up eating either one of those sour Ice Breakers things or a piece of sour apple gum, and the result is always the same. I'm not sure how to put it without being totally blunt, but basically his breath smells like he just finished giving someone head.

Invariably, and totally out of my control, this is far too much of a turn-on for me to feel comfortable in close proximity to him and I end up jumping out of the car like a bat out of hell.

Has anyone else had this experience? Why does sushi and sour apple candy cause pussy breath?

He finally talked me into telling him what the big deal is, and teases me about it now. Mercilessly. Great.

Btw, this sushi game's cute!

The most epic week in history.

2008-02-02T02:36:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I apologize for the lack of posts the last week. I really am very sorry (and appreciate the concern and emails); I am in fact ok, and I have just been up to my neck in sexy boys... that's all. :)

And secondly, if you had any idea what has been going on, you would understand my need to gather my thoughts before I write about it.

So. Let's do this day by day.

Last Friday
My potential hat trick, which ended up being one date with an excrutiatingly attractive, yet very odd little guy for lunch, being stood up at Starbucks (but scoping out a few major hotties that work there) and then meeting a few duds at the bar with my roommates. Plus a substantial amount of turning down the weird OKC hottie (Kelly) from lunch, who despite having said he was going to be too busy to hang out 'til the coming Thursday, kept asking if I would meet up with him again. I said no, and we made plans to hang out Thursday. I asked if he was a "smitten kitten." He wrote back, "meow!" Classic.

Saturday
After working all day, I rushed home to change, extravagate (v: to make extravagant) my makeup, and throw some overnight shit in a bag, and headed off to West Hollywood to hang with my super sexy gay friends. It was absolutely pouring rain so the drive took a bit longer than expected. While I was driving I got a phone call from Ken, a plastic surgeon in LA that found me on OKCupid, and we chatted for a bit and made plans to have afternoon mojitos for Sunday Funday the next day. I finally arrived at my friends' apartment where we had shots out of beakers and cabbed it down to Fiesta Cantina (quickly becoming my very favorite place) where we partied all night with some of the hottest guys I've ever seen in person (admittedly pretty torturous... but great eye candy nonetheless). I made a new BFF, Peter, a really sexy tall brunette who I hung out with all night, hand in hand, and he got me sufficiently drunk by buying me two drinks at a time. I intoxicatedly set him up for a threesome with two other sexy guys. Ha! Such is life. I've heard I'm a great matchmaker... guess it follows in the gay world too. Eventually my friends and I made it back to their apartment where I was so drunk I couldn't lay down without spinning, and was basically just a walking disaster.
We woke up the next day around 10 (thank the holy heavens I didn't have to work), though I stayed in bed 'til 1, unable to move without wanting to die instead. I texted Ken to tell him there was no way I could touch a mojito, and he agreed and suggested food instead. He called me soon after to cancel because he had to go calm down a patient in a panic, thinking his stitches were coming apart. Ew!
When I got back in the evening I freshened up and headed over to my new favorite Starbucks for my signature drink of choice and a little flirting with the boys behind the counter. I've decided to become a regular. Unfortunately, Hottie McFirecrotch wasn't working.... but one of the other hotties was.
After getting home, I spend a long while online chatting with a few different people; namely the Ex, who I've done quite a bit of texting/iming/chatting with on the phone as of late. Upon telling him about his long-lost redhead twin, he tells me he's probably evil and I should stay as far away from him as I can. And admits to maybe being a little jealous. Interesting..

Sunday
I worked all day as usual, somehow still a bit hungover. You know you've had a great time when you're hungover for two days, I always say. And it really doesn't happen often. Texted briefly with Ken about hanging out with him sometime this week... I can't say he's exceptionally attractive, but he's nice looking, passionate about what he does, ambitious, smart, and seems like a very nice guy. When I got home, one of my best friends imed me about a reggae concert on February 8th, which seemed random, considering I'm not really a huge fan of reggae or anything... I mean its ok, but I don't go out of my way to see it live. Anyway, she explained that she and this guy she's been dating for a few months were going, but that her guy was bringing one of his best friends (again, named Peter.... guess its a good name for sexy boys), who she described as REALLY REALLY HOT, and that I just had to meet him.
Ok, I'll take the bait.
So she sent me his myspace profile, and she wasn't lying. Not only does he have classically sexy, masculine good looks (strong jaw line, nice body, green eyes, tan skin, sexy smile, etc... think a young Val Kilmer) but he's really into kite surfing, he's an engineer (smart is oh-so-sexy), and is Czech.... and has a slight accent. So I start drooling on my keyboard and enthusiastically agree to go.
Ended the night as I have been for the past few weeks, texting flirty messages back and forth with the Ex. Hard to turn that back burner off, as it turns out.

Monday
After working all day, me and my friend C from work met up at my new fave Starbucks for some coffee and oogling... though yet again, my sexy redhead was nowhere to be found. The other hottie, the tall blue-eyed boy with shaggy brown hair and a disarming smile, was though, and I wasn't complaining. He made my drink and winked at me when I picked it up. C and I sat and talked awhile, and ended up going to Maki Monday since we were both starving. I managed to down a beer (after having professed that I was "never drinking again" the day before) and a few rolls. After telling her all about my most recent trip to Weho, we made plans to go next time our schedules both allow it.

Tuesday
Worked all day again (I basically live there), and found out I finally got some time off to see my family up north; coincidentally where the Ex lives as well. He seemed excited about the news and we made enthusiastic plans to spend my first day together. At lunch I texted with Weird OKC Hottie (Kelly), who insisted that we have dinner, despite having been "booked" last time he checked. I gave in and told him I hate making decisions, so he picked a Japanese place by his house, and I headed over there after work.
It was the type of place where you order a bunch of little plates of stuff, which is really awesome except when you are, again, someone who hates making decisions. I told him just to order since he knows what I like, and he did, gladly. And for whatever reason that was a huge turn on. He wrote up a list of a ton of stuff on the back of the sushi sheet and handed it to our waitress. We had an alright conversation, a little strained, but the 4 glasses of plum wine helped a lot. By the end we were flirty, we walked out holding hands, and he kissed me. We ended up back at his apartment down the street (VERY clean... almost creepy clean) and watched Planet Terror (turns out Zombies oozing pus out of large facial boils is not the most romantic thing ever, but oh well) and cuddled, and made out a lot... which was good except for once every few minutes he'd shove his tongue down my throat out of the blue and I kept saying, "dude, chill out." But it didn't work. We laid there talking for awhile (and to be perfectly honest with you, a few of his comments and big sudden changes in mood were causing my crazy radar to go off, but.... eh), and it somehow came up that he has a "type," which has turned out to be, in blunt terms, fat chicks.
He told me that, in all honesty, I was just not his type physically because I'm too skinny (his word, not mine), but he just thinks that I'm so gosh darn beautiful that it doesn't bother him. Now, in my right mind, that would be an amazing thing to hear (what girl doesn't want to be told she's almost too skinny?) but, what? You're into fat chicks? What? He told me his ideal range is 160-250. Instantly this is a huge turn off (also, keep in mind that he's about 5'6", 145 lbs), but I'm kinda buzzed still and change the subject back to making out. Eventually he walks me out and insists that he sees me again; I agree to it for whatever reason.

Wednesday
Another long, tediously slow day at work, filled with gossiping about boys and eyeing the hotties I work with (one nice perk of my job) that I have crushes on... a girl can never have too many, if you ask me. Spend an hour on the phone with the Ex after work; I still get butterflies when I see him name on the caller id. Sue me. We hung up when he got a call on the other line, and I never heard from him again.

Thursday
Finally a day off for yours truly, thank GOD. Needless to say, I did hardly anything with it, as usual (other than the same boring errands as every other day off, and a trip, of course, to my fave Starbucks for a little sight-seeing.... Firecrotch STILL not there, what the heck??), until the late afternoon when I drove a friend to the airport. I'd texted Ken (the plastic surgeon) earlier in the day to ask what his plans are, and he said we should get dinner in the Marina. After I left the airport I was on my way up to LA, but made him promise we could go somewhere super casual, as I was in a pony tail and converse (which I can assure you with the utmost honesty is not how I would EVER consider presenting myself for a first date... But I didn't have time to go all the way back to my house and change, and just thought what the hell). I got there 90 minutes later (forgot about rush hour) and met up with him at the El Torito on the water.
Having thought he was a super sweet guy, I was unpleasantly surprised that he remained on his cell phone for the first 10 minutes of the date, yelling into the phone at his assistant about why he needs the window seat in the emergency exit aisle of the plane, or he's not flying. Hot. A totally self-obsessed, mannerless control freak? Sounds good to me! When he finally hung up we started talking, only to find that he was about 1,000% more egotistical and obnoxious than I had gathered on the phone. Eventually the conversation turned to a question I'm sure anyone would naturally have on their mind: "When you meet people, are you thinking about what you could do to them to make them look better?" He answered, "only on dates," which I laughed at, assuming he was being sarcastic.
What followed was a 5 minute, hands-on examination of my forehead in El Torito (him leaning completely over the table, pulling hard at my skin and angling my head in different ways); the result of which was a suggestion for a mere 40 ccs (or oz or grams or pounds or however you measure it) of botox every five months. He attempted to lift my chin off the table (which of course had fallen open in utter shock and horror) by telling me, "don't worry! No biggie! I'll do it at cost since I know you." Well, this was off to a beautiful start.
Eventually after he realized that was maybe not the perfect first date conversation, he went on to tell me why, other than a few "minor wrinkles" forming on my head, I have the ideal face, and described in detail how each of my features are ideal (other than the disaster that's going on above my eyes, apparently): How my nose is the perfect angle and size, my eyes are the ideal distance apart and a perfect shape, etc. I told him he was full of shit and he told me he majored in Classical Art before med school, and does medical illustration on the side. Fair enough.
Somehow, after picking at my salmon fajitas, he convinced me to go to this local hot spot in Venice, called The Brig (which is pronounced with a hard G, though it looks surprisingly like my nickname) and meet up with friend he went to med school with. This was all starting to sound like some gangrape set-up, so I insisted on taking my own car. I followed him (in his obnoxious black Corvette convertible... of course) and found that the place has a huge mural on the outside of a Cougar with a painful-looking cameltoe and a much older sugardaddy. And then my name painted in huge letters above it. I SO regret not taking a picture with my camera phone (sorry, this is the best I could find). I hope this is not a glimpse into my future.
We went in and got drinks, which he said he would pay for (duh) but that I should know right now that he's not the kind of guy who is going to "take care" of anyone, and that I shouldn't expect him to pay my rent. Are you serious? We got a table and by this point he was hardly speaking (other than him telling me about growing up in Canada.... what is it with me and Canadians lately??), but was pretty much just staring at me wistfully, and for whatever reason seemed to be getting increasingly nervous. I finally asked what was up. "Honestly... the more time I spend with you, the more I realize you're really fucking cool and the more I'm worrying about impressing you." Blah blah... told me he was totally smitten, etc. I'm not sure what it is I'm doing to guys this week, but I'm casting some sort of weird spell.
So his friend arrives, and is the complete opposite of Ken; he's a total hippie pot doctor with longish hair and a very calming demeanor. I spend most of the night talking to him because he's A. really cool B. married and totally not a skeeze and C. is clearly aware that his friend Ken is a total tool shed (ie apologizing for his forehead exam, etc). After a little while he disappears to play pool and somehow Ken ends up grabbing me and kissing me. Have you ever had someone kiss you, that you were totally not into kissing, so you forget to close your eyes, and here you are, looking right at this very unsexy person trying to make out with you with their eyes closed? It's not a pretty sight. I think I kissed back for a second but he has a goatee and I got grossed out by the whole situation and told him I had to go home (to which he kept replying, "just call in sick! I'll give you a doctor's note!"). He made me promise he could see me again. (Barf.) Texted with the Ex on the drive home, and told him all about the awful date of the evening and did some flirting as per the usual, though he seemed very distracted.

Friday
Back to the ol' grindstone for me. After I got off work I was just so freaking tired I couldn't even think about anything but putting on yoga pants and writing this. Sitting on my laptop around 9:45pm, I get an IM from the friend who invited me to the reggae concert for this coming Friday. She asks what I'm doing. I say nothing. She tells me she's sitting outside the random bar down the street, about to meet up with her boy and The Sexy Czechy and that she refuses to go inside until I get there. So I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, trying to throw on something cute and put back on the makeup I'd rubbed off and make myself presentable enough to meet a MAJOR hottie.
I rush over and we meet up, I introduce myself, and spend the remainder of the night doing one of the following things: A. briefly flirting with him B. forgetting about/ignoring him (extremely effective when attempting to smittify [v: to woo someone into smitten-ness] those who are exceptionally attractive; it catches them off guard) C. making fun of all the ridiculous dancers at this really strange, trashy club in the middle of suburbanville, or D. drinking. By the end of the night, The Sexy Czechy was pretty much following me around like a puppy and his body language was a big "I have a big crush on you" billboard. After he bought me another drink I told him we had to go, and as the four of us departed, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way out to the car, where he insisted I give him my number (though I very coolly suggested he get my "contact info" from his friend when he said he had to see me again) hugged me for an extra long time, and then kissed me. And then again as I was getting in the car. Mission accomplished.
Texted with the Ex when I got home; didn't mention tonight's new boy. Got online and found this guy (we'll call him Fick) that found me on OKCupid (we've been iming/texting/talking on the phone, you know the drill) was online. He imed me and invites me to Taco Tuesday this week at his usual place, where I have never been, and tells me he's burning me a mixtape. Hot!

Saturday (yesterday)
The last day of our fiscal year at work, and completely out of control, but very financially successful. C and I met up afterwards at le Starbucks for some hottie-watching... yet again, the redhead wasn't there! What the f-! But as always, the cute shaggy-haired guy was working. As he was making my drink, he started making some awkward conversation with me.

"How's your night going?"
"...eh...Good.... how's yours?"
"Good now, I'm about to get off."
"Cool.... how long have you worked here?"
"Since July. Where do you work?" I told him, he asked me which location, I told him, he asked me what part. Hmm.
He finished making my drink and went to hand it to me, but took it back and looked at my name on the side, "B*******, huh?"
"Yep."
"Well mine's Randall. It's nice to finally meet you," ....uh.... "You were in here the other day right? You were sitting over in that corner for awhile, on your phone?"
".... yeah."
"Cool... (about 10 seconds of really intense eye contact) Well it was nice to meet you, B*******." And winked.

So I go sit with C, and after a few minutes he comes over with a tray of samples, which he offers to me, using my name. Oh jeez.
My roommate calls me and talks me into going with her to a party that's being thrown by a guy she was friends with in college, but hasn't talked to in over a year, and won't know anyone. Me and C rush back to my house, throw on heels and more appropriate party attire (uggs and a polo just weren't gonna do it for me) and head over to a house party that turns out to be straight out of a movie. They have a huge, very nice house in the pocket of a culdesac, that is the quintessential bachelor pad: four 25 year old guys living in a house complete with a pool table, a "love den" (seriously... a sunken room with shag carpets bean bag chairs and a fireplace), two gigantic tvs, Wii, a full built-in bar, a beer pong room, and (cherry on the sundae) a stripper pole. Needless to say, all of those elements were utilized by all three of us at some point during the night, though not necessarily in that order.
As it turns out, her friend from college throwing the party is VERY cute, VERY funny, VERY nice, and VERY flirty. Throughout the night we hung out and flirted and took shots and such every once in awhile, and I was crushing on him in a big way (though I think he's just a flirty guy). At some point I start telling him and his roommates about this guy I went out with the other day that likes fat chicks (Kelly, the weird OKC hottie), and since there were a few at the party, we decide its a good idea to call him and tell him to come over and meet them, which I do. In my drunken state this seemed like a fabulous plan, but as it turned out, he was incredibly clingy to start off with (for example, kept KISSING me in front of the guy throwing the party, and all the other cute guys I'd been flirting with all night.... what a cockblock) and then hurt that I was "trying to pawn him off," and then was totally dramatic when I was trying to explain that him liking fat chicks is just kind of a huge turn off and it was just not going to work out between us, even though I am painfully attracted to him and he really hasn't done anything wrong.... literally to a point where my friends had to come over and talk him out of bursting into tears. He finally says he has to go, and wouldn't even hug me goodbye. It was horrendous, and in hindsight I realize I was probably being a very awful (and drunk) person but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. Eh.
My friends and I leave around 3:30am because 2/3 of us had to work today (me and C unfortunately) though the party was still definitely going strong. Her sexy friend walks out with us, with his arm around my waist and asks if he'll see me again, I tell him to call me (and then recall the drunken note I scribbled on the back of a receipt I found on his desk that says "Dear J***, you're cute, I wanted you to know I think so, call me love, B*******" except with no phone number, that I left on his laptop)
Finally, around 4 in the morning I crawl into my bed, drunk as a skunk and dreading work today.

Today
Got ready for work slowly and carefully, as to not wake the hangover monster lurking inside of me. Turns out only C and I were working, so it turned out to be a pretty fun day.
Headed over to le Starbucks after work to grab a coffee, but neither hottie was there. Came home and started this entry (literally HOURS ago), and got an im from the Ex, saying that he doesn't know why he "always lies" to me. GREAT. He fills me in on everything he's really been doing this week, though he's been telling me completely other things all along: meeting some girl visiting from Kentucky, spending almost every night with her at his friend's house, hooking up with her, taking her to the airport, and now missing her and talking to her all the time. Once again, the Ex has the uncanny ability to make me go from happy-go-lucky to sick-to-my-stomach anxious in less than 10 seconds. Eventually I told him I couldn't talk about it anymore, and after apologizing to me extensively, he was off to bed with the resolution to be a better person to me from now on.
I'll believe it when I see it.

Other than that crap, which I'm really over (though I've been saying that for three years and my feelings still haven't changed, which I wish I could explain), there are a lot of promising things happening this week; mainly Taco Tuesday with Fick, and the reggae concert on Friday. I haven't heard from Czech Peter since we met on Friday, but I figure maybe he's following the three-day rule.

Should be another good week. I'll try to fill you in on a more consistent basis, if schedule allows. :)

(P.S. Talk about recovering from a dry spell!)

Potential Boyfriend Questionnaire

2008-02-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

Stolen (borrowed!) from one of my fabulously sexy gay Weho friends. Feel free to fill it out in a comment if you feel like it.... or better yet, if you are seriously applying, you can always email it to me. Include pictures please. :) haha...

1. What is your favorite non basic color....?
(ie not in your basic rainbow.... his favorite happened to be cum stain white... interesting)

2. Would you rather live in an ice mansion located in the Arctic circle, a wooden shack in the Carribean, an elven tree house in the Canadian forest, or Milwaukee? Why?

3. Name three colors in your eyes.

4. In your opinion, what is the best date movie, and why?

5. Pen, pencil, or quill?

6. What is the capital of Assyria?

7. Where do you prefer to get clothes? American Eagle/A&F, H&M, Heritage, Nordstrom Rail, Thrift Store or Garbage? Or other? Please specify.

8. When you are at the ceremony of your wedding, what music is playing?

9. What is the first thing you think about in the morning... if you think at all?

10. Which liquor is most like you, and why?

11. What do you dream about most often?

12. How do your parents feel about your life?

13. A relationship is (please select the closest answer):

They are like a great wine to me... they compliment me when I am out with friends, and they are a good friend to me as well.
A rush of emotion... someone I attach myself to and can't imagine living without.
They are nothing like me at all; different tastes, different hobbies, etc... but for some reason, we mesh.
My partner in crime. If I'm hungry for strawberries, they more than likely will be stealing some for me.
They are HOT. Who cares what they're like? I don't take the time to get to know them well.

14. Please list any and all special attributes, related experience, or special skills that may set you apart from other applicants.

A Potential Hat Trick

2008-01-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

What a day it has been!

There was a chance for three dates in one day, but ay.... it didn't happen.

Date #1 is an exceptionally attractive mama's boy about 20 minutes north of where I live, who found me on OKCupid and has been bugging me to hang out since before New Years (what.... over three weeks?), so I finally agreed on lunch for today, like three days ago.

Date #2 is a grad student who already has one masters degree and has completed law school (some people, I think, just can't imagine being anything but students) who has also found me on OKCupid and has also been bugging me to hang out. He asked yesterday, and we agreed on this afternoon after he finishes teaching his section.

But alas! I double booked myself. That's ok. The lean, mean, dating machine (aka the Girl in the Mirror) can handle these situations with grace. Not to worry!

So the backstory is that I went out last night with a friend from work, and wasn't even planning on waking up this morning (who really cares if I sleep 'til 1pm on my day off?) until I got a text from #1, at 10:30am, asking, "are we still on for lunch at 11:30?" "I just woke up," I answered, "Can we make it more like 12:30?"

I jumped out of bed and threw on clothes and makeup and cute hair and rushed over to where he works, which turns out to be about 35 minutes away from my house. I arrived at our date spot (Hot and Spicy Thai... if only that meant any date being held there would be the same) and he got there a few minutes after me. He was, as I had already thought, exceptionally attractive. And totally (one of) my type(s): pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes, freckles, brown hair, stylish haircut, cute clothes. He wasn't extraordinarily tall, but it would suffice. But... as I had already thought, he was extremely socially awkward. Not that he knows this... he's more than talkative, but speaks as though he is trying to impress a Harvard english professor with his immense vocabulary, which becomes a little tiring. He asked me a lot of questions, but the way he asked all of them ("If you could sum up the whole of your being, all 23 overwhelmingly provocative years of triumph and tragedy, how would you describe your soul, your very being, in one word?".... OK, really? Who says that) was just a bit off-putting, and I had to skip some of them. It was hard to ignore his obviously blessed features, but he didn't make it too hard. We finished lunch and the bill arrived, which he insisted on paying ("He brought the wallet, you brought the girl. Fair trade." Thanks, Janice, I almost forgot) which was sweet, and we left because he had to get back to work. Within 10 minutes, he was texting me, "When do I get to see you again?? Did you have as amazing of a time as I did?"

But I was off to Date #2. Have you ever heard of a euphonium? Me neither. Originally, when completing his 4-year degree, he was a classical music major, with an emphasis in euphonium-playing... whatever that is. He calls himself a "euphoniac." And no, I'm not kidding. So he had wanted to hang out this afternoon, but I guess I'd already made lunch plans that I'd quickly forgotten about, so I told him it'd have to be after that. I texted him on my way home and he was trying to come up with something fun to do. I turned down hiking (too rainy outside, and I'm dressed cute) and miniature golf (it'll be soggy from all the bad weather) and we agreed on coffee. He looked up the midway point between his house and my house and gave me the location we would meet at, and said he'd see me there at 5.

I had an hour, which I used to check email and freshen up a bit. I was off around 4:55, and texted him to let him know I was on my way and running a few minutes late, but no response. I arrived at Starbucks and texted him, "Are you here yet?" No response. I walked in and bought myself a soy peppermint white chocolate latte (if you haven't tried it, you must) from the three remarkably cute guys working behind the counter, and took a seat at the corner table, so I could see both entrances, all the tables, and the cute boys behind the counter; all at the same time. Perfect!

I sat, and texted him, "hmm... where are you?" with no response. That's ok... to be honest, I really didn't think he was all that cute, and unless he totally wowed me with an incredible personality, he really wasn't even an option... but he really wanted to hang, and I think everyone deserves a fair chance. So anyway, I sat there, texting some friends and trying desperately to take my wandering eyes away from the boys behind the counter (BBTC), one of which looked like the long lost redheaded twin of the Ex.... and if you know how I feel about redheads, you know that's totally unfair. (I have quite a weakness.)

I ended up staying a long while; no sign of #2 (aka the Euphoniac) but I actually had a very nice time making eyes at the boy I specifically had my eye on. At one point, a totally crazed schitzo bag lady entered the store, and inches from my table, started babbling obscenities 'til Hottie McFirecrotch jumped up and rushed to my rescue, very sternly escorting her back out. He's cute AND brave.... what a sexy combination!

After my coffee was gone and an hour had gone by, I drove home, to find the Eupho online. "Hmm." I said. He replied (and I still can't believe he's actually a grown, adult aged human being):

I'm a terrible guy. I was really only meeting up with you because I wanted to have sex with you, and I realized I just couldn't do that, so I knew I couldn't go and put you through that. I'm very sorry.

Now... granted I ended up having possibly a much better time without him showing up, but isn't that something he probably could have told me before I left my house to meet up with him? Whatever. I replied:

You're pathetic. Have a nice evening.

And then an instant blockage from my AIM account.

So moving on, #1 had been consistently texting me pretty much since the time I drove away from Hot and Spicy Thai, asking when he could see me again and telling me how beautiful he thinks my eyes are. I toyed with the idea of hanging out again; meanwhile my roommates came home, poured me a cocktail, and told me we were going out tonight. I'm really not one to turn down a socially invigorating situation, so duh. I'm up for it.

Apparently I wasn't responding to #1's texts/IMs frequently enough, so he calls me. We talk for a few minutes, and I tell him I have to get ready to go out. He argues, "no you don't." "No, but really I do though." "No, you really don't." This continues literally for 2 minutes while I am simultaneously thanking the heavens I didn't have him pick me up at my house (obvious stalker potential) and I finally threaten to hang up on him if he doesn't say goodbye, which he does.

I rush upstairs and change clothes, go out with my roommates, and really don't meet anyone worth my time or attention, but talk to a few boys who seem to think I'm worthy of theirs.

Had Date #2 not bailed, I'm pretty sure today could have fallen under the category of Hat Trick, and although I'm glad I never met him, that would have been pretty fucking awesome to have three dates in one day. No?

Now I'm off to bed to sleep off the drunkness... before work tomorrow. Ay yay yay!

(OK)Cupid has perfected his aim

2008-01-21T23:47:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie to you guys.... A great majority of the guys on OKCupid are just not... exactly my cup of tea. Not that there's anything wrong with them, and for whatever reason there are tons of exceptionally intelligent/well-spoken guys on there (or at least guys who can write well), and a few that aren't too bad to look at as well. There are a few I've exchanged some good emails with, and two that I exchange texts or instant messages with sometimes. But honestly, none have really captured my attention. (I'm starting to wonder if I'm just exceedingly picky [that's rhetorical, by the way]).

And granted, I am looking for somewhat of the perfect person (more on that another time, I was thinking maybe I could focus my energy on finding it better if I can narrow in down in print), but looking on the internet, at least according to my friends, is the last place I'll ever find it.

I'll have you know that I meet people everywhere, not just online. I'm not lacking social skills, I'm not introverted in the least bit, I'm not insecure, and I enjoy meeting people. Heck, I even like public speaking (The #2 fear in the United States, second only to burning to death... hard to believe) which a lot of times is what introducing yourself to a perfect stranger feels like.

Anyway, to make this long rant just a little bit shorter, I've succumbed to OKCupid's lure basically just because of the quizzes. I like that they "know" me to some degree, and I like getting personality awards on my profile (though I don't agree with "More Greedy"... assholes). Occasionally I like to search through my "matches" (really... if you could only see most of them) just to see if there's actually someone I can picture spending time around without laughing (at, not with).

WELL! Last night, another late night conversation with the ex (more on that another time, if I ever find out he isn't reading this anymore) kept me up way past my bedtime.. I'm talking like 3 in the morning. Searching through dozens of engineering students, Dungeons and Dragons fans, and mama's boys, I was about to give up and go to sleep finally when someone caught my eye.

First off, hot. Not that that's all that matters, but initially online.... give me a break. Read his profile.... 25, really smart, very well spoken, local, great job. Look at his additional pictures.... even cuter that I thought originally, fantastic smile, sexy build, two dogs. Plus we're an 80% match. Not bad at all.

At this point I'm literally sitting here at my desk, swooning. What a spectacle that would have been. I hit Send Message... I start typing, realize I sound like an idiot. Start over. Play it cool? Tell him he's adorable? Stroke his ego? Point out of common interests? Use big vocab?

I finally settle for a little bit of spice and a little bit of sugar and send it off into the universe. And then sit there, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. And then wonder how many girls must message him a day. And then check, and find that he is getting hundreds of profile views. And then come to terms with my message getting lost in a sea of unfortunate looking ex-colorguards with a taste for anime, and it really doesn't matter if I said the right thing or not because he's never going to read it.

So I put it out of my mind and go back to my conversation with the ex. Minutes later, I hear a bell indicating that I have an incoming IM on OKCupid. I look. It's him.... Let's call him Scott.

He asks if I'm really up that late also, I tell him yes, and he tells me he appreciates my email, that it was really sweet. (Sweet.... great.) Then he tells me I'm really cute myself (ooh!), and is really tired but can't wait to talk to me again (aww!). He asks me a few questions, clearly having read my whole profile, and is really funny and nice. So we say goodnight, and then I smile for like 20 nerdy minutes over having talked to some guy who's voice I haven't even heard yet.

Ugh! I'm such a dork!

Just a pinch o' twitch

2008-01-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

Date numero dos with Sean (aka Twitch) was refreshingly low on the twitchometer.

He picked me up at my house this time and the plan was to go to Color Me Mine, which is... let's just say, not typically a date that a guy suggests. (See? Even Paris does it.) But I was all for it, seeing as I am embarrassingly crafty and all. We looked up online where the closest location was and headed over. Sean seemed tremendously more at ease, and I can't even specifically remember any super noticable twitching. When we got to the Town Center, we wandered around on a goose-chase for the pottery studio, which was on all the maps but was nowhere to be found. We realized eventually that where it was supposed to be located was now just a vacant spot, so we settled on a movie.

He suggested Juno (Rainn Wilson of The Office is officially the funniest convenience store clerk that's ever existed... "What the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle?") which I have really been wanting to see, and bought some tickets (or he did at least), and went inside. Upon finding the theater, we sat down but were totally confused by the fact that the movie was definitely already started, and we were a good 10 minutes early. No more than 30 seconds went by before the credits were rolling. We'd both left our cellphones at home and weren't wearing watches so we asked someone next to us. Yep.... we were an hour early.

I myself didn't think it was a big deal, other than being really funny, while he was completely humiliated that he'd somehow overshot the time by an hour, and apologized prefusely. I reassured him, told him it was no big deal, and he made me promise not to go tell any of my friends what a big "doofus" he is..... oops. :) We walked over to the rock'n'roll sushi restaurant/bar next door for a few drinks while we waited.

Once he got over his embarrassment, we had another great conversation... he is totally positive, has nothing but good things to say about his family (which he casually mentioned he has told about me), is more than willing to laugh at himself when the moment's right (and agreed that there is something about his personality that is very reminiscent of Jack Black, though I can't put my finger on it, and even volunteered a "Jay Leno" description of his prominent chin [I wasn't going to say anything, because really, I'm not one to talk])... all that, plus he made friends with the bartender, and picked up our tab automatically. Nothing makes my eyes turn to hearts faster than a guy who makes friends with everyone around, and then insists on paying! Double swoon.

It was finally (for reals) time for the movie, and we went over and watched it, a little tipsy, holding hands and laughing hysterically together, which is always a good way to bond with someone. (Its a REALLY good movie, btw. You all need to go see it if you haven't already.) Then he drove me home, kissed me again, and said he'd call me tomorrow.

So everything about him (pretty much) is right.... why is it that I just don't feel all that excited about him?

Happy Birthday, Kristin Cavalleri

2008-01-18T17:52:00.000-08:00

Turns out Miss Cavalleri celebrated her 21st birthday at Stone Rose Lounge with Paris Hilton and Cisco Adler, which is the same spot I went to on a date with Zoolander (as mentioned in Rich Guys Pt II). Small world.

Once, twice, three times a Twitch-er.

2008-01-16T22:08:00.000-08:00

Have you ever started to get the feeling that you're on a date with a drug addict?

Wait, let me back up.

I logged into my Facebook account a few days ago to find an email from a guy named Sean who lives nearby. It was very sweet and he had a heck of a charming smile and big brown eyes.

Hey there..... I just stumbled across your profile from my friend _______'s page, I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful. Could I talk you into dinner? Or at least a drink?

Now how can a girl turn that down?

We exchanged a few emails, and I found out that he's a Pre-Med major (sexy), delivers pizzas part time, and is best friends with his sister (Girls: The way a guy gets along with his sister, or mother, or both, is an EXTREMELY important indicator of what his relationships with women in general are like, take note). Totally reminds me of the all-American, sweet boy-next-door type. Hot!

So we made a plan to have dinner, and he let me pick the place. I chose sushi, which he agreed to, a little apprehensively, but insisted he liked it. I met him at his house (much easier to escape when necessary if the guy you're meeting for the first time doesn't pick you up at your own pad.... plus that way he can't turn stalkerface on you later) and initially found him a little shorter than expected, but with a very nice build (which he explained is due to his gym-addiction... I'm not complaining) and SUCH an adorable face - long eyelashes, freckles, perfectly straight white teeth, and a smile that could stop traffic (or me in my tracks, at least, which it did).

We got in his truck and drove off to the restaurant... but something about him seemed a little off. He seemed extremely tense; I wrote it off as nerves.

Upon arriving we found that the place was PACKED, and we put our names in for a place at the sushi bar; not exactly my favorite first date spot but it had to do. We waited around in the front for a few minutes. He gave me a few sweet compliments that seemed heartfelt and I accepted. His shoulder twitched. Was he really that nervous?

Finally our spot was ready and we sat down, only to find that our bar-stool type seats were squeezed into about 3 feet of bar space between two canoodling couples. Comfy!

We started looking at the menu, and he quickly through it aside and said I'd have to order for him, looking totally overwhelmed. As it turns out, he'd had sushi ONCE (where does he live, middle America? [No offense middle Americans... we just eat a lot of sushi out here]) and doesn't know anything about it except that he likes crunchy rolls. This place happened to have three different ones. Oh my!

I decided on a few that I thought wouldn't scare him out the door and ordered us a bottle of my favorite sake, Hakutsuru Sayuri Nigori, which is unfiltered/sweet/oh-so-delicious, but also comes in a pink flowery bottle, which is probably why the sushi chef scoffed a little in the direction of my date when I told him we would be sharing it.

We toasted and started talking... though I felt like I was leading the conversation due to his obvious nervousness. By the time our first roll was placed in front of us he was visibly sweating. He made good eye contact but had an almost panicked look in his eyes. Was I really that intimidating? I like to think I'm pretty friendly.

I dug in and looked over to see that he had never used chopsticks before. He got the hang of it after a short tutorial from me and it was a cute bonding moment... but by this time he was using his napkin to sop up the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. At this point there was no ignoring it on either side. "You're making me sweat!" he told me. I laughed uncomfortably. He excused himself to the bathroom.

After returning a few minutes later, slightly less dewy, he got back to attempting to eat sushi for the second time. But alas - chewing was a whole 'nother story.... there was something about the way he chewed, and actually the way he moved in general, that was just off-putting. There was no flow, no smooth transition between his movements. Every move of a muscle seemed jarring. He seemed jerky, tense... I couldn't put my finger on it. And he seemed so hyped up. He talked really fast but just rambled on and on out of anxiousness.

Oh. My. God.

He's on drugs. He HAS to be on drugs. Did this guy I'm on a first date with seriously just go in the bathroom and do a line?? Or is he on speed?! Oh my god! Unreal.

I sat there, eating, listening to his ramblings, and studying his every jerk, every twitch, every bead of sweat gathering above his brow. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

Hours, it seemed, and a few more sweaty restroom visits later, dinner was over and we walked outside into the refreshingly crisp night air. I shivered a little bit; he slid his hand into mine. Everyone deserves a chance, I say. I let him hold it.

We walked around for a bit, chatting. He seemed slightly more relaxed... but maybe the latest bump was started to wear off. We walked back to the car, and I jumped in, thankful to be on my way. I thought too soon.

There's a great new bar/lounge place that just opened down the road, do you wanna go grab a drink? Or are you in a hurry to get home?

Eh... what's another hour out of my life. He was a really sweet guy, exceptionally intelligent, and definitely good-looking.... maybe he was just going through a tough time. Or maybe, somehow, he really was just incredibly nervous. It's a possibility, I suppose. I had to hope for the best... because other than this apparent drug problem, he's a total catch.

We walked into a beautifully designed, dimly-lit bar full of exceptionally sexy male bartenders and took our seats at the glass bar. A tall one with curly brown hair looked at me, looked at him, looked back and me... gave me a bit of a confused look. I smiled and winked. Maybe I'll come back later with a girl friend? Mental note.

We ordered drinks (mine was on the house.... nice) and chatted a bit more. The bottle of sake and Absolut Pear and tonic started to hit me and the megaflirt in me inched its way out past my better judgement and sense of reason, hand in hand with my ballsy side. Just on the verge of asking him if he does drugs (I just had to know), I settled for something a little less direct. "Tell me a secret," I said.

"Well, I have Tourette's syndrome."

I tried to act genuinely surprised.

"Really? You haven't noticed?" I shook my head. "It tends to get better the older you get, and I never had too severe of a case, but I do have little twitches, like in my face and stuff. Especially when I'm nervous. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

A sense of utter relief washed over me like I'd just seen a negative sign on a home pregnancy test. And then a flashback to the True Life: I Have Tourettes show. Remember that one?

And interestingly enough, once he told me that, the twitches seemed to practically disappear. I guess once he got that off his chest he wasn't as nervous anymore. Fabulous!

We left after a good conversation and another drink, and drove back to his house where my car was. He opened the door for me (and had been all night by the way), helped me out of his car, gave me a warm hug, and kissed me sweetly. We walked to my car, he kissed me again, and told me he can't wait to see me again.

I sang cheerfully the whole way home. Truth be told, I kind of can't wait to see him either! (And hopefully he'll do less sweating next time.)

Rich Guys, Pt II

2008-01-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

Thinking you've found "the one" before you've met said "one" really only sets you up for a healthy dose of disappointment, I've found.

As I've mentioned before in my post Rich Guys and Kelly Clarkson, I playfully signed up for a website called Millionaire Match, which has all kinds of people, but more importantly rich, handsome, entrepreneurial ones (what could be better, I ask). The interesting thing about the site is that when you sign up for it, it asks if you make over $150 grand a year. If you say no, you are grouped in the non-millionaire club and there is nothing on your profile related to income. If you say that you make $150+, you are asked to specify (the max category they offer is $1Billion a year, but I have yet to see one of those profiles). For those wealthy members that want to obliterate any shred of doubt, there is a Certified Millionaire option, where they can fax in their W4s from the previous year to verify that they do, in fact, make as much money as they claim they do. These members receive a sparkling ruby emblem on their profile next to their yearly income.

And after exchanging a few lighthearted emails with the hot Persian fashion mogul I mentioned in Rich Guys, we decided we were going to hang out. We spent a few weeks texting for days and spending hours on the phone chatting and laughing, and it seemed clear that we had chemistry. I found him on the pompous side (his entire profile is quoted directly from Zoolander.... as in "I'm sure there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking"... you know what I mean) and he makes a lot of comments like "try not to daydream about me too much," but I took them with a grain of salt and figured he had a healthy sense of humor. Plus, in his pictures he looks like he actually is ridiculously good-looking. And to make matters better, he's under 30, is totally intelligent, makes me laugh like crazy, and is certified as making $1Million+ a year. Not bad.

The day finally came to hang out with the hot Persian fashion mogul (or Zoolander, as he will now be referred to) and I was beyond nervous. I spent the day shopping for new clothes (they had to at least look expensive... he's not only rich beyond reason but also owns a clothing company for God's sakes), getting my nails done, tanning, exfoliating, deep conditioning, moisturizing, and so on. Forget any flaws he might have; I wanted to seem as flawless as possible, since on paper this guy was just that.

I told him that I was going to meet up with an old friend for a little while before we hung out, which he said was totally fine as he'd be getting home from the gym and showering at that point. As it turned out, my old friend likes to talk a lot (I guess I had forgotten that part) and our one drink turned into a long-ass dinner. Except that I didn't eat anything but a bloody mary because me and Zoo were supposed to eat at some chic new restaurant in Weho, so I sat there wishing he would eat faster and staring at his delicious-looking mashed potatoes. I texted Zoolander a few times, apologizing profusely for my tardiness, but he assured me it was no problem at all. I finally got out of there and rushed over to his hot Hollywood home, now 45 minutes late.

The directions he gave me were clear, and he described his house as the one with a lot of lights and a yellow Corvette in the driveway. He was right; of the whole street, his house was by far the most well-lit, which showcased an amazing modern style concrete porch area sitting proudly in front of a three story house and beautiful landscape. And the yellow Corvette was not the only flashy car in his long driveway.... only the brightest. I knocked on the door, shaking a bit and trying to breathe deeply.

When he opened it, I was actually relieved to see he wasn't as perfect as I imagined. He stood at about 5'8" and had a big nose and a white blazer over a blue shirt. He was extremely welcoming though, and after asking for it gave me a little tour of his house. It was very lightly furnished; he told me he hadn't lived there long and was remodeling it. He showed me his kitchen (my favorite part of any house) and it was surprisingly small. I found a small Menorah in a glass cabinet. "Are you Jewish?" "Only on holidays," he told me. He took me upstairs and showed me his rec room, music room, art room, lofts, and finally his master bedroom - complete with the most gigantic, mahogany 4-poster bed, which he said he got in an auction of late 16th century royal furniture. I tried not to act too impressed. We went back downstairs.

The one thing I couldn't take my eyes off of, though, was a wall-sized painting of the famous moment when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed on stage at the MTV VMA's. I asked about it, and he told me he painted it, along with a few ocean scenes hanging in the kitchen that also closely resembled photographs. Impressive! He said he was working on a collection of important moments in Pop Culture.... sexy.

I sat down in his living room in front of his 50" Flat Panel Plasma TV hanging on the wall to watch some music videos while he made us drinks and called a cab. We chatted and drank until it arrived. He said it seemed a bit late for dinner but we should go out for some drinks and maybe an appetizer. As much as I had been totally starving, I had already started to get my buzz on and had pretty much lost my appetite anyway.

We got in the cab and sped off to the Sofitel's Stone Rose Lounge, a totally swanking hotel bar that was packed with good-looking LA socialites. He asked if they were still serving appetizers - the cocktail waitress said they had closed the kitchen an hour ago. He handed her something, and asked, "are you sure?" She scurried off and came back with good news. We ordered some crab thing (I was too drunk at this point to really care about reading the menu) and got a table. We sat intimately close, which somehow seemed comfortable already. There was just something about him I connected to. It didn't have anything to do with what he does or what he has, but there's just something about him that puts me at ease.

We laughed about how we had come about the Millionaire site; my story paled in comparison to his: Running on the treadmill at the gym next to Tommy Lee (yes, THE Tommy Lee) working on his laptop simultaneously, he told him he thought that was a great idea to bring a laptop to the gym. "I'm on this website, its amazing. You gotta join it," Tommy told him. Millionaire Match, no less. He was sold. (And so am I!)

Our crab thing came and it turned out to be A-MAZING... some totally rich crab/mayo mix on top of sticky rice and stuff, but he wouldn't eat any of it. "Oh my god," I said, "You don't eat shellfish. Why didn't you say something??" Duh. He's Jewish. I'm an idiot. He took a few bites and mmm-ed a little bit to make me feel better. I ate a few more bites and left the rest.

After a few more impressive speciality martinis we headed outside to a glass firepit and continued our conversation. The thing I found most surprising about him was that his cockiness (in jest or not) totally disappeared in person. He seemed completely humbled, and come to think of it, sort of in awe of me. Not that I think I deserve that kind of reaction, but it was certainly nice coming from someone that I was totally intimidated by prior to our meeting.

We got up to leave (I a little unbalanced no less) and he took my hand. Almost outside he stopped and turned to me, and leaned in close. "There's just... something about you... something I'm drawn to, I feel like I can't get enough of you." My heart raced. I smiled and played it cool. He kissed me. My heart raced faster. I kissed back. We pulled away and smiled at each other close.

We practically skipped out to the front, giddy in our newly discovered intimacy. He asked a doorman for a cab, and tipped him when it pulled up. He told the cabbie his address and made out in the backseat like teenagers for a few blocks. He pulled away suddenly, and sat straight up. "Why are you taking Santa Monica," he asked sternly. The cabbie explained he couldn't turn around on the street we'd been on. He pushed. "We could have taken Robertson, why didn't we take Robertson?" They argued back and forth 'til we pulled up to his house. He paid and we walked inside.

"Was that guy trying to stiff me??"

I wasn't sure how to respond. Was he really that concerned with a few extra dollars? Even I wouldn't have given it a second thought, and with my monthly salary being less than what he makes in a single day, I couldn't understand his frustration.

"No... I don't think so. It sounded like he had a reason to go that way."

He insisted he was trying to pull a fast one on him. I suggested that maybe he had a family at home he was struggling to take care of. He told me that wasn't his problem. After a few minutes of this, I tried to reason with him.

"Do you realize how many seconds it takes you to make $3?"

That seemed to calm him down. He made us some more drinks and we cozied up on the couch and made out playfully 'til the wee hours of the morning. I told him I had to leave, he asked me if I wanted to stay. He was worried about my driving after having had quite a few drinks and being tired.

I was so concerned with not staying at his house that I convinced not only him, but myself, that I would be just fine to make the trip home. We made out for the next 20 minutes, slowly inching our way to the door, where we said a sad goodbye and I got in my car and took off, only to realize that I was definitely too drunk to be driving.

(Sidenote: I do NOT under any circumstances condone drunk driving. In fact, I am extremely against it and am always 100% willing to pick up my friends anywhere in the middle of the night, no matter how late. This was a mistake all the way, and one that I won't make again!)

I tried to turn around and go back to his house so I could stay the night, but was lost in a matter of minutes. I drove around for two hours before I was able to find my way to the freeway to get out of LA, and another hour on the freeway back to my house.

Upon arriving home, I burst into tears, never so relieved to be alive.

On a happier note, other than the totally obvious display of awful stereotypical behavior (and I HATE stereotyping) during the second cab ride, I think it was a pretty successful date. He's out of town for a month, but I guess we'll see what happens when he gets back!

I'm not much into clowns.

2008-01-10T22:59:00.000-08:00

Finally starting to get over this damn cold (10 days? Really?) I decided to go out with this guy Dave, that found me on OkCupid, who's been hounding me all week for a "coffee" date or something. So cliche, no? Oh well.. not every guy can be blessed with a creative spirit, and he wasn't taking no for an answer, so when I finally got my voice back last night, I agreed to hang out tomorrow, aka this evening.

Not much in the mood for coffee, I redirected the date to the area of dinner - he suggested my very favorite restaurant Memphis (what a lucky guess!) and we met there. I'd seen some pictures of him and thought he was sort of cute; he turned out to be more attractive than I expected (always a nice surprise) and pretty tall. Boring haircut and outfit aside, he has big blue eyes and a charmingly vulnerable smile which gets me every time. We sat down at our table and started talking, and the more we talked the more I realized I hadn't the slightest clue what he did or who he was. The embarrassing part was that he had told me but I guess I've been talking to too many different guys because I have no recollection of the email exchange. Oops!

Anyway, apparently he's some big deal engineer for a local company that makes some really crazy new barcode system, and on the side he buys electronics, refurbishes, sells them, and makes a grip off the difference. Cute, smart, and entrepreneurial? Bring it on.

Though he was a math major in college (which he went to in Canada, where he's from) he actually had pretty impressive social skills, and I only ate a bit of my dinner (cornmeal crusted catfish and dirty rice.... pinch me) because our conversation was flowin' as smoothly as my martinis were going down. So far so good!

Once the bill was paid (which he took care of immediately... sexy) he told me he wasn't ready for the date to be over, I giggled, and he suggested one of my favorite late night spots down the street for a few drinks.

When we got there it was packed but we found a cozy table in the corner, and sat huddled together with our drinks, chatting. The more buzzed I got the more I realized that this date was actually going REALLY well.... like, I really like him! This never happens! We had a lot in common, he was totally interested in everything I had to say, and likewise, he's funny, he makes great eye contact (Girls and Boys: This is incredibly important if you want to come off as confident and comfortable, which you DO) and is super positive about life.

He asked me what my longest relationship was, I told him almost two years. He asked how long ago was that? I said about a year and a half ago. I asked when his last relationship was... his smile dropped and eyes darted away. Uh oh. He told me he didn't like to talk about it much. I pried.

"...10 years ago," he told me. I was buzzed but I did the math.... let's see... he's 28... "You haven't had a girlfriend since you were EIGHTEEN? WHY??"

He went on to tell me that he just couldn't figure it out. He'd meet girls, invite them out, sometimes they would say yes, they'd have at least an ok time, and they'd never hang out again. My crazy-dude radar started to beep annoyingly.

I pressed snooze.

I thought it sounded like a good idea to head back to his townhouse (which he owns, cool) to watch Flight of the Conchords, because nothing beats my two favorite New Zealanders. So funny. So sexy.

He changed into his pajamas and we got onto his bed. Ok, wait. Before I start, you have to visualize the layout of the situation.

Basically, we're laying on his bed, watching tv. During a commercial, he looks over and me with this really cute vulnerable look in his eye, and goes in for a kiss. He's a great kisser! I'm excited! We're kissing, we're happy, we're totally vibing on each other.

The show comes back on and I pull away and get back to watching... always playing the interested and then slightly-disinterested and then interested again card, works every time. (If you haven't read the Art of Seduction yet, DO.)

Except, ALAS! Our three minute makeout sesh has proved QUITE the turn-on for Dave, who is now sporting a more impressive tent than the Ringling Bros "Best Show on Earth," or whatever.... I'm not much into circuses anyway.

(More epic than this)

As you can see from my diagram, said tent-poppage is in my DIRECT line of vision, and seeing as he clearly hadn't taken any notice of the fact that I had noticed, I felt even more awkward. So here I am, laying there, and trying to look ANYWHERE but the TV. I check my phone. I send a text message. I ask him about the photography on the wall.

(Sidenote: Don't get me wrong, people. Being a girl in her early 20's with the libido of a bunny, I have no problem with boner. In fact, I like boner. I'm flattered by boner. Boner means fun things are to come. It means progress. It means we're in business. All fun aside, though, I'm still an old-fashioned girl and this was just not the appropriate time for boner. It was clear to both of us.)

(Sidenote #2: The good news is he's clearly packing some serious heat... there wasn't much left to the imagination.)

After the longest 45 seconds of my life, I heard him gasp and roll over uncomfortably, rigid with embarrassment. Maybe the track pants were a poor choice, my friend. "Do you want something to drink??" He jumps up and crosses awkwardly diagonally in front of the bed towards the fridge as to not display his obscene profile. Upon arriving at said fridge, he opens it and stands in it. "Is it hot in here?! It feels hot. Are you hot??"

I accepted a Vitamin Water and we layed there watching Flight of the Conchords and probably both wishing we could sink into the bed and disappear. Eventually after it wore off (which took literally like... 10 minutes. You would think the embarrassment/shame that was written all over his face would help calm things down? Guess not) I yawned and said I better go. He walked me out and gave me a less warm/comfortable hug than he welcomed me with.

I can't imagine what a second date would be like, but I can definitely say that he better not wear pajama pants next time. I wonder if this happens with all the other girls?

... Such is life.

Life isn't fair, Pt.1

2008-01-07T15:39:00.000-08:00

The girl in the mirror is

A. Sick as all hell (and its been over a week!)

B. Posting this from her Treo, because she is

C. Unable to sign on to the internet.

Ahh! As if being sick isn't enough, I have to lay here in bed, feeling like crap, and I can't even play with OKCupid or have flirty AIM conversations. :(

It seems as though one of the many evil viruses infecting my laptop has attacked my wireless card... is this possible? It keeps saying there are wireless networks in range, but when I go to view them it says there aren't any, and won't connect.

Wah.

So if any of you readers happen to be sexy tech-whizzes and want to email me (dateinthelife@gmail.com) ideas on how to fix this problem.... I would be MUCH oblidged.

'Til then.... muah!

*cough*

If it were this complicated, I would give up fooling around for good.

2008-01-03T01:01:00.000-08:00

Sexual Consent

Add to My Profile | More Videos
(Thank you to T. for this video)

Can you imagine?

Thank god most guys aren't so opposed to Article 17.

My new favorite waste of time

2008-01-01T16:45:00.000-08:00

After calling in sick this morning (yes, New Year's Day, and no, not because I'm hungover, since I stayed home last night and watched tv with my friends... I'm actually super sick, and yes, my work HATES me right now and I'm sure totally doesn't believe me) I've been in bed relaxing all day, since there's not much else I can do.

That much downtime requires some entertainment, which has been a cross between these:

and also OkCupid:

Thanks to College Callgirl for the recommendation!

It has turned out to be totally entertaining. There aren't many things I like more than taking quizzes/filling out surveys about myself (other than making out with hotties and eating sushi) and seeing as its a cross between a never-ending quiz and a dating site (that functions off of the way you answer questions and the way you want your matches to answer questions) its kind of a match made in heaven, so to speak.

Not only does the website write its own questions, but members have the opportunity to submit their own questions, most of which are used in the basic test. There are also tons of additional specific quizzes that you can choose from and get a personality profile on your main page. I took the Dating Persona Quiz. Apparently I'm a "Maid of Honor," which kind of sounds like the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" type of situation, but apparently I'm a perfect catch?

The Maid of Honor
[Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM)]

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience,
you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love.
You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...
...so you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

Always avoid: The False Messiah (DBLM), The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Vapor Trail (RBLM), The Bachelor (DGSM)

Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), someone just like you.

Take the quiz: Dating Persona Test
Post your scores as a comment if you want. :)

(Please note my favorite question: "If you have ever had an STD, click here." Hilarious!)

I've already taken 200 basic questions aside from this quiz (I know... I've had all day), some of which are
"Would you consider dating someone you knew was married?" or "Have you ever had an STD?" or "What is your opinion of having a female president?"

So far, I've received 3 ims, 7 messages, and been favorited by 2 members. Interesting! I'll keep you updated if I actually plan on meeting anyone. There's actually a few cute ones on there.

Intuition Only Works When You Listen To It

2007-12-29T10:59:00.001-08:00

Remind me to listen to my natural instincts when I feel like I don't want to go out with someone.

Guierrmo and I met up at The Yardhouse after he got off work (meaning he was still in his little Verizon get-up, an ill-fitting pair of trousers and a button up shirt and clip-on tie combo, and amazingly still a nametag... how sexy) where I found him sitting at the bar drinking the last third of a dual-colored beer. He smiled at me but shyly didn't stand to hug me. I asked what he was drinking. I'm assuming he thought I was born yesterday and thought I would be impressed by the name "snakebite." I replied, "I didn't take you for the type to drink pear cider in a bar with the world's largest selection of draft beer," to which he replied with an insincere/embarrassed laugh, motioned to the bartender, and sheepishly ordered a black and tan. I ordered an Anchor Steam. Off to a good start I see.

He didn't have much to say but kept smiling and staring through increasingly glazed eyes, which only made the situation more awkward. But as we all know, alcohol makes anyone look cuter and seem more interesting, so after a couple more pints I started having a pretty good time. Beer tends to bring out the flirtier side of me and this wasn't any exception.

Further into the conversation he mentioned he had a formal coming up and was wondering if I'd go with him. Uh oh.

"You're in a frat??"

"No, I'm in a fraternity. 'Frat' is disrespectful."

Here we go.

As if being a sleazy, pushy cell phone salesman wasn't enough, on top of a totally over-available desperate 22 year old boy, he belongs to a frat. Yep. A frat. I made a point to refer to it as a "frat" at every available opportunity. Why not? This was only going to go south. But not in the cool sexual way. He asked if I wanted to see where he lived. How could I resist?

We took his car, and upon starting the ignition, found that song, "Beautiful" was on. (You know the one... "You're way too beautiful girl, thats why it would never work, you've got me suicidal, suicidal when you say its over...") He said, "Oh look your song's on!" Fabulous.

When we finally got to his 'hood, which turned out to be about 35 minutes away (great), we parked and walked into the scummiest and most run down living situation.... each piece of furniture was being held together with duct tape, there were beer cans strewn generously over every part of the house, holes upon holes punched into the walls, strange colors of unknown matter smeared across the walls, doors broken off hinges... and I'll spare you the details of the kitchen and bathrooms. I held my breath 'til we got out to the backyard, where there was a party happening that he hadn't been aware of. Hot dogs were being soaked in Bud Light (which everyone was drinking as well) and barbequed. I was introduced to the few guys who stayed home to have about 30 girls over, none of which I was introduced to.

One in particular started shooting me mad-dog glares since she saw me walk out with Guierrmo, and I'm assuming they've either been hooking up or she wants to. After a few more beers she walked up to me, standing right next to him, and slurred a speech about how he's a "scammer." What a scammer is I couldn't tell you, but I got the feeling it wasn't good. She told me I should stay away from him. Not a problem!

I finally convinced him that my headache was bad enough to warrant a trip back to The Yardhouse where my car was parked (case and point.... never depend on the guy to get you somewhere, it's so easy to get stuck) and we drove back in mostly silence, though every few minutes he asked what was wrong, and said he got the feeling I didn't like him very much. I didn't respond with anything but, "I'm just tired."

We got back to my car, and he leaned in for a kiss. I gave him my cheek and said I'd call him. I won't.

Moral of the story: If a guy has to put that much effort into talking you into hanging out with him, you probably shouldn't. Go with your gut.

JBF=Victory, according to VO5

2007-12-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

Messing around on the internet today has led me to an amazing discovery, and that discovery is a game called The Ultimate Flirting Championship.

This is obviously right up my alley so I signed up immediately. Its an advertisement/game type thing from that VO5 hair product company where you make an avatar of yourself (or at least choose a face and a hair color and style you are amused by), pick a name, and are matched up with two members of the opposite sex (sorry to my gay friends out there) who are now contestants in your own personal dating show, vying for your affections.

You are asked to pick your 5 favorite questions out of 15, and the contestants have 30 seconds to type in their responses. After seeing both of them you pick your favorite answer and the game keeps tally so you can see which guy has the best answers at the end. You pick who you like the best and hearts erupt out of your heads and your hairstyles go from coiffed to (my personal favorite part of the whole sitch) "Victory Hair."

Yes, Victory Hair. Not JBF (or just-been-fucked for those of you who live under rocks or are members of extra conservative religious groups).... because as we all know, if you've just had your world rocked, you're obviously victorious, right?

Sheer genius.

I guess it is the network.

2007-12-28T14:59:00.000-08:00

These days, cellphone technology evolves so quickly that a girl's gotta update her phone on a very regular basis if she wants to keep up with what's hot. And considering my entire life pretty much revolves around this wallet-sized piece of technology, I'm picky.

After doing a tiny bit of research and keeping my eye out for the phones I've been seeing my friends getting, and since I have Verizon and not AT&T (sorry iPhoners), I decided on a Palm Treo.

My New-Every-Two deal was up so I headed into the store to get my new pride and joy, thinking I was going to get a hefty deal on it. No such luck. I ended up having to talk to this guy, Guierrmo (who, I'll admit, is kind of a hottie.... but he needs to pick a new name for suresies), for like an hour and a half to try to work out something better (even a tech-savvy chick like myself doesn't feel like shelling out a whole $600 for something I'm going to drop within a month), since I guess its one of their most expensive models.

Not to toot my own horn too extravagantly, but I can be quite the charmer when I want to be, and I definitely wanted to be. It was clear that this Guierrmo guy had taken a liking to me, with all the unabashed flirting and staring he was doing, and I knew all I had to do was be cute and bat my eyelashes a little to get my way.

I ended up with a greatly discounted service plan and an extra $150 off the phone, plus the usual discount for the new 2-year contract. But that wasn't all. When I got home and started trying to figure out how to use my new gadget, I received a text message.

"Hi, this is Guierrmo with Verizon Wireless.
Feel free to text or call me if you have
any questions about your new phone."

Apparently he'd sneakily written down my cell number while entering it into the computer to update my contract. It was a pretty normal-seeming message, and I had to wonder if maybe I was overreacting... maybe this is a new standard of customer service? As they say... "It's the Network." I wrote back. I had to. Maybe I was a little bit of a smart-ass, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Wow.... pretty personalized customer
service you guys offer huh?"

To which he replied:

"Yeah, it's the network. ;-)"

So that settled it. He was definitely flirting. Customer service doesn't involve wink emoticons, if you ask me.

A few days went by and I did have a question about my phone that I couldn't find anywhere in the instruction manual, so I texted him and asked him why it kept turning the word "anything" into "thanksgiving" when I was sending text messages.

Bad idea. Then came an onslaught (we're talking.... 5 days worth) of texts and phone calls (just voicemails... you didn't think I'd answer, did you?) asking me to hang out, and telling me how awesome and hot he thinks I am, and how he hopes I'm having a great holiday and how I'm his Christmas wish. Wow. Has he ever heard of playing hard to get? I could teach him a thing or two. The Art of Seduction (the book and the philosophy) is all about not being very available... he should read it.

Hate to say it, boys and girls, but my arm's pretty twistable....

We're going out tonight.

Deck the Halls with Boys O'Plenty

2007-12-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

I can't even begin to tell you how crazy my life has been the past week or so! I have been so busy, I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up on my blog here... Thank you for all the emails, I promise I will be back up and running after the holidays have passed.

I can't wait to catch you all up on all the new happenings!

Merry Kissmas!!

Muah. <3

Mol-e Mol-e Mol-e!

2007-12-19T00:16:00.000-08:00

Remember that scene in Austin Powers.... Mole mole mole mole.....

Now picture that character, except change a few details. The mole is actually on his inner eyelid, obstructing his ability to fully open one of his eyes. And his eyebrows are about 8 times thicker.

Well... take that image in your head and imagine me with him, on the date I went on last night.

Yeah. I know. Let's call him Sean.

So it all started when he responded to a Craigslist ad I posted looking for new friends in my area. He sent me a link to his Facebook profile where I found that in college, he lived with this guy Nick who I had a ridiculous crush on in high school, which was a totally random coincidence. All of his pictures were from a pretty good distance and he looked like he was pretty cute.

We played phone tag for awhile and he totally made me laugh, which is a huge plus in my book. We finally found a night we were both free and decided to have dinner. He called me on the way home from the office (he's an attorney... hot!) and said we could go anywhere I wanted... I suggested BJ's Pizza (my faaaavorite pizza ever), which he sounded excited about.

We met there (thank GOD.... great for easy get-aways when necessary) and when I walked into the waiting area I found him there: thick ass brows, obscene mole, college sweatshirt, cargo shorts, flip flops, hasn't shaved in days - the whole enchilada. Don't get me wrong... I'm all for being casual, but on a first date? At night? Out to dinner? With a female? Were you raised by wolves?

We sat there, waiting for a table... with me wondering if I should feign illness, and then him talking about how much he dislikes BJ's (the restaurant, not the felatio, duh!) and how he'd had lunch there today and had no idea what he was going to order because he doesn't like anything on the menu... and then me wondering if I should say I forgot to lock my car and run out the door, and then some more complaints from him. And I just so happen to be very turned off by negativity. And large facial moles.

To make a long and painful story short, he spent the whole time asking me lame questions and then hardly pretending to listen to the answer while he watched some sports game on the screen behind my head, complaining about how boring his job is, talking about how much he hates to be touched (hugs included) and mostly insisting that I was bored. On the other hand, I spent the whole time eating my favorite pizza (spinach & artichoke... try it), chugging pomegranate margaritas, and checking out the hot waiters... which he didn't even notice, not once. Other than him being there, I actually had a pretty nice evening.

Finally after the 8th time of him saying, "you're bored. You're so bored. Are you bored? You seem bored," I snapped back, "if I am bored, saying that is not going to help you any. Trust me." That shut him up about it. He went back to complaining.

Eventually the bill came, but he made no move to pay it. There was no way I was going to consider even paying my share, since this is the worst date I've been on in a long ass time. The bill sat there for literally 20 minutes while I secretly stared daggers at him and his stupid planet-sized eyelid mole and his negative attitude and waited for him to pay it. The waitress came by to pick up the check and he had to tell her it wasn't taken care of yet, and he STILL didn't do anything with it. Did he expect me to pay??

"Thank you SO much for dinner!" I gushed.

He slipped his card into the slot and I smiled because I was satisfied and tipsy. I counted down the minutes 'til the check returned for him to sign and he finished his stupid beer and I could take off.

We walked out to the parking lot, and I was feeling so thankful that I wouldn't even have to hug him considering how he absolutely can't stand being touched. We got to the driveway between the spots we parked in and I said, "don't worry, I won't hug you," and he said, "oh shut up, come here," and gave me this shockingly big, long, and firm hug that I was not expecting nor excited about. I pulled away, said another quick thanks-for-dinner and rushed to my car, jumped in, and sped off.

Minutes later, I get a text message. It's him.

"No goodnight kiss?"

YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Ode to the Gay Boy

2007-12-16T19:13:00.000-08:00

Spending time in West Hollywood is a reminder that I would be so happy as a gay male.

My recent trips to the area have involved lots of the following:

Big False Lashes

Lots of Dramatic Makeup

Absolut Mandarin and Tonics

....and....
....drum roll please....

10 Million+ Excrutiatingly Attractive Gay Men

What torture.

Don't get me wrong, boys and girls. I'm not really complaining.

I love love LOVE going out. I'm extremely social. I love getting dressed up. I love introducing myself to strangers, and making new friends. I love drinking. I love being with my friends.

But part of going out for me a lot of the time is meeting new dating prospects. And obviously, that's not an option in a sea of knock-out gay hotties. I end up getting tipsy, and after scoping out the scene, brutally crushing on 90% of the surrounding eye candy... but not a single one is into my species. It's so sad!

I've come to terms with it. I totally love gay guys. As it is, I've always gotten along the best with guys, and have about 4 guy friends to every 1 girl friend. I have always had a large number of gay guys in my friend arsenal. Why? They're the best. Here, an ode to the gay boys.

Here's to you, gay boys!
For your stylish fashion sense
and your snarky wit,
that I am never on the losing end of.
For more great and honest advice
than even my girlfriends can give.
You are always there-
as a shoulder to whine on,
to trash the bitches with,
to be the hottest eye candy I'll see all night,
to borrow lip gloss from,
and to give the most heartfelt compliments when I'm looking fly,
and also when I most need them.
(No one can be a 10 EVERY night,
but you know best when to pretend.)

We both know we'll never be romantic,
but you're the Will to my Grace,
the Ken Paves to my Jessica,
the Chris McMillan to my Jennifer,
my own personal queer eyes
when I'm in need of advice,
and for that I am forever greatful.

Thank you, gay boys-
For being beautiful, entertaining,
sexy, fierce,
and altogether
absolutely fabulous.